Loneliness

[Barbie2020]

I struggle with loneliness even though I have people around me. My partner works away all week but I do see my mum and dad a couple of times. I have friends but see them once in a blue moon as I actually prefer my own company, I think it’s my depression that makes me feel lonely as it makes me paranoid people don’t actually like me and I will shut myself away .

thinking of everyone who feels lonely and struggles. I sometimes feel less lonely chatting on tattle. Even though I don’t actually know anyone the interaction is nice and don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not

 

[fruitcake_1]

i also relate to feeling lonely.

ever since school i’ve always been the “discardable friend” or the least preferred in the group if that makes sense and i’ve never understood why.

After having so called friends who would leave me all alone in nightclubs and other horrible situations in my younger years i’ve become somewhat of a recluse, would prefer to just be in my own company than bother with people and end up feeling crap about myself.

My partner completely understands my social anxiety and doesn’t force me in to social situations if i’m not feeling up to it, which i appreciate!

But I do feel really lonely, when he goes out to visit his friends I’d love nothing more than to go visit friends too but I don’t have any.

I’m in my mid-late twenties and work in an office. I’m always the go to person in my team for advice and thought I got along well with everyone until today when I seen on SM all the women met up for a drink but didn’t invite me along with another woman (who I know they’re not fussed on).

It just seems like good friends are hard to come by these days which is a shame and it doesn’t help that i’m really shy so making new friends seems impossible

does anyone have any advice on making friends when suffering with social anxiety?

 

[amb1505]

Hi guys, sorry don't want to look like an attention seeking whinger but I didn't have anywhere else to turn.. I posted on here the other day about feeling really lonely as I've just moved almost 2 hours away to live with my boyfriend and didn't have any friends and was struggling to get a job whereas my partner works full time and has a really nice group of friends. Anyway, we had a bit of a drunken row the other night and ended up saying some nasty stuff and splitting up. I went back to 'our home' and thought it'll be okay in the morning etc but he didn't come back and won't respond to me at all and all he has said is that he wants me to move out because its over. Obviously I'm absolutely gutted and so hurt by the lack he care, I'm pouring my heart out just to be ignored or laughed at, just embarrassing really. We've only been together just under a year and this was our first big argument but I'm just speechless to find out I genuinely mean so little to him that he won't even come home or answer me. During this argument he admitted he's been on dating apps this whole time too. I'm stuck here until Monday as nobody can come and get me until then (I don't drive). I genuinely just feel the lowest I've ever been and I'm completely alone with nobody to really confide in, I've reached out to the few friends I've got and as nice as they've all been I just feel irritating going on and on about it. Anyway.. sorry to be soppy bollocks, I'm trying to pass time with shitty tv and tattle threads until it hurts a little bit less. I can't settle, I just feel completely restless and can't even sleep waiting for a reply, for him to come home, wondering what he's doing. I just feel embarrassed, I really thought he was the one and I gave my whole life up for him just to be back at the beginning moving back into my parents house at my age... thanks for the laughs anyway and this platform where I can post this without feeling judged or embarrassed... lots of love xx

 

[Kim Mild]

Loneliness can be hardest when you are surrounded by people.

People sympathise that the elderly/ widowed people might be lonely but I think so many working age adults feel lonely.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I moved to a different city to live with my partner, so I don’t have any friends or any of my own family here. Im on maternity leave and my partner is at work full time, when he’s not at work he likes to do his own thing. It gets very lonely being stuck at home 24/7 with two young children and no family or friends near by.

I read this when you first posted and had to leave the thread. Really this is not good, not good at all. is he a single man or a man with a family? he should be making your transition to another place smooth not bumpy.
Once the nice weather is here get yourself and the kids to the parks with a picnic or to soft play and make yourself some friends. I know it's not an easy thing to do but in reality its easier done than said, kids make friends very easy and the parents naturally start to chat. Since I started to be my grandchildren's childminder I have made some lovely friends and all because of the children making friends.

