I haven’t posted in this thread in a long time, but I felt I needed to exterorize how I feel today.
For the past 1.5 years, I have been leading all the administrative process and legalities following my dad’s death. It has been horrible as I’m dealing with a formerly estranged mother who has a learning disability on top of being narcissistic and bipolar. It’s a lot.
I work a full time job and live in a different country, so I have a lot of responsibilities of my own unlike my three siblings between 20-27 who live under her roof. The burden has been all on me.
My mother (who I quite frankly despise) is putting a huge block around closing what should have been an easy probate. According to local law, a deceased cannot disown their children and if they don’t have a will, 50% goes to the surviving spouse and the other 50% split amongst the children. My dad didn’t have a will, just 3.5K in the bank and the family home. This means that out of his 50% part in the family home equity, 25% goes to my mother and the remaining 25% goes to us children. It’s the law by default.
My siblings were at the appointment where this was explained and told my mother the notary in charge of the estate is trying to change the ownership of the house to us children to rack up fees. It’s not the case at all. She’s still owns her original 50% as co-owner and my late dad’s portion. She’s the main owner. The notary is just applying the rule of law in cases where there is no will.
Now she’s refusing to sign any document to close the probate and is prohibiting my siblings from doing so. She’s asking to: a) have the notary lower their fees b) not list us children as heirs. She says the house is “fully” hers from the start (lol).
We canceled the appointment three times and now she wants me to go on my own to speak to the notary to get the same explanation we already got three times. Not to mention, I have to travel, so I’m spending money over a probate I’m getting nothing from.
The notary is appointed a representative of the state, they’re just doing their job is what I told her then she suddenly started crying saying if her children want to ditch her, they can. The emotional manipulation is out of this world.
Next thing she tells me she has no money but reimbursed my siblings €1000 each for their work on the probate
(they’ve done zero on it). Where is money when I spent close to 3K, no mention of that.
Lastly, she tells me she has “a lot of problems” when I asked what those were she said my 27 year old brother had a conjunctivitis and didn’t leave his bed all week. Lol. Let me have a laugh. I have been dealing with their BS private, work, health matters - did she show me any sympathy ever? She must be having a laugh.
The woman has no mortgage to pay, no debts. Her only expenses are gas, electricity, water, food that she’s fully able to cover. A lot of people would be grateful to be in this position (especially as she’s never worked a day in her life).
I wouldn't give your father any attention as its only feeding his energy and draining you 
, they are not happy with that.
she’s completely negative & toxic about everything to do with her life how hard she has it blah blah blah! she constantly moans that she cannot do anything (won’t more like) my dad is a complete enabler and I don’t know how/why he puts up with her as she massively holds him back! I live on my own as a single mum and don’t complain like she does I also have a long term health condition but never once do I use it as an excuse I get on with things! But my younger brother (who doesn’t bother with me) and could be better/do more, the sun just shines from his ass and my narc mom never has a bad word to say about him! Wish I could cut em all off! 
I’m glad I found this thread too. I think one of the hardest things is my sibling not seeing the side of our mum that I do. She thinks I bring it on myself. I don’t think she’d cope either if she had to deal with it! They really do put a dark cloud over us and ruin the day. It’s so hard not to let it. But I’m going to try and stop
I never feel I've ever been good enough, that my house isn't clean enough. I clean constant but still feel this way. She is very, very negative and I can't be around that any longer. I want to start living life. It's sad but I actually feel so guilty for feeling happy or going places
