Vlogmas #16 "The Chalet Nears Completion, Nadia is Against the Christmas Trees and Mark Has Lost Power Cables." Yay, more shenanigans from our favourite fuckwits. 
Gingerbread men.
Him making faces again. In their bedroom with a Xmas tree. He whispers "She can't get into the room." That's because the tree is blocking the way to the bed. Nadia with earbuds and her phone, wearing her pjs, comes in and asks why he is smiling. She says she is sleeping in Nanny Di's room. Off she goes. In the kitchen, Mark is pursing his lips and making kissy sounds. Nadia asks what he is doing. A pop sound and he acts like he has just pulled this Brussel sprouts branch from his arse. "Ah babe, it's been agony for days." Nadia says that's vulgar. She says Dina must be here, as the Brussel sprouts are her's. Mark asks Nadia if she is going to help getting the baubles from upstairs. Nadia is too busy getting a speck of glitter from Mark's inner eye. Nadia says how dangerous last night was, so this is out of sync. This should have been uploaded after #14, as Nadia said tequila happend to Dina last night. Mark brings down the tree, asks Toffee if she is feeling festive and instead of Toffe growling, we get lion roars. "What are you doing?" Mark says bringing the trees down. Nadia isn't pleased as the place is a tip. When isn't it? She tells Mark if he wants to clear up first, fine. Mark is in the walk-in looking for a lumber jacket, brings more tree bits and tells Nadia that she and Dina mixed up the trees.
Mark is in the chalet with a can of fake snow. He thinks it is HILARIOUS to pretend to spray the fake snow in his mouth. Footage of Toffee in her Santa outfit, including hat, and Mark is laughing his wheezy laugh. For all the pervs, Nadia is swanning around in her bathtowel. She is just out of the shower with last night's make-up still on. "Okay, this is behind the Xmas scenes of the Curly Cooks. Jesus Christ!" 
"I got up at 7 and feel like I've achieved nothing!" Nadia puts on some snowflake glasses from Poundland. Nadia made some hazelnut brittle. When she pulled it out of the oven she went and touched it, burning her fingers. Nadia pans the kitchen and says it is "not as carnaged as it usually looks." The chalet looks completed. You know Kiki's friend Sally? When she walked in, she thought she was in the wrong house. "And Maddie's Paddy was like 'Uh, ohhh'." Mark shows up and says "Shut-up about this stupid thing!" Him wearing his antler hat. He says he has some surprises for them and Nadia says she does and says "Dina! He is walking all over the hide with his shoes." Dina is not happy.
Mark decides to do an impression of someone first entering the house. "I'm gonna do an internal monologue." This is going to be thrilling. He enters and says what the duck? They stand here and go 
. "No they don't, that's mean." says Nadia. "Then they pause and then they go 'Better not say anything, They'll have my guts for garters.'" He then walks towards the hide, spreads his legs so he can put his shoe on the black bit. Mark spots drops of water where Nadia has spilled it and says "Your waters have broken!" Dina cackles away. Mark says people are too afraid to say what they think and "Also, I've got a bone to pick with both of you." Mark said some said when do you ever see a tree in a chalet? Dina says use your imagination, "Goodness me, these people!" "As I say to the children, GET IN YOUR IMAGINATION STATIONS!" 
It shouldn't be this hard for Mark. The man does live in a fantasy world. Mark gets Dina to repeat it in his ear. "Oh, I love it when you talk like that." Dancing Santas.
Mark is posing in front of the camera. He has his antler hat on, the Chippendales Santa jumper on, lifts up the jumper and a small Santa hat falls out to dangle on his crotch area. GROSS! Now he is walking around with the mirror ball helmet on. Nadia shoves something in his gob. Mark says Nadia should let him and Di decorate the tree. "Absolutely not!" Nadia says she has not interest and Dina says she has got no interest. Nadia brings up that Di says what's the point of it? Mark says once the trees are up, he is up in the loft and Nadia has not cleared up the spare room. Dina says she can't find the bag with all her paperwork in it and she is fucked. Mark nicks a piece of cake. Dina sorts out the skis and Mark starts his trees. Dina walks past Mark with the skis and he tells her "Enjoy the slopes!" Nadia yells at him to pull it away from the plants. Mark goes to watch Dina put the skis up. "Don't men marvel at your multi-limbness?" "He, he, he, they don't get a chance though." Mark said he had no belief and Dina sings "That's because you're a maaaaan, with nooo" "woman" says Mark. "I don't think you're of this earth Dina. Have you heard your laugh?" Mark shouts for Nadia to come see. She thought Dina was going to hang them vertically. 
