Skip if you have zero interest in relationship theories… but I’ve been watching MAFS through the lense of attachment theory. Briefly we tend to have one of four attachment styles.
- Secure. Is the ideal: healthy, emotionally intelligent etc.
- Anxious. There are degrees but without a secure partner they can easily be triggered and appear over emotional or ‘needy’. Especially as they often partner with an …
- Avoidant. They may leave literally (hence all the second apartments!) and/ or shut down emotionally/ be extremely guarded. And possibly are caught up in waiting for the perfect partner who gives them lots of space and never questions them (and doesn’t exist!)
- Nobheads. (I may have changed this title
) but avoid at all costs!!! I don’t think they should be on these shows. Relationships with them can quickly become toxic, with their partners not understanding what’s going on and behaving themselves in ways they never have before!
Generally this is all happening unconsciously and reflects the levels of attachment we had as infants. Not set in stone though. If anxious or avoidant types date a secure type and/ or have good therapy they can become secure.
My favourite secure/ secure type couple was on MAFS Australia. The ‘cricket’ guy and his partner. A good match with v few roadblocks, which they quickly worked through.
I like Chanita this year. Only going by what they’ve shown, she seems fairly secure (and didn’t get overly caught up in gossip-gate) so when challenged by her partner she didn’t ‘flounce off’ / deflect/ attack/ get defensive… she listened, apologised and gave reassurance, more than once. And since then they’ve seemed more settled.
I think Gemma did go into this as though it was a real marriage and beforehand had built it up in her mind to be her dream relationship. It started well when they met, so I think she was 1000% hooked and a bit giddy with it all and not seeing that her hubby was soon retreating from her and that he would have been overwhelmed by a months worth of love letters on what he considered to be a first date, albeit on tv.
I get why people think she’s massively overreacting, but unconsciously it could have felt like life and death for her (as infants we need our caregivers love/ validation to stay alive!) Also, on the show they have no contact with their friends and family who would normally be able to help regulate their systems when upset, plus they’re being filmed!
Not excusing rude behaviour but I think ‘Shep-ney’? have embraced the overall concept and they couldn’t help who they were attracted to.
Here ends my application to be a fifth ixpert. Or maybe we could all start a spin-off gogglebox for MAFS
(DA's really are trash tho)
I’ve seen different categories listed but was thinking of the worst of the ‘disorganised’ one. If we find we’re repeating a pattern it’s worth looking inwards but with the fourth category - run for the hills first, would you agree?! 
. I’d be gutted. 
