Coffee Moaning for Saturday and I thought the new feature was Afternoon Tea on Saturdays.
If you are looking for consistency, this isn't the place for you OBVS! Title is "Zayn Malik, Fishing Wars, Elton John Xmas No.1(?!), Queen "Restng", Cops & Robbers!!" Here we go!
Nadia apologizes for the mucky screen and stay till the end you might see Lisa.
Does Lisa bathe in Dettol after her visits? She lives in a pristine home, so not used to dirt and vermin. Enquiring minds want to know. 
Nadia starts singing Lisa loves, Lisa loves and Lisa shouts "STOP IT!" Yes Lisa! Mark comes into frame trying to be edgy with his outfit. He has a t-shirt with a chick dressed as a nun with giving the
. Roll call. "How are you...what is your emotional weather barometer?" Nadia says squally, she is squally in her soul. She doesn't like the sun showing up how mucky her windows are.
You knew you were having guests, why didn't you clean them? Mark had 6.5 hours sleep. Mark asks if that is a symptoms of being old YouTubers, coming on and talking about their health. Nads says it's been 2 years since he has had 6 hours sleep.
I can't imagine that, I value my sleep. If I don't get at least 8, I am like a bear with a sore head. 
Mark thanks some people. Angela sent Mark some tinctures he will show to Nadia Sawalha, who plays a homeopathist on YouTube. Bev sent a lovely card. Lior sent some art. Eligis needs to calm down but thank you darling.
Elton John might have a Christmas No. 1.
We haven't had Halloween yet and they are talking about Christmas No. 1s? Mark loves Elton John and Nadia has a friend, of course, who works for him and only has nice things to say about him.
Well, his husband lived in Scarborough in the East End suburbs of Toronto and they own a house in Vancouver. My mum and her bf saw Elton John for free watching his show from a bridge near the Molson Ampitheatre. That is all I've got. 
Talk about his 38 years of sobriety. Most of those sales of his lockdown sessions are CDs and Vinyl sales. Mark says they are back and well hardcore music enthusiasts have always bought physical music so duh, Mark. Nadia talks about his hissy fits and talk about the duets he has done with Ed Sheeran. He says "Lil Nas X, whoever he is."
If you have heard that Old Town Road song, you have heard Lil Nas X. He is doing UberEats commercials with Elton John over here. Picture quality is shite now and voices are out of sync.
Nadia tells us about Zayn Malik, you know he hit Gigi's, his babymama's mum Yolanda. Nadia calls Yolanda a right madam. Nadia called her "utterly humourless, very self-obsessed, extremely controlling." "Is she the one who had Vial's disease?" asks Mark.
Lyme's disease you fuckwit. Surprised you haven't rolled onto a tick with that yet. As for Yolanda, she is very Dutch, blunt as all get out. Nadia says Gigi's dad is an architect, wrong as he is a developer. He has ties to deep Saudi pockets that go 50/50 with him on projects. There goes Kiki up the stairs. The accusations are 4 counts of assault. Nadia says the stuff that Zayn said to his babymama's mama was "quite fruity language."
Yes, what he called her allegedly was a
"fucking Dutch slut," so that is swearing, xenophobia and sexist triple score there. He also allegedly pushed Yolanda into a dresser. He pleaded no contest to the charges, which means he claims neither guilt nor innocence. Blah, blahs, about this should be a private family matter, to which I say umm, you commit assault that goes on public record and also you are famous so boo hoo. Famous people are so exhausting aren't they? Zayn claims leaking to the press. There goes Carlitos. He says he wants privacy for his daughter. Apparently he was pissed that Yolanda dared to post a pic of her and her granddaughter on Insta. She didn't show her face, but he claims you can see her face in the reflection of the mirror.
Oh get your own issues sorted you junkie. She's a gran, she is going to post pics. Zayn has to take anger management courses now.
Sucks to be you! He has to be careful, he could get deported if he doesn't behave. The States don't play. Mark asks if this is the chap who dumped someone by text? Yeah Perrie Edwards had a lucky escape there.
Hair fluffing from Nads. One chatter says he is a lost soul, another says they don't feel sorry for Zayn. Me? Well he is a POS. Mark asks why this is a huge story.
Bitch, are you for real? Former boyhander, thinks he is too cool like you, dumps his girlgroup sweetheart by text, raging druggie, hooks up with and gets up the duff a legacy model with a famous mum and insults and hits said mum. It has everything, keep up. Shitty feed, back to wifi. Nadia says when have you heard of a star pushing their gf's mum? Nadia says Zayn allegedly said to Gigi to strap some fuckin balls on and stand up for me against your mother.
He is a sexist prick isn't he? Apparently he referred to his daughter to something and they aren't going to repeat it.
I went to the Zayn/Gigi thread, he said apparently to Gigi that Khai was "the fucking sperm that came out of my fucking cock." Wow. What a charmer. 
Someone mentions Yolande body shaming her daughter and yes, I remembering her saying to Gigi when she was school to drop the sports as she might become too bulky and look like a lesbian or something. Which is weird, because I have never had the perception of Dutch people being fussed about stupid 1950s shit, but Yolanda can be a piece of work no doubt. Nadia says everything that seemed to go wrong for Yolanda she blamed on her Lyme's.
Political shit now and the COP summit in Glasgow. "Is it like a chocolate teapot this whole thing?" Talk about China. Of course, Boris sounded off on it and the fish wars now with France. Boris says he's "got bigger fish to fry."
I'm sure British fishers are delighted with that response.
Mark thought that was funny and well Nadia is not amused. "He's just an idiot. Not very prime ministerial." Feed is potato quality again! Frozen. Kes wants a prime minister to look up to like the old days.