I will butt out now it's just this and @watermelon sugar post upset me. I know exactly what its like xxx

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Lovely idea for a thread
Loneliness is a strange thing. I live on my own and have done for 25 years and not one day where I felt lonely. But every time I live with people I always feel very alone and lonely. I love people very much and like having company. I just cannot live with them. I wonder if this is rare or if others feel the same.

 

[WilmaHun]

I'm surrounded by people but still feel really alone. I come from a massive family, my Mum has 6 sisters who have all gone on to have 2 children each, all of which are girls, so I've got loads of cousins of a similar age to me. I'm the only person left without any children though so I feel like I get forgotten about! Similarly I have a few close friends, but I feel like unless I reach out to them they don't bother with me. Aside from my Mum and partner, I don't feel like I have even 1 person who I could call upon if I really needed them and they'd show. How is it possible to be surrounded by people and yet always feel alone? I feel bad moaning about it on here because some of you aren't as fortunate as me to have family right around the corner, so I'm sorry if I wind anybody up posting this - that's not my intention at all. Even with my loved ones near, I feel invisible to them.

This site has been a godsend, and I've spoken to some lovely people on here. I just wish they were closer.

 

[Libbylulu]

I saw on another thread someone asking for advice/ ideas regarding loneliness. It can affect anyone, especially after the last year. And my own experience it seems to be more difficult to reach out as my children are grown and my friends still have younger kids.
So I thought I’d start this thread to help with ideas or just dump loneliness feelings

 

[jawidjanqndn]

i’m so lonely. i dropped out of school a few years back due to my awful mental health, i was suffering with depression and panic attacks (having them daily). after this i didn’t leave the house properly for a long time, along side this i lost all friends i had as none of them messaged me once i left school skip to now and i still have no friends. i am mentally a lot better but loneliness still hits me and it’s shit. especially with lockdown easing seeing everyone out drinking with their mates just makes me want to cry. i’d do anything for just one friend, as sad as it sounds. how am i meant to cope with loneliness / get myself out of a dark place when i have absoloutley no one. i just feel so alone, i just wish i had someone to turn to when i feel sad or want to go out with. it’s so shit.

 

[PootleFlump]

I’ve read through this thread and I think it’s a really lively place to be, and to share.
I’m in my late 40s and have a husband with a disability. Whilst that doesn’t limit our life, I’m very alone and currently feeling pretty rubbish.
He needs 24/7 care and for various reasons, I am currently his sole carer. We are in an incredibly lucky position that we usually have someone in to help me about 5 mornings a week, but that person is on long term sick leave and (long story short) we can’t get a short term replacement.
His care needs are complex and unpredictable and so I’m his person 24/7.
I love him to the ends of the earth but it can sometimes be a lonely place to be. I miss my fiends so much, and because of shielding him, we’ve not seen many folk for a bloody long time.
I usually lurk and post indignation on hinch threads, but I would love to be able to support other peeps On here too.
I’ve never felt anything but friendship, love and support on tattle... no trolling, just an exchange of views!
Sorry if I sound whingey, I don’t mean to be. I understand how tough things can be when you’re alone or dealing with so much that it seems that there is no one to support you.

big hugs to everyone that needs them. Here for chats and some mutual support to anyone that needs it xxx
I really feel for you mums who are on your own, I can’t imagine how hard that is and I send you my very best hugs for you and the little ones In your life xxx

 

[amb1505]

