It’s a bit odd how he would delete her, if there was nothing iffy going on then surely he’d keep her and say honestly there’s nothing in it and only delete her if you continue to express unhappiness at it. I would say maybe reach out to her if you can and ask but some women can’t be trusted so if anything has gone on she may lie anyways.
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I think if you’re in a place where you’re trying to look on your partner’s phone to catch them out then there is clearly no trust and it’s probably not a healthy relationship to stay in. Sadly instincts people have about their partner being up to something are usually correct, but they’re often ignored or persuaded to leave them alone. Life is too short to stay with someone who you don’t trust, who makes you feel anxious, unloved, disrespected or disappointed. Staying in those relationships long term can really mess with self-esteem and lead to issues in other relationships too.
I've been really struggling with this lately. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, before we started going out he told me he doesn't watch porn and I was stupid enough to beleive him.
About 6 months into our relationship, I caught him saving pictures of girls he follows on his Instagram. I wanted to break up with him then but he convinced me not to, and said he was sorry and that he'd delete all the pics and it wouldn't happen again.
Ever since I feel so horrible about myself. I can't stop comparing myself to the girls he follows online, and it's ruining our relationship with how insecure I am. I find myself lashing out and getting moody often because I can't stop thinking about it.
2 weeks ago he was on his laptop and I saw he had pics saved of girls there too. I tried breaking up with him again but I really don't want to, I love him so much and otherwise we have a great relationship.
I wish I never found out, I feel disgusting
I look nothing like the girls he looks at. They're all skinny with huge boobs and I'm the opposite.
I hate him going on Instagram, I'm not on it myself but his account is on private but I know he follows over 2,500 people.
I'm also quite jealous of his ex, she's so beautiful and thin.
It's really breaking my heart, I don't want to lose him but I don't beleive he's stopped at all.
I just want to be the only woman he looks at and desires
About 6 months into our relationship, I caught him saving pictures of girls he follows on his Instagram. I wanted to break up with him then but he convinced me not to, and said he was sorry and that he'd delete all the pics and it wouldn't happen again.
Ever since I feel so horrible about myself. I can't stop comparing myself to the girls he follows online, and it's ruining our relationship with how insecure I am. I find myself lashing out and getting moody often because I can't stop thinking about it.
2 weeks ago he was on his laptop and I saw he had pics saved of girls there too. I tried breaking up with him again but I really don't want to, I love him so much and otherwise we have a great relationship.
I wish I never found out, I feel disgusting
I look nothing like the girls he looks at. They're all skinny with huge boobs and I'm the opposite.
I hate him going on Instagram, I'm not on it myself but his account is on private but I know he follows over 2,500 people.
I'm also quite jealous of his ex, she's so beautiful and thin.
It's really breaking my heart, I don't want to lose him but I don't beleive he's stopped at all.
I just want to be the only woman he looks at and desires
This problem is his, nothing to do with how you look. He has a porn addiction and he's not respecting your boundaries. If he's saving pics, I can guarantee you there's a whole other heap of stuff you have no clue about.I've been really struggling with this lately. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, before we started going out he told me he doesn't watch porn and I was stupid enough to beleive him.
About 6 months into our relationship, I caught him saving pictures of girls he follows on his Instagram. I wanted to break up with him then but he convinced me not to, and said he was sorry and that he'd delete all the pics and it wouldn't happen again.
Ever since I feel so horrible about myself. I can't stop comparing myself to the girls he follows online, and it's ruining our relationship with how insecure I am. I find myself lashing out and getting moody often because I can't stop thinking about it.
2 weeks ago he was on his laptop and I saw he had pics saved of girls there too. I tried breaking up with him again but I really don't want to, I love him so much and otherwise we have a great relationship.
I wish I never found out, I feel disgusting
I look nothing like the girls he looks at. They're all skinny with huge boobs and I'm the opposite.
I hate him going on Instagram, I'm not on it myself but his account is on private but I know he follows over 2,500 people.
I'm also quite jealous of his ex, she's so beautiful and thin.
It's really breaking my heart, I don't want to lose him but I don't beleive he's stopped at all.
I just want to be the only woman he looks at and desires
I would highly recommend you making an Instagram and requesting him to see what he's up to. He's taking advantage of the fact that you're not on there. Men like him always have escalated behaviour
Get yourself on tiktok and look up this woman Jourdan. She explains all of this far better than I can.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this but so many others have the same problems. It's like an epidemic no-one talks about
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Thanks for the reply. Tbh I have thought about making an instagram to do that before, but the thought just makes me feel anxious and sick almost like I'd rather not know. Ignorance is bliss and all that.
