Mumsnet #2

[FrannyGallops]

It’s like the lunchbox threads.
‘I’ve sent my child into school with some homemade hummus, 3 carrot sticks, an edamame bean and half a grape but I’m worrying it’s too much food’
Cue ‘half a grape?! That’s far too much sugar. Fruit has carbs in it! Replace the grape with a twig and some foraged mushrooms’ and lots of stories about 8ft, ‘athletic’ sons who either eat like a horse or will actually eat a horse if it’s been cooked ‘from scratch’ but ate nothing but sprouts at primary school.

 

[SpindleWhorl]

There's a thread in active now named "Do you make a drink for anyone who comes to do a job in your house?" that's starting to get competitive! It's gone beyond the mandatory tea/coffee and biscuits and worked our way up through bacon sandwiches, sausage rolls, sandwiches, boxes of chocolates and now up to wine being offered. I wouldn't be surprised if someone posts that they offer all workmen blowjobs next

 

[SqualorVictoria]

Mumsnet poster: I love my husband and we have a great relationship. Things are great otherwise but it does annoy me that he doesn't pull his weight around the house. He leaves his wet towels on the bed and socks on the floor. AIBU to be annoyed? Again, I love him and our relationship is otherwise great

All Mumsnet posters: no you are not being unreasonable. Get out now while you can. It starts with socks on the floor and it'll end up with him cheating on you and leaving you for his secretary. He'll leave you penniless. Heed our warnings and turf him & his wet towels out this very second. Don't put up with this complete lack of respect for a second longer!

The above is parody of course but IMO it's a pretty accurate representation of Mumsnet posters

 

[colouredlines]

My favourite thing on Mumsnet is "think x"

"DS has been accepted to a very old, prestigious university in the south of England. An enormous number of politicians went there. Can't say the name, but think Cambridge."

"Thinking of moving to an English-speaking country in the southern hemisphere where they play cricket and rugby and have unusual animals. Don't want to give too much information as would be outing. Think New Zealand."

"DH has taken up a new hobby. Plays with a team of other men, chasing a ball around a pitch. Think rugby."

 

[Peachsquish]

Love this post and one of the replies

 

[YoungHollywood]

someone once asked for school snack or lunch ideas, and someone suggested hard boiled quails eggs

 

[Satisfying Click]

The last one I read was dripping with superiority and calling tattlers idiots as they themselves knew Instagram was full of undisclosed adverts and it was so obvious for anyone with a brain

Yet they can’t recognise half of the troll threads

“Help, I’m down to my last £10, my twins are 6ft athletes and are wolfing down the contents of the fridge. I’m a size 8 and can manage with dust on a rice cake. My exH is a high earner but pays nothing, he had an affair and the OW has just parked her Mercedes in my drive blocking me in!”

 

[FrannyGallops]

I’m laughing at the one asking about Christmas dinner and evening buffets, and the amount of posters claiming they could NEVER manage to eat a buffet on Christmas Day night, but then go on to list the leftovers/sandwiches/snacks/cheese boards they have at night.. that’s a buffet, no?

Ah, the MN food threads. Has anyone mentioned the MN chicken on it? They allow two slivers of chickens with a roast dinner that’s so thin you can see through them so they can eke it out over 3 years in curries and sandwiches and stock. When questioned, they’ll say that they also have 7 sorts of potatoes with it and a greengrocers worth of veg. And I just think, sure you do. If you’re that stingy with the meat, it’s more likely that it’s one roast potato between 4 people and a pea each.
Food threads are always divided between the competitive under eaters who are aghast that anyone can eat more than two crisps a month and the ones who can trough an entire pig for breakfast (I’m with the latter).
Nice to see we’re onto Christmas dinners though and we’ve moved on from ‘massive salad’ summer.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

There was a really weird thing on MN when I first joined about birthdays. People would post saying they were upset their families hadn’t remembered their birthday or they’d only got a card from their husband and no gift and the replies would be trying to outdo themselves with how much they didn’t care about their own birthday.

‘It’s just a birthday. Who cares? Wouldn’t bother me if no one remembered’

‘DH and the kids never get me a birthday present let alone a card. In fact, they want a present each on my birthday and I’m happy to oblige even though they don’t get me anything’

‘I haven’t celebrated my birthday in so long, I’ve forgotten how old I am. It’s just another day’

MN seems to think it’s a cut above all the other chat sites out there, but the reality is they’re all fucking insane.

Plus the guaranteed 'Are you five years old, OP?'.

Well yes, yes I am. I grew up in an abusive household where birthdays weren't celebrated (apart from the main abuser, who always got expensive gifts to try and keep her on side). So somebody not bothering to get me a card and a present means I am instantly plummeted back into the feeling of being a small child wondering why I didn't get a little tea party, a pretty dress, cake with candles and a card with a pretty wrapped gift to unwrap when other children did - and being told it was because they weren't horrible children like me and then I was too old and laughed at for looking unhappy from the age of 8 'Oh, look, she's got a face on her because she thinks she should have got a birthday present like a little baby'.

