Loneliness

[Wonderwhispers2k19]

Hi guys, sorry don't want to look like an attention seeking whinger but I didn't have anywhere else to turn.. I posted on here the other day about feeling really lonely as I've just moved almost 2 hours away to live with my boyfriend and didn't have any friends and was struggling to get a job whereas my partner works full time and has a really nice group of friends. Anyway, we had a bit of a drunken row the other night and ended up saying some nasty stuff and splitting up. I went back to 'our home' and thought it'll be okay in the morning etc but he didn't come back and won't respond to me at all and all he has said is that he wants me to move out because its over. Obviously I'm absolutely gutted and so hurt by the lack he care, I'm pouring my heart out just to be ignored or laughed at, just embarrassing really. We've only been together just under a year and this was our first big argument but I'm just speechless to find out I genuinely mean so little to him that he won't even come home or answer me. During this argument he admitted he's been on dating apps this whole time too. I'm stuck here until Monday as nobody can come and get me until then (I don't drive). I genuinely just feel the lowest I've ever been and I'm completely alone with nobody to really confide in, I've reached out to the few friends I've got and as nice as they've all been I just feel irritating going on and on about it. Anyway.. sorry to be soppy balls, I'm trying to pass time with crappy tv and tattle threads until it hurts a little bit less. I can't settle, I just feel completely restless and can't even sleep waiting for a reply, for him to come home, wondering what he's doing. I just feel embarrassed, I really thought he was the one and I gave my whole life up for him just to be back at the beginning moving back into my parents house at my age... thanks for the laughs anyway and this platform where I can post this without feeling judged or embarrassed... lots of love xx

Just want to send you some online love. I know it sucks and hurts so much right now and it will for a while. I won’t lie to you! But I promise it isn’t forever

tbh you deserve someone who won’t be on dating apps etc. Don’t be embarrassed and I hope you feel better soon. Don’t blame yourself sweet.If you need to cry then do!! Let it all out.And I bet your friends would rather you kept speaking to them lovely. Don’t isolate yourself . Sending love xxxxxx

 

[dlevan]

Thank you so much. I'm dreading having to go back to my parents house but I do hope I'll get that relief once I'm there.. Very true xxxx

I’m sure they will be as relieved that your out of that toxic relationship and situation. You need to give yourself some time and completely duck him off. Don’t stand for any of his messing around if he starts messaging etc when you’ve moved out and are back in your family home sounds like he’s a right sleeze and your better off out even if it hurts for a while!

 

[amb1505]

I am so sorry you have had all this going on x I absolutely feel for you and please don't feel embarrassed. It was brave and courageous of you to reach out x all I can say is as much as you are hurting, better this has happened now because you deserve respect and happiness with someone who cares rather than be stuck with someone who don't give a rats a x sending you all my love xxx

Thank you so much lovely. I just don't understand how somebody can go from the most kind, loving person in the world to not even texting me back and telling me to move out. I just can't believe he won't even text me back when I can't even sleep and I'm looking at my phone and jumping at any noise thinking it could be him coming through the door. I'm assuming (more like hoping) he's staying with a friend or his brother until I'm gone... just so hurt thank you xxx

 

[BBC1HD]

Thank you so much. I'm dreading having to go back to my parents house but I do hope I'll get that relief once I'm there.. Very true xxxx

Girl when you get home block his number, delete him from every social media you have. Get a make over (I ALWAYS changed my hair in some way after a break up). Join a gym (exercise is amazing when you are going through heartbreak). Use this time to reflect and to remember that kind of man is exactly what you want to avoid. And most importantly recognise your worth. You are worth far more than this and no-one gets to make you feel like this again.

