Loneliness

[ClockworkDolly]

I saw on another thread someone asking for advice/ ideas regarding loneliness. It can affect anyone, especially after the last year. And my own experience it seems to be more difficult to reach out as my children are grown and my friends still have younger kids.
So I thought I’d start this thread to help with ideas or just dump loneliness feelings

Great thread. Loneliness affects people from all ages.

I have felt lonely my whole life and even though I am chatty, I find it hard to keep friends in my life. I seem to strike up short-term friendships (although there’s me thinking they might be long-term) and some of them I wish I had not invested so much of myself into them. Conversely, I do enjoy my own company.

I am now quite wary of making new friends, as it feels like such an effort.

I'm surrounded by people but still feel really alone. I come from a massive family, my Mum has 6 sisters who have all gone on to have 2 children each, all of which are girls, so I've got loads of cousins of a similar age to me. I'm the only person left without any children though so I feel like I get forgotten about! Similarly I have a few close friends, but I feel like unless I reach out to them they don't bother with me. Aside from my Mum and partner, I don't feel like I have even 1 person who I could call upon if I really needed them and they'd show. How is it possible to be surrounded by people and yet always feel alone? I feel bad moaning about it on here because some of you aren't as fortunate as me to have family right around the corner, so I'm sorry if I wind anybody up posting this - that's not my intention at all. Even with my loved ones near, I feel invisible to them.

This site has been a godsend, and I've spoken to some lovely people on here. I just wish they were closer.

I do understand.

I think children help to define your status in society. People who are childless do get overlooked and I know this because I have experienced this myself. I’m in my mid 50’s, so obviously too late for me to have children, but some of my nieces and nephews now are having children of their own and all the attention is geared up for them. Family dynamics are hard at the best of times without feeling as though you’re invisible. Society seems geared to couples and people with children too.

I have yet to meet people like me and form bonds and friendships with them. You feel at least like you would have something in common with them.

Social media has really been a godsend for me, it eases my loneliness. Before the internet, those lonely days were very hard and bleak at times.

 

[Lauren-1996]

Thank you everyone. I used to go to playgroups with my first but haven’t been able to with the newborn due to covid, but hopefully get back into it soon. Sounds daft but I find coming on here really helpful X

 

[CLittleworld]

I relate to everyone’s posts so much I’m a single mum to a teen I have family close by but I’m the only single friend etc so I don’t get invited to many places I work in the office now but I worked from home for a year and I’d sometimes go 10/11 days without seeing anyone if my daughter was at her dads makes you realise who your real friends are !
My work is an entirely male environment too !
Iv been crocheting so I’m gonna try and join a circle

 

[dlevan]

Hi guys, sorry don't want to look like an attention seeking whinger but I didn't have anywhere else to turn.. I posted on here the other day about feeling really lonely as I've just moved almost 2 hours away to live with my boyfriend and didn't have any friends and was struggling to get a job whereas my partner works full time and has a really nice group of friends. Anyway, we had a bit of a drunken row the other night and ended up saying some nasty stuff and splitting up. I went back to 'our home' and thought it'll be okay in the morning etc but he didn't come back and won't respond to me at all and all he has said is that he wants me to move out because its over. Obviously I'm absolutely gutted and so hurt by the lack he care, I'm pouring my heart out just to be ignored or laughed at, just embarrassing really. We've only been together just under a year and this was our first big argument but I'm just speechless to find out I genuinely mean so little to him that he won't even come home or answer me. During this argument he admitted he's been on dating apps this whole time too. I'm stuck here until Monday as nobody can come and get me until then (I don't drive). I genuinely just feel the lowest I've ever been and I'm completely alone with nobody to really confide in, I've reached out to the few friends I've got and as nice as they've all been I just feel irritating going on and on about it. Anyway.. sorry to be soppy bollocks, I'm trying to pass time with shitty tv and tattle threads until it hurts a little bit less. I can't settle, I just feel completely restless and can't even sleep waiting for a reply, for him to come home, wondering what he's doing. I just feel embarrassed, I really thought he was the one and I gave my whole life up for him just to be back at the beginning moving back into my parents house at my age... thanks for the laughs anyway and this platform where I can post this without feeling judged or embarrassed... lots of love xx

Im so sorry your going through this! Thinking of you and roll on Monday when you can get your life back and find yourself again. He sounds like a dickhead and one day you’ll feel a sense of relief that it all came out now rather than years down the line

xxxxxx

 

[mochibean]

Very lonely. Moved to the other side of the city away from my friends, don't really know anyone and I just feel rubbish. Sick of staying in the house scrolling through tiktok and watching YT videos all day. Feels like a waste especially now we can actually go out.

