Loneliness

[mochibean]

I know what you mean, it's just so hard to meet people organically but resorting to apps the conversations seem so forced!

Yes, it really does, I also find myself swiping based on appearance as you would with a dating app and that is so shallow and not what making friends should be about. Hopefully, we'll both find someone to share our time with. I know how tough it is.

 

[boomska]

I’m feeling really lonely at the moment. That I’ve hardly got any friends. The friends I do have relationships so they can go home, and have someone, an automatic plus one etc.

I’ve moved cities 4 years and always worried that the friends I do have, don’t wanna be friends with me anymore and I don’t have friends in my home town either. No husband/boyfriend, no kids- live in a houseshare

 

[Jc456]

I’m spending Christmas on my own this year, trawled supermarket sites for a Christmas dinner for one, they don’t exist, just wanted something a bit fancier than a Birds Eye chicken dinner & can’t be bothered to cook a turkey just for me with all the trimmings, people have asked what I’m doing at Christmas just said not sure yet, deep down I’m dreading it, I know I’m lucky as I have a roof over my head & a job but Christmas was always about family & I’ve moved to a new area so don’t really know anyone. I was going to go out but would be a bit sad & pathetic sitting there like billy no mates on Christmas Day 

Could you get a turkey breast? Or do they still do small crowns? Some aunt Bessie's stuffing, Yorkshires and some veg. Or just cook your favourite meal, I did pizza one year. My girls are at their dad's every other Christmas, I spend the day watching films and avoiding social media for a week or so

 

[BaileyMC]

I think I’ve come to the realisation, I am lonely.

I’m 22 still live at home, and I have no friends. The only friend I did have moved to Cornwall so now I literally have no one to do anything with. Because I’m waiting to start a new job atm, the only time I really leave the house is if I go food shopping with my parents at the weekend. Literally that’s my plans every week. And I want to make friends, but I don’t know how or where to even start. I’m quite shy, so just walking up to people is something I could never do.

None of my friends have ever stuck around, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s me. Throughout sixth form I didn’t have friends, and the only people I really spoke to where at my job at the time and they were all older ladies. Then uni happened and I made a friend (the one who lives in Cornwall) but now She’s gone and I’m 22 left uni in 2020 and haven’t made a single friend since.

Does anyone have any advice?

 

[watermelon sugar]

Firstly I’m so sorry you had a miscarriage, I can’t imagine how your feeling. And in regards to moving away I can’t imagine that is making things any better. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, but have you tried talking to friends and family? I’m sure they would be willing to talk and listen to how you truly feel. It always feels better once people are able to talk to someone about how their truly feeling. Whether that’s friends, family, a partner or a professional. It might be scary thinking about doing so but you may feel a lot lighter sharing how you are feeling right now

Thank you for replying! Sorry for taking so long to respond my head has been all over the place. I have spoken to friends and family but when I mention my miscarriage it sort of just gets an ‘aw’ or a ‘sorry that happened’ then it gets moved on to something else. I know there’s not much they can say but I just feel so upset & alone all the time and feel like I’ve got no one I can talk to about how I’m really feeling. My boyfriend works a lot and when I do tell him how I’m feeling he’s sort of just like ‘well we’ve got one kid so you shouldn’t be that upset’ so I think he thinks what we’ve been through isn’t that much of a big deal… so I feel like I can’t speak to him about how im feeling honestly I’ve never felt so alone in my life! I do think I might need to speak to my GP because ever since it happened my mood just keeps getting worse and worse
Thank you for replying

 

[Jc456]

@altgirl @BaileyMC have you looked at meetup? I've found a few groups near to me for 20/30s, 30/40s and one for a local town which do lots of things like bowling, murder mystery nights, curry nights, watching bands or just a walk. I can't make any of the meetups because of the kids

 

[HalloweenJack74]

Hey guys, hope it’s ok to post. I don’t personally suffer with loneliness but I popped to see my brother a week or so ago and he revealed to me how cripplingly lonely he is. He’s early 30s and broke up with his long term gf pre-Covid. Lives on his own in a big house and all his friends are loved up in relationships. It broke my heart to hear him say how lonely he was and I felt like the absolute worst sister on the planet. I’m desperately trying to find ways to help him out - going to the pub with him, inviting him out with me and my other half, round for dinner every week, but I’m aware he probably feels like a 3rd wheel... I just pray that things in the world will get back to some semblance of normality again soon so he, and a lot of you all, can make strides to meet new friends and tackle your struggles xxx

Try get him doing some volunteer work or something, trust me it does work. He might even find a new direction or inspiration!

