Mumsnet #2

[HarryToby]

HarryToby - you’ve just reminded me of the one time I was foolish enough to start an advice thread!

I remember posting about some concerns I had about my 6yo being unable to entertain herself at home. I was really perplexed by this, because no child I’d ever encountered before was so resistant to sitting down with a toy or a puzzle or some colouring pencils and just getting on with it. I wondered if anyone else had a child like this and what did they do about it?

Someone piped up: did I take her to the park often?

To this day I do not know why that question was relevant to my dilemma.

I replied no, not really. My then-toddler was a total disaster in parks and had to be closely followed to make sure he didn’t seriously injure himself falling off a slide/walking in front of swings etc. Which meant that my older child got neglected and would stand there screaming at me to push her on the swings when I physically couldn’t. I said I found it FAR too stressful and basically couldn’t supervise two kids at the park by myself.

I got slaughtered. A massive pile on started. Post after post berating me for not taking my kids to the park. What was wrong with me, making excuses like that? Did I need help with my anxiety issues or something? It’s no wonder my child couldn’t sit down and amuse herself with toys or crafts if I didn’t take her to play outside!

I was made to feel like the shittiest parent on the planet. They spotted a chink in my armour and just attacked. I changed my username and never went back to the thread. To this day I don’t even understand how taking my kids to the park was supposed to be the answer to all my problems.

And guess what? Both of my kids were diagnosed with autism several years later. The toddler with no sense of danger? Autistic. The 6yo who couldn’t play by herself? Autistic. I wasn’t a shit parent. It wasn’t my fault.

Absolute cunts aren't they. I have flounced from several threads because the pile on just got too much. Regrettably I spent a sizable amount of time on the website when I was at my most vulnerable, navigating parenthood with a (then undiagnosed) autistic toddler and not having anybody to talk to IRL.

I can totally relate to park trips being overwhelming too. Absolute hell on earth with my eldest who is now 4 and finally diagnosed. The relief you feel when you know there's a 'reason' it all gets too much is immense isn't it? FWIW I'm yet to meet one shit SN parent. We're bloody superhuman if you ask me (but yes I'm biased )

 

[FrannyGallops]

Surely the majority if not all of them have birthed in front of their partners…? Have they not once been unwell either? We’ve had a whole 18+ month period of confinement too?!

They lay their kids like eggs on Mumsnet, and don’t let anyone else in to see them til they’ve turned 18.

Not really, but I find it astounding how many would rather have their mothers than their actual partners in with them at the birth (‘your baby, your choice, hun!’). And then they’re surprised when the Dad hasn’t bonded with the baby, and doesn’t want to be left alone with it with it til its in its 30’s. And it’s always ok to have their mum in with them cutting the cord, but god forbid the mother in law would like to see their grandchild before they go off to university. What a bitch!

 

[navybluewolf]

I can't get over a current post about winter coats and posters coolly replying they spend hundreds on a goose parka or whatever. And another poster basically saying how disgusting it is that other people shop in Primark buying crap that will fall apart in a year and it's bad for the environment or whatever. Err, not everyone has a fucking choice. I certainly can't afford to drop hundreds on a coat, and there are tonnes of people worse off than me.

 

[Yel]

It's shitty that wages are so low for some people, especially keywokers etc that a wage top up is necessary.

I find this is the crux of quite a few problems. Tax payers end up subsidising private companies in order for them to maximise profits and pay workers less. A whole load of money is swallowed up with the bureaucracy. People get trapped being dependent and people without children lose out as they can't get the top ups.

It seems fundamentally broken for these top up benefits that are often long term. They do help many people, such as buy to let landlords by keeping rent highs. Of course so many MPs are into this that it suits them just fine.

 

[Right on top of that rose]

What do I wear under my rainbow cardi then?

In mumsnet land, the answer is always a Breton top/ statement necklace/ statement scarf

 

[maytoseptember]

There is the thread now about sugar and processed sugar and obviously NONE of the Mm golden children have anything other that water and milk.

one even says ‘i don’t even know what squash is’ fuck off love. Probably drinks gallons of it

This is peak Mumsnet! Water and milk. Water and milk. The only acceptable drinks for under 18s

 

[ElectricDreams]

And of course their children don't like takeaways or McDonald's and prefer Mummy's picnics over it. In RL, I'm yet to meet a child who doesn't like McDonald's.

My nephew isn't quite that bad, but he's 3 and then he went to the cinema for the first time, my sister took him some cut up grapes and a bag of PomBears because she didn't want him eating sweets (they send him hyper). He finished the grapes and announced to the whole cinema "mummy, I want some cheese now!"

This is the same kid who had a meltdown the first time he went to McDonald's because he didn't want to go to the farm... Turns out he got it confused with Old Mcdonald

 

[Insomiaflamingo]

I recently wandered over there and found the contentious "play pen" thread. I previously got booted out over a Brexit row with an extremely obnoxious woman who lived in France (so clearly had skin in the game) and shouted down everyone because she was incensed at potentially having to give up her second home!

Anyway the play pen thread was the usual rubbish about cages and children being left to twiddle their thumbs for 12 hours a day. Only one lone voice articulated that given that half the MN threads are written by women in their knees because they feel the need to hold their children 24/7 and haven't had a shower, used the toilet alone and lived in a slum for 5 years, play pens are a useful item.

Having seen both sides of the parenting philosophy, I think that yelling at your child every three minutes to stop doing something dangerous is far more detrimental to their development than a child put somewhere safe to play during parts of the day while you get on with other things.

