Micro Cheating / Cyber Cheating / Corn Addition

[at-the-disco]

I’m so glad it’s being bought up more now, I’ve always thought of it as cheating. your partner is literally getting aroused and pleasuring themselves to another woman. just because they’re not physically touching them and they’re “unattainable” doesn’t make a difference. subscribing to an onlyfans or paying for corn in a relationship is a vile thing to do.

I’m a woman, I feel no need or desire to look at corn (I know a lot of women do, just my personal experience) so I don’t see why men need to either. especially because it is just feeding the notion that we are objects and anything and everything we do can be sexualised in some way. I genuinely don’t believe that men and women will ever be equal mostly due to corn.

I’ve completely cleansed my tiktok and social media of women posting thirst traps, being in revealing clothing, dancing with cleavage on show or showing off their arses in leggings because it does absolutely nothing for my mental health and just depresses me that some women feel the need to show their bodies like that, even if it’s in an “innocent” way.it also makes me feel like shit about my own body when all the comments on the video are about their body. i would urge anyone else to do the same if they’re feeling down about themselves (just click “not interested” on any video that may trigger you)

I don’t feel aroused just seeing pictures or videos of a naked man, let alone a fully clothed one, so why do men. because women aren’t exposed to corn from an early age and taught to sexualise every little thing a man does. I hate what social media and the internet has done to young men and women into thinking all of this is normal.

 

[babylemonade]

I've been really struggling with this lately. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, before we started going out he told me he doesn't watch porn and I was stupid enough to beleive him.
About 6 months into our relationship, I caught him saving pictures of girls he follows on his Instagram. I wanted to break up with him then but he convinced me not to, and said he was sorry and that he'd delete all the pics and it wouldn't happen again.
Ever since I feel so horrible about myself. I can't stop comparing myself to the girls he follows online, and it's ruining our relationship with how insecure I am. I find myself lashing out and getting moody often because I can't stop thinking about it.
2 weeks ago he was on his laptop and I saw he had pics saved of girls there too. I tried breaking up with him again but I really don't want to, I love him so much and otherwise we have a great relationship.
I wish I never found out, I feel disgusting
I look nothing like the girls he looks at. They're all skinny with huge boobs and I'm the opposite.
I hate him going on Instagram, I'm not on it myself but his account is on private but I know he follows over 2,500 people.
I'm also quite jealous of his ex, she's so beautiful and thin.
It's really breaking my heart, I don't want to lose him but I don't beleive he's stopped at all.
I just want to be the only woman he looks at and desires

 

[ChubClubThug]

Sorry to hear that. Men are such pigs sometimes! Unpopular opinion too but the women on the other end annoy me. I’m so respectful in that I would never dream of chatting to a man with a partner, in a friendly capacity let alone anything more because there’s no need! My ex was a “public figure” shall we say and the amount of women who would send beggy messages even though it said we were in a relationship & he had us as his cover photo absolutely made me sick. Man or woman, if you wouldn’t like it done to you then don’t do it to others!

I always think that some women see it as some kind of achievement if they can tempt a bloke who has a partner. If he has a pretty girlfriend or wife, they see it as a challenge. Home wrecking dogs, and unfaithful men are absolute dogs. It would give me a major ICK if a guy I was chatting to had a partner

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

One of my friend’s boyfriend is constantly liking and befriending other women on Instagram, she doesn’t have it and I think she chooses ignorance so she doesn’t have to see it. I’ve always had a bad vibe about him and a few have said things to her in the past but she chooses to ignore.

A few weeks ago I mentioned to my sister I’d been asked to be a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding (I’ll be there but I don’t agree with it and don’t think she should’ve said yes)…. She asked me who the groom was and when I told her she said he’d added her on Snapchat and had been chatting to her. He knows full well she’s my sister too so I’m raging but I’m old enough to know that judging from previous revelations it would do no good to say anything.

I truly believe men who are interested in liking photos of other women on social media and following them etc. should be ran away from at the highest speed possible. It’s sad in the short term but in the long term it will save you your sanity, tears and potentially so much more. These red flags are a blessing in disguise.
---

 

[jimmyj123]

I was right he was messaging an ‘old school friend’

 

[ChubClubThug]

My ex was 100% emotionally cheating online and I saw the evidence with my own eyes. When I raised it as an issue and wanted to have it out, I was always shut down and gaslit.

She used an online chat site with virtual characters where she built up strange relationships with people who she then exchanged phone numbers with. She had no interest in me whatsoever and would basically ignore me, even when I was upset and begging for any sort of acknowledgement or attention. She maintains she never cheated but IMO it doesn't have to be physical to be deception.

