She's implied for many years that the "rock star" was a major name from the '80s, and has painted a pretty recognisable picture of him, to the point where the real guy - the one she based the fantasy on - issued a cease-and-desist order.
Liz Jones - You Magazine Columnist
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So who were the contenders - Jim Kerr and Robert Plant, but anybody else?
In the latest drivel she said he had grown his hair in lockdown, but Kerr hasn’t. Plant has always had long hair.
Why am I trying to decipher her clues, it’s all bollox.
In the latest drivel she said he had grown his hair in lockdown, but Kerr hasn’t. Plant has always had long hair.
Why am I trying to decipher her clues, it’s all bollox.
Tiny/piggy blue eyes - that was one of the big Kerr hints I think.So who were the contenders - Jim Kerr and Robert Plant, but anybody else?
In the latest drivel she said he had grown his hair in lockdown, but Kerr hasn’t. Plant has always had long hair.
He's the one who took legal action against the old bat isn't he?
She said in a previous column that the rock star had an album coming out. That was this year so would narrow it down. I'd look but I can't be arsed
Robert Plant is due to release an album in November with Alison Krauss ... although again I believe the "Rock Star" is fake (especially given the constant implications he was Kerr)
Are you ready to hear Liz WHINE? It's podcast time!
Liz went to London Fashion Week with a fan who has been reading her column for 21 years (!) Liz struggled to get any tickets and eventually a friend had to get her in. Nic letches at the thought of young, likely gay, male models in skimpy clothing. Liz encountered a lot of young women wanting to work in fashion, who she equates to children, and sneers that in 40 years' time they'll be washed up like her. She and Nic discuss how skinny the models were and Liz bemoans that even though there are now more people of colour in modelling than in her day, they are all still skeletal. Wise words from the author of 8 and a Half Stone.
She claims that Marie Claire is now trying to airbrush her out of its history and pretend she was never editor. Nic calls this "shocking!" Liz insults Marie Claire's French owner who sacked her, gotta get the Daily Mail brigade tuning in. Don't you know Liz is the only editor that's ever tried to do anything for women's rights! More drivel about her being "ostracised" by the fashion industry. Nic talks about a charity auction she and Liz donated to. Liz witches about women who take maternity leave. She again makes fun of Nic's taste in books, music, and TV; and is very unsympathetic towards a terminally ill author of whom Nic is a fan. Also saying that women should not complain about the menopause, or doctors not taking menopause symptoms seriously, because "at least you're still alive!"
This week's column: "Has it all been worth it? You could probably just skip the column and say no!" Liz "has probably been illustrated more than anyone else in the world." Oh, yeah? She begins the column by listing unsolicited designer goods she gave others for their birthday, yet she herself received "nothing" for her birthday. There's a very long digression about Liz's history with an old friend who shares the same birthday. It's rambling and all over the place, but the gist of it is that Liz's life has been a failure while her friend is married and owns lovely homes in London, etc. Liz wishes she could be spending her birthday in a hotel with her husband of 30+ years and drinking champagne, like her friend; while Liz has nothing and wonders what she has to show for her life. Attempts by Nic to cheer her up "at least you have the puppies!" are shot down. Is that the 12-year-old "puppies" Mini and Gracie? Liz rejects the carrot cake and Zara trousers that Nic gave her the day after her birthday.
We end with her reading out a column she wrote in 2006, complaining about "size-zero" models. Evidently trying to do some damage control for the fat suit stunt. She claims that Sir Philip Green personally phoned her to justify his decision to let Kate Moss design a range for TopShop.
She claims that Marie Claire is now trying to airbrush her out of its history and pretend she was never editor. Nic calls this "shocking!" Liz insults Marie Claire's French owner who sacked her, gotta get the Daily Mail brigade tuning in. Don't you know Liz is the only editor that's ever tried to do anything for women's rights! More drivel about her being "ostracised" by the fashion industry. Nic talks about a charity auction she and Liz donated to. Liz witches about women who take maternity leave. She again makes fun of Nic's taste in books, music, and TV; and is very unsympathetic towards a terminally ill author of whom Nic is a fan. Also saying that women should not complain about the menopause, or doctors not taking menopause symptoms seriously, because "at least you're still alive!"
