Lockdown has changed my relationship

[ASAnigel]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’m probably not the person to be giving advice given my current situation, however it does sound like time apart might be helpful for you. At the very least you’ll get some time to yourself.

Thank you so much for your reply. I hope you’re doing well or at the very least feeling positive about your future!

I think you’re probably right as I do definitely see a difference in my irritability when I’ve been working vs when I’ve been stuck at home.
I just feel under a lot of pressure to make a decision about my future with him - I don’t know why, maybe it’s the talk of marriage etc. But I don’t want to make that kind of decision based on how I’m feeling because of a pandemic.

 

[alwayslurkin]

Thank you so much for your reply. I hope you’re doing well or at the very least feeling positive about your future!

I think you’re probably right as I do definitely see a difference in my irritability when I’ve been working vs when I’ve been stuck at home.
I just feel under a lot of pressure to make a decision about my future with him - I don’t know why, maybe it’s the talk of marriage etc. But I don’t want to make that kind of decision based on how I’m feeling because of a pandemic.

You don't want to make a decision regarding marriage based on how you are feeling because of a pandemic, too

If you are serious about staying with him, can you manage the next two-three months of this before the lockdown eases? If your stomach is churning and your gut says no, I'd say get out. If you are just desperate for it to hurry up and get here already, I'd stay.

Purely my opinion and obviously I don't know either of you personally, so take what I say with a pinch of salt

 

[ASAnigel]

You don't want to make a decision regarding marriage based on how you are feeling because of a pandemic, too

If you are serious about staying with him, can you manage the next two-three months of this before the lockdown eases? If your stomach is churning and your gut says no, I'd say get out. If you are just desperate for it to hurry up and get here already, I'd stay.

Purely my opinion and obviously I don't know either of you personally, so take what I say with a pinch of salt

Thank you so much for your reply!
I definitely think that the world returning to some sort of normal will help massively, and definitely not dreading it just looking forward to that happening!
My only worry is it doesn’t look like he’s going to be going back to an office any time soon - his company moved offices and it would be a 2 hour commute each way for him now which he’s said he’s not prepared to do so I’m just a bit worried it’s going to stay like this!
But then again hopefully his social life will improve again and if I’m busier with work that should help too!

I think if he was going to be going back to working in an office in the near future I’d be less worried!

 

[TJ90]

This sentence aged well, we’re getting divorced . I feel strange I thought I’d be and probably should be heartbroken and crying into my cornflakes but I actually feel happy, it feels like something has lifted.

I think as much as the time apart for us papered over the cracks, it also made me realise that I could be happy on my own and that we’re different people to the ones we were six years ago.

Ah I’m so happy you have come to a decision that’s right for you. Divorce is hard, but you know what’s harder. Being married to someone you end up resenting after years of being unhappy. Wishing you all the happiness for the future and well done for being brave because it’s not an easy decision to make.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Ah I’m so happy you have come to a decision that’s right for you. Divorce is hard, but you know what’s harder. Being married to someone you end up resenting after years of being unhappy. Wishing you all the happiness for the future and well done for being brave because it’s not an easy decision to make.

Thank you

 

[alwayslurkin]

I'd love to give everyone in this thread one huge cuddle, it's been really tough but it's nice to know you're not alone

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I really am jinxing myself every time I post on here I’ve reached the crying into my cornflakes stage. I don’t understand how I can know we’ve made the right decision but my heart feels like it’s breaking, I feel like I’ve destroyed everything, one of my nieces adores my husband and she thinks he doesn’t love her anymore.
I even phoned him last night to ask him if I could come back but he said there’s no point going around in circles, which is true but hearing him say it made me feel worse like it’s really over and he’s done with me.
Nothing I feel makes sense it’s like my head knows we made the right decision but my heart feels like it’s the worst decision I’ve ever made.

 

[TJ90]

I really am jinxing myself every time I post on here I’ve reached the crying into my cornflakes stage. I don’t understand how I can know we’ve made the right decision but my heart feels like it’s breaking, I feel like I’ve destroyed everything, one of my nieces adores my husband and she thinks he doesn’t love her anymore.
I even phoned him last night to ask him if I could come back but he said there’s no point going around in circles, which is true but hearing him say it made me feel worse like it’s really over and he’s done with me.
Nothing I feel makes sense it’s like my head knows we made the right decision but my heart feels like it’s the worst decision I’ve ever made.

It’s the hardest thing. You will get through it. Unfortunately heart break hurts so much, even when you know it’s for the best.

