Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[CrimsonCountess]

I mean if you’re that bothered bang a bit of veet on your hoop and grow up.

God I can't even imagine how much that would hurt. I accidentally got some on my flaps once and couldn't sit down for a month

 

[CrimsonCountess]

I'd be a rich woman if I didn't know what Home Bargains was. I swear I go in for bleach (not for my arsehole) and come out with about £30s worth of "stuff".

I like that when we talk about bleach we now have to clarify that it’s not in fact for our arseholes

 

[Stanni]

Aiming for classics??

 

[50degreesnorth]

Do you think the MN mods ever read here and nod along?
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Definitely not! The mods are an army of middle-class try-hard full-time mummies who actually believe they’re working. I’m sure you’ve all come across the type in the baby years - desperately insecure and seeking validation that they are the best mummy ever and can’t bear to be parted from their PFB for a slash.

Meanwhile their husbands are up to their nuts in guts every Thursday night because he’s sick of her dragging out the fourth trimester in elasticated waistbands 2 years later and he really doesn’t want another monologue about how French people do baby led weaning or how she’s signed a petition to boycott nestle.

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

These debates on MN are pointless. Weight loss and gain is so complex and people’s body chemistry will vary. It’s not something that will ever be resolved, it’s got so much emotion behind it, and people are utterly incapable on there of grasping that other people’s bodies might different to their own in how they work. People fall into anecdata (and let’s face it fatphobia) every time this comes up, it upsets and frustrates people, and very few people ever change their view.

Speaking as someone who genuinely can eat very little and remain overweight - I wish I knew what the answer is but eat less move more sadly doesn’t do it for me. But I’m not about to start debating it online and be told I’m an idiot who doesn’t really know what I eat.

 

[50degreesnorth]

“Have you seen my passport DH? The flight is in an hour”.

him: “where the fuck are you going?”

MN-er “*tut* I’m doing pasta for dinner so I’m off to Milan to hit up the supermarkets. It’s the only way. “

 

[Miss Begotten]

In a desperate attempt to assimilate on MN, I have drawn up a wee shopping list. Will this cut it?

• Veet (for the arsehole)
• Spray Starch (for the ironing)
• One chicken breast+shoulder (4x4 adult meals)
• Ten cubes of Gruyère (PFB's school lunch x 5)

I desperately, desperately hope so. <claps hands in delight>

Disclaimer: I will, naturally, add a couple of litres of vodka and Doritos to the list, but I won't tell the vipers that!

Have you calculated how many calories you will be absorbing through your arsehole from the Veet? No roast potatoes for you this year.

 

[Serene Serena]

According to one poster Pot Noodles are for the lower classes

Middle class pot noodles are Japanese rice noodles in miso soup.

Just not the same as a Bombay Bad Boy.

 

[PinkFigs]

This screenshot of a post sums up the prissiness and wannabe middle class-ness of the typical MN poster.
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‘Casual trainers’

 

[BackOnTheJaneGang]

What do you think they’re most disgusted by? The vegas wedding or the Scottish husband? I’ll go with a 50/50 split.

Someone posted a few years ago about something to do with their kids and someone asked why they weren’t at school and someone said maybe they’re Scottish because the school holidays were different and the person who asked why the kids at school replied ‘that doesn’t count’…

I think because a Scottish guy marrying an American in the tackiest city ever is probably a MN trifecta. We wouldn’t even need to mention my wedding outfit.

 

[PeekABooToYou]

I’m enjoying the “cringing about COVID” thread. The sanctimonious bitches! Most of them saying they didn’t join in any of the clapping, ignored all the “rooolz”, didn’t like Captain Tom, went on 25 walks an hour, because “I knew it was all unnecessary”. If I had more time on my hands I’d do a few advanced searches to see what they were saying at the time. Guaranteed they were full paid-up members of the shopping washers and are still eating their way through a million boxes of noodles.

Absolutely! The ones accusing anyone of being murderous for accidentally walking up the supermarket aisle the “wrong” direction My neighbour across the road road used to be seen taking delivery of her (copious amount of) takeaways by wearing her oven gloves, face mask and a shower cap Absolute roaster!

Speaking of Covid, I work in a niche but outing health sector (think occupational health) and the calls we used to get blew my mind. One woman called up at the height of the first wave asking if it was okay to sleep in a bed that someone slept in 5 days before but who’d had Covid (here’s an idea….if you’re that concerned then use a couple of brain cells and change the fucking sheets instead of wasting my time ) Clearly not a MNer as their sheets would’ve been changed every 2nd day pre-Covid!

 

[dressinggownofdoom]

They're obsessed with their husband/partner's phones over there.

I know my partner's pin and he knows mine. We leave our phones lying around all the time. If his work phones beeps when he's in another room, I might glance at it in case it's anything urgent (he works for himself so the phone constantly beeps) but otherwise I'm not bothered and I doubt he's ever looked at mine either, though I couldn't care less if he does.

my fellas passcode is 123456 I mean we aren’t married though so it’s not a proper relationship. Well we have 2 kids and have been together 15 years but it doesn’t count if you’re not married.

 

[Sunlifeover50]

WhoppingBigBackside · Today 15:35
Why couldn't you have a mahoosive salad like a normal Mner?

People have lost sight of a mahoosive salad - they add two lettuce leaves instead of one and cause terrible crunching noises in the office.

go on which one of you wrote this

 

[Serene Serena]

I always wonder if a lot of those are made up tbh. They always seem to encourage the pom pom waving cheerleaders who like to scream LTB, keep your powder dry, hire a private detective, put an air tag in his car, see a solicitor for a free half hour so you can get your share, assemble your waterfowl in a linear fashion etc etc

They really love a multi-thread about a break up too, so they can come up with a "funny" name for the ex to be and be entertained by outlandish situations happening and culminating in the ex getting his just desserts. Or am I too cynical?

There's one on there at the moment with cheerleaders assembled at the ready. OP is not going to tell DH she knows he is cheating because they are away for the weekend celebrating one of the DC's birthdays and she doesn't want to spoil it. Considering she's updating the thread really frequently (assuming they really are on a weekend break) then her husband probably thinks she's also having an affair, because she's constantly typing on her phone.

I don't understand how people have the time free to run these saga threads, not when they claim to have children as well. When do they have time to batch cook and shop for sister wife dresses?

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Someone has asked for suggestions for a good quality bag. Of course flying to Italy to look is the obvious answer...

 

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

This is … interesting

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Today we've got 'is this stringy discharge normal' and 'is this picture ovulation discharge or early pregnancy'. We've also got 'does this look like a tapeworm in my childs poo'

For once I haven't clicked on any of them

 

[PrincessCharming]

Loitering in the park on a Friday night with a box of cherry liquer chocolates is how I spent my youth

I got refused a box of those one at M&S because it was before 10am (Scotland)!

 

[Girl#7]

I’m fat. Seriously.

I dieted for 45 years, exercised, sometimes ran, swam, all sorts. Still never got thin.

It is my choice to no longer punish myself for existing in a larger body. I stopped dieting some years ago and I thank god I did. No more disordered eating. No more fucking cauliflower base ‘pizza’.

And those sanctimonious bitches can FOTTFSOFATFOSM

No more fucking cauliflower base ‘pizza’.

Has to be a contender for the next thread title.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

They’ll be regretting that when they get to the vag and arsehole pictures

Imagine that researcher turning up on their doorstep asking to have a butchers at their clunge and comparing it to a screenshot on MN