I did look through his phone a few weeks ago, he has an iPhone and the home button is broken so I couldn't get a proper look through, it was when he was asleep and my heart was racing!!
I didn't find anything too bad, but I wasn't able to check everything I wanted and I'm too scared to do it again, incase I duck up and he finds out.
I'm on tiktok so I already know aboht Jourdan, honestly I just feel so bad for her she'd nearly be better off just ending things with her husband (if only I could take my own advice lol)
We're long distance as well, I feel better when we're together but when he goes home I get so paranoid that when he's not replying to me he's looking at other girls. I know he would never cheat physically.
As another user said also, I'm beginning to hate the women that make these thirst trap posts. I think it's awful carry on.
My bf did admit to me as well that he also did the same when he was with his beautiful ex, so yeah you're right it probably isn't a me issue as such but still makes me feel grim.
Apologies for the ramble, I'm feeling very emotional and not myself at all
Trust me, they hide it well. It is a hard decision to make. So he knows he has a problem, but isn't willing to change his behaviour? That's not a good sign tbh. I don't think I'd want to stay with someone who wasn't willing to change actions that they know causes their partner a lot of distress. He's already damaged you, you have to ask yourself hard is he really worth this pain? You could get years down the line and find our worse and the damage would be deeper and harder to repair.Thanks for the reply. Tbh I have thought about making an instagram to do that before, but the thought just makes me feel anxious and sick almost like I'd rather not know. Ignorance is bliss and all that.
I did look through his phone a few weeks ago, he has an iPhone and the home button is broken so I couldn't get a proper look through, it was when he was asleep and my heart was racing!!
I didn't find anything too bad, but I wasn't able to check everything I wanted and I'm too scared to do it again, incase I duck up and he finds out.
I'm on tiktok so I already know aboht Jourdan, honestly I just feel so bad for her she'd nearly be better off just ending things with her husband (if only I could take my own advice lol)
We're long distance as well, I feel better when we're together but when he goes home I get so paranoid that when he's not replying to me he's looking at other girls. I know he would never cheat physically.
As another user said also, I'm beginning to hate the women that make these thirst trap posts. I think it's awful carry on.
My bf did admit to me as well that he also did the same when he was with his beautiful ex, so yeah you're right it probably isn't a me issue as such but still makes me feel grim.
Apologies for the ramble, I'm feeling very emotional and not myself at all
If he's on iphone you can check his locations and where he's been. But If he's saving pics I can guarantee you it goes further than that. Hope you can find some peace and believe that you deffo deserve better
One of my friend’s boyfriend is constantly liking and befriending other women on Instagram, she doesn’t have it and I think she chooses ignorance so she doesn’t have to see it. I’ve always had a bad vibe about him and a few have said things to her in the past but she chooses to ignore.
A few weeks ago I mentioned to my sister I’d been asked to be a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding (I’ll be there but I don’t agree with it and don’t think she should’ve said yes)…. She asked me who the groom was and when I told her she said he’d added her on Snapchat and had been chatting to her. He knows full well she’s my sister too so I’m raging but I’m old enough to know that judging from previous revelations it would do no good to say anything.
I truly believe men who are interested in liking photos of other women on social media and following them etc. should be ran away from at the highest speed possible. It’s sad in the short term but in the long term it will save you your sanity, tears and potentially so much more. These red flags are a blessing in disguise.
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A few weeks ago I mentioned to my sister I’d been asked to be a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding (I’ll be there but I don’t agree with it and don’t think she should’ve said yes)…. She asked me who the groom was and when I told her she said he’d added her on Snapchat and had been chatting to her. He knows full well she’s my sister too so I’m raging but I’m old enough to know that judging from previous revelations it would do no good to say anything.
I truly believe men who are interested in liking photos of other women on social media and following them etc. should be ran away from at the highest speed possible. It’s sad in the short term but in the long term it will save you your sanity, tears and potentially so much more. These red flags are a blessing in disguise.
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He's got his fishing rod out. Only a matter of time before he cheats. Why do these scumbags bother getting married? If they're already trying to break the vows. It's a lack of self control and respect for their women and women in general
I feel like a lot of them won’t physically do anything but they get a buzz out of the thrill and potential, also a bit of an ego boost if their interest is reciprocated. Sad little life if you ask me!
This might be a bit of an essay but I wanted to share just incase anyone saw themselves in this.