 

[Ya-Mar]

I really am jinxing myself every time I post on here I’ve reached the crying into my cornflakes stage. I don’t understand how I can know we’ve made the right decision but my heart feels like it’s breaking, I feel like I’ve destroyed everything, one of my nieces adores my husband and she thinks he doesn’t love her anymore.
I even phoned him last night to ask him if I could come back but he said there’s no point going around in circles, which is true but hearing him say it made me feel worse like it’s really over and he’s done with me.
Nothing I feel makes sense it’s like my head knows we made the right decision but my heart feels like it’s the worst decision I’ve ever made.

Sending love, it’s so hard my partner of 18 years moved out on Friday. Things haven’t been right for a few months, we’ve got a 15 year old and a 2 year old who was a very bad sleeper. He got made redundant, was looking after the 2 year old more. The little ones behaviour has been challenging lately.

My partners always worked and started drinking more. The fun seemed to have gone, we’ve gone from having a great sex life to nothing at all. He said he loves me as a Mam to the kids and that he’s not depressed. It hurts like hell, so many things going around in my head.

He came to take the youngest out yesterday and my heart skipped a beat I still find him attractive I told him I loved him but he didn’t respond and when I asked if he thought there was chance we could try again he said he didn’t know. Dunno whether to just give up or to let him have space and hope he misses what he has.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Sending love, it’s so hard my partner of 18 years moved out on Friday. Things haven’t been right for a few months, we’ve got a 15 year old and a 2 year old who was a very bad sleeper. He got made redundant, was looking after the 2 year old more. The little ones behaviour has been challenging lately.

My partners always worked and started drinking more. The fun seemed to have gone, we’ve gone from having a great sex life to nothing at all. He said he loves me as a Mam to the kids and that he’s not depressed. It hurts like hell, so many things going around in my head.

He came to take the youngest out yesterday and my heart skipped a beat I still find him attractive I told him I loved him but he didn’t respond and when I asked if he thought there was chance we could try again he said he didn’t know. Dunno whether to just give up or to let him have space and hope he misses what he has.

Sending love to you also . It’s really hard when things are still fresh and your head and heart are in a jumble.

 

[alwayslurkin]

How is everyone getting on? I think about this thread from time to time and hope everyone is ok

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

How is everyone getting on? I think about this thread from time to time and hope everyone is ok

I’m ok, I’m going to look at a flat to rent tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that, I can’t stay with my grandad forever.
I’m also toying with the idea of maybe looking into therapy, my marriage ending has made me kind of reflect on certain things, also because I’ve watched people I’ve admired completely change for the worse after divorce.
How are you getting on?

 

[alwayslurkin]

I’m ok, I’m going to look at a flat to rent tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that, I can’t stay with my grandad forever.
I’m also toying with the idea of maybe looking into therapy, my marriage ending has made me kind of reflect on certain things, also because I’ve watched people I’ve admired completely change for the worse after divorce.
How are you getting on?

I hope the flat viewing goes well tbh counselling was the best thing I did for myself a few years ago, and I'm tempted to go back but I want to do it face to face

It's going well thanks... An adjustment living alone, but I'm trying to be gentle with myself. I've actually been on a few dates because why not not looking for anything serious rn but I've never done the "dating" thing and it's fun

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I hope the flat viewing goes well tbh counselling was the best thing I did for myself a few years ago, and I'm tempted to go back but I want to do it face to face

It's going well thanks... An adjustment living alone, but I'm trying to be gentle with myself. I've actually been on a few dates because why not not looking for anything serious rn but I've never done the "dating" thing and it's fun

Aah that’s amazing, exactly why not? It’s nice to be able to let your hair down and have a bit of fun.

 

[alwayslurkin]

Aah that’s amazing, exactly why not? It’s nice to be able to let your hair down and have a bit of fun.

How did the viewing go?

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

How did the viewing go?

It went good thank you, I can move in on the 29th. I’m excited but a bit nervous at the same time, I’ve never lived on my own before.

 

[alwayslurkin]

It went good thank you, I can move in on the 29th. I’m excited but a bit nervous at the same time, I’ve never lived on my own before.

That's amazing news!

It is an adjustment, but it's liberating. You'll reach a point where you realise how capable you truly are, and it's just a brilliant feeling imo

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

That's amazing news!

It is an adjustment, but it's liberating. You'll reach a point where you realise how capable you truly are, and it's just a brilliant feeling imo

Oh thank you for saying that. It sounds really superficial but I’m looking forward to being able to decorate it without “I’m not having that in my house” “What have you bought that for?”

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Oh thank you for saying that. It sounds really superficial but I’m looking forward to being able to decorate it without “I’m not having that in my house” “What have you bought that for?”

I love living on my own, do what I want when I want without anyone saying a word. Pure bliss. Good luck in your new home and life

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I love living on my own, do what I want when I want without anyone saying a word. Pure bliss. Good luck in your new home and life

Thank you

How is everyone else on this thread? Hope you’re all doing well