We have another Xmas ad review Part 4. I know you were just saying to yourselves when were the desperate elves were coming back with another review. Kevin the carrot has yet to make his appearence. Remember when I mentioned the temperature dropping?
We got snow! 
They have their elf hats on. Mark encourages Nadia to singing and with Maddie laughing in the background, Nadia belts out "We Three Kings." She gets the words and the tune all out of order. Mark has extended his creative skills by having an elf walk across the bottom of the screen. He is really pulling out all the stops this year. They start singing a jazz version of "We Three Kings" now.
Ad #1 Aldi and it's Kevin the carrot's family rushing through the airport, little suitcases in hand. The carrot child asks mum his mum if he can donate his pocket money to Neighbourly for people in need.
Here we go again. Big business highlighting all the good they do, of course. 
Kevin's family are in Paris for Christmas and they all fit in one seat! Except Kevin is at home, cue mummy carrot scream KEVIN! in her seat. Kevin is watching TV a la Kevin McCallister, swings from the fairy lights to shut the letterbox. He has a huge feast set out to catch the burglars. Kevin electrocutes himself on the fairy lights, knocking out the power. A Xmas ornament mentions something about roasted carrot. He then slides out of the house to become a snowman's nose, except he lands in the snowman's nether region.
You know Mark liked that one. Santa just happens to be walking by and Kevin tells him about the robbers and his family return from the airport and everything is well. "Let's make Christmas amazing for everyone." Dina is unhappy. The kiddies will be giving their snowmen carrot penises.
Nadia loves it and thinks its clever marketing. "The food looked stunning." Dina loves her Aldi and says the ad was marvelous "except for the weiner."
Ad #2. Young couple in the kitchen, male asks how many are coming. Female says just a few. Scene change to hoards of people running down the street with their food. The house starts rumbling and tortilla chips start shifting in the bowl. Man has panicked look on face, woman say its going to be okay. Woman running with a trifle, kids screaming with their toys, kid fires off his nerf gun. "THEY'RE COMING, BE READY!" says the ad. Shot of the Argos website for a chip bowl and man says "We're gonna need a bigger bowl." Doorbell rings. ARGOS.
Amusing, straight to the point. The elves loved it, "brilliant, great." Nadia informs us that Argos has same day delivery and Mark questions really on Christmas Day? "No, of course not Christmas Day." Then he asks about McDonald's.
NO! Maddie wants a Happy Meal on Christmas Day.
Ad #3. Boy in what looks like the bogs at school, looking at himself in the mirror, smiling. Dean Martin sings When You're Smiling." Back in the classroom, he gets his math test back 3/15 and smiles. He opens his locker and all his stuff falls out and he smiles. In the school cafeteria, the dinnerlady informs our child no more pudding left.
Okay, time to call it a day kid and jump off the nearest jungle gym. He smiles again, on the bus smiling. He gets scored on in goal, guess what he does? Smiles. Shot of him back in the school bog smile then frown. Walking down a hall with screaming and shouting carrying a box with his mum.
This couple sounds like my neighbours. If they aren't shouting at each other, they shout at whomever they are on the phone with. 
They get into their bedsit and the shouty McShouty's are joined by a dance club upstairs. Mum gets down on one knee and says "This is where we're spending Christmas love."
Does this get any better? I am having flashbacks. The child smiles and the screen reads "No child should have to put on a brave face, but without a home, over 119,500 chidren do." That was an AD for Shelter. Our band of demented elves are quiet. Nadia is using all of her strength to squeeze out that one tear, by wafting her hand in front of her face. Maddie says "How awful was that?" "That was really powerfully done" says Nadia.
An ad break happens and I get Victoria Secret with some chick in undies telling me that "Joy is a sexy thing." duck OFF VS, YOUR UNDERWEAR IS CRAP! Nadia says they will put a link for Shelter down below if you want to donate.
Sure. If people want to donate they can GOOGLE. 
Mark says another fantastic actor at the centre of that, because he knows all about talented yoof, what with his shortlisted Gangbooger movie.
Ad #4 and it's DEBENHAMS!
Didn't they fold? Jaunty model goes through the wreathed door, crooked finger telling you to come on in and see all the stuff I bought on credit. More coifed females and products like Urban Decay, Theirry Mugler, Viktor and Rolf. Another chick in snazzy pjs puts the turkey in t'oven. A hand takes a mince pie. There is a voicover jabbering away. More designer perfum, is that all they are selling? Kid opens present of a toy cooker. Another chick opens a present, dude gives his wife/daughter/fancy woman/sugarbaby a gift. "Debenhams.com Gifts for them and for you." "There's no doubts as to why they went bust" says Mark. Maddie bursts out laughing and Nadia looks like this ---->
They all say it was crap.
It reminded me of American ads for department stores this time of year. Full of every age range, on the thin side, black and white people camera ready, all thrilled with everything they are doing and everyone is just so HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!!!! 
Mark asks why Angela Rayner was doing the voiceover. Dina says it was Alison Hammond. Nadia says it isn't Alison.