I decided enough was enough and left her after many years together. My confidence was on the floor but I'm now in an extremely happy and healthy relationship with a beautiful woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I'm reading about this sort of thing more and more. It's actually terrifying how some people are getting so badly sucked into the internet and the lines are becoming blurred. Society is literally bombarded with all kind of weird things, I dread to think of how it will be in 10 years

 

[ChubClubThug]

I know my gut is telling me this it’s just so hard I’m kicking myself that I told him I wanted to read the messages because he has deleted his Snapchat account so I’ll never know. I could text the girl because I have her Facebook but I’m not sure if that will only drive me crazy. We have a mortgage and a dog together and it’s just so hard to walk away but I know I have to do it.
You’re right there are so many more issues with him and this has only opened my eyes to it. He was so paranoid and I couldn’t even talk to another man without it causing a fight. He has been emotionally abusing me with a while now and I’ve been blind to it
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I just tried to sign into his Snapchat and it says it’s deactivated so I might be able to reactivate it. How do I download the data if I get into his account?

You can get the account back within a certain time frame if you act asap. You will have to then go into the settings and the option to download it all will be there. Google a tutorial to guide you. There is some really good ones on Tiktok if you have it. He's been up to all kinds of shit if he's deleted it all before you get a chance to look through it. The file with the data will be sent to his email though, so you will need access to that. What a slimy git. I'm so sorry

That's normally a sign of a cheat, they accuse you of wanting other men because they're doing it themselves! It's also a sign that they're cheating when they pick faults with you, cause arguments for no reasons. I'd be looking for dating apps in his email too. He's probably on it all. Facebook data is a really good one if you can get hold of his account. Again, you'll need access to his email.

If you've got no kids with him, take this as a sign to run for the hills. No house is worth being lumbered with a man like that. He won't get therapy or change. Weak men like that will just get more sly sadly. Sounds like he has a lot of issues going on, but you're not his mum you owe him nothing if he's not loyal to you

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

I was right he was messaging an ‘old school friend’

Sorry to hear that. Men are such pigs sometimes! Unpopular opinion too but the women on the other end annoy me. I’m so respectful in that I would never dream of chatting to a man with a partner, in a friendly capacity let alone anything more because there’s no need! My ex was a “public figure” shall we say and the amount of women who would send beggy messages even though it said we were in a relationship & he had us as his cover photo absolutely made me sick. Man or woman, if you wouldn’t like it done to you then don’t do it to others!

 

[Sunflower91]

This might be a bit of an essay but I wanted to share just incase anyone saw themselves in this.

My ex did this to me for years. When we first got together he was open that he had Facebook- we were a part of each other’s social media world. It was before the days of Snapchat etc so most of his cheating was via text. our relationship seemed good, very few red flags in the beginning. I was young and naive so when I saw him messaging his ex saying “she was the only girl he ever loved” etc. I was really shocked because it came out of nowhere. We talked about things, I believed his excuse of it being kind (didn’t want to upset her while she was in hospital). I watched as he deleted her number and carried on. Weeks pass an out of the blue a different ex is calling him at night. He told me she was crazy and a bit of a stalker. I believed him. A month passes and he’s scrolling through his contact list and i spotted the ex he deleted in there. He sat and gaslit me and for some reason I was the villain in the situation. Then we went to a party with his uni mates. He’d slept with one of his flat mates friends before and made out she was another of these people messaging him all the time flirting. I remember her looking upset seeing us together and part of me now wonders what stories he’d fed her.

Things got even worse when he started becoming more and more addicted to porn. He had no job and kept dropping out of uni and would Spend hours with porn on. Towards the end of the relationship some of the searches he made were vile- clearly looking for young / teenage looking/ dressed women.

His behaviour with his exes made me super paranoid. I’d borrow his laptop and find that he’d been searching for his ex and other women he’d been friends with repeatedly- looking through their pictures. Even had a hidden folder with images. I taught myself how to look through computer registry to find internet history that had been deleted just to be one step ahead because every time I confronted him he’d get sneakier.

Out of the blue about in he decided to get rid of social media and tried to convince me to do the same. I refused. After a few months I was scrolling through the friends list of my work friend and spotted his name. He was back on Facebook and hadn’t told me. He had a friends list full of women but he reckoned it was an old account and nothing to be worried about. We’d regularly have a conversation about me deleting guy friends from Facebook and him agreeing to delete the women he didn’t really know. I held up my end and he carried on as normal. Out of the blue his ex (who’d been calling him) added him and they got super chatty on Facebook. He convinced me it was harmless and we carried on as normal.

