Narcissistic and toxic parents #2

[JadeyJ]

My dad is a grade A bleep.

Just had an actual fight with him and the old bastards threatened to break my jaw, all because I told him to stop being a selfish drunken dick to my mum. If he died tomorrow I wouldn’t give a tit, waste of space.

 

[Nonah]

My dad is a grade A bleep.

Just had an actual fight with him and the old bastards threatened to break my jaw, all because I told him to stop being a selfish drunken dick to my mum. If he died tomorrow I wouldn’t give a tit, waste of space.

Jesus. I hope you’re safe x

 

[JadeyJ]

Jesus. I hope you’re safe x

Yes thank you, he’s been a drunk and an aggressive bully all his life. I’m not scared of him any more and that’s what he hates. My poor mum on the other hand it’s horrible to watch her appease him just to keep the peace. x

 

[mcfeez]

My mum when she found out we were thinking of buying a house:

“Oh you won’t get a house for less than €300,000 today - house prices are way up now *smirk*.”

Less than 10 minutes later:

“Oh you won’t get much for your house if you sell it - a few years ago maybe but not today - house prices are gone way down recently *smirk*.”

Saying whatever they think you don’t want to hear, even if it means contradicting themselves. What an utter arsewipe.

My mother does this sort of thing constantly. When I complain something is expensive, she says it's a good deal and I shouldn't expect something for nothing. When I'm chuffed with a bargain she says I paid far too much.

She judges me for spending money on things so much that I full out lie now and make up the cost. Yet she is so irresponsible with her money.

 

[ItsDatCuw]

My mother does this sort of thing constantly. When I complain something is expensive, she says it's a good deal and I shouldn't expect something for nothing. When I'm chuffed with a bargain she says I paid far too much.

She judges me for spending money on things so much that I full out lie now and make up the cost. Yet she is so irresponsible with her money.

It’s awful isn’t it! It’s proof that they’re deliberately trying to be a downer. Mine is so careless with money as well! She lives on her own yet she can spend up to €300 on groceries each week, and then she’ll let the food expire. It’s always “do as I say, not as I do” with her in every way; she expects perfection in everything but will only do the bare minimum, herself. Hypocrites.

 

[RandomAlpaca22]

Didn't know this thread existed but... Could do with some words of support, maybe even to just rant it out.

I have an incredibly rocky relationship with my mum, and don't speak to my dad at all. Earlier this year I was diagnosed with EUPD/BPD, and since then the house has been like a modern day war zone. I am the criminal of the house, treated like such or rather that I don't exist. For some context, my dad has been physically and emotionally abusive since I can remember, whether that was being hit with a rubber soled slipper, a belt, fists/hands or reminding me that I am a worthless piece of tit who will never amount to anything. In the last year alone, he has told me to kill myself 14 times, it really is triggering to hear a parent say that.

My mother just sits and lets it happen, she always has, and she has never once taken to my defence. I can recall countless times she has told me the most disgusting things imaginable, only to be told I am a liar and attention seeker.

Unfortunately, due to being able to hold down a job, my diagnosis of EUPD was revoked, and therefore told there is nothing wrong with me. This has in turn created a further hostile environment as they now think I lied about the initial diagnosis for attention, regardless of the psychiatrist notes that were sent directly to me after each appointment.

I feel like a ticking time bomb, I have no way to escape this house. I am 26 with 2 maxed out credit cards, horrendous credit score, single person income, who lives in London where property prices are insane. And all I can think of is how much of a failure in life I am.

 

[Readingismyhobby]

Didn't know this thread existed but... Could do with some words of support, maybe even to just rant it out.

I have an incredibly rocky relationship with my mum, and don't speak to my dad at all. Earlier this year I was diagnosed with EUPD/BPD, and since then the house has been like a modern day war zone. I am the criminal of the house, treated like such or rather that I don't exist. For some context, my dad has been physically and emotionally abusive since I can remember, whether that was being hit with a rubber soled slipper, a belt, fists/hands or reminding me that I am a worthless piece of tit who will never amount to anything. In the last year alone, he has told me to kill myself 14 times, it really is triggering to hear a parent say that.

My mother just sits and lets it happen, she always has, and she has never once taken to my defence. I can recall countless times she has told me the most disgusting things imaginable, only to be told I am a liar and attention seeker.

Unfortunately, due to being able to hold down a job, my diagnosis of EUPD was revoked, and therefore told there is nothing wrong with me. This has in turn created a further hostile environment as they now think I lied about the initial diagnosis for attention, regardless of the psychiatrist notes that were sent directly to me after each appointment.

I feel like a ticking time bomb, I have no way to escape this house. I am 26 with 2 maxed out credit cards, horrendous credit score, single person income, who lives in London where property prices are insane. And all I can think of is how much of a failure in life I am.

You are not a failure in life. You are in a difficult family situation and have mental health problems. I don’t have any suggestions about finding somewhere else to live because I know it’s very difficult in London. Hopefully someone else will have advice for you.

