Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[bread-pitt]

Same, I’d rather he was shagging 4 hookers at once than the truth be that he’s terrified of a flickering light.

He was only getting his dicks in a row.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I really want to know some of the many ways a child could be harmed by alcohol in a desert!

There's nothing worse than seeing a 4 year old mainlining the sherry trifle

 

[nobotoxta]

I've just read the cleaner living in a tent thread. They're all more concerned about how much they pay their cleaners than this poor woman with no home! Or reporting her for being an 'illegal'. Incredible!

 

[Geetbo]

I would LTB because that would give me the absolute ick if he was telling the truth. Have a fucking word with yourself, ya bellend. Fucking ghosts.

Same, I’d rather he was shagging 4 hookers at once than the truth be that he’s terrified of a flickering light.

 

[holasun]

The dangerous packed lunch thread and a poster pulling apart the contents of the packed lunch and suggesting instead of a babybel they have '2/3 cubes of gruyere.' Peak mumsnet!

I just came on to say about this one!!

Good grief.
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Also there was a comment that the only things "not processed" were the apple and butter. Do they think butter comes out of the cow as is - like a solid lump out of a special butter udder?
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*And I add that they said processed not ultra-processed.
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Also annoyed at all the fake facts about allergies being thrown around in that thread. Gems of fakeness include:
- Milk allergies are not as severe as peanut allergies
- Airborne nut allergies are actually a myth

 

[Amoo]

Found an escaped MNer.

 

[PinkFigs]

I know the first rule of MN is that on any thread about a famous person, by the end of the first page someone must comment ‘Who? Never heard of them’ in order to signal how highbrow and clever they are, but I find it impossible to believe there are multiple people on MN, and therefore regularly accessing the internet, who have never heard of Taylor Swift.

There was a thread quite recently about which celebrities people were upset about when they died. A few posted that they would never be upset about something as trivial as a celebrity died and then say ‘however I was very upset when (insert obscure classical violinist or scientist) died.’

 

[bread-pitt]

you sound hard work

What is this “hard work” you speak of? I’m a size Walmart American. I wouldn’t know hard work if I fell over it. We are just fat and lazy.

 

[orangehead]

No….. nurse, married to a doctor though. I started nursing before you needed a degree.

You do realise you’re a victim of the patriarchy don’t you? *head tilt*

 

[CrimsonCountess]

I'm not pregnant and am also eating for three

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Which one of you posted this on the 'is it a lot to eat' thread

 

[EleanorAbernathy]

Just leaving this here....

 

[BackOnTheJaneGang]

If you consummated the marriage we will need to inform every dcoroner in the land that women dying from exploded heads or clutching their pearls too tightly are just mners who have found out about your life

MNers idea of an American breakfast. Which is wrong.
Everyone knows the breakfast gun goes on the left.

 

[BackOnTheJaneGang]

We had not just a Vegas wedding, but got married at The Tunnel of Love (drive-thru), with the taxi driver as one of the witnesses. My Scottish husband’s choice. I think just heard a MNer keeling over in disgust.

 

[orangehead]

Mumsnetters really reveal their lack of morals on so many threads. Yeah people eating too much, drinking too much, smoking, taking drugs, having children, surfing, wearing heels, doing DIY, sunbathing, running, driving cars, EVERYTHING costs the nhs money. So if there’s a woman who has six kids, is five stone over weight, sunbathes every day and wears heels and she falls over and breaks her ankle do I want MY TAX MONEY going to fix her ankle? Yes! Please fix her ankle! Why is that even a question!

They show themselves up on threads about free school meals, kids getting TAs, fat people, people who smoke, alcoholics, disabled people - everywhere really! I would rather a few ‘scroungers’ get away with claiming benefits when they really should be working/working more/not getting any help, than a disabled person suffers or a child suffers or someone goes without something they need.

We are supposed to be a society which is really just a big family, which when you look at it like that makes a lot of sense why MNers hate society, they’ve gone NC with us

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

There's this woman who comes up on instagram reels who always does a full deep clean of hotel rooms, using a a massive cleaning kit she's packed - including mopping the bathroom. She even puts her own sheets on the bed! In fairness to her the cloths do come away filthy so I suppose the clean was needed, but I would rather live in blissful ignorance and just get my cossie on and have a drink instead of cleaning!

 

[Yesweknowyouhavekids]

Yeah you just go right ahead and call your baby custard ffs
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Yeah you just go right ahead and call your baby custard ffs

 

[cat_follower]

Made the mistake of searching ‘how much weight did you put on when pregnant’ there the other day and was treated to many, many teeny tinies who put exactly 10lb on and fit into their normal clothes 3 seconds after giving birth. My favourite was the one who genuinely couldn’t comprehend anyone putting on more than a few pounds. I put on a decidedly un-French 5 stone (basically a whole mumsnetter!) with both pregnancies because my babies they crave the biscuits and the pizzas and my body it hates the exercise 🫠

 

[Sunlifeover50]

The allotment thread seems to have died a death, although there are a few posters still begging for updates. Someone needs to start another thread about a neighbourhood dispute with a cast of characters. I'm looking forward to summer when the weed smoking, hot tub using, smoky barbecue holding, noisy party hosting neighbours come out to play.

Hot tub??? Don’t you mean sex pond

 

[bread-pitt]

The annual “how many people can a chicken feed?” contest has started. On page one we have an early contender for the win with a family of 7 getting two full meals out of a chicken.

There is also mention of chicken shoulders being “substantial”. I didn’t even know chickens had shoulders.