Then I started getting weird messages on Facebook saying to pay them money or they’d expose his pictures watching porn. And tbh I think it was just one of those scams but my ex absolutely shit himself. Closed all his accounts again. Vanished off the internet.

Somehow after this, he met a girl online (17, he was 27 at the time). She lived in America so he concocted a scheme to out there on an “internship”, proposed to her and then came home as normal. Obvs when I found out there was no way I would stay with them. 6 years down the drain.
For some reason even now his socials come up on my “people you may know”. I no longer have Facebook but in the last few years he’s had half a dozen Instagram accounts- none with his wife as a friend, and sometimes trying to arrange to meet with women. I block when I spot them now

 

[no-no]

How would you know he hadn’t deleted his replies? He’s still maxed out cards with his ‘cheapskate’ ways.

Sorry you’re having to go through it but skimming over your posts, it really stinks. They seem to follow the same script. He’s showing all the usual signs of being backed in a corner and promising to change. Rinse and repeat. What are the men like in his family?

Not to add another thing to your worry list but I was shocked to find there are pros on Twitter who sleep with men for free. Gross but they don’t even have to pay for it these days.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I agree. He is telling you what you want to hear & things like him decorating your bedroom is just him trying to get into your good books @Unknown345 has he actually done any genuine work on himself or just blamed his addiction and that’s it? You don’t appear to be upholding any boundaries, are still sleeping with him..what actual consequences has he faced aside from going to stay at his dad’s which he isn’t actually doing? All that’s happening is he is learning what he can get away with.

I feel so awful for saying as @Unknown345 is understandably extremely distressed right now, but I rolled my eyes when I read about the redecorating the bedroom. They always do things like this when they're in the dog house and as for his crying and saying he debated ending his own life!

 

[WhatABore]

I’m so glad it’s being bought up more now, I’ve always thought of it as cheating. your partner is literally getting aroused and pleasuring themselves to another woman. just because they’re not physically touching them and they’re “unattainable” doesn’t make a difference. subscribing to an onlyfans or paying for corn in a relationship is a vile thing to do.

I’m a woman, I feel no need or desire to look at corn (I know a lot of women do, just my personal experience) so I don’t see why men need to either. especially because it is just feeding the notion that we are objects and anything and everything we do can be sexualised in some way. I genuinely don’t believe that men and women will ever be equal mostly due to corn.

I’ve completely cleansed my tiktok and social media of women posting thirst traps, being in revealing clothing, dancing with cleavage on show or showing off their arses in leggings because it does absolutely nothing for my mental health and just depresses me that some women feel the need to show their bodies like that, even if it’s in an “innocent” way.it also makes me feel like shit about my own body when all the comments on the video are about their body. i would urge anyone else to do the same if they’re feeling down about themselves (just click “not interested” on any video that may trigger you)

I don’t feel aroused just seeing pictures or videos of a naked man, let alone a fully clothed one, so why do men. because women aren’t exposed to corn from an early age and taught to sexualise every little thing a man does. I hate what social media and the internet has done to young men and women into thinking all of this is normal.

I always find that I have an unpopular opinion when I say that in my eyes, it's cheating.
It may be down to my own insecurities why I never agreed with it in the first place but I personally don't understand how partners can be fine with their partners sexually pleasing themselves whilst looking at other people.

In my first relationship, he was addicted. To the point he refused sex with me constantly because he'd already spent ages watching that.
That was 15 years ago, I'm with a different partner now and it still affects me.
I worry that if I have to leave for a night, or my partner is home alone, I spend my whole time worried that he's watching stuff. Even though it has never been an issue with us.
It got to the point that when we worked different hours, I was offering sex daily before I went to work just so I'd be a bit more reassured that there was less chance he was watching anything.
Things are waaaay better now. I don't worry about it so much. But it's still there as a niggling thought every so often!

 

[babylemonade]

Hi everyone, thought I'd come here and give an update and to try and get this thread going again.

So if you've read through my previous posts, you'll see what I've been dealing with in the last year or so now.

After the last incident, I stayed with my bf but still had my doubts about what he was up to whenever we were apart.

Last week I went to visit him and on the second night I was there, I thought I saw something suspicious on his phone. He went for a shower so I decided to check the messaging app (Telegram) to see if I was right. He took his phone with him but I looked on his laptop since he has the app on there as well.

I didn't find what I was looking for but what I did find was much worse.

He had tons of porn saved, tiktoks and worst of all I saw he was looking up my old housemate who was a horrible bitch and he always swore was "rotten".

