I'm so sorry that you've had to put up with a phone call like that. You can see the bullshit xxI've just had the nastiest phone call ever, why are your so called family so nasty? I've been made out to be a liar, that really pisses me off, I don't lie and I remember stuff, but they've all changed what really happened, so it makes me look in the wrong, I wish they'd all disappear and never bother me ever again.
I'm still so angry, the lies that tripped out of his mouth. ,trouble is he's a nasty vindictive twat, I know this isn't over yet.I'm so sorry that you've had to put up with a phone call like that. You can see the bullshit xx
OMG my narc mother does the exact same thing! Before I stopped talking to her she used to do the same - always complain that my siblings and I never call and when we put it back on her and say “you can call us” she’d always back pedal and say “I don’t want to bother you/I know you’re all busy/etc” couldn’t understand the logic that if we’re too busy we just won’t answer. Eugh.It annoys me so much when my mom sort of complains that I don’t call and when I say she can also just call me, she claims she doesn’t want to be a bother. This logic kills me, if I’m busy I just won’t pick up?
I live abroad and it’s similar when discussing going to visit - I have 2 children, 2.5y and 5mo so obviously it’d be easier for me if my parents came to visit? He’s retired, she’s a teacher so plenty of time during school breaks but somehow there’s always something in the way or more important or preventing them from coming, or “it’d be better if you come to us instead”(it’s a 3h flight and fortunately it’s not a money issue). It’s just so frustrating
Because of work if we did travel up we would have to come back that same day which is exhausting. I have told her that travelling with a toddler isn’t easy but the response I get is ‘it’s easier if you come’.Sorry that you are in this situation. Why do Narcs switch up like that when they've already said they'd do something?! My own mum does it when she takes my daughter out shopping for example, and then when she brings her home makes a point of saying how much money she's spent! Sometimes I've felt so bad I've given her some money back and yes she took it!
Having stood up to my own mum over new year, my advice is to stick to your guns. Like you say, you will be travelling a long way and then possibly faced with awkwardness and passive aggressive behaviour. It's hard but you might feel lighter for standing your ground! Hope your daughter has a lovely birthday.
ETA you could counter argue its too cold to travel with a toddler?
Oh gosh I’ve just seen this. I dip in and out of this thread as sometimes I relive my traumaMy old man has finally died, I feel nothing, why should I? My oh keeps on asking how I am, he really doesn't understand that I don't care, I've had no contact for over 10 years, so he's been dead to me well before that.
Thank you for asking lovely, hope you're ok toOh gosh I’ve just seen this. I dip in and out of this thread as sometimes I relive my trauma
Sorry to rehash just wanting to know I’m here.
It’s awful when you’re gaslighted. Now your waste it makes you furious. Don’t waste that energy. That’s what the fuckers want.
Your nasty family member who rang you could you not block him ?
Hope your dog is well?
I’m ok thanks! My baby has just turned 1 and we both have a cold so I’m feeling miserable. Plus I am currently a SAHM and this was not the plan so I’m feeling isolated and feeling like I have lost my identity. I know it’s temporary situation but I’ve been feeling sorry for myself.Thank you for asking lovely, hope you're ok toand likewise, here for you too x
I was so angry after the phone call ( I called him on someone else's phone, I don't want any of them to have my number) I am trying hard not to think about the conversation, but you know what it's like after, I wish I had said things differently?so that still bothers me, but at the end of the day, I never, ever want to have anything to do with again, but he's a vindictive fucker, and I don't trust him at all. It's affected my anxiety alot, but thank god for my dog (he's doing ok thanks) he makes me get on with my day as he needs exercise ( so do I !)
We are on the mend. Thanks for asking.@alwaysdreaming hope you and your little one are feeling better, I bet you're a good caring mum
I know the feeling of being isolated, I'm abit of a recluse, haven't left the house for over 2 months apart from dog walking, it's just the way I am now.
I didn't realise what a narc was until a few years ago, then it all made sense, I think back over the years and the behaviour of my old man, and my mother being the enabler, then the golden child who has cloned into my old man, how they twist things which have been said, that's why I get so angry and frustrated, cos I remember but they deny deny. My mother just shuts down, but then tbh, she really wasn't much of one.
I watch stuff on the TV and think wow, how awful some kids are, but their parents are always there for them, no matter what they've done, the way they've treated me and my oh, you'd think we were the worst people ever, which we definitely are not, but they end up making you feel like shit.
I shouldn't have rung him that day, but something happened the night before, and our first thought was him, but as per, deny, then spoke to me like I was a child, which made me madder, which he knew how I'd react, so he can say I was on one, and he's in the right, if that makes sense?
I get you about RH, I love that thread, such a lovely bunch and a laugh, probably most days I have contact, thank you lovely for asking x
I'm so sorry for your friend, you're right this is a horrible situation she's been put in. Sounds as if she's being backed into a corner so she will eventually give in and buy the fridge. The mum is behaving like a petulant child begging for a toy in the supermarket!Tattlers, I need to vent and ask for your advice, on behalf of a friend, at the same time.
I'll be honest and say that until recently, I didn't even know what narcissism was - but now I'm thinking back to people I've come across over the years who I would've described as problematic, and I wonder if they had narcissistic traits. Reading up on the subject a fair bit (when I had Covid and had all the time in the world to go down quite a few rabbit holes), opened my eyes.
I have a dear friend who I believe is the scapegoat for her narc mother. Her mother seems to latch on to people - very unhealthily - and only contacts my friend when she's upset one of the people she latches on to or wants yet more money. My friend feels very much like a last resort in that regard.
Today, my friend visited me and was really upset. Her mother had called her in the morning to say her fridge-freezer is broken and she has no money to replace it. When she told my friend this, she immediately said she wouldn't consider buying secondhand. This seems to be strange timing as her mother had previously told her that she'd been out shopping with her aunt, who had to replace hers.
I asked my friend what the issue is with secondhand? Surely if she's hard up, asking for a handout, she can't afford to be choosey? Apparently it comes down to pride and she of course can't be "seen" to be having anything old (even though her house is falling down around her ears, but that's a different story).
My friend has done well in life and has a lot of nice things. Her mother doesn't respect her, or any boundaries, at all - even turning up uninvited to "pop in" which she knows my friend hates. It's as if she does shit like that to assert her authority.
I asked my friend what she is going to do. She said she's told her mother to talk to social services, as they will be able to help. Of course her mother started ranting and raving, then turning it back on my friend, saying if she could afford to buy a new outdoor lounge setting (which my friend did at Christmas time), then she could afford to help her out - or she could even sell that. Why on earth should she be expected to?! Why is her mother expecting her to bail her out - yet again - as she has many times in the past?!
My friend is riddled with anxiety and I'm feeling it too - why is this woman haranguing her like this? My friend doesn't owe her anything and shouldn't be expected to fund her mother's lifestyle - should she? I'm also going to add here that she found out at Christmas time that her mother had gifted hundreds of dollars to her granddaughter for Christmas; this came as a huge shock to my friend as she had been buying her ready-meals throughout the year because she claimed she couldn't afford groceries.
Also thrown into the mix is the issue that my friend has another friend who does supplement her mother's income and has told my friend that she thinks she should do the same for her mother. I know this happens in some cultures, but please tell me why she should do this?
My friend is now fully expecting phone calls from other relatives pressuring her to give her mother the money for a new fridge-freezer, and that thought alone is tying her up in knots. I've told her to tell them how she's already bailed her mother out and she can't keep doing it, but I don't know if she will.
Am I alone in thinking this whole situation stinks?! What should she do (aside from change her number and move far, far away)?
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