Liz Jones #2 Nobody puts the Myla Thong in a corner!

[witchofwestbyfleet]

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In which Liz blames her misfortunes of the last 20 years on destiny, fate, and the planets but is reassured that The Tortoise, which she's now finished, will sell in the US and be huge. Unfortunately, once the inevitable Netflix adaptation airs, they won't do 8 and a Half Stone cuz they already went there with Insatiable

 

[Origen]

In which Liz blames her misfortunes of the last 20 years on destiny, fate, and the planets but is reassured that The Tortoise, which she's now finished, will sell in the US and be huge.

Ah a companion piece to this weeks diary in which everyone else..including her family have astrologically conspired with the Universe to harm her. They are all personality disordered, narcissistic ingrates and she’s literally the Queen of the Heavens, pure of motive and blameless. The pic is excruciating, she looks like Sarah Jessica Parker’s much older sister decked out for a night at the Met Gala.
As for the diary.. same old.
She’s back to shuffling through potential beau’s because she’s ‘Catnip to Men’. Some of them have been altered for convenience. Cambridge man now appears to be WhatsApp man and tiny crocwearing man is the one she will stoop to meet?I feel sad for him already…
It’s Chinese New Year isn’t it.. Do they have a Year of the Navel-gazing,Narcissistic, Newt?

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Ah a companion piece to this weeks diary in which everyone else..including her family have astrologically conspired with the Universe to harm her. They are all personality disordered, narcissistic ingrates and she’s literally the Queen of the Heavens, pure of motive and blameless. The pic is excruciating, she looks like Sarah Jessica Parker’s much older sister decked out for a night at the Met Gala.
As for the diary.. same old.
She’s back to shuffling through potential beau’s because she’s ‘Catnip to Men’. Some of them have been altered for convenience. Cambridge man now appears to be WhatsApp man and tiny crocwearing man is the one she will stoop to meet?I feel sad for him already…
It’s Chinese New Year isn’t it.. Do they have a Year of the Navel-gazing,Narcissistic, Newt?

Sadly not. Liz is, aptly, a Dog - an untrained one just like her "puppies!" (The unluckiest sign is supposed to be Goat so she can't blame the Chinese for her misfortunes)

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

A rather unfortunate resemblance to Miss Havisham in Great Expectations, lol. I think the stylist did it deliberately!

 

[vicky-lola]

‘Forgot’ to remove old phone she gifted from her iCloud - really or was this just a way of snooping, either for personal reasons or to grab some content for the column. If it was a genuine mistake then the first timed it happened a normal person would make sure it didn’t happen again

 

[Origen]

A rather unfortunate resemblance to Miss Havisham in Great Expectations, lol. I think the stylist did it deliberately!

I thought of the Private Benjamin film and the last few scenes when Goldie Hawn appears in the combed out perm and the wedding dress. At least Private Benjamin didn’t need a man. Miss Havisham is better though!

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

Thanks, babe!

Liz Jones is:-

Wearing a long, white dress (wedding?)
Bitter
Lonely
Angry
Vengeful
Fixated on past ‘wrongs’ - just like Miss Havisham, so that stylist really hit the nail on the head! Bravo, unknown stylist!

 

[Origen]

Thanks, babe!

Liz Jones is:-

Wearing a long, white dress (wedding?)
Bitter
Lonely
Angry
Vengeful
Fixated on past ‘wrongs’ - just like Miss Havisham, so that stylist really hit the nail on the head! Bravo, unknown stylist!

I suppose that means that Nic is Estella then!
‘Don't trust those nasty men Nic.. stay with me, stay with me….!!

 

[shushablay]

thanks @witchofwestbyfleet for the plodcast recap and the other link..did not read that, trying to digest the podcast was quite enough Jones for one day.

Catnip to men...yeah in her dreams, she is a very strange looking person, and though I wouldn't say she is particularly ugly, for all of the extreme high maintenance beauty routines, she is certainly not in any way beautiful, I think also her horrible personality comes out, and the meanness shows in her face, a bit like Roald Dahl's quote "when a person has ugly thoughts" and I imagine that most men take one look at her sneering, disapproving face and just want to run a mile.

