Mumsnet #38 imagine spending £100 on a notebook and writing 'bleach arsehole' in it

[PrincessCharming]

I must admit, I am quite partial to a massive salad. Greek, preferably with plenty oil and feta, red onion and coriander. With chicken too.

Or those huge bean salads with chicken, honey and mustard.

 

[notanotherusername92]

Step parenting is just generally tit. Having and being a separated parent is tit. It’s a tit situation, but common because people can’t or won’t sacrifice their whole lives.

I’m a step parent. There’s a lot of jealousy and complicated emotions. Mum worries about the kids getting closer to dad and me, there’s a lot of control and emotional manipulation to ensure she’s the favourite parent. Their dad wants more time and hates the weekend life, and has to watch step dad living with them in his house, doing bed times, family holidays etc in his place.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I’m an introvert so fine with him doing stuff with his kids and leaving me to Netflix and cereal. But then that doesn’t fit the treating them like my own narrative, which also brings us back to somehow treating them like my own kids, but not attempting to actually parent them or step on mums toes at all. Then the kids definitely feel they have to take sides, which will always be mum as she’s the resident parent so there’s more “risk” around upsetting her. Added to the dh and his ex have entirely different parenting methods- one is heavily into violin and ballet lessons, the other thinks they are a waste of time and saves the money for AI holidays twice a year.

like I said, it’s tit, for everyone. They can only see their deadbeat dad crap when he is not longer at their beck and call yet also needs to work more/get a consultant cardiologist job to pay for their kids.

considering something like 50% or marriages fail, I do think too many women happily pack in their careers with no thought to when they end up a single parent.

 

[Wolf359]

I’m also a step parent and what I hate most about the step parent board is the total lack of inner reflection the parents are willing to do on why their relationship failed and they had to split in the first place.
Yes sometimes there is abuse or an affair and in those situations, splitting up is the safest or best option.
But when I see ‘you knew what you were getting into’ trotted out time and again on there, I feel like saying yeah? Did you know you were having a child with a man you didn’t love enough to stay with long term then? Because that’s nice for the kids isn’t it?
If you’ve got a problem with the concept of step parents, don’t bleeping split up then.

 

[notanotherusername92]

I’m also a step parent and what I hate most about the step parent board is the total lack of inner reflection the parents are willing to do on why their relationship failed and they had to split in the first place.
Yes sometimes there is abuse or an affair and in those situations, splitting up is the safest or best option.
But when I see ‘you knew what you were getting into’ trotted out time and again on there, I feel like saying yeah? Did you know you were having a child with a man you didn’t love enough to stay with long term then? Because that’s nice for the kids isn’t it?

Like my sister in law who married her cheating boyfriend, then 2 kids later was completely surprised when he was still shagging around. She knew what she was getting into, and how she and the kids have treated him since has been disgusting.
Even worse once he left she started shagging around with married men, absolutely no conscience.

or dh’s ex who had an affair. 20 years later when the kids suddenly stopped talking to him it turns out she’s completely changed events and it was me and him had the affair and split the marriage up, leaving her a poor single mum with no support and no money. She was living with the OM when we met , had remortgaged and extended the house mere months before she kicked him out, and moved, sorry spent, all their joint savings. Planned for a good year beforehand. She definitely had the waterfowl trained and ready for a slick, effective, surprise operation..

 

[Wolf359]

They want step mothers to take all the crap and never complain about it because think of the poor kiiiiids. They should be allowed to talk to you like a piece of tit and have the biggest en suite bedroom once a month while your child sleeps in the boxroom because their parents aren’t together and their lives are hard.
Didn’t worry about how hard their lives would be when you decided to break up their family though did you? But sure, blame it on the step mum.

 

[bread-pitt]

Or those huge bean salads with chicken, honey and mustard.

Now, if we’ve going to add barbecue beans to a KFC family bucket and call it a bean and chicken salad, then I’m right there with you in that I enjoy a massive bean and chicken salad too.

 

[vunderland]

I think it's incredibly sad that so much blame gets put on the mum (who the kids usually end up staying with), actually. From the perspective of someone who was the child in the middle, my mum acted like the bad guy all the time FOR me - I didn't want a step mum, I didn't want a new family, I was happy with my MY mum alone and when I didn't want to go, my mum took the fall and pretended she was the problem, even when my father and his wife were harassing her constantly. Idk, it's a multifaceted issue and all the adults in the situation are almost always more concerned with themselves and their own pride or parental ability than concern over the actual kids. I will forever be thankful to my mum for not forcing me to go and play happy families when it was making me miserable, even if it was to her detriment because I was too young/shy to express to my father and his wife myself that I hated seeing them and being in their home.

Obviously, every situation is different so I can only speak from my experience as being that child, but it's worth considering the kids are saying different things to different parents depending on the closeness of the relationship, and it isn't all evil parents being evil for the sake of evil.

 

[Pontyslapper]

My money is on pie, chips, gravy followed by Viennetta every night for dinner.

No petit pois - bloody heretic!

