Hometime #34 and lordy we have Nadia doing something physical...in a gym. Her trainer shows her squats with the Swiss ball and Nadia is envious of her toned legs. Less than a minute in we have a commercial break. It's the heatwave now and Mark tells us he was on the bog and in 2-3 minutes he was flooding with sweat. Nadia has her legs up on the table in front of the fan. Mark continues with his drenching of sweat nonsense and you can hear Maddi rabbiting on in the background. Mark says since the heatwave Nadia has been stroppy, a moody, moody cow.
Now you know how the rest of us feel with your bitchin and moaning. Mark is off to have a cold shower in tribute to his "dear, dear chum Joe Wicks."
In other words, he is going in the shower to fantasize and wank about Joe Wicks. Now you think that we are going to see the door close, but NO! This sick bastard goes into the shower, props up the iPhone in there, starts undressing his dad bod, turns on the shower and makes stupid noises. He doesn't even take his rings and bracelets off, can you imagine the amount of dead skin cells and grime is under those things?
Seriously, this is really painful to watch. We also have to watch him dry off.
It's 2:46 mins and we have the stupid Sky Cinema charades. Just as Nadia is bitching about her hair being frizzy, there is an ad break; that is 2 breaks in under 3 mins. Mark says the viewers love this charades.
They don't get out much do they? Before they even start, Mark tells us he is on his ADHD drugs, so he will be able to focus. Nadia has a lucky guess with "The Lost City." Nadia has discovered that gin makes her a bit depressed, not DEPRESSED, but a bit depressed, like a little bit pregnant I guess.
Mark asks how do you do a number in charades. Nadia says uses your fingers. They find that hysterical. That was a 12 min ad. Nadia made chicken tacos and chips for dinner. Who has chips with tacos?
Boris resigns, so this HT is from the beginning of July and we are almost at Halloween, practically November! Nadia makes an Eton Mess cheesecake to celebrate the end of BoJo's reign at PM.
Can you imagine the fat and calories in that cheesecake? Nanny Di comes hobbling in from the garden with her left foot permanently at 30 degrees. She has boats for feet considering she is a shorty. Impressions of Boris abound from Nadia and Mark "Lie, lie, cheat, cheat." Ad break and then Nadia is laughing at some pic of the two of them jogging around the house. "I look like such a dick" says Mark and I wouldn't argue with that. Another pic of Mark chasing Nads and they are both pulling stupid faces.
Nadia wishes he wasn't wearing those glasses, "they make you look like an idiot."
Don't blame the glasses.
Special guest time, it's Lee Peart everyone on TV!
Thrillsville. 
He is actually at ITV for an appearence on GMB. Nadia pumps up the volume on the TV, as Lee is a guest to debate gay pride and corporate involvement. So we have Ben Sheppard and whatsherface with the husband with COVID, oh yeah Kate Garraway. They have pride flags as a backdrop, but they don't look like the ones I'm used to. It looks like the South African flag on acid. I don't remember so many stripes and what the hell is that circle for?
God, I'm too old for this shit, bloody kids! 
Lee is pro-corporate bandwagon and he is wearing a floral shirt, unbuttoned low, probably to reinforce that yes indeedy I am a white gay man. The other person is a female, but goes by they/them, short hair. muted colours, no make-up and South East Asian.
Love that box ticking. Lee says he agrees with his opponent on the blatant pinkwashing, what with rainbow cookies "that are 3 quid dearer than the normal cookies."
When did they become cookies over there? Just before I can find out what Lee says, an AD break. He is back and uses the non-word cynicalness.
Cynicism. He seems to be doing this on the fly and I am not convinced by his argument. He mentions that if he saw pride flags in Grimsby as a teen, it would make him feel good. Mark says "Good argument." Nadia says "Yeah."
Piss off. Nadia leaves Lee a message. I imagine it goes like this "Lee, u were great, I'm so proud of u!!! Love your favourite and bestest fruit fly Nads." Mark says Lee got more to speak than Nadia gets on Loose.
How the hell would he know? He never watches LW.
Now they say they are back home, so it must be the time after they went to Greece. Mark is lying on the floor of his dustbowl den. Dina is over cooking. She is making stuffed courgette flowers. Betty demonstrates her best Arabic celebration call, a ululation. Teddy can't do it. Mark does his happy dance it looks like an epileptic weasel. Betty has bought them a bourgeois prezzie; an automatic ice machine, because ice trays in the freezer are so last year. Apparently Nadia is always asking them to bring ice over. Mark is so dumb, he thinks you put it in the fridge. Nadia shows us the courgette flowers and Man-Child Mark says "it looks like you've been to Ann Summers."