 

[I_love_itttt]

Thank you so much lovely. I just don't understand how somebody can go from the most kind, loving person in the world to not even texting me back and telling me to move out. I just can't believe he won't even text me back when I can't even sleep and I'm looking at my phone and jumping at any noise thinking it could be him coming through the door. I'm assuming (more like hoping) he's staying with a friend or his brother until I'm gone... just so hurt thank you xxx

You need to start giving all that love you got inside, to yourself now. Give yourself some proper self care time. Its hard right now but honestly its a great way to move forward. You don't need a guy that is happy to use dating apps while he is with you. He certainly didn't care about you while he was scrolling on those sites. So onwards and upwards babes!! You have worth x

 

[amb1505]

Just want to send you some online love. I know it sucks and hurts so much right now and it will for a while. I won’t lie to you! But I promise it isn’t forever

tbh you deserve someone who won’t be on dating apps etc. Don’t be embarrassed and I hope you feel better soon. Don’t blame yourself sweet.If you need to cry then do!! Let it all out.And I bet your friends would rather you kept speaking to them lovely. Don’t isolate yourself . Sending love xxxxxx

Thank you so much I just genuinely cannot believe it. I was a good girlfriend and this was our first ever proper argument that started when we were out and I wanted to go home but he wanted to go back to his friends house for an afterparty but I didn't want to go back alone I wanted us to go back together and chill out. I'd barely seen him all week as he'd been working and spending the evenings with the friends he worked with . So hard to resist the urge to keep texting and calling but he's just not interested

 

[Cupcakemum]

Loneliness can be hardest when you are surrounded by people.

People sympathise that the elderly/ widowed people might be lonely but I think so many working age adults feel lonely.

Absolutely! There are many types of loneliness and very few realise that you can be the most popular person out there with family all around you and that you can still feel lonely. There's a difference between isolated and lonely and just plain lonely

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I kicked so many bad friendships to the curb in lockdown so extra sunny days like this week feel a bit meh.

Thank you so much I just genuinely cannot believe it. I was a good girlfriend and this was our first ever proper argument that started when we were out and I wanted to go home but he wanted to go back to his friends house for an afterparty but I didn't want to go back alone I wanted us to go back together and chill out. I'd barely seen him all week as he'd been working and spending the evenings with the friends he worked with . So hard to resist the urge to keep texting and calling but he's just not interested

People can change so much once you live together. Take care and don’t feel embarrassed x

 

[Libbylulu]

Your heartbreak is understandable, you put so much into this relationship and had high hopes of it working. Your pain and disappointment must be so raw as you moved away and were giving up everything for him. He doesn’t deserve you! Plain and simple. Know your worth and understand that you are so much better than how he has treated you. It seems really tough right now but dig deep and organize your life without him. You’ll feel so much better. Try things you know he’d hate. Exercise is important as a previous poster mentioned and you’ll feel better for the endorphins. You said you didn’t drive, down the months maybe think of learning to give you this independence. Try thinking of things to do and try that were different to what you had together, it will give you new interests, ideas and outlooks. When you have mended your broken heart you’ll look back and see he wasn’t the one for you because there’s nicer, kinder more thoughtful people out there. Big hugs and strength xxx

 

[MyLittlePony25]

I hope it’s ok for me to post. I’m also feeling really lonely.
I was sectioned and in hospital from November 2018 to November 2020. During that time I was obviously surrounded by people at all times and I lost touch or have become distanced from my friends.
family is a whole other issue, I only really have my dad.
Anyway, I have been home for 7 months and had very little support from the community team. I sometimes only see the people in the pharmacy and whoever I pass when I go shopping each week. The people I became very close to in hospital are spread out around the country so we don’t see each other.

I feel lost and I don’t know where my place is in the world anymore, the pandemic hasn’t helped either.

My mental health has started to decline. I’m depressed, my benefits haven’t been sorted still so I’m barely able to eat as I’m waiting for it to come through and so I’m not able to go to the gym or the workout classes, the isolation has meant my generalised and social anxiety has gotten worse and I’m practically a hermit.

I’m sorry I’m rambling, insomnia means I am still awake at 2:30am and I needed to vent.

sending my love to everyone

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I hope it’s ok for me to post. I’m also feeling really lonely.
I was sectioned and in hospital from November 2018 to November 2020. During that time I was obviously surrounded by people at all times and I lost touch or have become distanced from my friends.
family is a whole other issue, I only really have my dad.
Anyway, I have been home for 7 months and had very little support from the community team. I sometimes only see the people in the pharmacy and whoever I pass when I go shopping each week. The people I became very close to in hospital are spread out around the country so we don’t see each other.

