Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

Peaches Geldof was the worst example of attachment parenting ever, particularly when she died. That poor baby boy was on his own, in a separate room, for hours. I know she was ill with an addiction, but she did a good job of making ordinary mothers feel like a bag of shit for not wanting their children with them 24/7, while she was alive.

I had no idea she was even held up as a beacon of attachment parenting, I mean where did that even come from?! Weird what they vilify on there and what they don’t. I said I had a couple of glasses of wine of an evening when my baby was a newborn and I was home alone with him (not breastfed and didn’t even co sleep) and I was basically Myra Hindley and should be locked up and have my baby regifted to a family that would never put him in such mortal peril by drinking WINE whilst in sole charge. Yet Peaches could have a bit of smack and lob her baby out onto the pavement and that’s apparently ok

 

[HotDawg]

That 3 course thread fucked me off so I ate 2 packets of hula hoops and I feel much happier. They’re such a miserable bunch, aren’t they? Joyless in every possible way.
One roast potato?! One????

 

[Doll Parts]

I really want to know some of the many ways a child could be harmed by alcohol in a desert!

Well, it's quite dehydrating.

 

[50degreesnorth]

I’m still thrown when people talk about taking their kids to the pub. No wonder pubs have died a death - who the fuck wants to hang out at a glorified soft play?

 

[bread-pitt]

This man should only date mumsnetters....

“I just feel like you’d be overweight in the future”. I’d reply with “I just feel like you’re going to be single from now on. At least I can buy bigger clothes”.
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I don’t know whether to laugh heartily at this one or put my head in my hands in despair.

I solved that problem by only flying first class. Can’t she just do that? Tilt de tête, rire de tinkle…

 

[sistersofpercy]

There’s a thread currently where I swear they all think we are still on lockdown and bloody loving it. OP is saying she’s trying to work from a home office while the husband tried to entertain a 1 and a 3 year old indoors all day at home and they just climb the walls with the tv blaring. Most of them are siding with the husband!

‘Children that young don’t NEED to go out, can’t they be happy with baking and doing puzzles?’

‘perhaps you’d consider building a shed and working out there if it bothers you? It is their HOME, not your workspace’

‘what is this modern obsession with leaving your house every day. Is it because people have very small homes?’

‘I don’t find baby classes or playgroups enriching at all, it’s just an excuse to socialise and eat biscuits’

Ahh yes. The good old ‘baking with toddlers’ mantra. The reality is it’s probably easier to throw half a bag of flour on the floor, making sure to fully coat both the dog and the child, add a cup of water and some jam for good measure and a large glass of wine (for you, obviously)
Cut to the part where kid and dog are in the bath, all the wine has gone and you’ve still to scrub the jam out of the floor grouting.

Great fun.

 

[Girl#7]

What the hell are they doing? Are they running a cannabis farm?

2 x Leased Cars
2 x Nursery Fees
1 x Massive Mortgage (until Inheritance x 2 arrive)
1 x Not Only Keeping Up With The Jones', But Leading The Jones' Package

Easy done.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

This sounds like a recipe for having the shits every day

 

[bread-pitt]

and “she” has never had a single period. Ever. I wonder why…

 

[sistersofpercy]

Ou est le banque?
The sum total of the French I remember from school, Along with the word oiseau (bird) because it was similar enough to wazzock to amuse me.

Cultured I am not.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Some helpful suggestions made to someone asking how they can make an extra £100 a week

Why is "go on the game" not among the suggestions?
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I do not own Skechers, but that is because I have a very niche and outing hobby. Think running. So all of my trainers cost a six figure salary a pair and are designed for different types of floor.

Casually I wear Adidas Gazelles because that is what I put on my feet as a teenager in the 90's so that is what I put on my feet as a teenager, inside a middle aged woman, in 2024.

And I buy kids ones, because my feet are size French. Unlike the rest of me.

