Lockdown has changed my relationship

[nuggy]

I can relate to your post. Lockdown has certainly changed things with my partner, for one at the beginning of first lockdown I caught him cheating with his ex, ever since I’ve been on absolute edge. Always afraid it’ll happen again. Lately my partner has been acting more distant than usual, it makes me feel quite worried actually. I keep feeling really fat and just keep thinking “am I just not sexy enough” and it’s killing me inside! I cried tonight while he’s sleeping beside me. I just wish I could get past it. Hurts so much though

 

[Champagnecampaign]

This whole thread totally resonates with me. I feel like pre COVID we were both so busy I didn’t realise how incompatible we are. Feel like there’s no fun and it’s made me fall out of love with him. I’ve started getting my ducks in a row (or whatever the saying is). Married with a three year old so need to plan my exit wisely but life’s too short. When there’s a hint of normality I’ll be done.

 

[alwayslurkin]

I know this thread is dead now but... I am officially living in my own place after my breakup!

 

[alwayslurkin]

I am going to contradict my previous post... I broke up with my partner on Monday night.

Awkward AF as we live together but what can you do I feel relieved it is a weight off my shoulders now

 

[bexgreen1983]

Oh goodness I am questioning everything about my relationship at the minute. Married for 6.5 years, together for longer then that. I’m just bored tbh. He never makes an effort. Falls asleep early most evenings and I’m on my own most of the time. About six months since having s#x.

If it wasn’t for my kids I think I would have gone. I’m miserable

 

[Bumblebee]

That’s so nice to hear. Sounds like you made the right decision.
I’m hoping that the easing of lockdown will help our relationship. We’ve been married for 23 years this year. Together for 26. But lockdown has changed the way I feel about him.
move continued to work two jobs throughout and he was furloughed at one point and then back-part time and still part time now. He moaned about being furloughed and I suggested he got an additional job and said think of the money. The supermarket I work at had plenty of jobs going but he didn’t even apply. Then my other job was looking for people to come in and do a bit of diy and again he refused.
he just has no get up and go. He expects things tk be handed to him. We had discussions about what he would do if his job never got back to full time as once furlough payments end he’ll be on part time wages for however many hours he works.
I work full time Monday to Friday. Then second job every Saturday and every other Sunday. I suggested today that I ask to work two evenings a week instead so 6-10pm which would mean weekend free and I would not have to start work at 2am and he said he’s used to me working weekends now so why change it? Why change it?? I’m exhausted and feel it ruins our weekends. My children are older now, the youngest just turned 15 and she makes comments about food you’re always working never at home. Well yes that’s right as someone needs to be.
It’s just not how I thought a marriage would be never thought I’d be the one making sure that we had everything we need and making sure we have money for fun stuff. I begrudge buying him things as well as I feel he doesn’t deserve them. I get comments about make up and clothes but I’m working! He has a uniform.
Sorry to derail from your happy news. I guess it’s been weighing on my mind.

 

[alwayslurkin]

How are you finding it, are you ok?

I love it. I have so much space, I can do things on my own schedule, don't have to answer to anyone... Not trying to slag off my ex here, and obviously had good times with him when we were together, but being here has reinforced the fact I made the right decision to leave which is the biggest relief of all tbh

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

In the end I went and stayed at my grandads for a couple of weeks, it wasn’t a magic cure but it helped massively.

This sentence aged well, we’re getting divorced . I feel strange I thought I’d be and probably should be heartbroken and crying into my cornflakes but I actually feel happy, it feels like something has lifted.

I think as much as the time apart for us papered over the cracks, it also made me realise that I could be happy on my own and that we’re different people to the ones we were six years ago.

 

[Peakyblinders]

I’m the same as you guys. We don’t even live together but when he’s here I feel more of a mother than a girlfriend. I wait on him hand and foot and I feel he has become used to it now and doesn’t appreciate me. Sex life has also died out, just feel like he doesn’t fancy me or love me anymore which is really sad. Even during lockdown I’ve seen lots of couples doing cute stuff. I suggested a walk yesterday, felt like I had to drag him out and he would rather be anywhere else but there, ended up arguing and storming back to the car. Saw lots of couples having such a good time and I just felt like he would rather be anywhere else but there. I’ll see what happens when lockdown is over

 

[Thismamacan]

This thread could literally be my life. Weve been married nearly 6 years, together for 13 with a 2 year old. His mother is so interfering and she has always been his first priority. He has never been able to say no to her and always does what she wants/asks regardless of his daughter and me. This whole lockdown has been so so hard, things were bad before as he never supported me through 2 miscarriages or PND, but this has been something else, even though weve both worked throughout it all, just having to stay home the rest of the time, I've realised were not that compatible. We are more like brother and sister. I know it's bad as I have developed feelings for someone else who I have known a few years and who I work at the same hospital as, nothing has happened as I'm not that person, but for me knowing how I feel, maybe it is time to leave. 13 years is a long time for things not to change...

 

[bolimepipi]

So everyone who has posted on here about being unhappy.... what do you think you’re going to do?

i haven't written about it on here but i feel the same - i'm trying to suggest things to do but unless it involves staring at a screen, he doesn't seem to be interested. we've had a few fights about it lately and i think he's starting to understand and trying to change this. i won't do anything about it for now because i really do think it's the lockdown and the whole situation that's getting to me - i dislike my relationship, my job, my friendships, my family relationships, myself... but i think it's all because of covid. i'm hoping that once this pandemic is done, things will look up. if they don't, then i know something wasn't right in the first place... but i'm just in such a bad mental state right now that i'm scared to make big decisions.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I am so sorry to hear all your posts. this is such a hard time for relationships. Some will be feeling relief, some devastated. just hang in there and do what you feel best for you.