Yeah, you want someone who at least appears to know what they are doing. It's so weird that our PM is just a few months younger than me. I was hoping to at least be in my 60s before that happened. 4G now and Mark claims it is the solar flare from a couple of days ago. Are you going to look for the auroras this weekend? Soo cool for Halloween.
"What do you make of the Queen?' Nads goes to close the door as she is frozen. Mark wants to read into the Queen being given 2 weeks off.
This again? She looks fine on Zoom, piss off with this nonsense. Lisa says she is devastated, she loves the Queen and when she passes she is going to be so...the screen freezes AGAIN and you will have to fill in your own blanks as to what Lisa is going to be when the Queen passes. Nadia feels really worried as she pulls are her neck. Eww.
I was flicking through the channels, landing on the Shopping Channel and they were showing before and afters of some miracle neck cream. Should send some to their PO box. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! 
Nadia in her infinite wisdom thinks were are being prepared for something. "I don't think she is well" says our unregistered local naturopath. Trish says COVID is still out there for the old and vulnerable.
After a delay, Cops & Robbers topic. Mark asks Lisa her fave cops and robbers show and it is The Sweeney. "My dad was in the Sweeney!"
Yes Nads your dad was in everything in the 60s and 70s. We know. Nadia loved Z Cars as a kid.
My mum would go on about watching Z-Cars. Mark says that was before his time. Nadia starts doing the Z-Cars theme, but realizes it is Crossroads.
Cagney & Lacey Nadia loved and Mark said well he lived in a lesbian household, not that C&L were lesbians, but it was a big thing in the lesbian community. Dukes of Hazard, Starsky and Hutch and Nadia starts singing Don't Give Up on Us Baby and does air guitar but acoustic. "I was mad about David Soul! It's so embarassing."
No, living in a cess pit is. Dina loved Paul Michael Glazer and Nads loved David. They talk about PMG's tragic life with both his wife and daughter dying of AIDS through a blood transfusion.
Mark says he remembers him being in Mr. Mom "back in the 70s or 80s."
His memory is shocking or I am an elephant. PMG was not in Mr. Mom, that was Michael Keaton. Emma says the A Team. Mark mentioins Hawaii Five-O and they both start dong the theme tune and rowing their own canoes. "I was in LOVE with Jack Lord. I was going to marry Jack Lord, how embarassing is that?"
A girl needs her dreams, I will not fault her that. I still love Alan Wilder and Roddy Frame. 
Columbo and Nads tells us Jack Lord had a wig. Magnum PI. Kojak. Nads shows us a pic of Jack Lord and Mark says who's he? Lisa says Miss Marple and Mark says not quite as rock n roll.
I love Inspector Morse, Inspector Lewis, Dalziel and Pascoe, Life on Mars, Scott & Bailey. Jack Lord's real name was Steve McGarrick. Carlitos walks in behind. "Who remembers Remington Steele?" asks Mark. Nads has gone the Jack Lord rabbit hole. In the last 7 years of his life he was non-responsive. His wife would turn his wheelchair to watch the ocean at sunrise and sunset, he had Alzheimer's.
Mark apologizes for taking the tone in a different direction. CHIPS. That show, I watched as a kid but how exciting does it really get doing patrols on the freeway?
Miami Vice and Nadia is trying to remember the other guy being Philip Michael Thomas. Talk about the pastels they wore. "Do you remember Shoestring with Trevor Eve?" Nadia says she really loved Trevor Eve, but then he reminded her of a boss she had and makes a face. Dempsey and Makepeace and Lisa says "yeaaaaah." The Equalizer, Dixon of Dock Green, The Saint, Hart to Hart, Knight Rider, Moonlighting. Nads fluffs her hair and says "C.A.T.S Eyes, what was her name?" Hill Street Blues, Mark going on about Juilet Bravo and how shit he thought a woman's police hat was. Nadia wanders upstairs. Melanie says she is too young for this.
Shut uuuuup!! Oh yeah LINE OF DUTY that Mark rubbishes without seeing it. Persuaders. Milly just gives us a list of what she watched during a week in the 80s without sticking to the topic. Prime Suspect and Happy Valley. Mark does an annoying impression of the Six Million Dollar Man.
What is you favourite Elton John song?
One that isn't played. He reminds me of being stuck in the back seat of the car with him on the radio and wanting to change the channel and being at the dentist's. Lisa says the only one that comes to mind is Rocketman. Someone mentions TJ Hooker.
Lisa says Belly and the Jets. Mark does his Candle in the Wind. TINY DANCER! I LIKE THAT ONE says Mark. Pinball Wizard and Lisa says she saw them, but they didn't play enough of the old stuff.
PLAY MAGIC BUS BITCHES! "The bitch is back, where's Nads, whah hey!"
Blah, blah, blah. Angie is having a bad ments day.
What are you doing here then? Someone asks about Lisa and Nads is back and starts singing and dancing Lisa Loves. Talk about the Sunday Show and Nads will do a Halloween Special. Mark keeps forgetting it is Halloween tomorrow. HAVE A LOVELY DAY. WE WILL SEE YOU ON THE MORROW FOR CM AND THE NO NAME SUNDAY SHOW, STAY SAFE! Nadia makes her witchy faces that come naturally to her. OH BTW GO CHECKOUT THE MOVIE NEWS AND HIT THE LIKE BUTTON UNDERNEATH US, BLAH, BLAH. Laters!
on a pig 
her yawning, completely bored, mouth full open having walked out of “scratch scratch” whine o’clock without even saying goodbye to her subs to set this up for her “family members” 
