Another day, another Dave vlog full of painfully ignorant comments and straight up nightmare fuel.
Highlights:
-He makes a “joke” about the Forth Bridge being “like the Golden Gate Bridge, but in Scotland,” because this moron’s walnut brain can’t abide any sensory input that doesn’t immediately get categorized in reference to things he’s already familiar with. It’s the same reason he keeps getting coffees and babbling about how similar or dissimilar they are to American coffees. Anyway, he tries to make the same joke again to a stranger on the tender boat, but she cuts him off and it’s hilarious to hear his disappointed backpedal. Someone tell him it’s probably for the best that he didn’t manage to say it.
-He gets a Negroni and OH, WHAT I WOULD GIVE to have heard his review. Negronis are super polarizing and very bitter. I feel robbed that we didn’t get to watch his facial histrionics as he took a sip.
-He ends up making balloon animals with an off-screen “friend” with a female voice, and no, “making balloon animals” is not a euphemism — this adult man actually spent time on his cruise making literal balloon animals. He’s clearly trying to impress whatever woman he’s with, because as she films him and giggles, he makes a balloon sword, holds it at groin height, waggles it at her, and growls: “Look how long my sword is. Look how long that is.” Dave, babes, the internet is forever and I hope to God you will be reminded of that fact at the absolute most inopportune time in the future. One shudders to think of what that poor woman would see if Dave brought her back to his stateroom: a pool towel spread with the finest buffet leftovers, with a backdrop of dirty clothes because Dave outright refuses to pay to have his laundry done in the middle of his weeks-long trip. His free anchor necklace glints against his Brillo pad chest as he gives her a tour of every drawer and shelf in the room.
had to leave a comment.
@fransmith8360
I still get a “page not found 404 error” when trying to buy Dave kay flow merch. Please advise.
-“I gotta ask Mike how to do this,” he says as he struggles with another balloon animal. Which raises several questions: is Michael there? Does Michael have a hidden balloon animal talent? Do the people Dave is speaking to know Michael? Why else would he casually name drop his brother to a bunch of strangers?
-At one point he’s reading a winning raffle ticket into a microphone and the host asks where he’s from. He says “United States, greatest country in the — “ before jokingly cutting himself off. The host laughs but looks like he wants to punch him. Dave is the epitome of the stereotypical ugly American tourist: entitled, annoyed when different cultures are different, making tasteless jokes, imitating people’s accents, being cheap as hell, doing zero research, shamelessly vlogging at times when he should be quiet, and completely incapable of reading the
bleeping room.
