Nadia is back in the car with M&S's best ever prawn sandwich. It is now dark and they are in another traffic jam. Mark says they left early and it has been bumper to bumper for 5 hours. I don't know what his definition of early is. Nadia is so disappointed and the birthday trip is ruined. Always catastrophizing is Nadia. She says to pull off. Six hours and they are in Southwold. Nadia gives the room tour, ignore the mess. They got a complmentary bottle of gin. In the restaurant, posh fish 'n chips. Next morning, Mark and the whirling coffee maker. He is off on one of this monologues on coffee. Out in Southwold and they are in front of a butcher's and Nadia remember being their with her ex-boyfriend's mum. Nadia was cooking a meal and she was making her selections, the bf's mum was standing over her, watching. "She wasn't very nice." They are staying across the road at The Swan. Mark and Nadia used to come to Southwold in their early 20s, but with other people. There's a WH Smith with the old sign, a fishmonger's, a fish 'n chip shop that is "so cute, so nice" says Nadia. They spy a gelato and doughnut shop. Nadia says they can have doughnuts because it is Mark's birthday trip. They see a "tatty gift shop" and Mark gets all maudlin about the girls, looking at the stuffed animals in the window.
Yeah, yeah, they aren't toddlers any more and you don't give a tit about them being provocative on socials so shut the eff up! Nadia peers into the Lord Nelson and Mark wants a pub lunch. Reading Room Cottage is the name of the house and Mark says "OOOh I want to reeeeeaaaad!!"
How old are you?
We are at the beach and Nadia says her ex's mum lived on a hill and Mark says he will find where his ex's parents lived. Mark doesn't remember a pier with houses on it being there.
Here's the thing, places change. They didn't build a pier, it's just an area up against the wall where there is now a cafe and some beach huts. Nadia reiterates what Mark said about going to Southwold with their respective bfs and gfs. Nadia takes this opportunity to
witch about her ex-boyfriend's mum. "She was very successful, she was a very dour woman, very miserable, very jealous of ME, very jealous of her son. We used to come here for weekends and I remember I used to drink so much just to get through the weekend."
"She looked down her nose at me A LOT. I feel cringy when I think about my time here." Nadia says she thinks they were both sniggering behind her back about her. "What about, a bit of Croydon common?" says Mark. "Yeah." Mark's ex's father was very senior at Adnam's Brewery, which owns most of Southwold and its pubs, they stayed at the cottage next to the bottler and got free beer. Nadia can't pronounce Adnam's. Nadia tells Mark he has a big bogie hanging out of his nose.
Nadia is yaking on the phone, walking to the Sole Bay Inn as Mark chunters to the camera. Off to the Retro Market. Mark finds a Liberace album. Nadia says she and Dina shared their albums. Nadia does her version of "If I Were A Rich Man."
Looking at the singles and Nadia says they would go to Our Price to get their's. A bashed up toffee tin, jelly moulds. Nadia exits the market, but Mark wants her to be more profesh, so take 2. Nadia swans out again and says to the camera with her big teeth smile "So, it was a really great find in every way, wonder local village church and so many goodies in there!"
More chat about Adnam's and Nadia says back in the day they were all wood, now they are gentrified. Mark asks if they has sawdust on the floor. He says some about sawdust being on the floor because of men's urine.
What is wrong with him? "It's to soak up the beer you idiot." Mark shows us the cottage he and his girlfriend stayed in. They find Child's Yard and Nadia skips and bobs her head about like a fool. Mark talks about some old digital footage they found and the conversations they were having in them and Maddie saying they were so boring. Footage of Mark walking down the street, getting his camera out to take a picture. Back at the Sole Bay Inn for lunch. Mark pans the room. Mark talks about Adnam's being a big part of his drinking story YAWN! He says it was the baseline of his drinking. Nadia wondered if he would be TRIGGERED, but he says no. Nadia tells us of some dude last night with a glass of wine trying to talk to people, "he was so scary." Mark says the place has had an upgrade since he was last there.
NO, really? "Who would have thought it? Eighteen years sober." Nadia tells Mark he is incredible.
Nadia says she is going to arrange something special for his 20th year of sobriety.
Full view of Mark's prawn sandwich. Mark didn't realize that avocados are unsustainable.
Deforestation, but I will give you my avocado when you pry it from my cold dead hands! 
Nadia fluffs her hair. Mark says the butter is too hard and Nadia says give it to me. She takes the foiled butter and with a knife, she starts breaking it up and spreading it at the same time, then puts it between her hands. "I don't like you suffering" she says. Mark puts the piece of bread on the table, eeww. "Put it between your buttocks"
Nadia referred to the place they had dinner last night as hoi faloy.
She doesn't mean hoi polloi. Yes, here she goes again making up words from legitimate words to have her own meaning. I think she means high-falutin. Something about sweet butter she didn't like and was going to ask about salted and Mark was like no, no, don't ask. Eventually she did and the waitress had no problem with the request.
God he is so stupid. Nadia asks Mark why that was a problem and he said he didn't want to look like a total asshole.
What do you think you look like on these vlogs Mark? Nadia says it is part of his ADHD.
Nadia spreads the butter on the bread that is on the table "for my beautiful husband." Mark is having chicken schnitzel now and Nadia is having 5 bean chili with nachos. "Is it going to make your bum bang?"
They enjoyed their meal and might go back there for dinner. Slo-mo of Nadia walking and a to be cont'd.
woeful
, Dina says she changes her stuff out every 5-6 days. The way Nadia describes the arche being huge, you would think she had a replica of the Arch de Triomphe in her kitchen. Mark asks when do they replenish anything, "we don't even replenish toilet rolls," with Dina cackling in the background. Nadia tells him to shut-up and open his birthday present. 
He squelched the sty he had. It's Organic Bob's Knob of 2-year-old Lancashire cheese. Dina says it looks like a knob, Mark says a circumsized one and Nadia says it looks like a Xmas tree. Dina laughs herself silly over Mark not know that he was cut. Nadia wants to know why he is circumsized and is going to ask his mum. Are we going to eventually be told why, because this is going on for too long now. Mark doesn't want to open the cheese. It will probably sit on a shelf in his man tip, rotting away like that bottle of Big Mac sauce. Dina says to stick it in the oven, then put a hole in it and squirt it and Mark says like a ejaculating penis behind the censor horns. He also got that t-shirt with the gingerbread men saying "Christmas Squad" on it, gingerbread men socks and Baci chocolate spread. Of course, Mark has to stick his finger in it like a little kid. 
Deluded the pair of them.
Jonathan Ross’s Halloween Party planner. 
" Dont they talk a load of shite"!!