Hi guys, sorry don't want to look like an attention seeking whinger but I didn't have anywhere else to turn.. I posted on here the other day about feeling really lonely as I've just moved almost 2 hours away to live with my boyfriend and didn't have any friends and was struggling to get a job whereas my partner works full time and has a really nice group of friends. Anyway, we had a bit of a drunken row the other night and ended up saying some nasty stuff and splitting up. I went back to 'our home' and thought it'll be okay in the morning etc but he didn't come back and won't respond to me at all and all he has said is that he wants me to move out because its over. Obviously I'm absolutely gutted and so hurt by the lack he care, I'm pouring my heart out just to be ignored or laughed at, just embarrassing really. We've only been together just under a year and this was our first big argument but I'm just speechless to find out I genuinely mean so little to him that he won't even come home or answer me. During this argument he admitted he's been on dating apps this whole time too. I'm stuck here until Monday as nobody can come and get me until then (I don't drive). I genuinely just feel the lowest I've ever been and I'm completely alone with nobody to really confide in, I've reached out to the few friends I've got and as nice as they've all been I just feel irritating going on and on about it. Anyway.. sorry to be soppy bollocks, I'm trying to pass time with shitty tv and tattle threads until it hurts a little bit less. I can't settle, I just feel completely restless and can't even sleep waiting for a reply, for him to come home, wondering what he's doing. I just feel embarrassed, I really thought he was the one and I gave my whole life up for him just to be back at the beginning moving back into my parents house at my age... thanks for the laughs anyway and this platform where I can post this without feeling judged or embarrassed... lots of love xx

I just wanted to add an update onto this nearly a month later. This is for anyone needing strength or optimism right now. A month ago I felt broken, I was lying in bed crying, not eating, not washing my hair, just waiting for my boyfriend to come back to me. He'd dumped me out of nowhere after a stupid small row when we were drunk. I'd given my life up to move in with him and had no job or friends where he lived and felt so alone. When the breakup happened, I felt so embarrassed ringing my parents up saying I needed to come home again. They told me originally it wasn't the best idea moving in with someone I hadn't known for that long and I was ready for the 'we told you so' and 'why didn't you listen'. Instead, my parents arrived and greeted me with the biggest hug and told me everything was going to be okay. It was so strange being home at first but the change of scenery did me good and gave me the motivation to turn my unhappiness around. Within a few days of coming home, I had found a job at my local doctors surgery and I spend the days laughing with my colleagues and chatting to patients. I plan to buy a car when I get paid and keep working towards my driving and on myself. I reached out to a few old friends who welcomed me back with open arms, I went out for drinks with them and bumped into many people I know and received some 'I heard you're back, let's meet up messages'. My evenings and weekends quickly became filled with walks in the park, far too many cocktails and laughing over old memories. I thought moving in with him was the best thing I ever did but in reality, I was just isolated and so unhappy. Just a month later and it feels like a distant memory being in that house waiting for a text, feeling so restless that I couldn't even focus on a TV show and sobbing so hard in the middle of the night that I probably woke the neighbours up. Naturally, he realised he'd made a massive error and came running back admitting how much he f*cked up but he came back too late, I was already too strong, too happy and over his bullsh*t. I had a better life and didn't trust him not to leave again. No matter what you're going through, everything gets better eventually and one day you'll be laughing so hard and you'll think to yourself 'this is great'. This is your sign to put yourself first, be selfish and pick happiness everytime time. Raise a glass to many more laughs and realising you're too good for a mans bullshit!!!! xxxxx

 

[Lauren-1996]

I moved to a different city to live with my partner, so I don’t have any friends or any of my own family here. Im on maternity leave and my partner is at work full time, when he’s not at work he likes to do his own thing. It gets very lonely being stuck at home 24/7 with two young children and no family or friends near by.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I'm the same, just with one child, I've moved to the town my boyfriend is from and I'm a stay at home Mum. Don't have any friends round here and none of my family. It gets very lonely

I don’t have any advice to give but just wanted to say that you bring a lot of laughs with your memes! I know that doesn’t help the slightest with how you feel but I appreciate what you bring to Tattle

 

[Melissa25xo]

i also relate to feeling lonely.

ever since school i’ve always been the “discardable friend” or the least preferred in the group if that makes sense and i’ve never understood why.

After having so called friends who would leave me all alone in nightclubs and other horrible situations in my younger years i’ve become somewhat of a recluse, would prefer to just be in my own company than bother with people and end up feeling crap about myself.

My partner completely understands my social anxiety and doesn’t force me in to social situations if i’m not feeling up to it, which i appreciate!

