Lockdown has changed my relationship

[Shesaidwhat?]

I’ve been with my husband 6 years (married 4) and apart from the fact his mother is a witch we’ve never had any problems.
But since lockdown I feel things have changed I know I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill but I’m starting to feel that I don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore and I’m bored in bed and I used to find it amazing. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he shuts me down or tells me to sort myself out.
I don’t know what to do or if its because of furlough and working from home we’re getting stuck in a rut so to speak.
Has anyone been through similar or got any suggestions?

 

[TJ90]

I’ve been with my husband 6 years (married 4) and apart from the fact his mother is a witch we’ve never had any problems.
But since lockdown I feel things have changed I know I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill but I’m starting to feel that I don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore and I’m bored in bed and I used to find it amazing. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he shuts me down or tells me to sort myself out.
I don’t know what to do or if its because of furlough and working from home we’re getting stuck in a rut so to speak.
Has anyone been through similar or got any suggestions?

I thought it was me that had written that first sentence when I read it!
It’s hard being with someone so much in lockdown. Everyone is feeling different things at different times. Hopefully there’s light at the end of the tunnel now and you might feel differently once you start seeing others again and not being in each other’s pockets every minute of every day

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I thought it was me that had written that first sentence when I read it!
It’s hard being with someone so much in lockdown. Everyone is feeling different things at different times. Hopefully there’s light at the end of the tunnel now and you might feel differently once you start seeing others again and not being in each other’s pockets every minute of every day

I hope this is the case, it’s hard because my friends have been telling me how lockdown has brought them and their partners closer so I feel like well why don’t I feel the same? It sounds awful but I’m hoping the festival season can’t start up again so he can go and it’ll maybe kickstart something in me because we’ll be apart for a bit.

 

[Pixipoppy]

I can relate to how you’re feeling, being cooped up with my partner has been tough and I feel like we’ve just become this fat lazy couple who makes no effort for each other anymore. Before lockdown we would often go out on date nights and holidays and it just kept things fresher, now we just sit watching Netflix/on our phones and don’t really have anything to say to each other!

It sounds like you’ve tried to communicate with your husband and he is shutting you down. I don’t really think that’s healthy or constructive of him. You both need to be open with one another about how you’re feeling. Try and think of things you can do together as a couple, it doesn’t have to be sexual but anything that will get you talking and having fun. In regards to the sex, there’s lots of ways to spice that up - depending what you’re both into! Even buying some new lingerie for yourself might get the mood a bit better. I do know it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re spending 99% of time in pyjamas I think how you feel is very normal by the way... I don’t know anyone whose relationship has been improved by lockdown!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I can’t comment on lockdown as my husband has been working and we had other issues that have improved due to external factors.

But when my husbands depression was bad he shut me out, wouldn’t talk about issues and our sex life died. Could it be a bigger issue and he’s struggling and doesn’t know how to express it. Your both spending so much time together and seeing things that maybe you wouldn’t normally see and that can make you lose interest in the other person. It’s easy to get stagnant right now.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I can’t comment on lockdown as my husband has been working and we had other issues that have improved due to external factors.

But when my husbands depression was bad he shut me out, wouldn’t talk about issues and our sex life died. Could it be a bigger issue and he’s struggling and doesn’t know how to express it. Your both spending so much time together and seeing things that maybe you wouldn’t normally see and that can make you lose interest in the other person. It’s easy to get stagnant right now.

I have wondered if he’s depressed with being on furlough but he won’t open up he never has, he always says I’ll be ok and thats the end of the conversation.

 

[HoneyBee29]

Honestly I think this lockdown has affected everyone’s sex life and relationship in one way or another. It’s hard being couped up together all the time with very little to do. The first lockdown I didn’t work for 3 months and my mental health took a nose dive and my husband is a police man so he was still working away and I was almost resentful and jealous as he had something to get up for most days of the week then the days he was off we’d just argue and fight and I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him some days. Some couples it’s brought them closer together some couples have realised their not with the right person, I know a lot of couples have split up or many that where newly together just before lockdown have split up as well, but I do think all relationships have found this last year tough even if in the end it’s brought them closer together they’ve probably been through a rough patch at some point throughout the year.