Nadia tells Mark he is going to put someone's eye out with the ski poles and tells him off for having his shoes on the hide. Mark mentions Dina using her mouth, "I don't know why she hasn't got a man, look at that tongue!" "She doesn't bloody want one, that's why!"
Mark bangs his helmet and says he had a thought "tobogganing!" Nadia says yes, he can do that for the day and that he has to put decorations up, nevermind tobogganing. "I want to be fired from a bleeping cannon." I think we can do a whip round to make that happen Mark Mark tells Nadia to get rid of the cake, because he wants to eat it. Nadia laments not doing a before and after. Nadia says those cable ties are great. "Told you! I can't live without them, set designer world!" Nadia says alright! She pulls up her pants and says she has the wrong ones on. Mark says he could tell as soon as she walked on camera today. Dina belts out 
The minute you walked in the joint boom, boom. Mark sings I could tell you had the wrong pants on, the really wrong pants on and focuses the camera on Nadia's bum. Nadia has put on a light up "Let it Snow" Santa hat. Mark apologizes for letting one go and Nadia smile gets turned upside down and she walks away. "Maaark. I'm trying to do a nice moment!" Mark said it was an accident and tells her to come back. "No, why should I step into your fart?" Nadia la, la, las "Winter Wonderland" as she shows off her hat. Dina asks when he is getting them more logs and Nadia says "Yeah! You're all full of log promise aren't you?" Mark says he saw one in the toilet this morning.
TIME TO CROCHET SOME KNICKERS. Dancing faerie. Dina's got a deer head coat hook. Mark says they aren't drilling holes as there are live wires in that wall. Nadia manages to fix it to the wall somehow. Mark burps. "People belch in chalets, it's known." Dina says they DO NOT. Nadia says to Dina, you know how sisters have babies for their sisters? Can you have my husband. Dina says NO! "I don't have no one in my hawse! No one in my gaff!" Nadia begs just for a week. No. "I'd give you my womb." Dina laughs her laugh. "Bloody hell! That's how much you want to get rid of me, you'd give her your womb?!" Nadia said she would give her baby if she didn't have one. Fill in your own response here. Nadia goes on to say Dina won't give her 1 week, when she is willing to give her womb for 9 months. Mark says they are going to have a lit tree in seconds. Nadia asks Dina if she believes him. "Look at the great Xmas shot that is." The counter has their Curly Cranks food on it, cake and the Brussels sprouts branch. "Less about the cake and more about my Brussels" says Dina. Mark is screaming that "IT'S IN" and I can imagine his first time was like that with his girlfriend, poor cow. Nadia says they didn't have a problem with it going in, it was with the lights. "Not with this ONE! This tree is swit... oh tit!" "Dad!" "Yes?" Nadia rants about having to complete purchasing some batteries and Mark is trying to distract her with tree. "NO! LET ME FINISH A THOUGHT, BECAUSE I NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE! As soon as I have to do something, I have to do something else." Mark says welcome to my world. Nadia asks the subs if anyone wants Mark for a week? Probably Zoe. "Dina won't have him."
Mark starts looking shifty and Nadia says that's the wrong one. "It's not." The camera is put down and we see a nice view out of the skylight of a nice blue sky, with Nadia bitching about the tree. "No Nads, its the right tree, it's just in the wrong house." Nadia says its the wrong bit for the wrong tree. You know, packing things and labelling are amazing things to do especially in that household. A label maker is a great Xmas gift. 
