Mumsnet #2

[Lady_H]

Moving anyone in quickly is just really unwise where there are children involved. It may work out, it may be fantastic, but it equally may not. You just have no idea because you don’t know the person.

My friend who is a lesbian moved in with her partner and the partner’s 7 year old daughter after 3 months. Nothing terrible happened in the relationship, and there is no abuse, but two years down the road she realised she doesn’t really like the girlfriend, is miserable and wants to leave. The daughter is now of course very attached to her and is dealing with the breakup very badly indeed. It is (and was at the time) mind boggling to me that the two of them didn’t take the child’s feelings into consideration when they decided that they were “in love” and “meant to be” so “what’s the point in waiting”.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

It’s unfair and foolish to live with a new partner before you truly ‘know’ them

I agree with this, but can any of us ever truly know our partners or predict that they’ll turn abusive? There are women who’ve been happily and safely married decades that suddenly find themselves victims of domestic abuse because xyz has changed and partner is now a very different person, it feels like criticism more easily thrown at women who aren’t married as part of the whole anti single mum schtick. Not saying you’re doing that here but it’s not just strangers who can turn around and do horrible things.

 

[Gemgemgemgem]

I agree with this, but can any of us ever truly know our partners or predict that they’ll turn abusive? There are women who’ve been happily and safely married decades that suddenly find themselves victims of domestic abuse because xyz has changed and partner is now a very different person, it feels like criticism more easily thrown at women who aren’t married as part of the whole anti single mum schtick. Not saying you’re doing that here but it’s not just strangers who can turn around and do horrible things.

that’s why I’d put ‘know’ in inverted commas!
but taking the time to get to ‘know’ someone before moving in together is different than moving in with someone in haste (see pp comment about her lesbian friend). There’s no rush hey!

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

I read a thread yesterday about people needing to stop letting strangers live with their children which turned into a dig about single mums who apparently have low standards, are gross for allowing a man to stay overnight in their child’s home and of course plenty of indulging in their favourite hobby - man bashing. A lot implied that every man is an abuser.

This was all based on what had happened to Arthur Labinjo-Hughes.

I do think some people have weird boundaries when it comes to kids and new partners. Many men seem to think a new girlfriend should take on the role of step mum straight away just because she's female. Many women seem to move random blokes in after 5 mins when they don't know the guy from Adam.

I had a friend who had a new boyfriend like weeks after her separation and straight away they were sleeping over, her young kids were getting into bed with her and the new man, he even helped with potty training. This was some guy she met on the internet!

I think most people know you really need to have well vetted a new partner before letting them spend intermet and alone time with kids. But some people don't seem to get that.

 

[hkbss]

I do think some people have weird boundaries when it comes to kids and new partners. Many men seem to think a new girlfriend should take on the role of step mum straight away just because she's female. Many women seem to move random blokes in after 5 mins when they don't know the guy from Adam.

I had a friend who had a new boyfriend like weeks after her separation and straight away they were sleeping over, her young kids were getting into bed with her and the new man, he even helped with potty training. This was some guy she met on the internet!

I think most people know you really need to have well vetted a new partner before letting them spend intermet and alone time with kids. But some people don't seem to get that.

Not to be too critical to your friend but gosh what poor judgment.

I remember as a teenager still trying to process my parents’ divorce and my mum having a new boyfriend regularly. She could never understand why we weren’t thrilled to meet these men and be forced to play happy families with them. She of course married one guy with 3 kids which was a whollleee big mess when the inevitable break up after less than two years of marriage happened. It was tragic to witness and so predictable. I still resent her for it years after her death and tbh feel repulsed by her desperation to not be alone and disregard the feelings of two devastated teens.
Have a relationship by all means, but why do your children need to be involved unless it’s an established and serious one?

Not to be too critical to your friend but gosh what poor judgment.

I remember as a teenager still trying to process my parents’ divorce and my mum having a new boyfriend regularly. She could never understand why we weren’t thrilled to meet these men and be forced to play happy families with them. She of course married one guy with 3 kids which was a whollleee big mess when the inevitable break up after less than two years of marriage happened. It was tragic to witness and so predictable. I still resent her for it years after her death and tbh feel repulsed by her desperation to not be alone and disregard the feelings of two devastated teens.
Have a relationship by all means, but why do your children need to be involved unless it’s an established and serious one?

Quite the I’ve gone on rant there. Sorry all!

 

[Lady_H]

Not to be too critical to your friend but gosh what poor judgment.

I remember as a teenager still trying to process my parents’ divorce and my mum having a new boyfriend regularly. She could never understand why we weren’t thrilled to meet these men and be forced to play happy families with them. She of course married one guy with 3 kids which was a whollleee big mess when the inevitable break up after less than two years of marriage happened. It was tragic to witness and so predictable. I still resent her for it years after her death and tbh feel repulsed by her desperation to not be alone and disregard the feelings of two devastated teens.
Have a relationship by all means, but why do your children need to be involved unless it’s an established and serious one?



Quite the I’ve gone on rant there. Sorry all!

Nothing to be sorry about. It’s a truly awful situation to be put in by your mum at that age.
The well-being of children should always come first, particularly in a breakup situation - they come before loneliness or desire for a partner or desire for sex or anything else. The parents needs are secondary to making sure that children are safe, have reliable routines and are as happy as they possible can be given a difficult situation. If you want to date, find a way to do it that doesn’t compromise the kids in any way.