This week's column: "Has it all been worth it? You could probably just skip the column and say no!" Liz "has probably been illustrated more than anyone else in the world." Oh, yeah? She begins the column by listing unsolicited designer goods she gave others for their birthday, yet she herself received "nothing" for her birthday. There's a very long digression about Liz's history with an old friend who shares the same birthday. It's rambling and all over the place, but the gist of it is that Liz's life has been a failure while her friend is married and owns lovely homes in London, etc. Liz wishes she could be spending her birthday in a hotel with her husband of 30+ years and drinking champagne, like her friend; while Liz has nothing and wonders what she has to show for her life. Attempts by Nic to cheer her up "at least you have the puppies!" are shot down. Is that the 12-year-old "puppies" Mini and Gracie? Liz rejects the carrot cake and Zara trousers that Nic gave her the day after her birthday.
We end with her reading out a column she wrote in 2006, complaining about "size-zero" models. Evidently trying to do some damage control for the fat suit stunt. She claims that Sir Philip Green personally phoned her to justify his decision to let Kate Moss design a range for TopShop.
She has 'fans'? Seriously??
She has "Cheryl" who has allegedly read her column for 21 years, donated a large sum to an animal charity in exchange for the privilege of attending LFW with Liz and travelled all the way down from Liverpool to go to the show and have cocktails with Liz after
Cheryl was on day release from her secure accomodation I presume?
It all sounds very Victoria Wood sketch
Ermagerd, tomorrow's column is an absolute peach. Apparently, no body loves Liz! I know, right? Despite the fact that all she's done is pillory every single person she's ever known ever (including her own family) no-one could be bothered to send her the presents she so Obviously Deserves for her birthday. Only her paid companion actually cares whether she lives or dies (on account of the getting paid) and she reminisces about nibbling a Cranks cress bap in Hyde Park at lunchtime, despite Hyde Park being quite a stroll (25 mins each way) from Cranks, leaving her 10 mins to queue, order and nibble.
She also fails to mention that Cranks failed to survive Covid and will be closing with the loss of 60 jobs but, hey, this is Jonesworld where nobody else matters... and still the cards and prezzies fail to arrive.
It's almost as if there's some sort of connection...
She also fails to mention that Cranks failed to survive Covid and will be closing with the loss of 60 jobs but, hey, this is Jonesworld where nobody else matters... and still the cards and prezzies fail to arrive.
It's almost as if there's some sort of connection...
I remember that when I was a regular reader of her column, I would often feel quite low afterwards. She’s so miserable all the time!
No, no, no! Everyone else owes her for the rest of her life because she spent so much money on them and how have they repaid her? By giving her nothing for her birthday (Zara trousers, carrot cake, and Crocs don't count because she doesn't like those), and having the NERVE to take maternity leave!
Just think of all those pure cashmere babygros (so practical!) she gave to those women who had the nerve to procreate! Surely they owe her something!
In Which Liz Has Yet Another New Man Apparently (or: Not Another Podcast Recap)
Liz and Nic went to the new Bond movie. Liz whinges endlessly about how there wasn't enough scenery porn, she hates Billie Eilish, the fashion wasn't good enough. They hate the idea of a female Bond and both perv over Daniel Craig. Liz refers to a man's "front bottom" ... I don't think a man is likely to have that unless he is transgender? They discuss what may be a major spoiler for the movie. Liz talks about the many occasions where she's interviewed Rachel Weisz, now Daniel Craig's wife. She describes Weisz as "prickly", and Nic says that's a good thing as she finds nice, kind people "insipid." That'll be why she likes Liz so much, then. Liz witches about Meghan Markle being self-absorbed - there's a nice irony in that given that Liz has frequently compared herself to Meghan!! She says she interviewed Kenneth Branagh in his early career as a drama student and when she recently saw him at a premiere he looked like "an old, old man." He's 60; not that old, and still younger than you, Liz!
