MOD & FOD #19 Slymon’s too sexy for the gram, too sexy for the gram, Tenerife and Japaaaan.

[heretoreaditall2019]

*They’d have dreaded release, then week one would have happened and they’d have died internally*

I do love you @heretoreaditall2019

That made me proper lol

Omg bless you, I love coming here too much - I’ve been left alone w my thoughts too long now I’m here to annoy everyone!!

Honestly the fall out from this would be bleeping comedy gold. Why aren’t we co writing our influencer tv series yet guys??? These numbers provide the content for at least one episode of Simon being abused by an aging coke head brit pop era dinosaur?

Anyone remember keisha da sket? It was file transferred chapter by chapter on Bluetooth on London buses between the youth(TM) back in the day. It wz wrttn lyk dis. But verged on Shakespearean as no one knew where it came from, whether each chapter was the same girl, or what. Why she’s not come forward is beyond me x

I agree advances are small compared to what they used to be, but I think most publishers would pay and advance and royalties on a book of this type. Again, not a lot, but I can’t imagine his agent not negotiating an advance and royalty.

Out of interest in books do they only start paying royalties once you’ve recouped your advance / outlay (like marketing managers booking their hotel rooms, dinners, flights, etc to your project code)? As Simon’s gonna be waiting a millennia if so

 

[Dongabooboo]

Are you reading this Slymon? We know you poach most of your ideas from Tattle...

What's next?

A). A really forced thing about how both twins 'want the blue one' - Simon rolling his eyes and asking the camera "why can't they share!???"
B). A detective drama based on the loss of a cuddly toy - Simon in trilby and Trenchcoat/Simon shining angle poise lamp in twin's face "When did you last see Bun-Bun".
C). A visit to a wildlife park. Simon doing animal impressions to unimpressed twins. Simon sitting in cafe with twins with giant ice-creams. "You pay good money to take them to interesting places and all the want is AN ICE CREAM" - [mugging/shrugging to camera].

VOTE NOW!!

 

[Doobots]

Are you reading this Slymon? We know you poach most of your ideas from Tattle...

If he read closer he wouldn't be struggling the way he is

 

[HouseRed]

Out of interest in books do they only start paying royalties once you’ve recouped your advance / outlay (like marketing managers booking their hotel rooms, dinners, flights, etc to your project code)? As Simon’s gonna be waiting a millennia if so

Yes, correct! No royalties paid til you’ve earned out your advance. But not hotel rooms, dinners, flights, publicity costs etc - that’s just out of the publisher’s budget.

Even then, royalties would be crap. Maybe like 10-20% of net receipts. So like £3 a book when sold at full price, but I’m sure it’s probably been on promotion at places like WHSmiths for a fiver. Even so, there’s no way he’d have earned out his advance yet.

 

[Yel]

If anyone is interested in their book sales ... FOD’s has sold approx 560 copies, total value £4.5k (so basically a huge flop). MOD’s approx 60k copies, £663k value - a rousing success.

Ah ha I thought so!

560 is pathetic, but not surprising. Thats about how Many people comment on an average post and zero interest for general people.

Can you look up how much Jim Chapman's 147 things sold?

 

[houseofhoop]

Latest post. Guaranteed she was asked to say that. Fail Simon, FAIL.

 

[HouseRed]

Ah ha I thought so!

560 is pathetic, but not surprising. Thats about how Many people comment on an average post and zero interest for general people.

Can you look up how much Jim Chapman's 147 things sold?

I can later!

 

[houseofhoop]

Also they are in full waterproofs hahaha

 

[Salmonshirt]

I can’t even hate follow him anymore, he’s too annoying!

 

[notthefullshilling]

He even did book tour events so must have got quite a number of his total sales from those. Sales outside of that must have been miniscule!

 

[JJusa69]

I’ll do a cheese and pineapple hedgehog and throw a few McCains roasties in for y’all!

We could ask FOD to do the barbeque.

 

[Jinger]

If anyone is interested in their book sales ... FOD’s has sold approx 560 copies, total value £4.5k (so basically a huge flop). MOD’s approx 60k copies, £663k value - a rousing success.

Has anyone actually read FOD's book? I'm tempted to order it at the library just to see how much of a pile of shite it is. Although the thought of our local librarian thinking I'm a fan of his puts me off



dying at some of these reviews. couldn't bear to read more than one of 2 five star reviews

 

[Rosebyanyothername]

Omg bless you, I love coming here too much - I’ve been left alone w my thoughts too long now I’m here to annoy everyone!!

Honestly the fall out from this would be bleeping comedy gold. Why aren’t we co writing our influencer tv series yet guys??? These numbers provide the content for at least one episode of Simon being abused by an aging coke head brit pop era dinosaur?

Anyone remember keisha da sket? It was file transferred chapter by chapter on Bluetooth on London buses between the youth(TM) back in the day. It wz wrttn lyk dis. But verged on Shakespearean as no one knew where it came from, whether each chapter was the same girl, or what. Why she’s not come forward is beyond me x



Out of interest in books do they only start paying royalties once you’ve recouped your advance / outlay (like marketing managers booking their hotel rooms, dinners, flights, etc to your project code)? As Simon’s gonna be waiting a millennia if so

He would have got a hefty advance but it’s split into 3 - a third on signing the deal, another on actually delivering the book, then the rest on pub.
If the book doesn’t earn more than the advance the author gets nothing else.

