Loneliness

[chichi100]

I hope it's ok for me to join in, I feel really lonely at the moment and just need somewhere to vent. Whenever I tell my bf I feel lonely he always says he doesn't understand how and then goes on to list all the people I have in my life. He doesn't seem to understand that you can be surrounded by people and still feel so alone. I sit in on my own most nights as he works late most nights (his own choice to do so as he's self employed). It's really getting me down and some nights I just sit and cry about how alone I am. I don't feel like I really have anybody to talk to as I feel like a burden on people when they already have so much going on themselves. Nobody ever asks me to do anything, if I ever meet with a friend or family it's because I've arranged it. It then makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me, that people don't enjoy my company and so forth. Honestly, this feeling is taking over everything and I just feel so down all the time. Even my own boyfriend doesn't wanna spend the evenings with me when we've both been at work all day, he'd rather come home, eat his dinner then shoot straight back off to work, is my company really that bad

Reading this sounds like i had written it myself 4/5 years ago. In a relationship and living with my ex, yet feeling so lonely and hardly spending tome together. Friends busy in their own relationships and having babies. We broke up for other reasons and i was devastated and didn’t know how i would cope alone. But surprisingly being single i felt less lonely, i seemed to meet more people, joined the gym and felt happier than ever. I’m not saying you should end the relationship but to think about if your boyfriend and the relationship really makes you happy. Have a serious chat with him about how you feel and maybe he will understand and start spending more time with you. If he doesn’t change then you really need to have a think if you want to put up with that because there is more to life than being sat at home feeling that way x

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I seem to be fine with people I’m comfortable with but I’ve been known to back out of meeting my partners friends and g/f’s on several occasions out of nerves but finally plucked up the courage last weekend. I’m the only one without children though so they all had that in common whereas I didn’t.

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for several years now and not even counselling or medication helped If I know I have to socialise with new people I work myself up for days prior and get all sorts of anxiety symptoms when the occasion arises (sweaty hands, panicky, thoughts like ‘they hate me already, they think i'm weird, they’re comparing me to my partners ex, etc.).
I don’t know if that’s stemmed from feeling rejected from old friendships like I mentioned in my previous post, who knows

The fact I have no-one was amplified when my partner proposed to me and we started talking about a wedding and I asked if he wouldn’t mind eloping just us two so it wouldn’t be glaringly obvious that I have no friends in pictures etc. Luckily he wanted the same as he doesn’t like the fuss!

I don’t really have any hobbies, i’m stuck in an endless cycle

I’m so glad I came across tattle though, it’s nice to see there are like-minded people out there and I’m not alone

Ah, I see.

But when you met these people - how did it go? Was it a positive experience overall?

It could be that you have to re-programme your mind so that it no longer associates these social situations with danger.

I don't believe that you have no hobbies or interests

Do you like to cook? If so, what?
What do you like to watch on telly or Netflix etc?
Do you read? Magazines or books? If so, which ones?
Do you exercise? Like to go for walks?
Do you have a pet or plants, garden?
Do you like going to the pubs, cafes or restaurants?
Do you like skin care or make -up?

I promise you that you have some interests that you could turn into hobbies and find exchange with other people

 

[Marie95]

I’ve read through this thread and I think it’s a really lively place to be, and to share.
I’m in my late 40s and have a husband with a disability. Whilst that doesn’t limit our life, I’m very alone and currently feeling pretty rubbish.
He needs 24/7 care and for various reasons, I am currently his sole carer. We are in an incredibly lucky position that we usually have someone in to help me about 5 mornings a week, but that person is on long term sick leave and (long story short) we can’t get a short term replacement.
His care needs are complex and unpredictable and so I’m his person 24/7.
I love him to the ends of the earth but it can sometimes be a lonely place to be. I miss my fiends so much, and because of shielding him, we’ve not seen many folk for a bloody long time.
I usually lurk and post indignation on hinch threads, but I would love to be able to support other peeps On here too.
I’ve never felt anything but friendship, love and support on tattle... no trolling, just an exchange of views!
Sorry if I sound whingey, I don’t mean to be. I understand how tough things can be when you’re alone or dealing with so much that it seems that there is no one to support you.

big hugs to everyone that needs them. Here for chats and some mutual support to anyone that needs it xxx
I really feel for you mums who are on your own, I can’t imagine how hard that is and I send you my very best hugs for you and the little ones In your life xxx

Don't sound whingey at all, in fact I admire how positive you come across given the situation. Hope you are able to see some friends this summer, although the bloody weather doesn't help!

Sending lots of love xxx

 

[mochibean]

Yes I tried Bumble BFF but find they're either 19/20 and at the city uni or they're older than me (which I obviously don't mind) but they're at different stages of their life with children and don't have the same interests. I want to be out having brunches and day drinking before I'm settling down with children and I find I'm just wasting so much time sat at home.

Wish there was a message function so we could at least be penpals through this shit time

Omg same a message function would be good.

Shame you're not in my area, everyone seems to want to day drink here haha but it's just hard making that initial connection with someone new.
I feel I'm wasting my time too, like we should be having a good time in our 20's.