 

[Cats_eyes]

I don't really have much to input, I spend a lot of time with my dog. I'm a plane away from family. I have friends living here, my bf works away often but a lot of the time prefer I do prefer my own (and the dogs) company. Tattle probably helped a lot tbh but podcasts too!! It's not really loneliness that's bothers me. More so silence. So normally I'm listening to crime/celeb/interview podcasts in the background.

 

[MyLittlePony25]

I hope it’s ok for me to post. I’m also feeling really lonely.
I was sectioned and in hospital from November 2018 to November 2020. During that time I was obviously surrounded by people at all times and I lost touch or have become distanced from my friends.
family is a whole other issue, I only really have my dad.
Anyway, I have been home for 7 months and had very little support from the community team. I sometimes only see the people in the pharmacy and whoever I pass when I go shopping each week. The people I became very close to in hospital are spread out around the country so we don’t see each other.

I feel lost and I don’t know where my place is in the world anymore, the pandemic hasn’t helped either.

My mental health has started to decline. I’m depressed, my benefits haven’t been sorted still so I’m barely able to eat as I’m waiting for it to come through and so I’m not able to go to the gym or the workout classes, the isolation has meant my generalised and social anxiety has gotten worse and I’m practically a hermit.

I’m sorry I’m rambling, insomnia means I am still awake at 2:30am and I needed to vent.

sending my love to everyone

 

[Marie95]

Thank you, hope you are too.
It does really suck, like you said especially when you see your friends going out without you. I'm 27 with no children and we definitely are missing out. I've tried Bumble BFF and not had much luck tbh, met a couple of people I chat to on Instagram but no meetups or anything. You could give it a try you may have more luck?

It really is just tough though. I spend my days after work at home and I'm bored of being bored.

Yes I tried Bumble BFF but find they're either 19/20 and at the city uni or they're older than me (which I obviously don't mind) but they're at different stages of their life with children and don't have the same interests. I want to be out having brunches and day drinking before I'm settling down with children and I find I'm just wasting so much time sat at home.

Wish there was a message function so we could at least be penpals through this shit time

 

[bozlem3080]

I’m spending Christmas on my own this year, trawled supermarket sites for a Christmas dinner for one, they don’t exist, just wanted something a bit fancier than a Birds Eye chicken dinner & can’t be bothered to cook a turkey just for me with all the trimmings, people have asked what I’m doing at Christmas just said not sure yet, deep down I’m dreading it, I know I’m lucky as I have a roof over my head & a job but Christmas was always about family & I’ve moved to a new area so don’t really know anyone. I was going to go out but would be a bit sad & pathetic sitting there like billy no mates on Christmas Day

 

[BBC1HD]

Thank you so much. I'm dreading having to go back to my parents house but I do hope I'll get that relief once I'm there.. Very true xxxx

Girl when you get home block his number, delete him from every social media you have. Get a make over (I ALWAYS changed my hair in some way after a break up). Join a gym (exercise is amazing when you are going through heartbreak). Use this time to reflect and to remember that kind of man is exactly what you want to avoid. And most importantly recognise your worth. You are worth far more than this and no-one gets to make you feel like this again.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I'm glad people have said the same about baby groups! Their all very cliquey and pally the ones I've tried

And agree, my bf seems to like coming home, having his tea and going on the ps4. He tends to like having me there to chatter to but its not proper conversation sometimes he doesnt realise he does it though

 

[Instalies]

Hey guys, hope it’s ok to post. I don’t personally suffer with loneliness but I popped to see my brother a week or so ago and he revealed to me how cripplingly lonely he is. He’s early 30s and broke up with his long term gf pre-Covid. Lives on his own in a big house and all his friends are loved up in relationships. It broke my heart to hear him say how lonely he was and I felt like the absolute worst sister on the planet. I’m desperately trying to find ways to help him out - going to the pub with him, inviting him out with me and my other half, round for dinner every week, but I’m aware he probably feels like a 3rd wheel... I just pray that things in the world will get back to some semblance of normality again soon so he, and a lot of you all, can make strides to meet new friends and tackle your struggles xxx

 

[Alright then]

I’ve felt lonely this past week but I’ve been around people everyday. I spoke to my friend about it tonight and he said that he’s felt lonely all weekend too.