I work in the industry and when his book came in on acquisitions (around 2/3 years ago ) I went out of my way to discourage it and we didn’t offer on it. I remember him being quoted as saying he wanted to sell more books than Clemmie, oops didn’t happen

We also had Budget Clemmies book “proposal” ( a few lists scrawled on the back of a fag packet) and I don’t think ANYONE offered her a deal. I live in fear of it making a reappearance.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

He’s only 953 above 1 mil (via blastup) & he only posted 50 mins ago. Form a prayer circle but we could be just days away!!

He would have got a hefty advance but it’s split into 3 - a third on signing the deal, another on actually delivering the book, then the rest on pub.
If the book doesn’t earn more than the advance the author gets nothing else.

I work in the industry and when his book came in on acquisitions (around 2/3 years ago ) I went out of my way to discourage it and we didn’t offer on it. I remember him being quoted as saying he wanted to sell more books than Clemmie, oops didn’t happen

We also had Budget Clemmies book “proposal” ( a few lists scrawled on the back of a fag packet) and I don’t think ANYONE offered her a deal. I live in fear of it making a reappearance.

Omg insider info!!! Thank you for this it’s so interesting, what’s a hefty advance like for books?

I cannot imagine how cringe this must be. How do you keep a straight face in pitches lmaoooo! Do they both actually write their books or use ghost authors? Simon struggles with an insta caption surely he didn’t manage the whole thing single handedly?

Budget Clemmie as in a btech mumfluencer trying to copy, or Clemmie trying to sell a cheap easy offering to make a quick buck?

I’ll out myself here as you did but I used to work for one of the majors (music) and we’d get pitched the cringiest tit that’d never work too but cos it contains a few buzzwords (YouTubers & playlists back in my day, but now probs Instagram or tiktokers? Idk I’m not cool anymore) they’d go mad for it. Bidding wars the works. Is publishing any better? I’m guessing less active coke heads and retired sex offenders?

 

[OhMyWord]

Has anyone actually read FOD's book? I'm tempted to order it at the library just to see how much of a pile of shite it is. Although the thought of our local librarian thinking I'm a fan of his puts me off

Out of interest I checked the Kent library system. His book isn’t on the Libby at all, hers is and is currently on loan. His is available at all the libraries that have it (15 or so?) and hers is lent out at a few.

Regarding book sales: if you went to his book tour and for some reason decided he was worth £15 to see speak, you got a copy of the book. So was that it? His sales are mostly fan girls who turned up at their local Waterstones in hopes of luring him away from Clemmie? And a few verified amazon users?

 

[Bizziebody]

Good to see the twins back at work! I bet they wish they could just have fun and have his attention without the stupid phone always hanging off the end of his arm.

 

[VarmaFarger]

Those 1-star reviews are GOLD . Someone on here must have a copy of the book. Post us up pictures of a couple of excepts? We won't judge you (much)!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Out of interest I checked the Kent library system. His book isn’t on the Libby at all, hers is and is currently on loan. His is available at all the libraries that have it (15 or so?) and hers is lent out at a few.

Regarding book sales: if you went to his book tour and for some reason decided he was worth £15 to see speak, you got a copy of the book. So was that it? His sales are mostly fan girls who turned up at their local Waterstones in hopes of luring him away from Clemmie? And a few verified amazon users?

For a CD / digital download sale to be chart eligible it had to meet certain criteria so ppl didn’t discount to silly prices to get number ones. There are tons of strict rules around merch and ticket bundles and you had to inform them about meet and greats (can’t remember how they handle them but I feel like all of that list was excluded from chart eligible sales!) etc but that’s Milward Brown who are super anally retentive and apparently publishing doesn’t use them so probs entirely different! Chart data used to be like 30% of my job so I love this tit x

 

[Rosebyanyothername]

He’s only 953 above 1 mil (via blastup) & he only posted 50 mins ago. Form a prayer circle but we could be just days away!!



Omg insider info!!! Thank you for this it’s so interesting, what’s a hefty advance like for books?

I cannot imagine how cringe this must be. How do you keep a straight face in pitches lmaoooo! Do they both actually write their books or use ghost authors? Simon struggles with an insta caption surely he didn’t manage the whole thing single handedly?

Budget Clemmie as in a btech mumfluencer trying to copy, or Clemmie trying to sell a cheap easy offering to make a quick buck?

I’ll out myself here as you did but I used to work for one of the majors (music) and we’d get pitched the cringiest tit that’d never work too but cos it contains a few buzzwords (YouTubers & playlists back in my day, but now probs Instagram or tiktokers? Idk I’m not cool anymore) they’d go mad for it. Bidding wars the works. Is publishing any better? I’m guessing less active coke heads and retired sex offenders?

I think he would have got have got around 50-100k. Mrs Hinch’s advance was high 6 figures.
I think the influencer book deals will hopefully dry up soon, FOD proves that having a million (bought) followers doesn’t translate to sales.

It was Clemmie T! The proposal was sloppy with bad grammar/typos. Imagine a book just filled with other people’s lists! Who would buy that?!?!

 

[notthefullshilling]

It was Clemmie T! The proposal was sloppy with bad grammar/typos. Imagine a book just filled with other people’s lists! Who would buy that?!?!

And not even proper bleeping lists!
The fact she would even think she could propose this boggles my mind.