My ex did this to me for years. When we first got together he was open that he had Facebook- we were a part of each other’s social media world. It was before the days of Snapchat etc so most of his cheating was via text. our relationship seemed good, very few red flags in the beginning. I was young and naive so when I saw him messaging his ex saying “she was the only girl he ever loved” etc. I was really shocked because it came out of nowhere. We talked about things, I believed his excuse of it being kind (didn’t want to upset her while she was in hospital). I watched as he deleted her number and carried on. Weeks pass an out of the blue a different ex is calling him at night. He told me she was crazy and a bit of a stalker. I believed him. A month passes and he’s scrolling through his contact list and i spotted the ex he deleted in there. He sat and gaslit me and for some reason I was the villain in the situation. Then we went to a party with his uni mates. He’d slept with one of his flat mates friends before and made out she was another of these people messaging him all the time flirting. I remember her looking upset seeing us together and part of me now wonders what stories he’d fed her.
Things got even worse when he started becoming more and more addicted to porn. He had no job and kept dropping out of uni and would Spend hours with porn on. Towards the end of the relationship some of the searches he made were vile- clearly looking for young / teenage looking/ dressed women.
His behaviour with his exes made me super paranoid. I’d borrow his laptop and find that he’d been searching for his ex and other women he’d been friends with repeatedly- looking through their pictures. Even had a hidden folder with images. I taught myself how to look through computer registry to find internet history that had been deleted just to be one step ahead because every time I confronted him he’d get sneakier.
Out of the blue about in he decided to get rid of social media and tried to convince me to do the same. I refused. After a few months I was scrolling through the friends list of my work friend and spotted his name. He was back on Facebook and hadn’t told me. He had a friends list full of women but he reckoned it was an old account and nothing to be worried about. We’d regularly have a conversation about me deleting guy friends from Facebook and him agreeing to delete the women he didn’t really know. I held up my end and he carried on as normal. Out of the blue his ex (who’d been calling him) added him and they got super chatty on Facebook. He convinced me it was harmless and we carried on as normal.
Then I started getting weird messages on Facebook saying to pay them money or they’d expose his pictures watching porn. And tbh I think it was just one of those scams but my ex absolutely tit himself. Closed all his accounts again. Vanished off the internet.
Somehow after this, he met a girl online (17, he was 27 at the time). She lived in America so he concocted a scheme to out there on an “internship”, proposed to her and then came home as normal. Obvs when I found out there was no way I would stay with them. 6 years down the drain.
For some reason even now his socials come up on my “people you may know”. I no longer have Facebook but in the last few years he’s had half a dozen Instagram accounts- none with his wife as a friend, and sometimes trying to arrange to meet with women. I block when I spot them now
My ex did this to me for years. When we first got together he was open that he had Facebook- we were a part of each other’s social media world. It was before the days of Snapchat etc so most of his cheating was via text. our relationship seemed good, very few red flags in the beginning. I was young and naive so when I saw him messaging his ex saying “she was the only girl he ever loved” etc. I was really shocked because it came out of nowhere. We talked about things, I believed his excuse of it being kind (didn’t want to upset her while she was in hospital). I watched as he deleted her number and carried on. Weeks pass an out of the blue a different ex is calling him at night. He told me she was crazy and a bit of a stalker. I believed him. A month passes and he’s scrolling through his contact list and i spotted the ex he deleted in there. He sat and gaslit me and for some reason I was the villain in the situation. Then we went to a party with his uni mates. He’d slept with one of his flat mates friends before and made out she was another of these people messaging him all the time flirting. I remember her looking upset seeing us together and part of me now wonders what stories he’d fed her.
Things got even worse when he started becoming more and more addicted to porn. He had no job and kept dropping out of uni and would Spend hours with porn on. Towards the end of the relationship some of the searches he made were vile- clearly looking for young / teenage looking/ dressed women.
His behaviour with his exes made me super paranoid. I’d borrow his laptop and find that he’d been searching for his ex and other women he’d been friends with repeatedly- looking through their pictures. Even had a hidden folder with images. I taught myself how to look through computer registry to find internet history that had been deleted just to be one step ahead because every time I confronted him he’d get sneakier.
Out of the blue about in he decided to get rid of social media and tried to convince me to do the same. I refused. After a few months I was scrolling through the friends list of my work friend and spotted his name. He was back on Facebook and hadn’t told me. He had a friends list full of women but he reckoned it was an old account and nothing to be worried about. We’d regularly have a conversation about me deleting guy friends from Facebook and him agreeing to delete the women he didn’t really know. I held up my end and he carried on as normal. Out of the blue his ex (who’d been calling him) added him and they got super chatty on Facebook. He convinced me it was harmless and we carried on as normal.
Then I started getting weird messages on Facebook saying to pay them money or they’d expose his pictures watching porn. And tbh I think it was just one of those scams but my ex absolutely tit himself. Closed all his accounts again. Vanished off the internet.
Somehow after this, he met a girl online (17, he was 27 at the time). She lived in America so he concocted a scheme to out there on an “internship”, proposed to her and then came home as normal. Obvs when I found out there was no way I would stay with them. 6 years down the drain.
