Does anyone get avoidant personality vibes from Miles? I don't really get any vibes that he is gay or bi (but I am not always good at sensing if someone is any way) but I do sense that he plays up relationships in his head/what he thinks he might want but when reality hits he runs away. I think he probably does crave a romantic relationship but maybe something happened in a past one that makes him avoid/shutdown.
Not excusing what he does to girls but I am noticing things he does that kind of reminds me of how I used to be with a lot of the guys I dated when I was younger like early 20s in university. I think I had a lot of idealized opinions about what I wanted/had limerence etc. But when it came time to really commit I would shut down a bit/avoid the situation. Or once I committed I would be looking for my out. I am not proud to say that I had a few boyfriends so frustrated with me that they would really flip out and say being around me/trying to get answers about how I really felt was like pulling teeth.
I had to finally go to therapy and address a lot of things about myself. How I was hurting people. I realized I had a fear of being trapped or being rejected because my first relationship/boyfriend was kind of damaging to my sense of self. I really did idealize him and he really did things to take advantage of this/ break that facade and make me feel like I had to escape him. Which I did.
So with other potential relationships/other boyfriends if things got too intense or too real I would avoid out of fear. It isn't a good way to be and Miles is giving me that vibe. I hope he starts taking therapy more seriously and puts whatever tools given to him into action. Emily is so right that he needs to sort himself out/take accountability and stop thinking so much of himself.
He's the walking embodiment of avoidant attachment style. I could write a whole essay on guys like that; I've dated enough of them! I used to have a touch of it myself, during my early 20s but have since learned the error of my ways.
You're right - there's nearly always a really bad previous relationship experience that makes people avoidant, or issues stemming from their childhood. One guy I fell badly for was just like Miles. Turned on the charm from day one and further into us dating made big statements about how ready he was for a relationship and wanted to head down the boyfriend/girlfriend route. Days after telling me he wanted me to meet his family, he did a complete 180 and made up some b/s excuse about how we supposedly weren't right for each other, then went cold on me. He obviously freaked out as I was the first woman he'd seriously dated in nearly five years (he'd dabbled in a bit of dating but was otherwise single and celibate and travelled for a lot of it). In his last relationship, he was cheated on and it affected him so badly to the point that he had to be signed off work for weeks, and it took him a whole year to fully get over. It seems like Miles is still very hung up on his relationship with Meava and the issues it caused, a whole five years later.
So yeah, you're right; anyone who is an avoidant dater like Miles should literally avoid dating all together, until they've sorted their
tit out. It's awful to see how many decent girls he's led on then pied off, and that they've served as collateral damage for his deep-rooted unresolved emotional issues.