Mumsnet #38 imagine spending £100 on a notebook and writing 'bleach arsehole' in it

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Someone else has contributed that they have no idea BUT her auntie lost her council parking space when they dug up the body.

And my daughter had to carry her entire worldly goods for nearly a mile because the digging meant there was no vehicle access when she moved into her new flat.
 
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If I get even fatter, I am blaming Mumsnet. Reading their fat shaming posts made me eat chocolate biscuits for lunch. I would rather be overweight than a judgemental idiot!
 
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Popcorn is very fattening and you shouldn’t be eating UPFs.

I sometimes feel down about my weight but at least I’m not a nasty spiteful piece of tit. Well, mostly….!
I thought popcorn was one of the healthier snacks, provided you don’t cover it with sugar 🤔
 
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I thought popcorn was one of the healthier snacks, provided you don’t cover it with sugar 🤔

But oil made from corn is literal poison, don't you know? And it's entirely carb based, plus there's at least a teaspoon of poison oil in the pot when it's not microwaved UPF UPF UPF UPF and if there's no sugar, that means the dreaded SALT.

Everybody on MN hates salt. No wonder they're thin - everything tastes like tit. And coffee, they hate coffee. Especially the cheap (not that bleeping cheap going by the amount they want in Tesco's for it) tit instant the majority of the population relies on to function in their not six figure salary, twenty five minutes a week working from home jobs.


Hang on, let's see what they hate

Sugar
Carbs
Salt
Seed oils
Corn oils
Milk chocolate that doesn't cost a fiver a bar
Jury's out on cheese (until the vegans roll up to describe things in reference to a human female's body)
Eggs (see above for the vegans)
Vegetables with natural sugars
Fruit
Meat above homepathic doses (or the vegans haven't got around to making another 'rotting flesh' post yet)
Drinks that aren't water
Salt in all its lovely, tasty forms
Seasonings (unless they're lemon juice as though that replaces sodium chloride in any shape or form)
Any intrinsic fat at all - it's always fat free Greek yoghurt
Quorn (not because it tastes like sad cotton wool unless you spend 45 minutes layering flavours in the pan to make it taste of something, but because it makes them all violently vomit)
Anything cooked in an airfryer automatically transforms into beige and any approved vegetables (there aren't many) instantly vanish so you can only be using it out of laziness working class mentality to heat up chicken dippers
Dried fruit
Little sausages - UPF filled murder weapons (as though nobody is capable of slicing them lengthways first for small children)
Ditto grapes and cherry tomatoes (both poison sugar choking weapons)


I can't remember them complaining about courgettes, cucumber or cabbage, though.
 
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But oil made from corn is literal poison, don't you know? And it's entirely carb based, plus there's at least a teaspoon of poison oil in the pot when it's not microwaved UPF UPF UPF UPF and if there's no sugar, that means the dreaded SALT.

Everybody on MN hates salt. No wonder they're thin - everything tastes like tit. And coffee, they hate coffee. Especially the cheap (not that bleeping cheap going by the amount they want in Tesco's for it) tit instant the majority of the population relies on to function in their not six figure salary, twenty five minutes a week working from home jobs.


Hang on, let's see what they hate

Sugar
Carbs
Salt
Seed oils
Corn oils
Milk chocolate that doesn't cost a fiver a bar
Jury's out on cheese (until the vegans roll up to describe things in reference to a human female's body)
Eggs (see above for the vegans)
Vegetables with natural sugars
Fruit
Meat above homepathic doses (or the vegans haven't got around to making another 'rotting flesh' post yet)
Drinks that aren't water
Salt in all its lovely, tasty forms
Seasonings (unless they're lemon juice as though that replaces sodium chloride in any shape or form)
Any intrinsic fat at all - it's always fat free Greek yoghurt
Quorn (not because it tastes like sad cotton wool unless you spend 45 minutes layering flavours in the pan to make it taste of something, but because it makes them all violently vomit)
Anything cooked in an airfryer automatically transforms into beige and any approved vegetables (there aren't many) instantly vanish so you can only be using it out of laziness working class mentality to heat up chicken dippers
Dried fruit
Little sausages - UPF filled murder weapons (as though nobody is capable of slicing them lengthways first for small children)
Ditto grapes and cherry tomatoes (both poison sugar choking weapons)


I can't remember them complaining about courgettes, cucumber or cabbage, though.
I know you’ve sort of covered it with “drinks that aren’t water” but I feel like we need a special mention for alcohol not served at Christmas or in a thimble.
 
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Having skimmed the thread about seasoning your food the other day - the reason they’re all so thin is because they can’t cook for tit. Stupid fucknuts don’t seem to understand that every single nerve in their teeny-tiny bodies requires salt to fire. They probably imbibe their RDA of sodium by sniffing the gusset on DH’s outing hobby sportswear.
 
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A fat tax would hit me hard 😃😆😆😆💀
I'd be fine in theory.