 

[Burrito88]

Didn't know this thread existed but... Could do with some words of support, maybe even to just rant it out.

I have an incredibly rocky relationship with my mum, and don't speak to my dad at all. Earlier this year I was diagnosed with EUPD/BPD, and since then the house has been like a modern day war zone. I am the criminal of the house, treated like such or rather that I don't exist. For some context, my dad has been physically and emotionally abusive since I can remember, whether that was being hit with a rubber soled slipper, a belt, fists/hands or reminding me that I am a worthless piece of tit who will never amount to anything. In the last year alone, he has told me to kill myself 14 times, it really is triggering to hear a parent say that.

My mother just sits and lets it happen, she always has, and she has never once taken to my defence. I can recall countless times she has told me the most disgusting things imaginable, only to be told I am a liar and attention seeker.

Unfortunately, due to being able to hold down a job, my diagnosis of EUPD was revoked, and therefore told there is nothing wrong with me. This has in turn created a further hostile environment as they now think I lied about the initial diagnosis for attention, regardless of the psychiatrist notes that were sent directly to me after each appointment.

I feel like a ticking time bomb, I have no way to escape this house. I am 26 with 2 maxed out credit cards, horrendous credit score, single person income, who lives in London where property prices are insane. And all I can think of is how much of a failure in life I am.

Is a debt management plan an option for you? It will result in a default on your credit score for 6 years but it may be a way of reducing or clearing your debt sooner?

 

[AlwaysSummer]

Didn't know this thread existed but... Could do with some words of support, maybe even to just rant it out.

I have an incredibly rocky relationship with my mum, and don't speak to my dad at all. Earlier this year I was diagnosed with EUPD/BPD, and since then the house has been like a modern day war zone. I am the criminal of the house, treated like such or rather that I don't exist. For some context, my dad has been physically and emotionally abusive since I can remember, whether that was being hit with a rubber soled slipper, a belt, fists/hands or reminding me that I am a worthless piece of tit who will never amount to anything. In the last year alone, he has told me to kill myself 14 times, it really is triggering to hear a parent say that.

My mother just sits and lets it happen, she always has, and she has never once taken to my defence. I can recall countless times she has told me the most disgusting things imaginable, only to be told I am a liar and attention seeker.

Unfortunately, due to being able to hold down a job, my diagnosis of EUPD was revoked, and therefore told there is nothing wrong with me. This has in turn created a further hostile environment as they now think I lied about the initial diagnosis for attention, regardless of the psychiatrist notes that were sent directly to me after each appointment.

I feel like a ticking time bomb, I have no way to escape this house. I am 26 with 2 maxed out credit cards, horrendous credit score, single person income, who lives in London where property prices are insane. And all I can think of is how much of a failure in life I am.

What you are going through is awful and you definitely don’t deserve to be treated like this by your parents. You are not a failure and are worthy to be treated with love and respect. Have you tried to get an appointment with your local citizens advice bureau who should be able to give you holistic advice based on your unique situation? Sending hugs xx

 

[RandomAlpaca22]

Is a debt management plan an option for you? It will result in a default on your credit score for 6 years but it may be a way of reducing or clearing your debt sooner?

the debt isn’t huge amounts (£2,200) of which I’m paying £100 on each card per month, ideally I’m looking to pay off my car & sell it within the next 6 months which would allow me to pay off the credit cards entirely. I have looked into it but I’m concerned it will affect any applications I make with regards to renting at some point in the future

What you are going through is awful and you definitely don’t deserve to be treated like this by your parents. You are not a failure and are worthy to be treated with love and respect. Have you tried to get an appointment with your local citizens advice bureau who should be able to give you holistic advice based on your unique situation? Sending hugs xx

thank you I will definitely try citizens advice and see if they can offer any advice or point me in the right direction xx

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Didn't know this thread existed but... Could do with some words of support, maybe even to just rant it out.

I have an incredibly rocky relationship with my mum, and don't speak to my dad at all. Earlier this year I was diagnosed with EUPD/BPD, and since then the house has been like a modern day war zone. I am the criminal of the house, treated like such or rather that I don't exist. For some context, my dad has been physically and emotionally abusive since I can remember, whether that was being hit with a rubber soled slipper, a belt, fists/hands or reminding me that I am a worthless piece of tit who will never amount to anything. In the last year alone, he has told me to kill myself 14 times, it really is triggering to hear a parent say that.

My mother just sits and lets it happen, she always has, and she has never once taken to my defence. I can recall countless times she has told me the most disgusting things imaginable, only to be told I am a liar and attention seeker.

Unfortunately, due to being able to hold down a job, my diagnosis of EUPD was revoked, and therefore told there is nothing wrong with me. This has in turn created a further hostile environment as they now think I lied about the initial diagnosis for attention, regardless of the psychiatrist notes that were sent directly to me after each appointment.

I feel like a ticking time bomb, I have no way to escape this house. I am 26 with 2 maxed out credit cards, horrendous credit score, single person income, who lives in London where property prices are insane. And all I can think of is how much of a failure in life I am.

