Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[Serene Serena]

And go NC with everyone you know.

And post identifying details about your SIL (we’ll call her E) and your stepmum (we’ll call her R) who have both shagged your DH and your Brookside fuckbuddy @NoddyFromToytown

 

[GBNI]

Accidental dick pic is a weird thread - though I'm pretty sure it's made up. I just hope it's not a pervert looking for similar stories about underage teens and their experience of sexual exposure.

I thought it was a weird one too with a lot of unnecessary detail thrown in to make it seem more credible.

 

[PrincessCharming]

I remember going out for our first meal out without my newborn daughter and the waiter taking past all the empty seats to sit with a family of kids, and we were both like "no way, we didn't leave our kid at home to hang out with other people's annoying kids." Also remember saving lots to stay at a fancy spa that was like a stately home, get down for dinner and it was just annoying kids

I’ve done exactly the same thing. We weren’t paying a babysitter to go sit next to other people’s kids.

My brother and his family and me and mine all went out one Hogmanay for a meal, kids ranged between 1 and 12 years. A couple next to us moved…I didn’t think anything of it.

 

[HotDawg]

Nothing wrong with the OP but a number of people are agreeing with the OP and ironically, I’ve clocked a couple of them as being really nasty pieces of work. No ability to see themselves at all, do they?!

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Oi! Fit's wrang wi Aiberdeen?! Been eddicating fine loons sin 1495 an braw quinies sin 1894. UK Top 20 an World Top 100 yoonie bit nae ane o thon Russell Group jessies.

I'm telling my boyfriend on you (Aberdeen)

 

[VC10]

I must admit I ate far too much curry last night. I wish I could say I don't regret it, but I really really do...

I always eat too much curry when we have one. Omg if I lived in the east , I would end up 30 stone

 

[BWinter]

I see our favourite poster who monopolises all the TV threads is at it again, chastising someone who accidentally put a spoiler on a thread. That poster immediately apologised as it was a genuine mistake apparently and got it removed but that wasn’t enough

Someone has actually called out her rudeness for once and said she makes the threads very unfriendly to post on which I agree with

Ooooh which thread? She’s told me off for something utterly trivial and innocuous before so I’d like to see her get told off for a change!

 

[Nighttime Freedom]

I see our favourite poster who monopolises all the TV threads is at it again, chastising someone who accidentally put a spoiler on a thread. That poster immediately apologised as it was a genuine mistake apparently and got it removed but that wasn’t enough

Someone has actually called out her rudeness for once and said she makes the threads very unfriendly to post on which I agree with

Is it the one who never proof reads her posts making them practically illegible! Its like solving a riddle sometimes.

Then there's the ones who will miss some blatantly obviously part of the plot, or misinterpret obvious things.
I think sometimes people post more than they actually watch the programme.

 

[doctordoctor]

It's ok @doctordoctor will do your ironing for you

Yep! Send it over!

 

[Brandshinynew]

The closest I get to ironing is running my GHDs over the front of my clothes, and I begrudge even that

I just put stuff in the dryer on high heat.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Do you think they'd let me back on MN if they realised I'm a double graduate from a Russell Group (BSc and MRes) and currently about to start a PhD... although I spent almost all my free time at uni visiting my friends at home (was only 30 mins down the road and used to hide in the toilet to avoid the train fare) as the people I got lumped in with were absolute stuck up knobs (they're probably all on MN as we speak!). The only friends I made at uni were actually ones who went to the poly in the same city...

 

[HelenDamnation]

The research and practices, and even the fashions change from year to year, One of my DILs gave the other her big posh baby book, which I had a flick through one night. Blimey. So different from my (hopefully) benign hippy neglect… they survived, anyway.
But one of them has a nanny from Eastern Europe, and there are ultra rigid routines and timetables that no one dares interfere with. No matter what's in the Book.

