Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[Serene Serena]

I have heard of Taylor swift but I'm honestly not sure if I could name or recognise one of her songs! Am I an actual dMnetter?

The only Taylor Swift song I am familiar with is Style, because it's supposed to be about Harry Styles. I also misheard the lyrics and thought she said 'he's taking off his clothes' and thought ooh, that's a bit raunchy. Turns out he's taking off his coat though, and not getting naked. #disappointed

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Yeah, of course, that's absolutely the proper and humane thing to do.

But, errmm, wouldn't that involve leaving the house and, ermmm, engaging with someone to whom I am not related??

Disclaimer: I'm NC with 95% of those with whom I'm related.

But, errmm, wouldn't that involve leaving the house and, ermmm, engaging with someone to whom I am not related??

How thoughtless of me.

Should have suggested that you pack up your entire household (avec pets) hand him the keys, wish him well and LTB.

You can move in with one of the 5% of your blood relatives that you are still on resentful arguing terms with.

 

[Girl#7]

What’s wrong with Skechers? I love Skechers. They are very comfortable. I even have Skechers walking boots.

Oh god. I’m middle aged. I probably have dementia. I’m sobbing and shaking now.

I hear ya.

Young folks mostly envy our middle-aged freedom, wealth, confidence in who we are.

I'd find myself pretty heartless to not allow them to find our Skechers pretty sketchy, albeit the most comfortable footwear known to woman.

 

[anniemouse]

We've moved on from fatties bringing the DNHS to its knees. It's now women wearing heels that costs them millions
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What are we supposed to wear? Pretty sure most women are wearing heels to make themselves feel good and not for the titillation of men

 

[Blurp]

I was lucky enough to fly first class twice and I ate and drank everything that came my way. More champagne, madam? Yes, in fact, just leave the bottle.

I once flew Concorde. Sadly I was under 18 and obviously so (15 I think) so no champagne.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Feel a bit sad that mama noddy never once baked with me, although even at 65 she’s still size French and the only person who’s ever called me fat!

I need to go back to DVegas very soon

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

They’re on their way. Shall I start thread 2 #dinosaurCFchild in anticipation of a call for classics?

Yes, and tell us you've been asked to prepare a report so we can draft it for you.

 

[hmmm_no]

I hear ya.

Young folks mostly envy our middle-aged freedom, wealth, confidence in who we are.

I'd find myself pretty heartless to not allow them to find our Skechers pretty sketchy, albeit the most comfortable footwear known to woman.

Skechers are nice but Hokas... omg. So spendy but so worth it.

 

[MustardCactus]

My favourite weight one recently was the ‘if you’re 5ft 3 how much do you weigh’ thread with dozens of posters tripping over themselves to exclaim that they were GROSSLY DISGUSTINGLY OBESE and wearing a size 16 at 10st and had to lose 3 stone to look remotely acceptable again

 

[mindlessness]

It's been at least a week since we had a 'what makes you middle class' thread. I love those, especially the posters who use it as an invitation to brag about their house and decor and garden and bean to cup coffee machine and privately educated gifted and talented Tobias and Araminta and the ponies and the dogs and the piano lessons and the tennis court and their 6 figure earning DH and their annual summer holiday to France and winter break skiing in Austria.

I read a book recently, called Magpie by Elizabeth Day, about infertility and surrogacy (I enjoyed it but the reviews are terrible) and Mumsnet featured strongly.

Elizabeth has some Mumsnet tendencies on her social media and podcast (she's a frequently discussed character on the Literary Luvvies threads here on tattle). So I imagine she didn't need to dig deep to write the Mumsnet like characters

 

[bread-pitt]

You can't go back to MN, we won't let you. 38 is young for peri, but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll need to part ex your noddy car for a juggernaut just yet. Enjoy MacBeth! The local theatre here shows plays direct from the RSC as well and I bloody love it, it only costs a fiver and there's a bar too.

A bar? With….(whispers)….alcohol? Won’t someone think of the coroner?

 

[ChampagneBox]

Worried about this boy who seems to be haunted by the spirit of a mumsnetter

Nothing he said is even a lie though

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

It's been at least a week since we had a 'what makes you middle class' thread. I love those, especially the posters who use it as an invitation to brag about their house and decor and garden and bean to cup coffee machine and privately educated gifted and talented Tobias and Araminta and the ponies and the dogs and the piano lessons and the tennis court and their 6 figure earning DH and their annual summer holiday to France and winter break skiing in Austria.

I read a book recently, called Magpie by Elizabeth Day, about infertility and surrogacy (I enjoyed it but the reviews are terrible) and Mumsnet featured strongly.

I read a book recently, called Magpie by Elizabeth Day, about infertility and surrogacy (I enjoyed it but the reviews are terrible) and Mumsnet featured strongly.

I also read this book a few weeks ago*. I also thought it was excellent.

*Actually I didn't read it - I listened to it on audible like a normal person because I am not a barbarian.
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First reply -

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As usual, first poster nails it . . . .

 

[PJ Cat]

I’m breastfeeding at the moment and have transformed into a swarm of locusts disguised in a highly challenging human figure I’ve moved a box of snacks into my bedroom so I can eat something before I even go downstairs to eat my weight in breakfasts. My apologies to the dNHS!

I did this when I was on steroids during chemo, I was starving every 20 minutes, there was more food in the bedroom than the kitchen most days.

 

[orangehead]

That means she only has sex on bin day.

Because she’s having an affair with a bin man (maybe the whole crew) and is pretending she’s gay and cheating with her female friend so he’ll never suspect. Such a good cover

 

[girlinbrum]

This sounds amazing! I’d love a holiday like this….tell me ALL your booking secrets because I find it so frustrating scouring the web for deals!!

My technique is pretty much:
Skyscanner
Expedia
Wanderlog
Join Facebook Groups for the cities I'm visiting to pick up tips and find local firms for tours and taxis
Watch YouTube videos for hidden secrets of places to visit

I have found with MN they love British Airways and firms like G Adventures etc. They have detailed spreadsheets and the magic of most places is often just going for a wander and finding adventures you didn't know.

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

I wore Skechers when they were new on the market and quite cool. I didn’t realise for ages they had shifted and they don’t look that different now to me. Mind you, I own not one but two pairs of Hotter shoes.

 

[Girl#7]

Same! Although compared to some of the footwear suggested on the MN thread I posted about earlier, Skechers looked some of the better options

I feel you being drawn to the darkside.

 

[PinkFigs]

There’s a thread on the style & beauty board called ‘trainer esque shoes that are not trainers’ and most of the suggestions on there are so shit! Almost straight away someone suggested fucking Skechers.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I need to move away from the plane chat to ask about the sex hat thread. I mean, what? What texture is her hair if it gets matted during sex? I have a lot of questions but I’m not sure I want any answered.

I'll say this VERY quietly but I actually know what she means my hair is incredibly frizzy/curly (almost Afro despite being from a family of Scottish farmers/Essex butchers -I have questions) and it gets tamed once a week by the hairdresser, but if there's every any action it does get totally messed up, tangled and matted (and we're talking just your average MN lights off missionary session even). Mind you at this moment in time I'd trade the need for a sex hat for a lifetime of celibacy!