I've been absolutely devastated since, I confronted him that night about it and he didn't have much to say apart from "I don't know" or I "wouldnt understand"

He also was downloading porn on his birthday weekend camping trip that I wasn't invited too cause it was a guys only trip.

I feel like an absolute fool and you probably won't be surprised to hear I'm still with him.
I want to leave but I just can't I'm not ready yet even after all this betrayal

I can't really talk to anyone about this, my close friend is fed up of listening and not surprised at all when I tell her.

 

[Clickbait]

I think if you’re in a place where you’re trying to look on your partner’s phone to catch them out then there is clearly no trust and it’s probably not a healthy relationship to stay in. Sadly instincts people have about their partner being up to something are usually correct, but they’re often ignored or persuaded to leave them alone. Life is too short to stay with someone who you don’t trust, who makes you feel anxious, unloved, disrespected or disappointed. Staying in those relationships long term can really mess with self-esteem and lead to issues in other relationships too.

 

[ChubClubThug]

I've been really struggling with this lately. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, before we started going out he told me he doesn't watch porn and I was stupid enough to beleive him.
About 6 months into our relationship, I caught him saving pictures of girls he follows on his Instagram. I wanted to break up with him then but he convinced me not to, and said he was sorry and that he'd delete all the pics and it wouldn't happen again.
Ever since I feel so horrible about myself. I can't stop comparing myself to the girls he follows online, and it's ruining our relationship with how insecure I am. I find myself lashing out and getting moody often because I can't stop thinking about it.
2 weeks ago he was on his laptop and I saw he had pics saved of girls there too. I tried breaking up with him again but I really don't want to, I love him so much and otherwise we have a great relationship.
I wish I never found out, I feel disgusting
I look nothing like the girls he looks at. They're all skinny with huge boobs and I'm the opposite.
I hate him going on Instagram, I'm not on it myself but his account is on private but I know he follows over 2,500 people.
I'm also quite jealous of his ex, she's so beautiful and thin.
It's really breaking my heart, I don't want to lose him but I don't beleive he's stopped at all.
I just want to be the only woman he looks at and desires

This problem is his, nothing to do with how you look. He has a porn addiction and he's not respecting your boundaries. If he's saving pics, I can guarantee you there's a whole other heap of stuff you have no clue about.

I would highly recommend you making an Instagram and requesting him to see what he's up to. He's taking advantage of the fact that you're not on there. Men like him always have escalated behaviour

Get yourself on tiktok and look up this woman Jourdan. She explains all of this far better than I can.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this but so many others have the same problems. It's like an epidemic no-one talks about

 

[The Devils Arse]

I've just found out my partner has been following a load of naked women on Instagram. He repeatedly stated he "doesn't do social media", so I never bothered looking for him on there. Saw notifications when I was borrowing his phone.

Now my mind is going into overdrive, thinking if he is interacting with these women, if he goes on only fans etc.

We are due to get married later this year.

I feel sick.

 

[Sunflower91]

Wow complete and utter narc. People like this are dangerous. It reads like something out of a film, but it's amazingly quite common. Just people don't want to talk about the porn element. This is what I was trying to explain to the other poster, if he's going to the effort of saving the pics, it's just the tip of the iceberg. He's probably doing similar to her sadly.

These creatures just go around damaging woman and bringing them down until they are as damaged as they are. I hope you have found some healing from this situation, it's absolutely awful what he put you through and you deffo deserved better!

Thank you. I had years of therapy where it brought so much into light, and now I can look at this experience as something that happened. He was so mentally abusive that some things kind of got locked away in my memory. He’s a predatory dangerous man. I feel very sorry for the girl he married because I’m sure she will be going through the mental and physical abuse he put me through.

I don’t think people realise how dangerous porn can become. As my ex became more addicted to it the more attached to the unrealistic expectations he got too.

Spoiler: TW

It got to the point where he’d put ridiculous pressure on me to have sex and I got more and more anxious to the point i just couldn’t go through with it or I would just agree to protect myself from an argument. Things came to a head when he took advantage of me when I was drunk and passed out. Part of me would love to report him and get justice and protect others but I just feels like there’s no point, and I don’t think I’d get anywhere/that people would believe me

 

[ChubClubThug]

I think unless you've been in this situation you have no idea how hurtful and soul destroying this is, to find out that a long term partner is keeping all these grubby secrets, and lying to you constantly. It makes you think you're going insane and it's like the death of a relationship because you can't see them any other way then. If you stay with the person who has betrayed you, you have to learn to love them again and to love yourself. Because it can crush your self worth completely.