Dad dancing snowman. Mark looks at the camera, then the camera at that sisters who are well-ensconced on the sofa by the patio doors, sitting like 2 bookends with their festive headgear, on their phones. Mark takes off the helment and says "Look at my hair!" The whole front of his hair is wet and plastered to his scalp. The sisters are laughing. Nadia says he looks like a Playmobile figure. Mark says he looks like Ken. Mark says he has some news to break to her and she says, you have thrown away the wrong part of the tree. He says he has not, but "We have a problem." Nadia is losing the will to live for the 5th time today. She says they need to just have the ski lodge this year. CHALET! "You are bleeping not! I'm not having it!" He reminds us that they put the plugs in the drawers, Kiki now has the drawers, but where did they put the stuff that they emptied out of the drawers. Did you ask Kiki if she might know? "You start with WE and you're going to be in massive trouble." Nadia says she put the stuff in a box and she told him he needed to take what he wants and keep the plugs safe Mark wants to know where the box is. "You took it, to the dump." "WHAT!?!" "Once you took out the bits you needed, including the plugs" says Nadia. She tells him to go into his room and not come out until he has the plugs.
Mark is in his hovel swearing. There is barely any floor available in that room. He is asking for Toffee and Nanny Elf, he needs his wingmen. "If it's not here..." He finds some cables with plugs and come out his den with Rudolph on his head. He approaches the sisters and Dina says "What the duck is that?" Mark says Xmas is saved. Nadia says he has to plug them in "because these can seem like an answer and they're not." Mark slinks away, dragging his cables behind him and Dina laughs. Extra long photo montage. That's it.
Gingerbread men.Him making faces again. In their bedroom with a Xmas tree. He whispers "She can't get into the room." That's because the tree is blocking the way to the bed. Nadia with earbuds and her phone, wearing her pjs, comes in and asks why he is smiling. She says she is sleeping in Nanny Di's room. Off she goes. In the kitchen, Mark is pursing his lips and making kissy sounds. Nadia asks what he is doing. A pop sound and he acts like he has just pulled this Brussel sprouts branch from his arse. "Ah babe, it's been agony for days." Nadia says that's vulgar. She says Dina must be here, as the Brussel sprouts are her's. Mark asks Nadia if she is going to help getting the baubles from upstairs. Nadia is too busy getting a speck of glitter from Mark's inner eye. Nadia says how dangerous last night was, so this is out of sync. This should have been uploaded after #14, as Nadia said tequila happend to Dina last night. Mark brings down the tree, asks Toffee if she is feeling festive and instead of Toffe growling, we get lion roars. "What are you doing?" Mark says bringing the trees down. Nadia isn't pleased as the place is a tip. When isn't it? She tells Mark if he wants to clear up first, fine. Mark is in the walk-in looking for a lumber jacket, brings more tree bits and tells Nadia that she and Dina mixed up the trees.
Mark is in the chalet with a can of fake snow. He thinks it is HILARIOUS to pretend to spray the fake snow in his mouth.
Footage of Toffee in her Santa outfit, including hat, and Mark is laughing his wheezy laugh. For all the pervs, Nadia is swanning around in her bathtowel. She is just out of the shower with last night's make-up still on. "Okay, this is behind the Xmas scenes of the Curly Cooks. Jesus Christ!" "I got up at 7 and feel like I've achieved nothing!" Nadia puts on some snowflake glasses from Poundland. Nadia made some hazelnut brittle. When she pulled it out of the oven she went and touched it, burning her fingers. Nadia pans the kitchen and says it is "not as carnaged as it usually looks." The chalet looks completed. You know Kiki's friend Sally? When she walked in, she thought she was in the wrong house. "And Maddie's Paddy was like 'Uh, ohhh'." Mark shows up and says "Shut-up about this stupid thing!" Him wearing his antler hat. He says he has some surprises for them and Nadia says she does and says "Dina! He is walking all over the hide with his shoes." Dina is not happy. Mark decides to do an impression of someone first entering the house. "I'm gonna do an internal monologue." This is going to be thrilling.