Ad #5. Woman opens wardrobe and has a peek inside. A voice whispers "Christmas." It's a Matalan ad, because it says "Matalan Presents 'The Christmas Cupboard.'" She goes into the wardrobe. "Sparkly little number for me and a little something for her." Her head pops out and then pops in again for another scene. Family scene Christmas present exchange. I can't hear what the voiceover says. Another pop of head and she is under a Christmas table "Fancy plate, I've got them. Christmas, I'm ready for you." "This year at Christmas there is more to love at Matalan." Dina says she doesn't know that that was about.
I think the wardrobe, which they call a cupboard alludes to "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" which is a quasi-Christmas story. You would think Ms. TA would know something abou that. Matalan is like that magical cupboard that has all sorts of things for Christmas. Nadia says it's a bit muddled and Mark says it was a bit complicated.
Really? I'm sure when you see it isn't. Losers. Nadia says they should have gone through one cupboard to Narnia for Christmas.
Maybe Matalan doesn't have the deep pockets for a copyright lawsuit? Mark says it was like Dr. Who.
I didn't see any daleks. Dina says they didn't advertise one thing that they sell there. Mark says no man would be that excited about furry slippers, because Mark would know.
Ad #6 Mark replays the skateboarding foster dad John Lewis ad and Nadia gets verklempt. "Oh my God!" squeezing out a tear but not succeeding. Mark says it's the 3rd time he has seen it and it gets more moving every time.
If it was a PFI fine, but it just tags JOHN LEWIS at the end. Nadia says "That is everything I love about human beings, everything, that was so gorgeous, cuz I was a bit worried about the John Lewis' ad." She mentions that they usual spend ludicrious amounts on the ad and this year you can't. "They put it to really good use...it's about a feeling, not what you can sell."
Umm, that is what Christmas is about Nadia-GIVING. She is wiping pseudo tears and snooking up her nose. Nadia then mentions how John Lewis is in trouble financially.
Acting expert Mark says "Shout out to the dad, that is fantastic bit of acting there."
The actor is John Paul Hurley, courtesy of the "Edinburgh News" his CV.
"
Although born in South Yorkshire, Hurley studied drama in Edinburgh in 1995 and has never left. The 48-year-old actor has appeared in Peaky Blinders, Shameless, The Syndicate, and Silent Witness.
He is also a script writer, working on the Scottish soap River City. Hurley’s first play, These Fragile Walls, made the list for the Bruntwood prize. In 2015, his play Ecclesiastical Supplies received a script development workshop and reading during Playwrights' Studio's Talkfest at the Tron programme."
I think Mr. Hurley knows a thing or two about acting AND he is a writer. How's that play about that seagull coming along Mark?
Maddie says isn't he in? And Mark says "Oh is he in something?"
Mark blah, blahs. Nadia says it's about putting effort into your children. You might not get them the gift that they want, but if you do something with them that want nothing more. Mark says Maddie wants nothing more than for them to sit with her and eat McDonald's.
Last one thank Jeebus. Music is "The Final Countdown" by Europe. Screen says "A Christmas Party Broadcast" with a Christmas pud in the centre of a red and gold ribbon. The backdrop is the White Cliffs of Dover. "Britain, there's a joy shortage."
Really? Because the Victoria Secret girls seem to know all about Joy and it being sexxaay. Tesco has formed The Christmas Party to help. They have a truck and everythang. Voiceover goes on about more pigs for more blankets and girl in plaits fistpumping YES! "The only thing we are cutting are prices and cake." Cue a disappointed boy getting a sliver of cake. They are bring kids and adult tables together. A girl is sitting at the adult table getting rowdy whilst an adult, well he is sitting on little chair with the kiddies. Spare hat for the dog and a referendum to see if "Love Actually" is the greatest Christmas film. Teenage boy turns to the camera and says "No, actually."
He gets an oi and a kick from sister. Christmas carollers singing "We declare 3 for 2 on party food, Tesco finest mince pies for 1.12, and all bedtimes to be scrapped." Cheering children. Dinner for 5 under 25 quid! "We solve the things that matter." Man pulls out his bins in the snow and screams "When is bin day?" Voiceover "Today Jeffrey!" Yay from Jeffrey. "We stand for Joy, we are the Christmas Party, brought to you by Tesco!" Dance sequence in the cul-de-sac and end.
I liked this one. It made me laugh and with the news lately, we need that. Nadia liked it. Dina really liked that a lot of the ads and this one has a retro feel. Talk about humbler Xmases. Maddie loves her Tesco. Nadia tells us she is a meal deal girl. The walking elf makes an appearence. Mark didn't understand the bit with the dustbins.
Sometimes the jokes just write themselve eh kids? Nadia said it means simple things, you don't need things, you just need joy.
Once again, it goes over their heads, because they nothing about taking out bins. Dancing gingerbread men and I can hear the snowplows.
www.nigella.com
www.theguardian.com
Why could he not pre-record the NNSS for Sunday ???