I met up with about 10 people today and I had a good time so I’m not sure what’s up with me. I think it’s the time of year and mostly in my head.

I'm around people all the time but still feel so lonely,

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I was on maternity leave but it's over now and I'm on furlough until I go back in two weeks time! In my spare time I tattle the evenings are nice when my bf is home, I spend time with him. When he's off it is rare and he'd rather go and spend time with his family than spend time the 3 of us

What is it when men and their family? My husband goes to his mother's every bloody night without fail. I don't think they ever grow up

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Do you hear much from friends if you don’t contact them?

No, and I'm sick of always being the one who makes the effort when it's never reciprocated.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I am 31 and basically spend all my time with my partner and our cat or my family/his family. Growing up I was always very sociable and outgoing, going on girls holidays in my 20's, having parties and going to parties every other weekend. Only ever really had a few ''bestfriends'' and then a larger friendship group. As I got older I started to get bored of the drama, I started to grow up and I would rather just keep myself to myself and maybe see the one of two closer friends I have every now and again. I do get lonely but then I also enjoy my own company too because I have quite bad anxiety and always feel a bit insecure. Like I struggle sometimes to look people in the eye when talking or I worry I am going to mess my sentence up when talking, most of the time I needed a drink to relax and feel comfortable but then I ended up drunk. I wish I was so much more confident. I miss having a 'Bestfriend' that I talk to everyday about girlie things, and I miss boozy lunches but then I think about it and I am also really happy with my life, My boyfriend is my best friend and we have so much fun together, We have travelled the world and set up home together with our wee kitten, we enjoy spending time with our families. Even if sometimes I do feel a bit lonely, I know I would choose my life now to how it was in my twenties. Wish I had a girl mate though that I was close with though but I do have my sisters and mum and thats even better in my eyes.

 

[Jc456]

I'm feeling more lonely than usual at the moment. Invited a friend of mine around last weekend, she's living with her ex and didn't want to be there with him. She was up for coming over for the day/night and then didn't hear anything, she ended up going out for the day with him.
It's my birthday tomorrow, no plans to do anything

 

[Marie95]

Very lonely. Moved to the other side of the city away from my friends, don't really know anyone and I just feel rubbish. Sick of staying in the house scrolling through tiktok and watching YT videos all day. Feels like a waste especially now we can actually go out.

I hope you're ok I'm the same, I moved 3.5 hours away from all my friends/family and I only know my husbands friends, don't have any of my own. All my friends are going out together and I have to see it on instagram, I hate it, I'm 25 with no children I feel like I'm wasting my weekends!

 

[ClockworkDolly]

Aww we all seem to be in similar boats. How old is everyone? I’m 25 x

I am 55.

 

[nimblefimble]

I’m spending Christmas on my own this year, trawled supermarket sites for a Christmas dinner for one, they don’t exist, just wanted something a bit fancier than a Birds Eye chicken dinner & can’t be bothered to cook a turkey just for me with all the trimmings, people have asked what I’m doing at Christmas just said not sure yet, deep down I’m dreading it, I know I’m lucky as I have a roof over my head & a job but Christmas was always about family & I’ve moved to a new area so don’t really know anyone. I was going to go out but would be a bit sad & pathetic sitting there like billy no mates on Christmas Day

Don’t worry too much about Xmas in your own. I’ve done it the past 2 years because of situations involving covid and honestly I wasn’t as bad as I expected. I did a nice brunch for myself (one year full English and one with pastrys) went on a nice walk (play with all the dogs in the park lol) then came home to watch my favourite xmas films And ring/FaceTime family. Try and take the pressure off the day, and treat it as a relaxing day off all for yourself. Also both years I’ve deleted my social medias in the run up to xmas. Once I knew I’d be on my own I couldn’t bear seeing everyone out with their friends and family, but I was much happier once I had nothing to compare my situation too. Hope you manage to have a nice day regardless of the circumstances