For some reason even now his socials come up on my “people you may know”. I no longer have Facebook but in the last few years he’s had half a dozen Instagram accounts- none with his wife as a friend, and sometimes trying to arrange to meet with women. I block when I spot them now
Wow complete and utter narc. People like this are dangerous. It reads like something out of a film, but it's amazingly quite common. Just people don't want to talk about the porn element. This is what I was trying to explain to the other poster, if he's going to the effort of saving the pics, it's just the tip of the iceberg. He's probably doing similar to her sadly.
These creatures just go around damaging woman and bringing them down until they are as damaged as they are. I hope you have found some healing from this situation, it's absolutely awful what he put you through and you deffo deserved better!
Thank you. I had years of therapy where it brought so much into light, and now I can look at this experience as something that happened. He was so mentally abusive that some things kind of got locked away in my memory. He’s a predatory dangerous man. I feel very sorry for the girl he married because I’m sure she will be going through the mental and physical abuse he put me through.
I don’t think people realise how dangerous porn can become. As my ex became more addicted to it the more attached to the unrealistic expectations he got too.
It got to the point where he’d put ridiculous pressure on me to have sex and I got more and more anxious to the point i just couldn’t go through with it or I would just agree to protect myself from an argument. Things came to a head when he took advantage of me when I was drunk and passed out. Part of me would love to report him and get justice and protect others but I just feels like there’s no point, and I don’t think I’d get anywhere/that people would believe me
What a sick, vile beast. He needs locking up and his day will come. The best revenge you can have is healing and living a happy life. You were strong enough to realise that you had to get away, you should be forever proud of yourself for getting out of it. A lot of people don't. Someone will read what you've written and it may be the push they need to address their own toxic situation. As you say, people laugh porn use off but it nearly always over steps the mark and becomes a trigger for further behaviours
If you feel that getting justice would help you heal further then you could look into it, you'd have to think carefully about what would bring you the most peace in your mind. Sometimes it is closing the chapter, sometimes it's opening a can of worms. But don't feel responsible for the new wife, that's on him and I'm sure she knows what he's like. A lot of the time even when you try and help they stick their head in the sand. Hopefully she has the courage to do what you did in the future
There’s a massive correlation to porn addiction and indecent images of children too - not saying at all is the case with your ex or anyone who has porn addiction. I’ve read hundreds of hours of reports and things about it and it’s frightening how many offenders spiralled from porn addiction to things involving children. Pornhub actually teamed up with a charity which works to prevent online exploitation of children, they have a function within their search now where if someone searches for something iffy it points them to support. I wish there was more awareness about stuff like this, besides from it damaging lots of women due to their partners behaviour it is also a very slippery slope to illegal behaviour
100% agree. It also enforces and makes misogyny acceptable
Thank you everyone for this recent discussion. I seen a few tattle discussions where women give men a pass for their porn addictions and obsessions. Like it's supposed to be the normal part of being a man. No. It's NOT! 
I have to ask the question to straight men who watch porn, why do you want to watch another man jizz? I used to watch a lot when I was younger until I realised how gross it is, what goes on behind the industry, how seedy and damaging it isThank you everyone for this recent discussion. I seen a few tattle discussions where women give men a pass for their porn addictions and obsessions. Like it's supposed to be the normal part of being a man. No. It's NOT!
This was my comment on it in another thread. Women really don't understand what is going on with other women. It's really worrying.
How much sex is "normal" in a relationship
I'm no longer in a relationship however there were many times where I did it just because he wanted it, otherwise I'd be made to feel bad. If I tried to stand my ground, he'd say I made him feel unattractive or he'd moan at me so much I'd just give in. Sexual intimacy is very important for me in...
tattle.life
Different people do have different boundaries. But in my old age I agree with you. I used to not mind about porn being present in a relationship, but it nearly always escalates into more. People who think it's harmless stimulation probably don't realise how much they chose to watch it, the thirst traps they watch, even perving on your family and friends. Saving their pics etc. the comment on that thread about their partner only ever being able to finish himself when they have sex, 100% a porn addict . He's probably got "death grip" I personally think it's really grim!
I've just found out my partner has been following a load of naked women on Instagram. He repeatedly stated he "doesn't do social media", so I never bothered looking for him on there. Saw notifications when I was borrowing his phone.
Now my mind is going into overdrive, thinking if he is interacting with these women, if he goes on only fans etc.
We are due to get married later this year.
I feel sick.
Now my mind is going into overdrive, thinking if he is interacting with these women, if he goes on only fans etc.
We are due to get married later this year.
I feel sick.