 

[Stillwater]

My husband ended up with the archetypal evil step mother after his own mother
died when he was a young teen. Absorbing the facts of this soul destroying murder makes me wonder what would have happened if he had been younger. He was neglected, certainly as a 13 year old, and his useless twit of a father stood by and watched, would there have been more, worse had he not been able to stand up for himself. My husband is very unsettled at the moment.

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

Some men definitely take for granted that the new wife will step in as mum, without considering the fact many women don't actually like other people's kids and will find the child no more than an inconvenience.

Obviously what happened to Arthur is the extreme end of the spectrum, but they'll be lots of kids subjected to mean or indifferent women because she wants a relationship with their father, and their father thinks his partner should play mummy to his kids.

There is a step mum that used to frequent MN. She had to play mum to her step kids and obviously didnt like them. She bought different food for them and went mad when they ate her kids food. But when ever I read her threads I just thought, why isn't the man parenting his kids and leaving it to this woman. Because for a lot of people it's only natural for you to want your kids to have more/better and you'll not want to spend time parenting someone else's kids.

 

[Lechat]

I’m just on the style and beauty section and there’s a thread about boots for a night out. I can’t believe what I’m seeing being recommended. I’m no fashionista but really?! For a night out??

 

[AlanBanan]

It’s very small thing to annoy me why can’t they just write “my husband” or “my daughter” rather than writing stupid acronyms like DH or DD?

I’m just on the style and beauty section and there’s a thread about boots for a night out. I can’t believe what I’m seeing being recommended. I’m no fashionista but really?! For a night out??

They curl up like witch boots, I would cry if forced to wear them

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I’m just on the style and beauty section and there’s a thread about boots for a night out. I can’t believe what I’m seeing being recommended. I’m no fashionista but really?! For a night out??

Nancy from Oliver Twist would have worn these on a night out with Bill

 

[sixdinnersid83]

O

It’s very small thing to annoy me why can’t they just write “my husband” or “my daughter” rather than writing stupid acronyms like DH or DD?


They curl up like witch boots, I would cry if forced to wear them

Or little elves might wear them to help Father Christmas?

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

It’s very small thing to annoy me why can’t they just write “my husband” or “my daughter” rather than writing stupid acronyms like DH or DD?

I'm with you on that! They bloody love their stupid acronyms for everything. DH DD DC DSC DM DF NC LTB MN DSM DSD EXDH STBEXDH......

It's like a different language and I swear it's partly to be part of an in crowd. Not a crowd I'm particularly keen to be part of, especially in those bleeping boots

 

[FrannyGallops]

I'm with you on that! They bloody love their stupid acronyms for everything. DH DD DC DSC DM DF NC LTB MN DSM DSD EXDH STBEXDH......

It's like a different language and I swear it's partly to be part of an in crowd. Not a crowd I'm particularly keen to be part of, especially in those bleeping boots

It gets confusing when DP could either stand for parent or partner, or DS for son or sister. It doesn’t seem to enter their heads to clarify it in the OP. Or worse, they’ll start with ‘DD12 tit on the floor this morning and ate it’ and it gets 20 outraged replies about why a 12 year old girl is shitting on the floor at her age when OP comes back with the big reveal 2 hours later that in that case DD stands for Darling Dog.

I also don’t get why some of them write DDog of DHorse or Dcat. It’s longer than just writing bleeping dog!

 

[Gym&Tonic]

I’m just on the style and beauty section and there’s a thread about boots for a night out. I can’t believe what I’m seeing being recommended. I’m no fashionista but really?! For a night out??

They’d probably pair them with bootcut jeans, a Breton top and statement necklace.

 

[Pinkii]

What really annoys me on MN is they are just sooo close minded or so in their own bubble they have no idea On anything to do with different cultures and religions.


for example someone who is asian will post about issues when living with in-laws (which is very common) and it could be simple like MIL drank my mil and no matter what the situation someone will always be like move out, I wouldn’t put up with it etc..your husband needs to stand up for you blah blah

Easy to say stuff like that but asian/middle eastern cultures it doesn’t work like that, even for someone like myself who was born and raised here, there are some cultural things we have ingrained in us

 

[SpindleWhorl]

It gets confusing when DP could either stand for parent or partner, or DS for son or sister. It doesn’t seem to enter their heads to clarify it in the OP. Or worse, they’ll start with ‘DD12 tit on the floor this morning and ate it’ and it gets 20 outraged replies about why a 12 year old girl is shitting on the floor at her age when OP comes back with the big reveal 2 hours later that in that case DD stands for Darling Dog.

I also don’t get why some of them write DDog of DHorse or Dcat. It’s longer than just writing bleeping dog!

I remember a thread once where the OP was talking about her DH and after a few pages of confused posts it turned out she was talking about her Hamster!

 

[Aussie]

Did anyone read tye thread recently regarding SIL not wanting to go for Xmas Dinner, as found it hard being around children?? Some of the replies were brutal

 

[Samf2020]

I was just thinking about the nutters over there when I used a rotisserie chicken in a curry. They would get through to New Years with it where as I ate some and put the rest in my curry. Didnt even make 70 gallons of soup with the bones.

 

[AlanBanan]

I was just thinking about the nutters over there when I used a rotisserie chicken in a curry. They would get through to New Years with it where as I ate some and put the rest in my curry. Didnt even make 70 gallons of soup with the bones.

Like it’s a chicken not Jesus’s banquet of fish and bread. There’s only so much you can do with it.

Idk how little portions they actually give if they’re getting more than 2 meals out of an ordinary chicken