 

[Girl#7]

Horse people are absolutely bleeping bonkers. I grew up quite horsey and occasionally think about getting back into it. Having to use a yard and talk to horsey people (apart from the astronomical expense) is largely what puts me off!

I know zero about horses, they have never interested me. My cousin, however, was horse-crazy since a tot. I enjoy spending time with most of her eclectic range of friends.

The only exception is her 'horsey' set of friends.

IMO, they are so far up their own arses they are seeing daylight.

For me, that demographic explains a great deal of why the MN membership is as it is.

PS I'll be frank, attempting to rein in (pun intended!) my sarcasm in their company was a sadly futile exercise. I'm no longer invited to their 'occasions'. Three (extremely loud, obnoxious, intrusive) cheers for me!! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My partner has two adult children in their twenties. They're lovely and I get on really well with them and with their Mum too. She and my partner had an amicable divorce. She's in a relationship too and we're all good, but I know I wouldn't fancy being stepmother (of sorts) to small kids in a fit.

 

[Itsmeagainat]

Oh, is it another "nobody who is truly in love spends more than £2.50 on their wedding, I got married in a car park wearing a carrier bag" race to the bottom?

I find that phenomenon so odd. They're obsessed with class, they'll have flame wars about supposed class signifiers and who is highest up the social system, yet the subject turns to weddings and suddenly you can't be cheap and crap enough. Nothing at all wrong with a low key wedding, of course, but that's all it is: a low key wedding, not proof of the quality of the marriage. Why is that? Is it because weddings are thought to be a true class signifier and they're pissed off because they couldn't afford St Paul's Cathedral and a £50k dress of fairy wings and unicorn tails?

I hope this is not too off topic but it reminds me:
The class system is a staple of and deeply embedded in British culture and history even when the education system a middle class person's grandparents were working class, people prefer to be thought of as 'better than other groups of people in society.

 

[Wolf359]

I know zero about horses, they have never interested me. My cousin, however, was horse-crazy since a tot. I enjoy spending time with most of her eclectic range of friends.

The only exception is her 'horsey' set of friends.

IMO, they are so far up their own arses they are seeing daylight.

For me, that demographic explains a great deal of why the MN membership is as it is.

PS I'll be frank, attempting to rein in (pun intended!) my sarcasm in their company was a sadly futile exercise. I'm no longer invited to their 'occasions'. Three (extremely loud, obnoxious, intrusive) cheers for me!! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

I’m on the periphery of a horsey set by accident (one of my good friends married in). The U.K. set are insufferable snobs. The ones from a different European country are down to earth and lovely.

 

[Itsmeagainat]

I hope this is not too off topic but it reminds me:
The class system is a staple of and deeply embedded in British culture and history even when the education system a middle class person's grandparents were working class, people prefer to be thought of as 'better than other groups of people in society.

*Even when the free education system leveled out people's prospects, a middle class person's grandparents were working class,.....

 

[MustardCactus]

My favourite threads are the ones about posh independent or boarding schools in the South East (I am very working class and live in West Yorkshire) or the ‘I have 800k to spend on my first home in London, where can I live’ type threads. The complete opposite of my life.

Oh and I am partial to a teenager applying for stage school thread too!

 

[Girl#7]

My partner has two adult children in their twenties. They're lovely and I get on really well with them and with their Mum too. She and my partner had an amicable divorce. She's in a relationship too and we're all good, but I know I wouldn't fancy being stepmother (of sorts) to small kids in a fit.

Fortunately when I met my partner, his children were already young adults and he'd been long-divorced.

My only experience of dating someone whose children were not already adult was absolutely horrible. He had one 'tweenie' and our arrangements were frequently disrupted by her - either in person, by phone or via text. It was obviously very deliberate because it always happened during our dates, and he said he never heard from her at any other time.

Tbf, I think his ex had some notion of luring him back and was using their tweenie as a pawn to achieve this.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm childfree or whether most people would have a problem with it, but it definitely wasn't for me.

 

[50degreesnorth]

I enjoy Style & Beauty - although as neither style nor beauty are in evidence, I call it “Sheep & Botox”.

Unfortunately I’m going to have to uninvite you all to tomorrow night’s soirée in case you all start treating me differently after seeing how good I have it. (Think chairs, tables, beds, electricity, running water etc.).

 

[bread-pitt]

Peak MN…”bulking up” your salad with….more salad!

 

[veronica71]

Not sure I can even bring myself to click on the ‘why are there so many autistic kids now’ thread to play ableist bingo

 

[cowtastrophe]

considering something like 50% or marriages fail, I do think too many women happily pack in their careers with no thought to when they end up a single parent.

Very much this. I was in an abusive marriage when I was very young and the one thing it taught me was that I would never rely financially on a man again. We never had children thankfully. It worries me how many women are prepared to give up their financial independence in order to have children.

 

[ZanzibarDreaming]

Not sure I can even bring myself to click on the ‘why are there so many autistic kids now’ thread to play ableist bingo

I accidentally clicked on it. I think my bingo card was full after about 3 posts.