The Big (#ad) Unboxing; The Breakdown
We start where we left off, with the creepy baby voice as Lidl schmoozes the dogs. Then it's outside to look at the morning frost on the new gate and the defender. Lydiot then uses her poshest voice to call her dogs 'truff snuffs in the graaaaassss'.
In the dressing room our Lids confesses she's had a 'boo boo' but 'in the positive sense', she's filmed too much! But don't panic, she gives us reassurance it will still be the quality content we are used to . . . She then talks about her team and what a great boss she is, skip, skip, skip.
Lidl is going to the ballet for the first time, with lots of other women she's never met, I can already hear the fake chortling!
After showing us the view, (of her neighbours back garden), Lydiot sits down to sell us some stuff. This year Lidl is only flogging us expensive tat that sets her 'heart on fire'. Today this is THE MOST beautiful british brand, well, since Thursday when she said this about two other brands.
The company is owned by two men who have help from their Mums to sell countryside living . . . . SOLD! 'You can bet your bottom dollar, if you find a country loving girl on Instagram, she will love Fairfax and Favor', and that's the best she can do to get her #ad payment.
We waste six minutes watching her advertise a hand bag. 'If someone's been a really, really good girl you can treat her to those', or if you are an adult, who doesnt rely on handouts and gifts, you can just buy it for yourself, like a normal person.
She then goes on to try and sell us some brown gloves, that people 'will gasp at', they are so beautiful. However, to the common eye, they just appear to be brown gloves. In case that's not enough, Lydiot goes on to show us the gloves in the other 'colourways', which just means colours.
The sales pitch goes on and on and gives us insights such as, if you wear a gilet inside out it gives it a different look. It may be tempting to skip all the garble but Lidl really does come out with some gems. Apparently, she is often asked if she wears tracksuits (by whom?) and informs us her leggings and cashmere jumpers are her equivalent. Then she adds a gilet 'for intrigue' INTRIGUE!!!!
Just when you think it might be over, Lids gets a scarf out of a box, puts it on and strokes it over her outfit, then adds a belt, then she puts on her 'elegant coat', and strokes the scarf some more. Lidl then loses the plot and talks about the scarf bringing nostalgia of British school boy uniforms. She faffs some more, prattling on, and adding the pieces she has already shown us.
Now shes got a waist coat, jeeeez, it's like watching QVC! The final 'piece' is a brown coat. Can we move on now, for goodness sake! Aaaand we have made it to the end of the 24 minute #ad.
Lydiot is ready to go to the ballet. In a dress that makes me think she may be under the impression she is starring in the ballet. She puts her American Express in her new #gifted wallet, throws on her grandads coat and she's off.
As predicted the giggling starts and we are at the ballet. Lyds walks in, past the normal people, dressed in smart/casual wear and looks like a right twat.
Back home Lydiot gives us some feedback on the ballet, she uses the same descriptive words as when she tried to flog us the brown gloves, earlier.
Whilst she's been out, the Butler has been fixing things, tidying up, and they've been gifted a huge coffee machine which is phenomenal, just like the ballet.
We then get to hear how Lydiot feels about Harry and Meghan. She tells us how she is 'bizarre' because she only 'thinks in facts'. She goes on to paint herself as an unopinionated, open minded, quiet person; this is called 'creating your own narrative'. She waffles a bit more, but after 46 minutes, the giggle is going through me, I can't bear to listen. She says she's going to bed.
The end
And now, we might have a Tattle engagement 