 

[nuggy]

I can relate to your post. Lockdown has certainly changed things with my partner, for one at the beginning of first lockdown I caught him cheating with his ex, ever since I’ve been on absolute edge. Always afraid it’ll happen again. Lately my partner has been acting more distant than usual, it makes me feel quite worried actually. I keep feeling really fat and just keep thinking “am I just not sexy enough” and it’s killing me inside! I cried tonight while he’s sleeping beside me. I just wish I could get past it. Hurts so much though

 

[StrawberryCream]

I can relate to your post. Lockdown has certainly changed things with my partner, for one at the beginning of first lockdown I caught him cheating with his ex, ever since I’ve been on absolute edge. Always afraid it’ll happen again. Lately my partner has been acting more distant than usual, it makes me feel quite worried actually. I keep feeling really fat and just keep thinking “am I just not sexy enough” and it’s killing me inside! I cried tonight while he’s sleeping beside me. I just wish I could get past it. Hurts so much though

Thats awful, if you don’t mind me asking is there a reason why you forgave him? This could cause trust issues forever in your relationship now, and probably why you are feeling a knock in confidence

 

[jarv]

I can relate to your post. Lockdown has certainly changed things with my partner, for one at the beginning of first lockdown I caught him cheating with his ex, ever since I’ve been on absolute edge. Always afraid it’ll happen again. Lately my partner has been acting more distant than usual, it makes me feel quite worried actually. I keep feeling really fat and just keep thinking “am I just not sexy enough” and it’s killing me inside! I cried tonight while he’s sleeping beside me. I just wish I could get past it. Hurts so much though

That is so awful. I'm sorry. It's not your fault that he's done that, so don't get bogged down in the mindset of "If I was just x, y, z", as difficult as it is to not think about what ifs. Have you been able to talk about it with him?

 

[nuggy]

Thats awful, if you don’t mind me asking is there a reason why you forgave him? This could cause trust issues forever in your relationship now, and probably why you are feeling a knock in confidence

He seemed truly remorseful and told me it was a mistake, so I made the decision to move forward with him but you’re right it’s definitely damaged our relationship and as a result I’m left feeling extremely edgy and afraid every time I sense something is off! It’s been terrible, and I always think of what he did in my mind and it hurts again and again, I have told him that if he was to ever do anything again I’d be gone right away and he’s repeatedly told me he never wants to break my heart again and that he’s sorry. But it’s just so so hard. I truly love him and feel safe beside him but at the same time sometimes if I’m laying awake at night I always think of what he did and it makes me feel hatred for him

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I can relate to your post. Lockdown has certainly changed things with my partner, for one at the beginning of first lockdown I caught him cheating with his ex, ever since I’ve been on absolute edge. Always afraid it’ll happen again. Lately my partner has been acting more distant than usual, it makes me feel quite worried actually. I keep feeling really fat and just keep thinking “am I just not sexy enough” and it’s killing me inside! I cried tonight while he’s sleeping beside me. I just wish I could get past it. Hurts so much though

That’s awful I’m so sorry, it’s not your fault please don’t be blaming yourself.

 

[blossombloss]

I’ve been with my husband 6 years (married 4) and apart from the fact his mother is a witch we’ve never had any problems.
But since lockdown I feel things have changed I know I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill but I’m starting to feel that I don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore and I’m bored in bed and I used to find it amazing. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he shuts me down or tells me to sort myself out.
I don’t know what to do or if its because of furlough and working from home we’re getting stuck in a rut so to speak.
Has anyone been through similar or got any suggestions?