I feel lost and I don’t know where my place is in the world anymore, the pandemic hasn’t helped either.

My mental health has started to decline. I’m depressed, my benefits haven’t been sorted still so I’m barely able to eat as I’m waiting for it to come through and so I’m not able to go to the gym or the workout classes, the isolation has meant my generalised and social anxiety has gotten worse and I’m practically a hermit.

I’m sorry I’m rambling, insomnia means I am still awake at 2:30am and I needed to vent.

sending my love to everyone

Could you workout at home? There’s some great workout videos on YouTube and Instagram. I quit the gym as I prefer these and running outside.

 

[amb1505]

Your heartbreak is understandable, you put so much into this relationship and had high hopes of it working. Your pain and disappointment must be so raw as you moved away and were giving up everything for him. He doesn’t deserve you! Plain and simple. Know your worth and understand that you are so much better than how he has treated you. It seems really tough right now but dig deep and organize your life without him. You’ll feel so much better. Try things you know he’d hate. Exercise is important as a previous poster mentioned and you’ll feel better for the endorphins. You said you didn’t drive, down the months maybe think of learning to give you this independence. Try thinking of things to do and try that were different to what you had together, it will give you new interests, ideas and outlooks. When you have mended your broken heart you’ll look back and see he wasn’t the one for you because there’s nicer, kinder more thoughtful people out there. Big hugs and strength xxx

Thank you so much for your kind words. I agree, I did put a lot into it because I really thought he was the one. I have been learning to drive but I had my test cancelled about 3 times due to the lockdowns and I'm now going to have to reschedule it to the test centre near my parents house and find a new instructor. I just don't understand how all that can just come to nothing, a stupid drunken row and then him ignoring all of my texts when I've told him how upset I am and how sorry I am. Right now he isn't the person I knew and loved. Thank you xxx

I hope it’s ok for me to post. I’m also feeling really lonely.
I was sectioned and in hospital from November 2018 to November 2020. During that time I was obviously surrounded by people at all times and I lost touch or have become distanced from my friends.
family is a whole other issue, I only really have my dad.
Anyway, I have been home for 7 months and had very little support from the community team. I sometimes only see the people in the pharmacy and whoever I pass when I go shopping each week. The people I became very close to in hospital are spread out around the country so we don’t see each other.

I feel lost and I don’t know where my place is in the world anymore, the pandemic hasn’t helped either.

My mental health has started to decline. I’m depressed, my benefits haven’t been sorted still so I’m barely able to eat as I’m waiting for it to come through and so I’m not able to go to the gym or the workout classes, the isolation has meant my generalised and social anxiety has gotten worse and I’m practically a hermit.

I’m sorry I’m rambling, insomnia means I am still awake at 2:30am and I needed to vent.

sending my love to everyone

I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you so much love and so many cuddles. I know what you mean by sometimes not knowing where your place is and it's such a nasty, lost feeling. I suffer bad social anxiety too, which I didn't really get before the pandemic but a lot of people on here recommended to me to find some local Facebook groups like free walking groups just as a chance to socialise. How would you feel about trying to get a part time job or volunteering in a charity shop/something similar? I know the thought of going for an interview or going in for your first day may be so overwhelming but find that little bit of courage and drag yourself there and you'll meet so many people and get very comfortable very quickly. Sending you so much love, I wish we had a private message function on here xxx

 

[Ifyounoseyounose]

I'm really struggling at the moment, I posted in the lack of friends thread a few weeks ago. Me and my ex split 2 months ago, I found out he cheated last year but decided to give it another go for the sack of our baby. However it had a major impact on my mental health. I moved back home with my 2yo, when we split 2 months ago, we were planning on moving anyway as I hated the house we lived in. I've recently started renting a new place but feel terribly lonely.

I've made changes to help my mental health and the house I'm currently renting I feel so relaxed and calm in, which I haven't felt for years. Since the split I've realised that over time I've lost my friends, I'm quite a shy and introverted person anyway so meeting new people is hard. There doesn't seem to be any local mum and toddler classes for me to attend on my days off, I joined peanut (an app for mums to meet other mums) but feel like I'm getting no where. I'm just at a loss at what else I can do tbh. This feeling of loneliness is crippling. Any advice would be much appreciated x

 

[Libbylulu]

Do you hear much from friends if you don’t contact them?