 

[Jc456]

I'm lonely. I'm a single parent so it's quite hard to do things when you've got the kids 24/7

 

[Lauren-1996]

25 is a lonely age what’s everyone like doing? I’m on maternity leave so I spend an unhealthy amount of time on tiktok before the kids when I had more free time I always enjoyed make up and Xbox but don’t get the chance these days

 

[Lauren-1996]

Aww we all seem to be in similar boats. How old is everyone? I’m 25 x

 

[Libbylulu]

I'm feeling more lonely than usual at the moment. Invited a friend of mine around last weekend, she's living with her ex and didn't want to be there with him. She was up for coming over for the day/night and then didn't hear anything, she ended up going out for the day with him.
It's my birthday tomorrow, no plans to do anything

Happy Birthday. I hope, despite everything that you still manage to have a good day. Try marking the day by being kind to yourself and spoil yourself. Sending you big hugs for a good day

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Happy Birthday I hope you will have a great year with many new and nice experiences

 

[Lauren-1996]

I am on maternity leave too! I am sick of spending my days watching this morning and Dickinsons real deal I have been to one baby group but felt as if everyone else already knew each other or was mates so that wasn’t my cup of tea I’m looking for some other groups or things to do until I go back to work

Yeah I had the same problem, everyone already came to the groups with friends so no one else was really there to mingle

I was on maternity leave but it's over now and I'm on furlough until I go back in two weeks time! In my spare time I tattle the evenings are nice when my bf is home, I spend time with him. When he's off it is rare and he'd rather go and spend time with his family than spend time the 3 of us

Same I wait all day for my boyfriend to come home then when he does he goes straight on his Xbox for rest of the day they don’t understand how boring and lonely it is at home all day

 

[Melissa25xo]

I’m 25 as well! X

 

[Lauren-1996]

I'm lonely. I'm a single parent so it's quite hard to do things when you've got the kids 24/7

I don’t know how you do it, must be so difficult not having someone in the house with you to watch the kid/kids while you go shopping or something. Credit to you

 

[Libbylulu]

Hey @Fancyfeathers please post. If this thread is at least a little bit helpful, it’s a good thing. So sorry to hear you’ve lost your partner and life is incredibly difficult. My heart goes out to you

 

[amb1505]

Just want to send you some online love. I know it sucks and hurts so much right now and it will for a while. I won’t lie to you! But I promise it isn’t forever

tbh you deserve someone who won’t be on dating apps etc. Don’t be embarrassed and I hope you feel better soon. Don’t blame yourself sweet.If you need to cry then do!! Let it all out.And I bet your friends would rather you kept speaking to them lovely. Don’t isolate yourself . Sending love xxxxxx

Thank you so much I just genuinely cannot believe it. I was a good girlfriend and this was our first ever proper argument that started when we were out and I wanted to go home but he wanted to go back to his friends house for an afterparty but I didn't want to go back alone I wanted us to go back together and chill out. I'd barely seen him all week as he'd been working and spending the evenings with the friends he worked with . So hard to resist the urge to keep texting and calling but he's just not interested

 

[Cupcakemum]

Loneliness can be hardest when you are surrounded by people.

People sympathise that the elderly/ widowed people might be lonely but I think so many working age adults feel lonely.

Absolutely! There are many types of loneliness and very few realise that you can be the most popular person out there with family all around you and that you can still feel lonely. There's a difference between isolated and lonely and just plain lonely

 

[Marie95]

25 club here too!

i’m so lonely. i dropped out of school a few years back due to my awful mental health, i was suffering with depression and panic attacks (having them daily). after this i didn’t leave the house properly for a long time, along side this i lost all friends i had as none of them messaged me once i left school skip to now and i still have no friends. i am mentally a lot better but loneliness still hits me and it’s shit. especially with lockdown easing seeing everyone out drinking with their mates just makes me want to cry. i’d do anything for just one friend, as sad as it sounds. how am i meant to cope with loneliness / get myself out of a dark place when i have absoloutley no one. i just feel so alone, i just wish i had someone to turn to when i feel sad or want to go out with. it’s so shit.

Sending you all the love

 

[WilmaHun]

Aww we all seem to be in similar boats. How old is everyone? I’m 25 x

25 too

 

[Marie95]

Omg same a message function would be good.

Shame you're not in my area, everyone seems to want to day drink here haha but it's just hard making that initial connection with someone new.
I feel I'm wasting my time too, like we should be having a good time in our 20's.

I know what you mean, it's just so hard to meet people organically but resorting to apps the conversations seem so forced!

 

[altgirl]

I love the idea of this thread!
Does anyone have any advice on dealing with loneliness when living alone?

I’ve just bought my first house on my own and should be moving in the next couple of months. I left my ex husband almost 3 years ago. It wasn’t a nice relationship and I was very isolated even then. The few friends I have, have kids or families of their own and don’t always have the time or want me tagging along. I’m also pretty shy and struggle to talk to new people.

 

[Libbylulu]

I’m posting to see how everyone is?