I don't have any suggestions, feel a bit like this myself tbh! But I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! Lockdown is hard, having the usual distractions and just doing things prevents things from being so isolated, I think.
Perhaps the only thing I could suggest is to remember that we are all dealing with something unprecedented and that this isn't how your relationship will be forever. We will get out of it and you guys can do new things and perhaps you'll find things are better. I know it sucks as I'm basically saying wait it out, but I think that's all you can do, remind yourself there is a different future ahead!

 

[bexgreen1983]

Oh goodness I am questioning everything about my relationship at the minute. Married for 6.5 years, together for longer then that. I’m just bored tbh. He never makes an effort. Falls asleep early most evenings and I’m on my own most of the time. About six months since having s#x.

If it wasn’t for my kids I think I would have gone. I’m miserable

 

[Champagnecampaign]

This whole thread totally resonates with me. I feel like pre COVID we were both so busy I didn’t realise how incompatible we are. Feel like there’s no fun and it’s made me fall out of love with him. I’ve started getting my ducks in a row (or whatever the saying is). Married with a three year old so need to plan my exit wisely but life’s too short. When there’s a hint of normality I’ll be done.

 

[Thismamacan]

This thread could literally be my life. Weve been married nearly 6 years, together for 13 with a 2 year old. His mother is so interfering and she has always been his first priority. He has never been able to say no to her and always does what she wants/asks regardless of his daughter and me. This whole lockdown has been so so hard, things were bad before as he never supported me through 2 miscarriages or PND, but this has been something else, even though weve both worked throughout it all, just having to stay home the rest of the time, I've realised were not that compatible. We are more like brother and sister. I know it's bad as I have developed feelings for someone else who I have known a few years and who I work at the same hospital as, nothing has happened as I'm not that person, but for me knowing how I feel, maybe it is time to leave. 13 years is a long time for things not to change...

 

[bexgreen1983]

This thread could literally be my life. Weve been married nearly 6 years, together for 13 with a 2 year old. His mother is so interfering and she has always been his first priority. He has never been able to say no to her and always does what she wants/asks regardless of his daughter and me. This whole lockdown has been so so hard, things were bad before as he never supported me through 2 miscarriages or PND, but this has been something else, even though weve both worked throughout it all, just having to stay home the rest of the time, I've realised were not that compatible. We are more like brother and sister. I know it's bad as I have developed feelings for someone else who I have known a few years and who I work at the same hospital as, nothing has happened as I'm not that person, but for me knowing how I feel, maybe it is time to leave. 13 years is a long time for things not to change...

thats how I feel about my husband.. that we’re like brother and sister.

 

[TruffleTrifle]

So glad I found this I’ve been wrestling with this for weeks. I love my partner we’ve been together 8 years but lately he feels more like a mate and I keep getting random crushes on other guys?! We’re bubbling now with a friend of my OH because his MH has been poor (2 breakups in a year he’s quite cut up about and his parents are splitting and he lost 2 grandparents to covid) and whenever he comes over I feel like a giggly schoolgirl. Never felt like this about him before and I’ve known him a few years! Is it because in lockdown I’m hardly seeing other people? Is it fatigue from spending a year locked up with my partner? I’d never act on it and neither would he but it’s just bleeping bizarre and I can’t remember how to act normally!! Also I went off the pill recently to have a break from it which seems to have increased my libido somewhat and that just makes it worse.

 

[alwayslurkin]

Yeahhh I feel the same and even had the talk with my partner today.

We both feel it is because we live in a small flat on top of each other and will talk again when we settle down a bit.

Neither of us want to rush into a decision when things are all over the place, but we both feel bored/fatigued.

 

[veryfondoftea]

Yeahhh I feel the same and even had the talk with my partner today.

We both feel it is because we live in a small flat on top of each other and will talk again when we settle down a bit.

Neither of us want to rush into a decision when things are all over the place, but we both feel bored/fatigued.

Same here. Things are a bit rubbish with my husband and I but I just don’t feel like I can confidently make a decision when we’ve been in such an odd situation for the last year