Strangely enough, I have just posted about this in the CT thread. I won't link to my post as I know many hate CT but this was part of my post

I know 4 strong relationships that have gone down the pan. One of those was a 45-year marriage and my friend killed herself over it ending.
My daughter's relationship ( three children) ended, my carer's marriage ( two children) ended, another friend 25 years married ( emergency foster parents with three of their own children) ended.

 

[nuggy]

Thats awful, if you don’t mind me asking is there a reason why you forgave him? This could cause trust issues forever in your relationship now, and probably why you are feeling a knock in confidence

He seemed truly remorseful and told me it was a mistake, so I made the decision to move forward with him but you’re right it’s definitely damaged our relationship and as a result I’m left feeling extremely edgy and afraid every time I sense something is off! It’s been terrible, and I always think of what he did in my mind and it hurts again and again, I have told him that if he was to ever do anything again I’d be gone right away and he’s repeatedly told me he never wants to break my heart again and that he’s sorry. But it’s just so so hard. I truly love him and feel safe beside him but at the same time sometimes if I’m laying awake at night I always think of what he did and it makes me feel hatred for him

 

[TruffleTrifle]

So everyone who has posted on here about being unhappy.... what do you think you’re going to do?

I actually had a chat with my OH earlier. Just about how we need to reconnect. We’re going to try to reignite the spark a bit. More spontaneous fun, he’s agreed to help me more with housework and cooking as I said sometimes feel like a mother not a partner! Also we’re laying off drinking at weekends as that doesn’t seem to be doing either of us any favours in the mental health department. As soon as restrictions are lifted a bit he’s going to go outdoors for a whole day of a weekend (he’s into his adrenaline sports) to give me some space.

 

[Pixipoppy]

I can relate to how you’re feeling, being cooped up with my partner has been tough and I feel like we’ve just become this fat lazy couple who makes no effort for each other anymore. Before lockdown we would often go out on date nights and holidays and it just kept things fresher, now we just sit watching Netflix/on our phones and don’t really have anything to say to each other!

It sounds like you’ve tried to communicate with your husband and he is shutting you down. I don’t really think that’s healthy or constructive of him. You both need to be open with one another about how you’re feeling. Try and think of things you can do together as a couple, it doesn’t have to be sexual but anything that will get you talking and having fun. In regards to the sex, there’s lots of ways to spice that up - depending what you’re both into! Even buying some new lingerie for yourself might get the mood a bit better. I do know it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re spending 99% of time in pyjamas I think how you feel is very normal by the way... I don’t know anyone whose relationship has been improved by lockdown!

 

[Mamacita]

I'm honestly getting so fed up too. I mentioned on this thread before that my relationship has been a bit meh in lockdown, and even before tbh. But getting frustrated with my boyfriend's habits, like drinking most days. He keeps saying he'll stop but then always has some kind of excuse for why he's not stopping today. We hardly do anything together, I keep bringing it up, we talk and he says we should change things but then it actually never changes or the changes are small and then it goes back to normal. Like I get that, we're all bored and fed up with lockdown but it's not like he even completely follows the rules, he still sees friends sometimes which is more than a lot of people get to do.
Just fed up, we hardly have things to do together as I don't really want to spend my weekends getting drunk and feeling crap anymore and that's what he usually seems to want to do.

 

[alwayslurkin]

how are you managing considering you live together?
sending hugs hope you're okay 🤍

It's soooo awkward. I just want to move on and get my space but I can't. Viewings are tricky as if the property is tenanted, you can't view it due to Covid. I'm just chugging on and trying not to get too overwhelmed

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Sorry to read everyone else’s stories but I can relate to it all, I feel like the longer lockdown goes on the more we’re drifting apart the tiniest thing seems to blow up into an argument. It’s getting to the point I don’t even see the point in trying anymore. Everything I suggest he just shuts me down, I’m seriously thinking of asking if my grandad if I can move in his spare room for a bit as much as I don’t want my thirtieth year on the planet as the year I got a divorce unless something gives soon I can see it being the only outcome.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I’ve been with my husband 6 years (married 4) and apart from the fact his mother is a witch we’ve never had any problems.
But since lockdown I feel things have changed I know I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill but I’m starting to feel that I don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore and I’m bored in bed and I used to find it amazing. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he shuts me down or tells me to sort myself out.
I don’t know what to do or if its because of furlough and working from home we’re getting stuck in a rut so to speak.
Has anyone been through similar or got any suggestions?

 

[TJ90]

I’ve been with my husband 6 years (married 4) and apart from the fact his mother is a witch we’ve never had any problems.
But since lockdown I feel things have changed I know I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill but I’m starting to feel that I don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore and I’m bored in bed and I used to find it amazing. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he shuts me down or tells me to sort myself out.
I don’t know what to do or if its because of furlough and working from home we’re getting stuck in a rut so to speak.
Has anyone been through similar or got any suggestions?

I thought it was me that had written that first sentence when I read it!
It’s hard being with someone so much in lockdown. Everyone is feeling different things at different times. Hopefully there’s light at the end of the tunnel now and you might feel differently once you start seeing others again and not being in each other’s pockets every minute of every day