Loneliness

[mochibean]

I hope you're ok I'm the same, I moved 3.5 hours away from all my friends/family and I only know my husbands friends, don't have any of my own. All my friends are going out together and I have to see it on instagram, I hate it, I'm 25 with no children I feel like I'm wasting my weekends!

Thank you, hope you are too.
It does really suck, like you said especially when you see your friends going out without you. I'm 27 with no children and we definitely are missing out. I've tried Bumble BFF and not had much luck tbh, met a couple of people I chat to on Instagram but no meetups or anything. You could give it a try you may have more luck?

It really is just tough though. I spend my days after work at home and I'm bored of being bored.

 

[WilmaHun]

I'm surrounded by people but still feel really alone. I come from a massive family, my Mum has 6 sisters who have all gone on to have 2 children each, all of which are girls, so I've got loads of cousins of a similar age to me. I'm the only person left without any children though so I feel like I get forgotten about! Similarly I have a few close friends, but I feel like unless I reach out to them they don't bother with me. Aside from my Mum and partner, I don't feel like I have even 1 person who I could call upon if I really needed them and they'd show. How is it possible to be surrounded by people and yet always feel alone? I feel bad moaning about it on here because some of you aren't as fortunate as me to have family right around the corner, so I'm sorry if I wind anybody up posting this - that's not my intention at all. Even with my loved ones near, I feel invisible to them.

This site has been a godsend, and I've spoken to some lovely people on here. I just wish they were closer.

 

[Marie95]

Thank you, hope you are too.
It does really suck, like you said especially when you see your friends going out without you. I'm 27 with no children and we definitely are missing out. I've tried Bumble BFF and not had much luck tbh, met a couple of people I chat to on Instagram but no meetups or anything. You could give it a try you may have more luck?

It really is just tough though. I spend my days after work at home and I'm bored of being bored.

Yes I tried Bumble BFF but find they're either 19/20 and at the city uni or they're older than me (which I obviously don't mind) but they're at different stages of their life with children and don't have the same interests. I want to be out having brunches and day drinking before I'm settling down with children and I find I'm just wasting so much time sat at home.

Wish there was a message function so we could at least be penpals through this tit time

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

i also relate to feeling lonely.

ever since school i’ve always been the “discardable friend” or the least preferred in the group if that makes sense and i’ve never understood why.

After having so called friends who would leave me all alone in nightclubs and other horrible situations in my younger years i’ve become somewhat of a recluse, would prefer to just be in my own company than bother with people and end up feeling crap about myself.

My partner completely understands my social anxiety and doesn’t force me in to social situations if i’m not feeling up to it, which i appreciate!

But I do feel really lonely, when he goes out to visit his friends I’d love nothing more than to go visit friends too but I don’t have any.

I’m in my mid-late twenties and work in an office. I’m always the go to person in my team for advice and thought I got along well with everyone until today when I seen on SM all the women met up for a drink but didn’t invite me along with another woman (who I know they’re not fussed on).

It just seems like good friends are hard to come by these days which is a shame and it doesn’t help that i’m really shy so making new friends seems impossible

does anyone have any advice on making friends when suffering with social anxiety?

This doesn't sound nice. Your colleagues seem a bit underhand, asking you for advice but not inviting you to join them on a night out.

I cannot see that you suffer from social anxiety, though. It seems that you can interact with people just fine, without feeling too much stress - given that you are the go-to person in the office.
What makes you think that you are socially anxious?

I could imagine that you have been simply unfortunate in being surrounded by unpleasant and unlikeable people and this not your fault.
It is hard to meet new people to befriend.
Maybe it makes sense to increase the chances of meeting new people that you have something in common with, even if it is online. Maybe you have a hobby and could join a group or start a new hobby/sports?

 

[fruitcake_1]

This doesn't sound nice. Your colleagues seem a bit underhand, asking you for advice but not inviting you to join them on a night out.

I cannot see that you suffer from social anxiety, though. It seems that you can interact with people just fine, without feeling too much stress - given that you are the go-to person in the office.
What makes you think that you are socially anxious?

I could imagine that you have been simply unfortunate in being surrounded by unpleasant and unlikeable people and this not your fault.
It is hard to meet new people to befriend.
Maybe it makes sense to increase the chances of meeting new people that you have something in common with, even if it is online. Maybe you have a hobby and could join a group or start a new hobby/sports?

