Mumsnet #38 imagine spending £100 on a notebook and writing 'bleach arsehole' in it

[Samf2020]

I dont get why she couldnt open the door wearing her dressing gown? These are people who think nothing of taking a picture of their prolapses and putting them on mumsnet. As long as your bits and pieces are covered, open the door, throw shopping in hallway. Say thanks close door.

 

[girlinbrum]

Response to every interview question they ask you with "I can't tell you, that's outing."

The thread getting me rolling my eyes lately is the exams one. They are too over-invested in their children's revision but this morning one said their kid has overnight oats and matcha tea every morning... I went to check on my daughter who was scoffing a cereal bar cos she had "no time" to eat breakfast properly but then spent 20 mins curling her hair. But tbf she does well in her exams without me clucking around her. Love to ask her if she wants some matcha tea at 6.30am.

 

[orangehead]

Insanity.

My 17m is ill, not been taking fluids and is dehydrated.

I gave her lucozade which is the only thing she’ll drink, but I’ve taken it away because I’m worried it’s harmful.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Well lucozade is basically sugar, and I think we can all agree we’d rather children be ill than fat *tinkly laugh*

 

[Geetbo]

You just know Araminta and Rafferty are first in line at KFC while mater is on mumsnet boasting that they only eat homemade kale chips.

 

[LilyPond]

Not sure if this is true or not. OP obviously had to mention that she was 8 stone and is now a mahoosive 9 1/2

Did you mean to be so rude Countess? The poor woman is "devistated"

 

[bread-pitt]

On a “what’s for dinner” thread…(I like to play MN bingo on those threads). Please don’t invite me for dinner at your place if this is your dinner:

 

[notanotherusername92]

This one! The OP was told she should have swapped places with the woman who was desperate for the loo, rather than just let her in.

I went to see that challengers film. Ate an entire bucket of salty popcorn and fell asleep. Every time I woke up they seemed to be playing the same tennis match. No idea what was going on.

 

[underwhelmed1985]

Why did you have children if you didn’t want to be a proper parent? *head tilt* Aren’t you worried your neighbours will call social services? And a paddling pool? Gosh, well I guess some people don’t mind risking their children’s lives for so called fun *tinkly laugh*

this! I have an IRL friend who would actually say this, so naturally I shared it on Facebook to rile her up. The ironic thing is, the kids had the best day just “being”. Sometimes we all need R&R and sometimes you just have to *gasp* put your own needs first

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

Someone else has contributed that they have no idea BUT her auntie lost her council parking space when they dug up the body.

 

[Thank(space)you]

My mum's in hospital at the moment and keeps moaning about how large the salads are but how small the main meal portions eg cottage pie are. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself saying about the MN massive salads & how "we've lost sight of what a normal portion is"

 

[CatCafe234]

Why does it matter that you take them to a Royal Park? Can’t you just say a park

One can’t eat a gooseberry and cinnamon yoghurt anywhere else …

 

[Popcorn&Peanuts]

Does anyone else enjoy reading boards about subjects that they normally have no interest in? I'm a cat person through and through but I LOVE reading The Doghouse on MN. MN doggie people are absolutely fucking deranged (and I say this as a mad cat lady). They love nothing better than giving someone whose having a hard time a good kicking and they make dog ownership look like the least fun thing ever.

Yes, I read the Stepparenting board despite being neither a stepparent, nor a parent (if you don't count the 3 cats and 2 dogs).

It is simultaneously fascinating and horrifying to realise every evil Disney stepmother somehow made it to the 21st Century and got a Mumsnet account.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Mumsnet #39 Chatbot or fatbot?

This is the best suggestion ever and no matter how many likes it gets should be the next one!

 

[Serene Serena]

Haven't seen that thread. Are they good tights?

Yes, but their advertising is 'inclusive' so mostly extremely fat women and ugly men modelling them. A lot of customers have been put off by their NSFW collection as well, which includes badges that say Blow Job Queen and Cum Slut and men wearing the tights like a body suit, with a knot at the top, and other fetishes Apart from that though, lovely tights.

 

[Saltfish84]

I feel for this woman and I’m not picking on her as such - but why are the women on Mumsnet (and beyond) so fucking passive?

Someone is publicly vile to you, FOR YEARS, gets others involved and you still hang out with them and say nothing?

Maybe I’m just a confrontational bitch but I’d be all “fuck off Sandra, you look like an old shoe. If shoes could be fat!”

No one ever stands up for themselves. Apart from in the fake stories where everyone in Waitrose clapped.

 

[orangehead]

Can anyone help this woman in AIBU? I personally wouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t dettol his bum on the hour every hour and sit on a (dettoled) tarp so I can’t help.

DP (who I love dearly, this is just for fun!) goes running a few times a week and says he can't shower as soon as he gets home as he's still sweating. Instead he sits down on the living room sofa/chair for a while to cool down before showering.

The problem is that DP, who doesn't normally smell, has an absolutely honking post-run butt. I'm worried that the smell will build up over time and the living room will stink. DP says I should chill out and he should be able to sit down in his own living room.

AIBU to ask him not to do that? How can we reach a compromise!?

 

[50degreesnorth]

What a fucking idiot. View attachment 2939604

Doctor here. Walk it off.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Well maybe you should start. It might give them an incentive to get your stuff there on time.

It might have done 30 years ago.

A pair of drooping 36A's isn't going to "bring all the boys to the yard" these days.

I'm rather a strange creature myself - when I get a delivery, I choose the time based on the cheapest delivery cost. I'm always thrilled if they arrive early and I've got a £3 delivery for a quid!

Once the driver also handed me a bag containing 4 boxes of strawberry cornettos. I said "These aren't mine - I didn't order ice cream". He looked at the label (my name was on it) and checked my receipt (cornettos weren't on it) and said "Well, they're yours now, pet. Your name's on the bag."

Apparently he couldn't give them to anyone else if they weren't labelled for them, even if it was the last delivery on the van and the buyer could prove she'd ordered them and that they weren't included with the rest of the shop.

I shamelessly accepted 24 free cornettos - it made up a little for all of the times they'd cocked MY delivery up - but I admit I did feel very sorry for whatever children's party they were possibly intended for.

Only time I've ever clicked on any shop, ever.

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

Speaking of grandmothers, one unpleasant sounding poster is threatening to leave a spoonful of her grandmother’s ashes under the floorboards of her house when she moves, to ‘haunt her buyers’. She was surprised everyone ignored this scary threat and concentrated on a multi page discussion of whether or not you have to buy your own wheelie bin (turns out, in the very worst case scenario for any MN thread) that sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t so the majority of posters have now exploded in confusion.

 

[bread-pitt]

Well, you learn something every day. Apparently anal sex cures hemorrhoids.