Ok so why did I do that, just read the farticle...changed my opinion, she is ugly inside and out...and it was SOPHIE DEARDEN who was the stylist, 10/10 for her oh and she's also deluded, the next crap book isn't going to do any better than her last crap book.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Sitting at a tabl

I suppose that means that Nic is Estella then!
‘Don't trust those nasty men Nic.. stay with me, stay with me….!!

Estella returns grouchy because Pip failed to extract her car from the bog: "You're right, Miss Havisham. Men ain't worth it"

 

[Origen]

Sitting at a tabl


Estella returns grouchy because Pip failed to extract her car from the bog: "You're right, Miss Havisham. Men ain't worth it"

They decide to concoct a podcast warning all women of the dangers of vile menfolk who stand them up on dates.. ‘No Great Expectations’(all men, all would be listeners, all sentient beings… beware)!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I was curious about the new novel (I don't own a copy of Eight and a Half Stone which has a preview in it) so I googled and found the first chapter online: https://www.filamentpublishing.com/...PL-TzIfv1Sevpo1bxTGyGWt_qadTvD5h-1VWeRUKqafYw

If anything it's WORSE than Eight and a Half Stone. It's blatantly obvious that it's Liz writing a fantasy of revenge on David and "Fructis Woman" apparently involving murder, etc. (the novel involves the protagonist becoming a serial killer.) Cruel comments about Fructis Woman lifted verbatim from her column. In the first couple of paragraphs alone she insults someone's weight repeatedly and uses a slur against the disabled

It looks like it's self-published again, through a different small press this time. Since the company that originally let her self-publish Eight and a Half Stone is mostly for Christian material I can see why they wouldn't take Liz's attempt at a bonkbuster. And that cover is awful EVEN for self-published! Who the hell designed it? IIRC Liz said in today's feature in You that she's trying to find a publisher. I can see why she doesn't want the book to go out through this place unless she really has to

 

[Tabitha D]

I was curious about the new novel (I don't own a copy of Eight and a Half Stone which has a preview in it) so I googled and found the first chapter online: https://www.filamentpublishing.com/...PL-TzIfv1Sevpo1bxTGyGWt_qadTvD5h-1VWeRUKqafYw

If anything it's WORSE than Eight and a Half Stone. It's blatantly obvious that it's Liz writing a fantasy of revenge on David and "Fructis Woman" apparently involving murder, etc. (the novel involves the protagonist becoming a serial killer.) Cruel comments about Fructis Woman lifted verbatim from her column. In the first couple of paragraphs alone she insults someone's weight repeatedly and uses a slur against the disabled

It looks like it's self-published again, through a different small press this time. Since the company that originally let her self-publish Eight and a Half Stone is mostly for Christian material I can see why they wouldn't take Liz's attempt at a bonkbuster. And that cover is awful EVEN for self-published! Who the hell designed it? IIRC Liz said in today's feature in You that she's trying to find a publisher. I can see why she doesn't want the book to go out through this place unless she really has to

Worse than “8 1/2 stone”??? Impossible surely.
(Going in to read now!)

 

[Mediastar]

I was curious about the new novel (I don't own a copy of Eight and a Half Stone which has a preview in it) so I googled and found the first chapter online: https://www.filamentpublishing.com/...PL-TzIfv1Sevpo1bxTGyGWt_qadTvD5h-1VWeRUKqafYw

If anything it's WORSE than Eight and a Half Stone. It's blatantly obvious that it's Liz writing a fantasy of revenge on David and "Fructis Woman" apparently involving murder, etc. (the novel involves the protagonist becoming a serial killer.) Cruel comments about Fructis Woman lifted verbatim from her column. In the first couple of paragraphs alone she insults someone's weight repeatedly and uses a slur against the disabled

It looks like it's self-published again, through a different small press this time. Since the company that originally let her self-publish Eight and a Half Stone is mostly for Christian material I can see why they wouldn't take Liz's attempt at a bonkbuster. And that cover is awful EVEN for self-published! Who the hell designed it? IIRC Liz said in today's feature in You that she's trying to find a publisher. I can see why she doesn't want the book to go out through this place unless she really has to

Christ on a rusty unicycle... it is absolutely horrific! It's a shame she can't afford an editor to try and turn it into readable English! If anyone who has read any of her columns over the last 10 years, it's so transparent as to be laughable.
It exactly mirrors her weird view of reality too in that, if she writes it down, it will somehow be true.
Mind you, if I was the Dirty Baker or JB, I would be taking 'advice'.