 

[I_love_itttt]

Hi guys, sorry don't want to look like an attention seeking whinger but I didn't have anywhere else to turn.. I posted on here the other day about feeling really lonely as I've just moved almost 2 hours away to live with my boyfriend and didn't have any friends and was struggling to get a job whereas my partner works full time and has a really nice group of friends. Anyway, we had a bit of a drunken row the other night and ended up saying some nasty stuff and splitting up. I went back to 'our home' and thought it'll be okay in the morning etc but he didn't come back and won't respond to me at all and all he has said is that he wants me to move out because its over. Obviously I'm absolutely gutted and so hurt by the lack he care, I'm pouring my heart out just to be ignored or laughed at, just embarrassing really. We've only been together just under a year and this was our first big argument but I'm just speechless to find out I genuinely mean so little to him that he won't even come home or answer me. During this argument he admitted he's been on dating apps this whole time too. I'm stuck here until Monday as nobody can come and get me until then (I don't drive). I genuinely just feel the lowest I've ever been and I'm completely alone with nobody to really confide in, I've reached out to the few friends I've got and as nice as they've all been I just feel irritating going on and on about it. Anyway.. sorry to be soppy bollocks, I'm trying to pass time with shitty tv and tattle threads until it hurts a little bit less. I can't settle, I just feel completely restless and can't even sleep waiting for a reply, for him to come home, wondering what he's doing. I just feel embarrassed, I really thought he was the one and I gave my whole life up for him just to be back at the beginning moving back into my parents house at my age... thanks for the laughs anyway and this platform where I can post this without feeling judged or embarrassed... lots of love xx

I am so sorry you have had all this going on x I absolutely feel for you and please don't feel embarrassed. It was brave and courageous of you to reach out x all I can say is as much as you are hurting, better this has happened now because you deserve respect and happiness with someone who cares rather than be stuck with someone who don't give a rats arse x sending you all my love xxx

 

[WilmaHun]

I'm my own worse enemy when it comes to loneliness, I've had friends I've got close to in the past and each and everyone have managed to use me to the point I call off the friendship, I'm so wary of people, I don't see myself in a good light anyway and its sad I don't think I'll ever have a close friendship again, I have groups I chat in, I talk to people daily but it takes so much to actually feel like I can trust someone, I don't see myself worthy of friendship a lot of the time as I said I don't see myself in a good light, really need to work on that!

I can relate to this in some ways. I think I've been stung in the past so now I am overly cautious and don't tend to let people in easily. It feels like a double edged sword - feeling lonely because you've not got anyone, but feeling too scared to let people in anyway

 

[yogiessexdubs]

I’m feeling really lonely at the moment. That I’ve hardly got any friends. The friends I do have relationships so they can go home, and have someone, an automatic plus one etc.

I’ve moved cities 4 years and always worried that the friends I do have, don’t wanna be friends with me anymore and I don’t have friends in my home town either. No husband/boyfriend, no kids- live in a houseshare

I hear you. I live in a different country, it's fairly transient and a lot of people are fake, flaky or have a fuck ton of issues - so not really my kind of people. I met a lovely friend only for her to move back home.
I hit a milestone birthday a few days ago, I don't own my own property, no partner, and no baby which is depressing at times as most people I know have at least one of those things. I've a few friends back in the UK but after something traumatic that happened in my life I had to cut a lot of people out of my life (including my family). I've come to the realisation that I am happier alone unless I'm in the company of the 'right' people. I lead quite a boring life but at least it's drama free. I don't have the energy to 'look' for relationships ..

Just want you all to know that you're not alone and sometimes it's better to be selfish and think of what YOU want from life rather than wasting time on others where it isn't always reciprocated.

 

[fruitcake_1]

Aww we all seem to be in similar boats. How old is everyone? I’m 25 x

It seems so! I’m 27

 

[dlevan]

Thank you so much. I'm dreading having to go back to my parents house but I do hope I'll get that relief once I'm there.. Very true xxxx

I’m sure they will be as relieved that your out of that toxic relationship and situation. You need to give yourself some time and completely fuck him off. Don’t stand for any of his messing around if he starts messaging etc when you’ve moved out and are back in your family home sounds like he’s a right sleeze and your better off out even if it hurts for a while!

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

It’s difficult if you don’t have kids too I find. Mine have left home and I’m constantly left out of my friendship groups as I’m an empty nester. It is tough to know how to break into groups otherwise.