 

[sistersofpercy]

They’re actually lovely! Dates stuffed with nuts and sealed back up with chocolate are really nice too. I do love frozen grapes as well though I’m not size Japanese or size French though (maybe both put together ) so that’s not diet advice!
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Wasn’t it proven they made up the puddle/alphabet street threads? I’m sure I read that on the Mumsnet subreddit.

The Alphabet street poster cocked up and used the name she used for Alphabet on the puddles thread. She tried to push past it, but by that point it was extremely obvious both threads were total fiction. MNet let it run for a few days, probably in the hope it would blow over and they would continue to get clicks from it, but eventually both threads were pulled.

 

[notanotherusername92]

What are we supposed to wear? Pretty sure most women are wearing heels to make themselves feel good and not for the titillation of men

I have those leg muscles where everyone keeps stopping me and telling me I have marks on my legs when I wear heels . Good job I hate the fuckers and can’t walk in them anyway. Only wore them as a teen to please my mother who thinks “a little heel” is classy.

I own three pairs of shoes- nike’s, Haviana’s, and DM’s. Sorted for all occasions

 

[GBNI]

Ours was £7k a few years ago, I fucking loved it and it was worth every penny. But we did have a barn reception and a BBQ and I know most mumsnetters come out in hives at the mere thought of that kind of wedding. Oh and my bridesmaids wore black dresses

Mine was a bbq too! No bridesmaids and childfree. MN would have kittens.

 

[Blurp]

The fatty haters are out in force on this one
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My first boyfriend at uni could eat double that at least and remain wiry with no fat at all (used to be a competitive swimmer). He gobsmacked the staff at his RAF basic training by putting weight ON while everyone else was losing it dramatically; he had no fat to lose but increased his muscle and hence his weight. The amount that he ate while being relatively inactive (a squash game every so often was about the most he did in the way of sports).

Most people know someone like that. On the other hand, I was constantly being nagged about my weight whenever I had my routine Navy medicals. I'm a good stocky build and they only shut up about my weight when I turned up straight from the gym in t-shirt and cycle shorts and they could see that it was muscle rather than fat. Of course, now I'm not doing aerobics and gym several times a week, it's just plain fat.

It's not that simple, you lying eejits!
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To be fair, about 10 years ago, we wanted to get my dad to stop driving as he had developed Alzheimer's, and, every time he came back from an errand, the car had a new dent to add to the collection.

While googling for help on what to do, The likes of Age Concern were of little use as they were 100% "DON'T LET YOUR BASTARD FAMILY TAKE AWAY YOUR CAR!"

We eventually got dad assessed and he failed on 7 major points, 5 of which were bad enough for me to spot and I've never had a driving lesson in my life.

My dad and I were so concerned about his sister's driving that we were debating who to talk to about taking her licence away when she has an accident and the procurator fiscal made it a choice between stopping driving or being prosecuted for careless/dangerous driving and losing her licence anyway.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

You can't go back to MN, we won't let you. 38 is young for peri, but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll need to part ex your noddy car for a juggernaut just yet. Enjoy MacBeth! The local theatre here shows plays direct from the RSC as well and I bloody love it, it only costs a fiver and there's a bar too.

I've paid £21.99 and there's no alcohol! Might just have to get a hot dog, and a popcorn, and a Tango ice blast... after all it's all downhill from here right to be fair I'm about to be put on the waiting list for a hysterectomy anyway due to my endometriosis so knowing that it would be coming soon regardless isn't the end of the world...

 

[Girl#7]

I’d be so dry I’d have biltong flaps

Had to Google 'biltong' before I could award you a appreciation smiley!

 

[DollyPlops]

I’m a bit gutted about allotment woman not coming back. I wanted to see the same fantasy attention to detail as Alphabet St and Rainy Puddles.

 

[Sunlifeover50]

I'm glad they've had the sense to delete at least one pro ana thread, they don't usually. If someone of 5ft 4 weighs 7 stone then they aren't a healthy weight. I hope it was a troll thread and there isn't some kid out there with an eating disorder, seeking validation.

yep good point