 

[SuntanC]

I've just read that sample... honestly, what a vicious old boot she is! Imagine writing an entire book to basically badmouth your ex and his ex... she's unhinged. I know we already knew this, but that was worse than I could have imagined. Also as @Mediastar says, so incredibly blatant if you've read any of her tripe before.

 

[Origen]

was curious about the new novel (I don't own a copy of Eight and a Half Stone which has a preview in it) so I googled and found the first chapter online: https://www.filamentpublishing.com/...PL-TzIfv1Sevpo1bxTGyGWt_qadTvD5h-1VWeRUKqafYw

I truly am finding this hard to believe. She’s actually lifted the conversation she had with Fructis woman ad verbatim? It was copied on digital spy by the woman so everyone could see how Liz had harassed her. The bit about kids adding ‘ten years’ is exactly what LJ said? The first chapter contains the word ‘Junkie’ that’s a hate crime word now? It’s offensive writing at every level and very scary. She must be filled with paralysing anger every day…
The guy character makes jam, David makes cakes, he’s unhealthy and has friends she loathes?? Can she actually get away with this, surely at the very least it points to a darkening mindset?
The only saving grace is that it is terribly written. It would have to be self published or it would never see the light of day.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I truly am finding this hard to believe. She’s actually lifted the conversation she had with Fructis woman ad verbatim? It was copied on digital spy by the woman so everyone could see how Liz had harassed her. The bit about kids adding ‘ten years’ is exactly what LJ said? The first chapter contains the word ‘Junkie’ that’s a hate crime word now? It’s offensive writing at every level and very scary. She must be filled with paralysing anger every day…
The guy character makes jam, David makes cakes, he’s unhealthy and has friends she loathes?? Can she actually get away with this, surely at the very least it points to a darkening mindset?
The only saving grace is that it is terribly written. It would have to be self published or it would never see the light of day.

It's incredibly creepy that, since the novel is (according to Liz) about a serial killer, it's most likely going to involve the David and Fructis Woman characters being horribly killed off by her author stand-in. And this is after David also featured as the romantic hero of Eight and a Half Stone in which Liz's stand-in ends up happy with him after ditching the selfish, cheating Indian husband. Liz can't come up with an original idea at all or write fiction that isn't hideously offensive

 

[Origen]

It's incredibly creepy that, since the novel is (according to Liz) about a serial killer, it's most likely going to involve the David and Fructis Woman characters being horribly killed off by her author stand-in.

Yeah let’s face it she probably has murderous ideation about all sorts of people but it’s gone much further than I had imagined. The bit that had me LMAO was the Liz/character walking about in navy school knickers and rolled down socks..then bending over so he could see ‘her tight little arse’ Jesus wept, she must have looked like Enid Blyton’s Mallory Towers from the back and the Witch of Endor when she turned round!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Yeah let’s face it she probably has murderous ideation about all sorts of people but it’s gone much further than I had imagined. The bit that had me LMAO was the Liz/character walking about in navy school knickers and rolled down socks..then bending over so he could see ‘her tight little arse’ Jesus wept, she must have looked like Enid Blyton’s Mallory Towers from the back and the Witch of Endor when she turned round!

Now I'm imagining Liz in a school uniform wiggling her arse at David and shouting "I'M CATNIP TO MEN!"

 

[Mediastar]

Yeah let’s face it she probably has murderous ideation about all sorts of people but it’s gone much further than I had imagined. The bit that had me LMAO was the Liz/character walking about in navy school knickers and rolled down socks..then bending over so he could see ‘her tight little arse’ Jesus wept, she must have looked like Enid Blyton’s Mallory Towers from the back and the Witch of Endor when she turned round!

I assume she's got a mirror? Does her madness extend so far that she sees Hedy Lamarr when the world sees Widow Twankey? I don't (particularly) want to be too 'lookist', but she has wingnut ears, a hallowe'en hairdo, tattooed eyebrows, a wonky nose (sniff sniff) and false teeth. She's starting to make Baby Jane look startlingly youthful...