I've got buckets of the stuff, but they'd need a really good surgeon to scrape it out.
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Having skimmed the thread about seasoning your food the other day - the reason they’re all so thin is because they can’t cook for tit. Stupid fucknuts don’t seem to understand that every single nerve in their teeny-tiny bodies requires salt to fire. They probably imbibe their RDA of sodium by sniffing the gusset on DH’s outing hobby sportswear.
As well as needing salt, those vital nerve cells need to keep the myelin sheaths covering their dendrons in good working order. How do they do this? FAT!
 
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But oil made from corn is literal poison, don't you know? And it's entirely carb based, plus there's at least a teaspoon of poison oil in the pot when it's not microwaved UPF UPF UPF UPF and if there's no sugar, that means the dreaded SALT.

Everybody on MN hates salt. No wonder they're thin - everything tastes like tit. And coffee, they hate coffee. Especially the cheap (not that bleeping cheap going by the amount they want in Tesco's for it) tit instant the majority of the population relies on to function in their not six figure salary, twenty five minutes a week working from home jobs.


Hang on, let's see what they hate

Sugar
Carbs
Salt
Seed oils
Corn oils
Milk chocolate that doesn't cost a fiver a bar
Jury's out on cheese (until the vegans roll up to describe things in reference to a human female's body)
Eggs (see above for the vegans)
Vegetables with natural sugars
Fruit
Meat above homepathic doses (or the vegans haven't got around to making another 'rotting flesh' post yet)
Drinks that aren't water
Salt in all its lovely, tasty forms
Seasonings (unless they're lemon juice as though that replaces sodium chloride in any shape or form)
Any intrinsic fat at all - it's always fat free Greek yoghurt
Quorn (not because it tastes like sad cotton wool unless you spend 45 minutes layering flavours in the pan to make it taste of something, but because it makes them all violently vomit)
Anything cooked in an airfryer automatically transforms into beige and any approved vegetables (there aren't many) instantly vanish so you can only be using it out of laziness working class mentality to heat up chicken dippers
Dried fruit
Little sausages - UPF filled murder weapons (as though nobody is capable of slicing them lengthways first for small children)
Ditto grapes and cherry tomatoes (both poison sugar choking weapons)


I can't remember them complaining about courgettes, cucumber or cabbage, though.
Sweetcorn, you forgot that, little sugar bags apparently, and of course cereal which is tit in a box.
 
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I’ve eaten tit loads today, so much that I can’t even remember all of it, but you know those days when you are just hangry all the time
The teeny tinies would be clutching their pearls, but zero fucks given here. 🤣
 
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You also forgot hotel breakfasts that cost 31 euros, see current thread on Chat. Poster is beside herself that a 5-star hotel is charging 31 euros for breakfast. If I were not banned I’d post on there that I am full for the whole week just from looking at a menu, and it’s free to look, and does she really need food every morning, with a tilt of my tête.
 
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Anyone else seen MNHQ responses on the vegan/pearls thread? What a load of absolute waffle

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That's bleeping disgraceful!

Why pick on camelids?

There are plenty of other ungulates out there, but no - it has to be camelids. Is it just because they spit?

FRENCH men spit. A LOT! But they're swarve and Fronche, so they get a free pass, I suppose. :mad:
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I’m big, and when I was in Austria recently people just seemed to assume I was German so I don’t think obesity is just a British issue :rolleyes: That and practically every gift shop sold stress balls shaped like fat German women in dirndls. I do kind-of regret not buying one but they were something stupid like 15 Euros so I bought chocolate instead :p
A wise decision.

I would have done the same.
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Edited because by some witchery I managed to post part of this twice.
 
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@TheDragonWithAFlagon

I tend to avoid the food-related threads on MN. However, I am interested to know the hive-mind status on horseradish and jalapenos. Good? Bad?

If I were a betting woman (I am!), I'd be inclined to put my money on: 'Bad'.
 
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Have we ever discussed the French male habit of pissing at the side of the road? Good because they're French, bad because they're male, really disgusting because no one French ever wees????
 
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Have we ever discussed the French male habit of pissing at the side of the road? Good because they're French, bad because they're male, really disgusting because no one French ever wees????
They are a right load of old soap-dodgers, too. One trip on the metro train while working there was enough for me 🤢

*neveragainonlytodrivethroughtogettoswitzerland
 
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You also forgot hotel breakfasts that cost 31 euros, see current thread on Chat. Poster is beside herself that a 5-star hotel is charging 31 euros for breakfast. If I were not banned I’d post on there that I am full for the whole week just from looking at a menu, and it’s free to look, and does she really need food every morning, with a tilt of my tête.
Yeh I was a bit 🤨 at that one. Presumably the breakfast wouldn’t consisted of a sad, burned slices of mother’s pride with Flora and a cup of weak mellow birds. €31 is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Or maybe with it being Eastern Europe she was expecting to pay in benevolent smiles and her presence alone.

bleep will probably wander off for a “truly local city experience”, find a Starbucks and order a chai latte.
 
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Sorry if already posted but this amused me. It's pure Catherine Tate. ☺
Bloody hell - chai lattes in lunchboxes! “Are you ready to play, Tristan?” “Hang on I need to finish my skinny decaf mocha double espresso latte first - then we can play tag”
 
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