But I do feel really lonely, when he goes out to visit his friends I’d love nothing more than to go visit friends too but I don’t have any.

I’m in my mid-late twenties and work in an office. I’m always the go to person in my team for advice and thought I got along well with everyone until today when I seen on SM all the women met up for a drink but didn’t invite me along with another woman (who I know they’re not fussed on).

It just seems like good friends are hard to come by these days which is a shame and it doesn’t help that i’m really shy so making new friends seems impossible

does anyone have any advice on making friends when suffering with social anxiety?

I feel like I could have wrote this! My ‘best friend’ left me in a nightclub once and got a taxi to the other side of town with her other mate. The same friend arranged a meal for her 21st when I asked about my invite her response was ‘only school friends allowed’ and I’d met her in college so that was me excluded, I was crushed. From that moment I don’t really bother that much with anyone! I don’t have any advice but I understand were your coming from and your not alone

 

[WilmaHun]

I hope it's ok for me to join in, I feel really lonely at the moment and just need somewhere to vent. Whenever I tell my bf I feel lonely he always says he doesn't understand how and then goes on to list all the people I have in my life. He doesn't seem to understand that you can be surrounded by people and still feel so alone. I sit in on my own most nights as he works late most nights (his own choice to do so as he's self employed). It's really getting me down and some nights I just sit and cry about how alone I am. I don't feel like I really have anybody to talk to as I feel like a burden on people when they already have so much going on themselves. Nobody ever asks me to do anything, if I ever meet with a friend or family it's because I've arranged it. It then makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me, that people don't enjoy my company and so forth. Honestly, this feeling is taking over everything and I just feel so down all the time. Even my own boyfriend doesn't wanna spend the evenings with me when we've both been at work all day, he'd rather come home, eat his dinner then shoot straight back off to work, is my company really that bad

 

[Hope96]

I feel lonely even when I'm with other people and all I want to do is cry but I try to be strong. Feeling lonely is something I've battled with for years but I just feel like I can't handle this emptiness in my life even if I am surrounded by others. I try to reach out to friends and I often feel like I'm a burden or my messages will get ignored. It is difficult to make friends as an adult. I just feel very isolated and more so since my ex broke up with me. I think that might be making it worse but this emptiness and loneliness has been there for a long time.

Thank you for reading my post.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I moved to a different city to live with my partner, so I don’t have any friends or any of my own family here. Im on maternity leave and my partner is at work full time, when he’s not at work he likes to do his own thing. It gets very lonely being stuck at home 24/7 with two young children and no family or friends near by.

I'm the same, just with one child, I've moved to the town my boyfriend is from and I'm a stay at home Mum. Don't have any friends round here and none of my family. It gets very lonely

 

[Libbylulu]

I live overseas and my husband travels a lot ( not so much in the last year), my kids have left home. I go through waves of loneliness, I find Tattle helps as it’s communication with people. Some weeks I can go days without speaking out loud with others. I have friends but either they are busy or possibly they could be feeling the same. Some weeks I try to get people together and then other weeks it’s too much effort. I think covid has also bashed the enthusiasm or effort out of everyone.

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

Making friends is so much harder as an adult

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

My impression is that in order to feel "connected" and to "belong" it is important to find people that make you feel this way - as opposed to people that make you feel even more lonely when in their company.

In my experience this is the case when I meet likeminded people, people that share my values and (to a lesser extend) interests.

I also recall times that I spent with people that were very different to me and I felt worse then being at home alone.
(I remember one evening at a bar with two friends, both were exchanging date experiences, being really superficial and negative about their dating experience and I couldn't really contribute anything that would have interested them. I finished my cocktail and then went home to read my book in my pyjamas and this was much nicer than sitting in a bar with them, either listening to their stories that I didn't enjoy, unsuccessfully trying to change the topic or trying to join into the conversation that I was not intersted in)

I don't think loneliness is related to being alone only, it is more a lack of connection and belonging. It is about quality not quantity, finding friends that are right for you, that make you feel like you belong and that you are connected to them.