Yeah I agree with this. My friends seem to have made new friends either through having kids and meeting through baby groups, or through work. I don’t have kids and whilst most of the people I work with are nice enough, it’s not the sort of company where people make friends that they see outside of work.

 

[Libbylulu]

I feel lonely even when I'm with other people and all I want to do is cry but I try to be strong. Feeling lonely is something I've battled with for years but I just feel like I can't handle this emptiness in my life even if I am surrounded by others. I try to reach out to friends and I often feel like I'm a burden or my messages will get ignored. It is difficult to make friends as an adult. I just feel very isolated and more so since my ex broke up with me. I think that might be making it worse but this emptiness and loneliness has been there for a long time.

Thank you for reading my post.

The emptiness you mention sounds a lot like depression. Have you spoken to anyone about it xxxx

 

[Libbylulu]

I love the idea of this thread!
Does anyone have any advice on dealing with loneliness when living alone?

I’ve just bought my first house on my own and should be moving in the next couple of months. I left my ex husband almost 3 years ago. It wasn’t a nice relationship and I was very isolated even then. The few friends I have, have kids or families of their own and don’t always have the time or want me tagging along. I’m also pretty shy and struggle to talk to new people.

My kids are grown and my husband travels a lot. I joined (by accident) a book club and I started going to pilates (with a cup of coffee afterwards). It worked for me, it’s not exciting but it gives me things to do and connect with people, otherwise I’d go days without talking to anyone.

 

[candyland_]

I’ve felt lonely this past week but I’ve been around people everyday. I spoke to my friend about it tonight and he said that he’s felt lonely all weekend too.

I met up with about 10 people today and I had a good time so I’m not sure what’s up with me. I think it’s the time of year and mostly in my head.

 

[Libbylulu]

Your heartbreak is understandable, you put so much into this relationship and had high hopes of it working. Your pain and disappointment must be so raw as you moved away and were giving up everything for him. He doesn’t deserve you! Plain and simple. Know your worth and understand that you are so much better than how he has treated you. It seems really tough right now but dig deep and organize your life without him. You’ll feel so much better. Try things you know he’d hate. Exercise is important as a previous poster mentioned and you’ll feel better for the endorphins. You said you didn’t drive, down the months maybe think of learning to give you this independence. Try thinking of things to do and try that were different to what you had together, it will give you new interests, ideas and outlooks. When you have mended your broken heart you’ll look back and see he wasn’t the one for you because there’s nicer, kinder more thoughtful people out there. Big hugs and strength xxx

 

[altgirl]

I’m about to move into my own place next week and I have mixed emotions. I’m SO excited but I’m also nervous about feeling more lonely than ever.

I don’t really see my friend anymore as she has a new group she sees more because of her children (I don’t have kids) and a guy I was close to has really distanced himself for about a month now and barely talks even when I reach out.

Maybe it’s a bit selfish of me but I really wanted someone to be truly happy and excited for me to finally have my own place after leaving my ex a few years ago and moving back to my parents. I feel like shutting myself away so it’s on my terms, to try and turn off my feelings somehow so I wouldn’t notice the loneliness so much if that makes any sense?

 

[DimaSL23]

I seem to be fine with people I’m comfortable with but I’ve been known to back out of meeting my partners friends and g/f’s on several occasions out of nerves but finally plucked up the courage last weekend. I’m the only one without children though so they all had that in common whereas I didn’t.

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for several years now and not even counselling or medication helped If I know I have to socialise with new people I work myself up for days prior and get all sorts of anxiety symptoms when the occasion arises (sweaty hands, panicky, thoughts like ‘they hate me already, they think i'm weird, they’re comparing me to my partners ex, etc.).
I don’t know if that’s stemmed from feeling rejected from old friendships like I mentioned in my previous post, who knows

The fact I have no-one was amplified when my partner proposed to me and we started talking about a wedding and I asked if he wouldn’t mind eloping just us two so it wouldn’t be glaringly obvious that I have no friends in pictures etc. Luckily he wanted the same as he doesn’t like the fuss!

I don’t really have any hobbies, i’m stuck in an endless cycle

I’m so glad I came across tattle though, it’s nice to see there are like-minded people out there and I’m not alone

Oh @fruitcake_1 reading your posts is like reading my own mind /situation. I wish there was a message function so we could chat! I literally could not relate to you any more. Sending love

 

[Libbylulu]

Do you hear much from friends if you don’t contact them?