I wouldn't post on one of those threads though, because I have no desire to be inundated with exactly the same sort of abuse I had for years. And no amount of therapy would change that (you know people would reply that I'd need psychiatric treatment) feeling - because it is a perfectly reasonable reaction to be sad at not feeling loved or valued.

 

[FrannyGallops]

Ahahahahaha what the ever loving fuck is this . A necklace of half-suckled sweets? It's the worst thing I've ever seen in my llfe, who are these women?

I imagine them all to be like Emma Thompson’s character in Love Actually. Middle aged women (no shade there, as I’m one myself) who have a very privileged lifestyle and say they vote Labour but are secret Tories. They have farty arse part time jobs like knitting consultant, while their husbands work in the city and earn ‘six figures’ and they say they have a very happy marriage but the ‘DH’ is shagging his PA. Subconsciously they know this, but on the ‘He’s Cheated!’ threads, they’ll come on and give it Billy Big Bollocks about if their partner ever did that, they’d string him up by his arse cheeks and use his testicles for earrings. They wouldn’t.

Weird how you can get all that from a necklace

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

How often do you actually hear about trans assaulting women in female changing rooms? I don't think I've ever seen a new story about it. Yet it seems to be all they talk about on the feminism boards.

Trans women are such a tiny % of the population that I’d imagine most bathrooms gender neutral or not aren’t being used by them full stop, but I think the issue is more self ID facilitates men with bad intentions as no one is allowed to call out the presence of non conforming people without fear of being labelled a discriminatory TERF etc. So these laws accommodating trans women endanger all women (! Including trans women!) and it’s something that no one seems to want to discuss? I’m not against trans women using women’s bathrooms but I’m against not so much as being allowed to discuss the pros/cons of single sex places (especially places for vulnerable women like prisons and hostels) as it’s now lumped in as TERF shit. Like surely we should be having a nuanced convo of pros/cons which in turn convinces people like me who just don’t get how it’s gotten to this point? All you ever see from trans lobbyists on Twitter is extremities or abuse. I’m not saying that the other side is golden as they’re not, tbh Twitter has made this issue far more toxic than necessary and it’s easy to forget that the vast majority of the country have no idea about this stuff ??

 

[Wackie Jeaver]

You think? could they not be concerned about safe spaces for actual women and girls?

 

[SpindleWhorl]

There's a debate in active on whether only working class people put their xmas decorations up early Someone has posted they believe only working class people put their decorations up early because they have a harder life and need to obtain pleasure from simple things like that

 

[AlanBanan]

On the food issue, there are the threads where they outdo each other on how little they eat in a day and the ones where they compete over how healthy their children's diets are and how their little darlings don't even like juice. Then there's the ones who try to outdo each other on how much food their kids can put away when they get in from school and how their kids are all very tall and slim built I wish they'd make their minds up about whether overeating or undereating is best!

Daddy and the boys feast on giant portions of chilli, salads, roast dinners and hearty soups with crusty bread and lashing of good butter daily whilst remaining tall strapping rugby players

Whilst mummy and the girls have much smaller appetites and can survive on the dust of a cracker and a glass of water, they’re all built like ballerinas, tiny and petite almost like thumbelina, just like how god intended.

 

[nothanksbabes]

But is £500k plus enough to live on each week? Curious to see how others manage it? Will DH be able to continue his EXPENSIVE HOBBY?

"Expensive hobby that I won't name as it could be outing."

Sandra, nobody gives a fuck your husband rides a five grand carbon fibre road bike like a slimy lycra arsehole.

 

[nothanksbabes]

The food threads are soul destroying.

"1200 calories a day is way too many for me. You'll be dead from diabetes by 40"

Fuck off Sandra, I'm a size 14. We don't quite need to take the windows out for me to leave the house yet.

 

[SpindleWhorl]

Pls share a pic of this loool

 

[SqualorVictoria]

This! And let's not forget that trans activists bullied a woman out of her university career (Kathleen Stock, who actually has moderate gender critical views) so it's baffling to see Mumsnet posters being described as 'taking it to extremes'. Since this is a thread about Mumsnet, I will say that Mumsnet has many problems but the fact that they're clued in on the issues on gender identity is not one of them. Sad to see that women can't even discuss these issues on an anonymous forum without being labelled as haters or whatever.

 

[SpindleWhorl]

Omg hate the misery hijacker’s.

someone will start a thread and literally say in their first post- LIGHTHEARTED and a few have lighthearted stories and then 4th/5th comes misery guts

Eg: so whats the worst thing that has happened to you when you’ve gone to the coffee shop

Misery guts poster: well My mum punched my dog and then pissed in my coffee and Then shot me and that’s not the worst thing that she has done

bore off

Consider yourself lucky to have a mum at all, I'd give anything to have mine punch my dog again

 

[FrannyGallops]

I can imagine Linda of the Home Counties, laptop on her knee, in her 5 bedroom detached house (decorated with F&B) and her statement necklace and waterfall cardi, feeling rather daring typing ‘are you on glue?!’ It’s probably the hardest ‘drug’ she knows, even though she necks 5 bottles of red at the weekend.