Just to echo others and hope that you believe it. You are not a failure. You are worthy of so much more. Parents affect us for the rest of our lives, good or bad or in between. You will likely always carry that with you, but know that the hurtful things they have done or said does not make them true or make you any less worthy or a failure. Be gentle with yourself and fierce with your determination to improve your situation. You are capable and it sounds like you have a good plan for debt repayment and seeking help. Keep your mind on your goals while telling yourself you will be in a better place as you take steps towards it.

 

[katyazamo]

It's the most wonderful time of the year for toxic parents!

My dad text me to ask what I got my sister for Christmas. She is really into Lego sets so I got her one she's had her eye on. Instead of a normal, rational response such as "that's lovely, she will like that" - he hits back with "what did you get her that for? Bit childish isn't it?"

I ignored him cos I couldn't be fucked with it. Cue the ranting messages sent across the space of a few hours (clearly this Lego set is living rent free in his brain) saying it was a ridiculous price, it's childish, why did I spend so much money on it, she won't use it... buddy, get over it already

It's such a stupid thing that would never be an issue for most families. But it's always the same, questioning your judgement, constantly picking holes in everything you do and making you feel tit to boot.

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

She is really into Lego sets so I got her one she's had her eye on.

Focus on that. It’s exhausting being on the receiving end of that kind of doubt and ridicule. I bet your sister will love it. I know a 67 year old lady who loves the new Lego sets that are out now, flower arrangements etc. It’s like a puzzle and a creative outlet, hardly childish but your dad is equating it with a toddler toy. Just roll your eyes inwardly if needed. This time of year can be so hard.

 

[unwanted.opinions]

It's the most wonderful time of the year for toxic parents!

My dad text me to ask what I got my sister for Christmas. She is really into Lego sets so I got her one she's had her eye on. Instead of a normal, rational response such as "that's lovely, she will like that" - he hits back with "what did you get her that for? Bit childish isn't it?"

I ignored him cos I couldn't be fucked with it. Cue the ranting messages sent across the space of a few hours (clearly this Lego set is living rent free in his brain) saying it was a ridiculous price, it's childish, why did I spend so much money on it, she won't use it... buddy, get over it already

It's such a stupid thing that would never be an issue for most families. But it's always the same, questioning your judgement, constantly picking holes in everything you do and making you feel tit to boot.

Not sure how old your sister is but I’d be more than happy with a lego set for Christmas. And I’m 30

 

[mcfeez]

It's the most wonderful time of the year for toxic parents!

My dad text me to ask what I got my sister for Christmas. She is really into Lego sets so I got her one she's had her eye on. Instead of a normal, rational response such as "that's lovely, she will like that" - he hits back with "what did you get her that for? Bit childish isn't it?"

I ignored him cos I couldn't be fucked with it. Cue the ranting messages sent across the space of a few hours (clearly this Lego set is living rent free in his brain) saying it was a ridiculous price, it's childish, why did I spend so much money on it, she won't use it... buddy, get over it already

It's such a stupid thing that would never be an issue for most families. But it's always the same, questioning your judgement, constantly picking holes in everything you do and making you feel tit to boot.

Totally sympathise. My mother 'vets' everything I buy thats family related. I send her pics when she asks but only ever reply with thumbs up to her comments now.

 

[Noseybatch]

Does anyone's narc parents live through social media like a dear diary? She tells FB things before me or my siblings, once even a death. Everything is for likes. Steals pictures, post our achievements all for likes. I left FB because of her.

 

[ItsDatCuw]

Does anyone's narc parents live through social media like a dear diary? She tells FB things before me or my siblings, once even a death. Everything is for likes. Steals pictures, post our achievements all for likes. I left FB because of her.

Mine is on FB all day and half the night, just scrolling and sharing, and stalking people’s pages. Why are they so bloody nosey?? She uses one of her neighbours in the same way that yours uses FB - tells him everything before she tells us - if she has a headache, she’ll text him and tell him. All for attention and supply.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

My lovely gran passed away a few months ago. I decided not to go to her funeral because my dad would be there and I've been NC for 3 years now. The annoying thing is that she was my late mum's mum but he shoe horns himself into everything. Queue my aunties and cousins are now not speaking to me. He's obviously given them some sob story about how his mad daughter no longer speaks to him.

 

[griftalo]

My lovely gran passed away a few months ago. I decided not to go to her funeral because my dad would be there and I've been NC for 3 years now. The annoying thing is that she was my late mum's mum but he shoe horns himself into everything. Queue my aunties and cousins are now not speaking to me. He's obviously given them some sob story about how his mad daughter no longer speaks to him.

I’ve lost pretty much all of my family and friends of family like this. I couldn’t go to my dads funeral even, so I’m sorry you’re in the same boat

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I’ve lost pretty much all of my family and friends of family like this. I couldn’t go to my dads funeral even, so I’m sorry you’re in the same boat

Oh no, I'm so sorry that you couldn't go to your dads funeral