*I have a very niche and outing hobby*

The threads I love are the ones where they complain about the time and money "DH" spends on his hobby. Don't say what it is because it might be "outing". Of course it turns out to be cycling. It's always cycling.

The only way a hobby would be "outing" is if it wasn't bloody cycling, ffs!

 

[Cornima]

The OP reply on the Jimberly thread had me properly laughing. Someone asked why they couldn't honour Grandma instead of grandad given that the baby was a girl. The reply was "unfortunately Grandma ran off with a taxi driver". Really tickled me.

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

Yeah that 25mm extra makes all the difference. You can get at least another 3 green beans on that plate.
The silly cunt does know you don't have to fill the plate up to the edges, doesn't she?

She should do if she's a teeny tiny, wouldn't she just place a dainty dab of blended green salad in the centre for her evening meal? In fact, wouldn't a bigger plate make it look smaller and therefore be ideal?

 

[bread-pitt]

At a hotel in Las Vegas right now for a few days doing our very outing hobby. In the lobby bar last night, a group of people (think males from the UK) were talking and laughing. Nothing crazy. No strippers, they were not drunk, they were not loud. I was wondering if their wives are MNers posting “AIBU to be fummmming that my DH has gone to Las Vegas with his Dfriends and left me home alone with our 217-month old. I go for a spa day every week and go away “with the Dgirls” every month. But I need that because I work so hard. How dare he have fun with his Dfriends once in his lifetime”.

Replies along the lines of “LTB! He is spending time with strippers and hookers instead of time with you and your DC!” And “America! Why did he go there? Doesn’t know they have guns? What if he needs an abortion?”
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I thought BoE didn't issue them but BoS did?

Please tell me if I'm wrong

According to Google, Scotland and jersey issue 100-pound notes. Maybe the OP is in Jersey.

 

[camotea]

Last day of my AI holiday. Thoughts & prayers I can get into my flying comfies after eating pastries for breakfast everyday. On topic - husband and I spent a few drunken evenings gazing at exotic fauna and talking about what we should have done at uni instead of humanities. In my parallel universe I'd be making six figures in the fishing industry off the back of Atlantic sardines. Or hunched over a desk in a sack dress studying turkey vultures, making sixpence but happy.

Relevant: Quebecois are the rudest people I've ever seen! And majorly sized North American. Stick it MN

 

[50degreesnorth]

It sounds like an alcoholic drink being pitched on dragons den. You’ve heard of Bacardi breezer, you’ve heard of wkd, now get ready for indi blu.

I thought it was the new generation of wall adhesives. Forget posters of Pikachu, we use Indi Blu to adhere educational posters from the natural history museum to the walls. Doesn’t leave marks on the Farrow & Ball “Pretentious Buffoon”.

 

[girlinbrum]

Worried about this boy who seems to be haunted by the spirit of a mumsnetter

 

[Samf2020]

I bought a salad for lunch and was shocked to see what was basically a plastic bowl of lettuce was classed as 2 servings.
Made me wonder if this is the fabled MN massive salad.

 

[Iamonlyhereforthetea]

For a start they would have had to open their door to go out and clap and we know how much the thought of that horrifies them

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Thank goodness no pic, just the usual insecure fuckwit who thinks she’s the only woman in the world to have a hairy ring. Because frankly that’s not something you often see on display but nonetheless… I can’t comprehend their myriad of insecurities- simply endless.

But how does she know she has a hairy arsehole? Has she been sitting around with her hand down the back of her grundies yanking about her hole looking for hairs? Or has she worse still, got the old iphone out and squatted over it and had a look that way? (Let's take a moment to pray for the AI that scans all the photos that go into the cloud checking for illegal acts having to process that nightmare)

I spend an awful lot of time alone and I have lots of time to think about stuff that normal people wouldn't, but even I have never contemplated if my chocolate starfish is hairy. Even when I was young and beautiful, I never gave my undercarriage a 2nd thought! I just thought that if a bloke got within spitting distance of it he would be delighted.
*wanders off shaking head and muttering *