He enters and says what the duck? They stand here and go . "No they don't, that's mean." says Nadia. "Then they pause and then they go 'Better not say anything, They'll have my guts for garters.'" He then walks towards the hide, spreads his legs so he can put his shoe on the black bit. Mark spots drops of water where Nadia has spilled it and says "Your waters have broken!" Dina cackles away. Mark says people are too afraid to say what they think and "Also, I've got a bone to pick with both of you." Mark said some said when do you ever see a tree in a chalet? Dina says use your imagination, "Goodness me, these people!" "As I say to the children, GET IN YOUR IMAGINATION STATIONS!" It shouldn't be this hard for Mark. The man does live in a fantasy world. Mark gets Dina to repeat it in his ear. "Oh, I love it when you talk like that." Dancing Santas. Mark is posing in front of the camera. He has his antler hat on, the Chippendales Santa jumper on, lifts up the jumper and a small Santa hat falls out to dangle on his crotch area. GROSS! Now he is walking around with the mirror ball helmet on. Nadia shoves something in his gob. Mark says Nadia should let him and Di decorate the tree. "Absolutely not!" Nadia says she has not interest and Dina says she has got no interest. Nadia brings up that Di says what's the point of it? Mark says once the trees are up, he is up in the loft and Nadia has not cleared up the spare room. Dina says she can't find the bag with all her paperwork in it and she is fucked. Mark nicks a piece of cake. Dina sorts out the skis and Mark starts his trees. Dina walks past Mark with the skis and he tells her "Enjoy the slopes!"
Nadia yells at him to pull it away from the plants. Mark goes to watch Dina put the skis up. "Don't men marvel at your multi-limbness?" "He, he, he, they don't get a chance though." Mark said he had no belief and Dina sings "That's because you're a maaaaan, with nooo" "woman" says Mark. "I don't think you're of this earth Dina. Have you heard your laugh?" Mark shouts for Nadia to come see. She thought Dina was going to hang them vertically. Nadia tells Mark he is going to put someone's eye out with the ski poles and tells him off for having his shoes on the hide. Mark mentions Dina using her mouth, "I don't know why she hasn't got a man, look at that tongue!" "She doesn't bloody want one, that's why!" Mark bangs his helmet and says he had a thought "tobogganing!" Nadia says yes, he can do that for the day and that he has to put decorations up, nevermind tobogganing. "I want to be fired from a bleeping cannon." I think we can do a whip round to make that happen Mark
Mark tells Nadia to get rid of the cake, because he wants to eat it. Nadia laments not doing a before and after. Nadia says those cable ties are great. "Told you! I can't live without them, set designer world!" Nadia says alright! She pulls up her pants and says she has the wrong ones on. Mark says he could tell as soon as she walked on camera today. Dina belts out The minute you walked in the joint boom, boom. Mark sings I could tell you had the wrong pants on, the really wrong pants on and focuses the camera on Nadia's bum. Nadia has put on a light up "Let it Snow" Santa hat. Mark apologizes for letting one go and Nadia smile gets turned upside down and she walks away. "Maaark. I'm trying to do a nice moment!" Mark said it was an accident and tells her to come back. "No, why should I step into your fart?" Nadia la, la, las "Winter Wonderland" as she shows off her hat. Dina asks when he is getting them more logs and Nadia says "Yeah! You're all full of log promise aren't you?" Mark says he saw one in the toilet this morning. TIME TO CROCHET SOME KNICKERS. Dancing faerie. Dina's got a deer head coat hook. Mark says they aren't drilling holes as there are live wires in that wall. Nadia manages to fix it to the wall somehow. Mark burps. "People belch in chalets, it's known." Dina says they DO NOT. Nadia says to Dina, you know how sisters have babies for their sisters? Can you have my husband. Dina says NO! "I don't have no one in my hawse! No one in my gaff!" Nadia begs just for a week. No. "I'd give you my womb." Dina laughs her laugh. "Bloody hell! That's how much you want to get rid of me, you'd give her your womb?!" Nadia said she would give her baby if she didn't have one. Fill in your own response here. Nadia goes on to say Dina won't give her 1 week, when she is willing to give her womb for 9 months. Mark says they are going to have a lit tree in seconds. Nadia asks Dina if she believes him. "Look at the great Xmas shot that is." The counter has their Curly Cranks food on it, cake and the Brussels sprouts branch. "Less about the cake and more about my Brussels" says Dina. Mark is screaming that "IT'S IN" and I can imagine his first time was like that with his girlfriend, poor cow. Nadia says they didn't have a problem with it going in, it was with the lights. "Not with this ONE! This tree is swit... oh tit!" "Dad!" "Yes?" Nadia rants about having to complete purchasing some batteries and Mark is trying to distract her with tree. "NO! LET ME FINISH A THOUGHT, BECAUSE I NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE! As soon as I have to do something, I have to do something else." Mark says welcome to my world. Nadia asks the subs if anyone wants Mark for a week? Probably Zoe.