And as for the women who haven't had more than an hours sleep in a year being told it's totally normal and to "enjoy the snuggles". Batshit. It's not fucking normal and is spouted by complete martyrs who clearly went to the misery loves company school of parenthood!

I thought it was gold standard advice that if your completely pushed to the edge of what you can cope with then place the baby/little one in a safe place like a crib or play pen and step away until your calm/feel ok

 

[doctordoctor]

I love the ones who complain eg people driving to school and causing parking problems and they only live five minutes away and could easily walk, there’s always one who comes on to say ‘well excuse mefor driving to school and annoying you, but I have no legs, what do yiu suggest I do?’ Now obviously, that’s entirely different, but they do it every time, does it really need pointed out that they don’t mean them?

 

[nothanksbabes]

I’m sure some Mumsnetters found Chris Whitty, Dominic Cummings and Matt Hancock attractive during the various lockdowns.

What level of desperation do you need to find that impotent looking trip attractive. I wouldn't touch Matt Hancock with someone else's fanny.

 

[FrannyGallops]

The money posts are ridiculous, people are quick to call a man financially abusive but if the situation is reversed they egg them on to do exactly the same thing they said was abusive with "all money is family money." I do hope no one actually takes these loons advice seriously.

There was one recently with a woman who had claimed tax credits for four months after she’d stopped needing them, to the tune of £6k and it appeared that HMRC had taken the repayment money from her husbands wage (who didn’t know she owed the money). She was a mother of teenagers, didn’t work, and her husband gave her £600 a month from which she paid the dog groomer and Netflix. It also turned out she’d hidden a council tax debt from her husband as well.
The amount of posters rushing on to tell her that HE was financially abusive left me like . If it had been the other way round, he would have been called a cocklodger and they’d all be telling her to LTB.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Surely if you're struggling for money you can just make 86 meals from a single roast chicken?

Only 86! How wasteful, I can get at least 120 out of one small chicken!

Actually my household of three can get two meals out of one chicken, usually one roast then a chicken risotto the next day. I’ve never understood the ever lasting chicken.

 

[Gym&Tonic]

I voted Remain but was very much undecided all along and didn’t decide how I was going to vote until a few days before the referendum. I think they mostly live in this London elite bubble and have no idea how the rest of us live. The are so disgustingly privileged in their massive houses with professional DH’s, privately educated children and live in nannies/au pairs.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I’m just on the style and beauty section and there’s a thread about boots for a night out. I can’t believe what I’m seeing being recommended. I’m no fashionista but really?! For a night out??

Nancy from Oliver Twist would have worn these on a night out with Bill

 

[Chunkeylaydee]

Omg now there’s a thread about how to wash the dishes… the OP is horrified her partner puts the soap on the dishes then rinses under the water. Apparently squirting liquid into a basin and washing the dishes in there is vulgar.

 

[FrannyGallops]

- I picking up an Amazon parcel left outside the other day and slipped on some ice, now I have a broken ankle and I'm struggling to get the housework done, we're a single parent family, does anyone have any tips to help?
-- Amazon is an appalling company, OP, they are highly unethical, do some research into their practices!

The same arseholes appear on threads where children have had a falling out and encourage the OP to get a solicitor's letter drawn up quoting the Human Rights Act and discussing the age of criminal responsibility. The Dunning-Kruger effect is strong

There’s a thread on there atm about a kid who’s bitten another kid at nursery, and posters are recommending solicitors and suing the nursery, the old ‘strongly worded letter’, child trauma psychologists and exclusion for the ‘assault’.

The children in question are 2 years old.

 

[BethanyGilbert]

Which town is this?

 

[FrannyGallops]

I'm with you on that! They bloody love their stupid acronyms for everything. DH DD DC DSC DM DF NC LTB MN DSM DSD EXDH STBEXDH......

It's like a different language and I swear it's partly to be part of an in crowd. Not a crowd I'm particularly keen to be part of, especially in those fucking boots

It gets confusing when DP could either stand for parent or partner, or DS for son or sister. It doesn’t seem to enter their heads to clarify it in the OP. Or worse, they’ll start with ‘DD12 shit on the floor this morning and ate it’ and it gets 20 outraged replies about why a 12 year old girl is shitting on the floor at her age when OP comes back with the big reveal 2 hours later that in that case DD stands for Darling Dog.

I also don’t get why some of them write DDog of DHorse or Dcat. It’s longer than just writing fucking dog!

 

[Five hundred dogs]

The taking in ironing thing is awful. My MIL used to make a fair bit of money doing ironing, but under very specific circumstances. Prior to retirement she was a housekeeper for a mega rich family, I don’t just mean a bit rich, but proper full on one of world’s richest families. She was so good at ironing she continued to do theirs after she’d retired, plus she did some for other families who also had houses on the same gated estate (this wasn’t in the U.K.). She didn’t have an ironing board, she had an ironing table the size of a dining table and she put all the completed carefully folded ironing into fancy cardboard boxes with tissue paper between the layers on pins in the collars to keep them in shape. I don’t think your average person could ever make money doing ironing on a domestic scale out of their house.

 

[nothanksbabes]

It’s like the style and beauty board; so many of them act like the next Anna Wintour. Then they have a “what are you wearing today?” thread and you see they are far less Vogue and much more Take a Break style.

Haha, absolutely this. They're so judgemental and then you see them and they're head-to-toe dowdy Bon Marche meets Joe Brown's.

The same sort of women who say stuff like, "I never use anything but Charlotte Tilbury" and then apply their makeup like the top tips from a 1996 edition of Just 17.