I seem to be fine with people I’m comfortable with but I’ve been known to back out of meeting my partners friends and g/f’s on several occasions out of nerves but finally plucked up the courage last weekend. I’m the only one without children though so they all had that in common whereas I didn’t.

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for several years now and not even counselling or medication helped If I know I have to socialise with new people I work myself up for days prior and get all sorts of anxiety symptoms when the occasion arises (sweaty hands, panicky, thoughts like ‘they hate me already, they think i'm weird, they’re comparing me to my partners ex, etc.).
I don’t know if that’s stemmed from feeling rejected from old friendships like I mentioned in my previous post, who knows

The fact I have no-one was amplified when my partner proposed to me and we started talking about a wedding and I asked if he wouldn’t mind eloping just us two so it wouldn’t be glaringly obvious that I have no friends in pictures etc. Luckily he wanted the same as he doesn’t like the fuss!

I don’t really have any hobbies, i’m stuck in an endless cycle

I’m so glad I came across tattle though, it’s nice to see there are like-minded people out there and I’m not alone

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I seem to be fine with people I’m comfortable with but I’ve been known to back out of meeting my partners friends and g/f’s on several occasions out of nerves but finally plucked up the courage last weekend. I’m the only one without children though so they all had that in common whereas I didn’t.

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for several years now and not even counselling or medication helped If I know I have to socialise with new people I work myself up for days prior and get all sorts of anxiety symptoms when the occasion arises (sweaty hands, panicky, thoughts like ‘they hate me already, they think i'm weird, they’re comparing me to my partners ex, etc.).
I don’t know if that’s stemmed from feeling rejected from old friendships like I mentioned in my previous post, who knows

The fact I have no-one was amplified when my partner proposed to me and we started talking about a wedding and I asked if he wouldn’t mind eloping just us two so it wouldn’t be glaringly obvious that I have no friends in pictures etc. Luckily he wanted the same as he doesn’t like the fuss!

I don’t really have any hobbies, i’m stuck in an endless cycle

I’m so glad I came across tattle though, it’s nice to see there are like-minded people out there and I’m not alone

Ah, I see.

But when you met these people - how did it go? Was it a positive experience overall?

It could be that you have to re-programme your mind so that it no longer associates these social situations with danger.

I don't believe that you have no hobbies or interests

Do you like to cook? If so, what?
What do you like to watch on telly or Netflix etc?
Do you read? Magazines or books? If so, which ones?
Do you exercise? Like to go for walks?
Do you have a pet or plants, garden?
Do you like going to the pubs, cafes or restaurants?
Do you like skin care or make -up?

I promise you that you have some interests that you could turn into hobbies and find exchange with other people

 

[ClockworkDolly]

I saw on another thread someone asking for advice/ ideas regarding loneliness. It can affect anyone, especially after the last year. And my own experience it seems to be more difficult to reach out as my children are grown and my friends still have younger kids.
So I thought I’d start this thread to help with ideas or just dump loneliness feelings

Great thread. Loneliness affects people from all ages.

I have felt lonely my whole life and even though I am chatty, I find it hard to keep friends in my life. I seem to strike up short-term friendships (although there’s me thinking they might be long-term) and some of them I wish I had not invested so much of myself into them. Conversely, I do enjoy my own company.

I am now quite wary of making new friends, as it feels like such an effort.

I'm surrounded by people but still feel really alone. I come from a massive family, my Mum has 6 sisters who have all gone on to have 2 children each, all of which are girls, so I've got loads of cousins of a similar age to me. I'm the only person left without any children though so I feel like I get forgotten about! Similarly I have a few close friends, but I feel like unless I reach out to them they don't bother with me. Aside from my Mum and partner, I don't feel like I have even 1 person who I could call upon if I really needed them and they'd show. How is it possible to be surrounded by people and yet always feel alone? I feel bad moaning about it on here because some of you aren't as fortunate as me to have family right around the corner, so I'm sorry if I wind anybody up posting this - that's not my intention at all. Even with my loved ones near, I feel invisible to them.

This site has been a godsend, and I've spoken to some lovely people on here. I just wish they were closer.

I do understand.

I think children help to define your status in society. People who are childless do get overlooked and I know this because I have experienced this myself. I’m in my mid 50’s, so obviously too late for me to have children, but some of my nieces and nephews now are having children of their own and all the attention is geared up for them. Family dynamics are hard at the best of times without feeling as though you’re invisible. Society seems geared to couples and people with children too.

I have yet to meet people like me and form bonds and friendships with them. You feel at least like you would have something in common with them.