"Dina won't have him." Mark starts looking shifty and Nadia says that's the wrong one. "It's not." The camera is put down and we see a nice view out of the skylight of a nice blue sky, with Nadia bitching about the tree. "No Nads, its the right tree, it's just in the wrong house."
Nadia says its the wrong bit for the wrong tree. You know, packing things and labelling are amazing things to do especially in that household. A label maker is a great Xmas gift. Dad dancing snowman. Mark looks at the camera, then the camera at that sisters who are well-ensconced on the sofa by the patio doors, sitting like 2 bookends with their festive headgear, on their phones. Mark takes off the helment and says "Look at my hair!" The whole front of his hair is wet and plastered to his scalp. The sisters are laughing. Nadia says he looks like a Playmobile figure. Mark says he looks like Ken. Mark says he has some news to break to her and she says, you have thrown away the wrong part of the tree. He says he has not, but "We have a problem." Nadia is losing the will to live for the 5th time today. She says they need to just have the ski lodge this year. CHALET! "You are bleeping not! I'm not having it!" He reminds us that they put the plugs in the drawers, Kiki now has the drawers, but where did they put the stuff that they emptied out of the drawers. Did you ask Kiki if she might know? "You start with WE and you're going to be in massive trouble." Nadia says she put the stuff in a box and she told him he needed to take what he wants and keep the plugs safe Mark wants to know where the box is. "You took it, to the dump." "WHAT!?!" "Once you took out the bits you needed, including the plugs" says Nadia. She tells him to go into his room and not come out until he has the plugs.Mark is in his hovel swearing. There is barely any floor available in that room. He is asking for Toffee and Nanny Elf, he needs his wingmen. "If it's not here..." He finds some cables with plugs and come out his den with Rudolph on his head. He approaches the sisters and Dina says "What the duck is that?" Mark says Xmas is saved. Nadia says he has to plug them in "because these can seem like an answer and they're not." Mark slinks away, dragging his cables behind him and Dina laughs. Extra long photo montage. That's it.
who does he think he is? Warner Brothers?
"What's Christmassy about that? We don't live in Switzerland!" She says it is mad to think of it as a chalet, you might as well turn it into a stable. "So you would like a horse?" asks Mark. Di says no. "Nobody in this family skis." Nadia responds with "You know how you said you weren't going to be rude?" Di apologizes as she felt herself going. Mark said Nadia is going to let Di do the decs. Di is surprised and says she will, "But can I do some sweeping first?" 
Nadia tells him to go live on YouTube to get them to help you. He fiddles a bit more and says if the bottom ones come on, we have made progress. The top bit is lit, but no bottom. 
"This is like a Rubik's cube, this is madness!" Nadia is in the background saying how they never keep the instructions. !1 that is stupid. 2. Most companies will have instructions on their websites. More swearing, more unplugging and plugging. Nadia is convinced he threw away the good tree. "Where's the sticky outs for the middle ones?" asks Mark. He manages to get the middle to light, they all work, just not all at once. 
Nadia pisses all over Mark's tree parade, saying he hasn't had any good news yet. All the lighs work, that is progress. Stop making me side with Mark Nadia. 
Nadia goes on to say that professional influencers (oxymoron) and interior designers can take up to 2 hours fluffing a tree. Mark says where did she find that out? On PineHub? 
Mark asks for a high 5, no not yet. Nadia wants to explain what happened. "That plug here was hidden in an unfluffed branch." Mark says Nadia spent another 1.5 hours since he gave up. She says he's joking, she listened to two 2 hour podcasts doing it. 