He then goes on to say they look like trolls. Nadia cooks some chicken in her Ninja. It is later and Dina is on the floor. She has an old age meniscus tear. "That's in her knee, not her vagina" Dr. Nadia informs us. Anyway, Dina does a bridge for the quads, followed by a dorsiflexion. "What's a dorsi" asks Nads.
Flexing the hand or foot dozy. Then she does a plantarflexion. Dina screams OOOWW, she has a cramp. Another ad. Dina is 60 this year.
Mark is off to AA. I think that is to show us Tattlers that he does something. He is on Hinde Street and in the church he goes to meetings. He gives us a whole spiel about how this street has played a part in his sobriety. Yeah, so he is "reconnecting."
Is it wise to be showing where meetings are? How is that Anonymous? Dumbass. After the meeting debrief. He tells us that there was a woman 40 years sober in there, said it is alright to be bonkers, as long as you are bonkers and sober.
Riiight. It's called Alcoholics Anonymous, you didn't need to give this person a gender. Great for those who miss it, montage of stuff in a gallery. There are brass instruments flattened by a steamroller it looks like, hanging from the ceiling in a circle formation. A clip of Golden Child. Some audiovisual thing. A greenhouse that was nicked from B&Q. Another art installation that had materials from a building site. Nanny Di says the artist's name and says they are poppy cutouts. She touches it and Mark gives her shit not to touch it. "Oh don't be silly it's just cardboard."
Two eyeballs that look like jawbreaker gumballs. There is a doll on a stick with blonde hair, flower headdress, sad tits with cheetah bikini bottoms with a woman's face on a screen that says "Get real, sexual organs four worlds, orange headdress."
Something that looks like a piece of rock. Something else that looks like black coral. Some axes and saws hanging from the ceiling. Montage. Oh, there is a massive ball of string. Another eyeball. A back view of Kiki. Wee soldiers. A chick lying on the road. Final piece of
art is a photo/reportage called "Sket and Alkie...It's All Fun and Games When Someone Else is Paying." Older man makes faces with young adult with chipped nail, drink in hand AKA Golden Child and Man-Child. Fin.
perv! He most probably left it in on purpose
family show my foot! Total embarrassment Yes!
Now gazpacho and other bits and nibbles. A nice shot of Nadia's dehydrated hand. Dessert and Mark had a cake, shot of the sunset. Nadia says she can't believe what she is witnessing. Has she never seen a sunset before? Nadia thanks Mark for the perfect evening and the fella was kind of cute. Mark, fishing for compliments, asks which one. She parks herself on a reserved lounger to take a pic of the sunset. Mark asks if she has every had sex on a beach like this and guess what? She has and got nasty mosquito bites. 
"Night, night subs." Mark says she has just had sex on the beach, "Is that why you walk with a wobble?" 
"Est le mari dans le salaban?" There he is, a pasty beached whale on the sofa. I would suggest some industrial strength cleaner for that sofa, but I think setting fire to it would be the best thing. Couldn't he have put a towel down, so gross! Nadia is asking what happened, she was alright, but Mark was too hot. Why they didn't sort out the air conditioner before they left is madness. Mark is still moaning about it being hot. Nadia opens the window and says it is so beautiful. Him? "Don't be so fucking positive." Oh just chuck him in the sea already! 
Almost 8 mins of this shit and it feels like 40 minutes. Nadia says she will talk to them about the air con, but then Mark says no, that they will think they are wankers. She makes the suggest to mention his asthma and still says no. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? STOP YOUR COMPLAINING! PUT YOUR BIG BOY PANTS ON AND STOP BEING SUCH A SUCKY BABY! GOD HE IS SO STUPID! Nadia assures him that they will find a fan, even if she has to buy one. 
"I want to do all the shots around a kid's paddling pool. Don't you think that would be funny?" Hilarious. 
Back at the beach and Mark was going to go in, but saw 4 jellyfish, but no the next clip shows Mark in the water. He is dong some bizarre movements, waving his arms, but hesitating. Back on the sun loungers and Mark has been looking up jellyfish, Portuguese man o' war and how they can cause cardiac arrests. He says a chineroxflinorex (chironex fleckeri Australian box jelly 
) is the most poisonous with poison the size of a grain of salt can kill you. Nadia asks where they are from and Mark says off the coast of Ibiza. "Oh shut the fuck up!" Picture montage. God that was painful.
www.morphsuits.co.uk
Body dysmorphia my arse