Anyone going through this I urge you to put yourself first no matter how anyone tries to guilt trip you or make light of your feelings. We all have different boundaries and if it was that easy, emotionally and financially to just "walk away" there'd be a hell of a lot more singles in the world. Sometimes it's just not an option to up and leave if you can't afford it or have the strength to. So you have to look at how else you can navigate the situation

 

[ChubClubThug]

It’s so sad how common this is. I’m in a similar situation at the moment and I really thought it would never happen to us. I’m with my partner 6+ years and we’re meant to be getting married soon. We have always spoken about trust and he has spoken passionately about how he hates when men cheat and that he would never do it to me. He goes to an event with his friends every year and he goes out without me all the time. I never had any doubts because he filled me with confidence. We were out together a few weeks ago and when we got home he was a bit drunk and wasn’t talking to me. I noticed he was snap chatting someone. When he fell asleep I checked his phone and couldn’t find Snapchat on it. He had hidden it so I had to go on safari and search for it to login. When I logged in there were snaps sent to a girl I didn’t know. I checked and they were friends since the weekend he had been at the event. When I confronted him he said he was just friends with her that they had similar interests and he didn’t want to tell me because I wouldn’t understand. He told me she was in the house with his friend( who also has a long term girlfriend) they were staying in briefly one night. I had a gut feeling that it was more than that. I asked to see his phone again and I was looking at how to download his data and I told him I wanted to see the messages to put my mind at ease. He freaked out, pulled the phone off me and left.
Later on I threatened to tell his friends girlfriend that the girl was in the house with her boyfriend and he told me he would kill himself if I did as he would have nobody left. I ignored this because he was threatened this before and said I needed to find out the truth because I hadn’t heard it yet. He told me that she said she thought he was good looking and he said she was so nice and a lovely person. She asked him to meet up and he said no that can never happen I have a long term girlfriend. ( I believed this at first because I text the girl on Snapchat asking if she knew he had a girlfriend and she said it was one of the first things he told her and not to worry it was nothing like that). I don’t believe either of them and I think he cheated, in my eyes he was already cheated with the texting. The date he added her and was talking to her was when my grandad was dying and I was spending all my time with him. I’m finding it hard to process it all because he had made me believe he would never betray my trust. He is now begging for another chance, telling me he will start therapy. He said the only reason he kept talking to her was because he loved the attention and he was flattered by it. He has told me he won’t drink anymore because he met her when he was drunk. He said he will get therapy for a long time before he expects me to take him back. At the moment only my close family know because I’m finding it too overwhelming and can’t bare to tell anyone else yet so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If they were just friends he wouldn't mind you reading the messages now would he. You don't really need anyone to tell you he's a cheat do you his reaction tells you everything you need to know.

Please please please DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. This is probably just the beginning of what you will find out about him. He planned to take that girl back to the house, and sorry to say he probably slept with her. Why would he need to start therapy if he's not a cheat? He's gaslighting you. Men who pretend they're so against cheating are normally the ones doing it the most. Telling you he'd kill himself if you basically held him accountable for his own actions is the lowest of the low. That's true manipulation. And a really evil thing to say. Cheats and porn addicts don't give a shit about your feelings, they only care when they get caught. If he can disrespect you when you're at a low point with your grandad, he's honestly not worth it.

You can get in his snapchat and change the password and lock him out of it to download the data. It's quite easy to do if you can get hold of his phone, if you feel that is what you need to do. He's probably cheating on every platform/social media page he has access to.

This won't be out of the blue. I bet there's been other red flags along the way, and your family has probably noticed

 

[ChubClubThug]

back again with another update!!

so I'm still with my bf, in August it will have been 2 years since the first incident and in June it will be 1 year since the last.

have things gotten better?

really hard to say. I've had countless discussions with him, and he's unfollowed over 1,200 people on instagram but still has plenty more to go.

I told him the other day if he doesn't have it finally sorted put before the next time he comes to see me, then don't bother coming.

I'm still thinking about the things I've seen and how it made me feel everyday. some days are better than others but for the most part I'm still suffering over this still with no one to talk to about it.

I've been trying and failing to lose weight, buying new clothes and making more of an effort to look after myself and my appearance for myself not him, but I still feel super low and disgusted with how I look and I can't stop comparing myself to pretty girls online and irl.

I know this thread has been pretty dead but just wanted to vent again x

Sorry to hear you're still having a crap time. You have to ask yourself is he really worth this continuous cycle of hurt. He still hasn't really changed in 2yrs by the sounds of it from your post You deserve to feel beautiful and loved and secure. It sounds like he's not really willing to meet you half way