Have just found this thread. My mother is a narcissist. I greyrocked for many years but finally went no contact almost 5 years ago. My husband has light contact with her via one of his work phones. She is terminally ill now. I won't change the contact postion because if anything her behaviour has been getting worse. She sent my husband a terrible text message earlier saying how awful he and I are and how 'everyone' thinks so and yet she and these imaginary others still expect both of us to care for her! Who in their right mind would want terribkepeople dealing with them or looking after their friend in their time of need. It's all bollocks of course but good god, narcissists are so destructive and it never seems to end.
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I have mates but not really friends at all. I would say one friend outside of work, and I have friends in work too but none of them know anything about my family. I'm a bit of a loner I guess.
Why does your husband have contact with her still?
narcissists are bloody awful I believe never see themselves as wrong.
Reading these posts makes me so sad.
As a child did anybody dread the holidays? I used to feel so isolated and alone from my friends. We never went on holiday or had fun. Walking to the shops, that was it.
I was never allowed friends over or to go to them but I was allowed to play in the street. I used to pretend I had a friend (which is so so sad
). My real life friend from school lived two streets down. Her mum was a vicar. I remember trying to sneak my friend into our road so we could hang out. NM forbid me from hanging out with her because her house smelt ?!?!?! I used to cycle so she’d see me out from her window and she’d hide behind a wall. She’d bring treats and magazines and it was totally cool. One day NM couldn’t see me. She came storming out the house, found me and dragged me away from my friend calling me every name under the sun and smacked me so hard.
At school my friend sad she was scared and we couldn’t meet anymore...
From then on I kept a lot to myself. If NM didn’t know about it she couldn’t take it away. You grow up feeling insular and alone. Better of on my own.
It was very sad. As a parent I cannot do enough to make sure friends are made and memories, happy memories are made. It’s so important to me.
As a child did anybody dread the holidays? I used to feel so isolated and alone from my friends. We never went on holiday or had fun. Walking to the shops, that was it.
I was never allowed friends over or to go to them but I was allowed to play in the street. I used to pretend I had a friend (which is so so sad
). My real life friend from school lived two streets down. Her mum was a vicar. I remember trying to sneak my friend into our road so we could hang out. NM forbid me from hanging out with her because her house smelt ?!?!?! I used to cycle so she’d see me out from her window and she’d hide behind a wall. She’d bring treats and magazines and it was totally cool. One day NM couldn’t see me. She came storming out the house, found me and dragged me away from my friend calling me every name under the sun and smacked me so hard. At school my friend sad she was scared and we couldn’t meet anymore...
From then on I kept a lot to myself. If NM didn’t know about it she couldn’t take it away. You grow up feeling insular and alone. Better of on my own.
It was very sad. As a parent I cannot do enough to make sure friends are made and memories, happy memories are made. It’s so important to me.
So much of what you've written is what my holidays were like. I was extremely lonely. I'm a grandmother now and like you I relish making memories with my kids, grandkids and others. I babysat my goddaughters today and we did craft, danced, played, watched a movie, chatted and had cups of tea. Special times and I know the kids will remember 
Its not until you're an adult yourself that you realise how unhealthy it was growing up as a child. Has anybody wished to themselves that they could start over living again as a child? It has affected my life as an adult. Socially awkward etc
Yes, wish that I had just stayed living with other relatives as I was dumped on them so often. I talked to my aunt earlier in the week and mentioned that any mistakes I had made etc in childhood are not my fault, I wasn't to blame for anything and the guilt and shame I felt, wasn't my fault.
Anyway, Easter is really triggering and I'm glad it's over now for another year
I used to sleep over at my Nans every Friday night , it was heavenYes, wish that I had just stayed living with other relatives as I was dumped on them so often. I talked to my aunt earlier in the week and mentioned that any mistakes I had made etc in childhood are not my fault, I wasn't to blame for anything and the guilt and shame I felt, wasn't my fault.
Anyway, Easter is really triggering and I'm glad it's over now for another year
I often close my eyes and think of the happy memories I had with her. Little did she know what I was returning to on the Sunday evening at home. Everything being broken around the house, memories of my mother lying on the kitchen floor out cold and my father throwing water on her to get her to come around. Me a little girl of about 4 thinking my mother was dead. That stuff really messes you up. Any loud noises or loud voices has me scared to this day.I think about this sometimes but try to remind myself of all the good things I have now as an adult mostly my wonderful partner and what I always longed for, my independence.
But there are personality traits and mentalities I carry around now that are so difficult to break that id love to go back and overcome. I'm very socially awkward too as my NM would nitpick at anything and everything I ever said or did to other people so I ended up not saying anything which she then called rude! I also have quite bad health anxiety which comes and goes as my mother would talk incessantly about illnesses, people dying, her own hypochondriac behaviour from I was tiny.
Just wanted to say that I have a lot of respect for you! To recognise your unwanted traits, which everyone has and narcs make no effort to address or acknowledge, shows massive self awareness and empathy.
Just read this, am so sorry you're going through this ( you were so kind and understanding to me the first time I posted on here x)
Just wanted to check in to see if you're ok x
Thank you, you're so kind! I hope you are in a good place.
I'm just sad and tired of everything. I hope once the summer is here and I get out the house more I'll have less time to wallow in self pity!
I really understand what you're going through, it really wears you down and it's not down to us how our toxic family have treated us, but we have to try and live with it, which is hard unless you've been there, I also have no one apart my oh who I can chat to, my so called friend let me down again last weekend so have given up on that one, apart from that, I'm doing ok at the moment lovelyx
It's hard as well trying to make friends, I have a really hard time trusting people and I don't easily open up or instantly have fun with new people.
You are me! I've been let down so much over the years that I don't trust any more( especially when a sibling emotionally blackmails you) you end up so wary of folks, it's a shame cos I'm a nice genuine person, likewise you, but when you get hurt over and over again, you end up giving up.
I'm the same, I don't think I'm a bad person, but I end up feeling like I must be, since I just can't make friends like "normal people". And being told by the narc parent, what a horrible person I am of course doesn't help!
That's so cruel of them to make you feel like that, and trust me, you are normal, but the way they've made you feel, you are going to be guarded, which might make folks think you're being stand offish, you're not, you're protecting yourself
It's been 9 months of working with my new therapist. I know I don't fully trust him yet.
It might take time but you will trust when you do and trust has to be earned.
I have just typed out a long rambling post. Not in a good place at the moment narc mother pulling one of her woe is me stunts. And as usual I bear the brunt of it. But I’ve deleted it.
It made zero sense when I read it back.
But just typing all my thoughts and feelings out was incredibly cathartic. This thread is such a safe space and for that I can’t thank you all enough just for sharing
It made zero sense when I read it back.
But just typing all my thoughts and feelings out was incredibly cathartic. This thread is such a safe space and for that I can’t thank you all enough just for sharing