Liz says Nic still hasn't got her a birthday present. She brought you trousers AND carrot cake, and you told her to piss off; I wouldn't expect any more, Liz. Onto the week's column! Liz again witches about the Zara trousers, and her friend Isabel giving her Crocs. She calls someone on Twitter "numb-nuts" (yes, really!) for saying the suit she wore to her wedding looked like a tracksuit. Saying that people who post on Twitter have "too much time on their hands" and wouldn't have time to post if they had collies. Why are you on Twitter so much, Liz? WTF does it have to do with you how others choose to spend time? But the real point is that Liz has a new man in his life! With a "giant child." He has promised not to "ghost" or block Liz, and she is happy that he hasn't seen her Louboutin "shoe boots" before. She has been stalking him on Google Maps but doesn't like the idea that he might have been Googling her and seen pictures of her before her facelift.
Liz is still "team Meghan" she says, despite earlier calling her self-absorbed. Liz hates the dress the Duchess of Cambridge wore to the Bond premiere as Kate was trying to upstage the actors, apparently. She would expect Nic to think sequins are acceptable because Nic is from Leytonstone; but Kate, being from the Home Counties, should know better! Kate's dress was seemingly paying homage to the dress Princess Diana wore at the premiere of A View to a Kill which I'm sure Liz would've fawned over.
Liz and Nic went to the new Bond movie. Liz whinges endlessly about how there wasn't enough scenery porn, she hates Billie Eilish, the fashion wasn't good enough. They hate the idea of a female Bond and both perv over Daniel Craig. Liz refers to a man's "front bottom" ... I don't think a man is likely to have that unless he is transgender? They discuss what may be a major spoiler for the movie. Liz talks about the many occasions where she's interviewed Rachel Weisz, now Daniel Craig's wife. She describes Weisz as "prickly", and Nic says that's a good thing as she finds nice, kind people "insipid." That'll be why she likes Liz so much, then. Liz witches about Meghan Markle being self-absorbed - there's a nice irony in that given that Liz has frequently compared herself to Meghan!! She says she interviewed Kenneth Branagh in his early career as a drama student and when she recently saw him at a premiere he looked like "an old, old man." He's 60; not that old, and still younger than you, Liz!
Liz says Nic still hasn't got her a birthday present. She brought you trousers AND carrot cake, and you told her to piss off; I wouldn't expect any more, Liz. Onto the week's column! Liz again witches about the Zara trousers, and her friend Isabel giving her Crocs. She calls someone on Twitter "numb-nuts" (yes, really!) for saying the suit she wore to her wedding looked like a tracksuit. Saying that people who post on Twitter have "too much time on their hands" and wouldn't have time to post if they had collies. Why are you on Twitter so much, Liz? WTF does it have to do with you how others choose to spend time? But the real point is that Liz has a new man in his life! With a "giant child." He has promised not to "ghost" or block Liz, and she is happy that he hasn't seen her Louboutin "shoe boots" before. She has been stalking him on Google Maps but doesn't like the idea that he might have been Googling her and seen pictures of her before her facelift.
Liz is still "team Meghan" she says, despite earlier calling her self-absorbed. Liz hates the dress the Duchess of Cambridge wore to the Bond premiere as Kate was trying to upstage the actors, apparently. She would expect Nic to think sequins are acceptable because Nic is from Leytonstone; but Kate, being from the Home Counties, should know better! Kate's dress was seemingly paying homage to the dress Princess Diana wore at the premiere of A View to a Kill which I'm sure Liz would've fawned over.
Yes she actually referred to someone as "Numb Nuts" in the national press. While continuing to insist her "columnist of the year" award means anything and that she is "the best writer in Britain."
It's becoming increasingly obvious that Jonesey is desperately trying to find a man (any man!) to keep her in her dotage. If they are a property owner and have a decent pension she'll have them up the aisle in no time. She has quite a lot of form in the emotional blackmail stakes, remember.
All she has to do then is mock him mercilessly for a couple of years, marriage breaks down, Jonesey fills her boots and bingo!
All she has to do then is mock him mercilessly for a couple of years, marriage breaks down, Jonesey fills her boots and bingo!
I wonder what she thinks about Katie Price? Now that would be an interesting column 
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