Social media has really been a godsend for me, it eases my loneliness. Before the internet, those lonely days were very hard and bleak at times.

 

[Lauren-1996]

Aww we all seem to be in similar boats. How old is everyone? I’m 25 x

 

[fruitcake_1]

Aww we all seem to be in similar boats. How old is everyone? I’m 25 x

It seems so! I’m 27

 

[ProphecyGirl]

I can relate also.

I was 22 when I moved out of my parents and moved in with my ex, I was with him for 8 years and lived with him for 3. He moved out and I stayed on my own. And I’ve never been in my own until then.
That was three years ago, last year someone I was seeing briefly moved in with me for three months but that came to an end

I’m so lonely,I feel like I annoy peole at work because I talk Too much. I also don’t wanna feel like a burden on my friends

dont get me wrong. I love my own space now but it would be nice to have someone to come home to again

 

[Melissa25xo]

I’m 25 as well! X

 

[jawidjanqndn]

i’m so lonely. i dropped out of school a few years back due to my awful mental health, i was suffering with depression and panic attacks (having them daily). after this i didn’t leave the house properly for a long time, along side this i lost all friends i had as none of them messaged me once i left school skip to now and i still have no friends. i am mentally a lot better but loneliness still hits me and it’s tit. especially with lockdown easing seeing everyone out drinking with their mates just makes me want to cry. i’d do anything for just one friend, as sad as it sounds. how am i meant to cope with loneliness / get myself out of a dark place when i have absoloutley no one. i just feel so alone, i just wish i had someone to turn to when i feel sad or want to go out with. it’s so tit.

 

[Marie95]

25 club here too!

i’m so lonely. i dropped out of school a few years back due to my awful mental health, i was suffering with depression and panic attacks (having them daily). after this i didn’t leave the house properly for a long time, along side this i lost all friends i had as none of them messaged me once i left school skip to now and i still have no friends. i am mentally a lot better but loneliness still hits me and it’s tit. especially with lockdown easing seeing everyone out drinking with their mates just makes me want to cry. i’d do anything for just one friend, as sad as it sounds. how am i meant to cope with loneliness / get myself out of a dark place when i have absoloutley no one. i just feel so alone, i just wish i had someone to turn to when i feel sad or want to go out with. it’s so tit.

Sending you all the love

 

[WilmaHun]

Aww we all seem to be in similar boats. How old is everyone? I’m 25 x

25 too

 

[watermelon sugar]

I'm 25 too

 

[Lauren-1996]

25 is a lonely age what’s everyone like doing? I’m on maternity leave so I spend an unhealthy amount of time on tiktok before the kids when I had more free time I always enjoyed make up and Xbox but don’t get the chance these days

 

[Melissa25xo]

25 is a lonely age what’s everyone like doing? I’m on maternity leave so I spend an unhealthy amount of time on tiktok before the kids when I had more free time I always enjoyed make up and Xbox but don’t get the chance these days

I am on maternity leave too! I am sick of spending my days watching this morning and Dickinsons real deal I have been to one baby group but felt as if everyone else already knew each other or was mates so that wasn’t my cup of tea I’m looking for some other groups or things to do until I go back to work

 

[watermelon sugar]

I was on maternity leave but it's over now and I'm on furlough until I go back in two weeks time! In my spare time I tattle the evenings are nice when my bf is home, I spend time with him. When he's off it is rare and he'd rather go and spend time with his family than spend time the 3 of us

 

[Lauren-1996]

I am on maternity leave too! I am sick of spending my days watching this morning and Dickinsons real deal I have been to one baby group but felt as if everyone else already knew each other or was mates so that wasn’t my cup of tea I’m looking for some other groups or things to do until I go back to work

Yeah I had the same problem, everyone already came to the groups with friends so no one else was really there to mingle

I was on maternity leave but it's over now and I'm on furlough until I go back in two weeks time! In my spare time I tattle the evenings are nice when my bf is home, I spend time with him. When he's off it is rare and he'd rather go and spend time with his family than spend time the 3 of us

Same I wait all day for my boyfriend to come home then when he does he goes straight on his Xbox for rest of the day they don’t understand how boring and lonely it is at home all day

 

[watermelon sugar]

I'm glad people have said the same about baby groups! Their all very cliquey and pally the ones I've tried

And agree, my bf seems to like coming home, having his tea and going on the ps4. He tends to like having me there to chatter to but its not proper conversation sometimes he doesnt realise he does it though