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Do you hear much from friends if you don’t contact them?

No, and I'm sick of always being the one who makes the effort when it's never reciprocated.

 

[Instalies]

Hey guys, hope it’s ok to post. I don’t personally suffer with loneliness but I popped to see my brother a week or so ago and he revealed to me how cripplingly lonely he is. He’s early 30s and broke up with his long term gf pre-Covid. Lives on his own in a big house and all his friends are loved up in relationships. It broke my heart to hear him say how lonely he was and I felt like the absolute worst sister on the planet. I’m desperately trying to find ways to help him out - going to the pub with him, inviting him out with me and my other half, round for dinner every week, but I’m aware he probably feels like a 3rd wheel... I just pray that things in the world will get back to some semblance of normality again soon so he, and a lot of you all, can make strides to meet new friends and tackle your struggles xxx

 

[HalloweenJack74]

Hey guys, hope it’s ok to post. I don’t personally suffer with loneliness but I popped to see my brother a week or so ago and he revealed to me how cripplingly lonely he is. He’s early 30s and broke up with his long term gf pre-Covid. Lives on his own in a big house and all his friends are loved up in relationships. It broke my heart to hear him say how lonely he was and I felt like the absolute worst sister on the planet. I’m desperately trying to find ways to help him out - going to the pub with him, inviting him out with me and my other half, round for dinner every week, but I’m aware he probably feels like a 3rd wheel... I just pray that things in the world will get back to some semblance of normality again soon so he, and a lot of you all, can make strides to meet new friends and tackle your struggles xxx

Try get him doing some volunteer work or something, trust me it does work. He might even find a new direction or inspiration!

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

Making friends is so much harder as an adult

 

[Libbylulu]

Making friends is so much harder as an adult

It’s difficult if you don’t have kids too I find. Mine have left home and I’m constantly left out of my friendship groups as I’m an empty nester. It is tough to know how to break into groups otherwise.

 

[Swipeuplikeandshare]

I totally get that. I tried to conceive for five years and in my village I had no connection to anyone as I had no kids or way in if that makes sense

It’s difficult if you do have kids too I find. Mine have left home and I’m constantly left out of my friendship groups as I’m an empty nester. It is tough to know how to break into groups otherwise.

I find it hard with having one kid too. I’ve no family really and moved to a new area. I tried to make friends but one girl I went to coffee with hasn’t messaged me in well over a year suppose COVID and all but I took it a bit personally. I keep thinking is there something wrong with me. I’m quite lonely in the evenings and let my little one stay up with me for company - how sad is that

I'm really struggling at the moment, I posted in the lack of friends thread a few weeks ago. Me and my ex split 2 months ago, I found out he cheated last year but decided to give it another go for the sack of our baby. However it had a major impact on my mental health. I moved back home with my 2yo, when we split 2 months ago, we were planning on moving anyway as I hated the house we lived in. I've recently started renting a new place but feel terribly lonely.

I've made changes to help my mental health and the house I'm currently renting I feel so relaxed and calm in, which I haven't felt for years. Since the split I've realised that over time I've lost my friends, I'm quite a shy and introverted person anyway so meeting new people is hard. There doesn't seem to be any local mum and toddler classes for me to attend on my days off, I joined peanut (an app for mums to meet other mums) but feel like I'm getting no where. I'm just at a loss at what else I can do tbh. This feeling of loneliness is crippling. Any advice would be much appreciated x

First of all - massive hugs to you. I’m glad your home is your haven that’s very important

Suppose for me I went to baby groups and tots groups (I know it’s a bit hard with restrictions tho). Maybe also see about volunteering (someone mentioned it here and it’s a fab idea) to see if you can meet people. Do you have any hobbies that you could get involved in - such as park runs, football, even bingo etc - just something to get you out and about

It’s terribly hard but we are here too and if you ever need to chat my inbox is there zx