It just shows how desperate and gullible LJ is if she thinks a photographer telling her she looks like a Miss World contestant is true! I'm the same age as her and if someone told me such a stupid piece of flattery I would tell them how ridiculous they were! SHE however basks in all it's glory!In Which Liz's Podcast Still Sucks. Cut for length:
Like the Dreary, the podcast gets progressively shorter each week. It's only 35 minutes this time
Liz announces her intention to discuss Angela Rayner. duck's sake this is gonna be PAINFUL. Liz handily points out that unlike the famous Basic Instinct scene, Rayner was wearing knickers. She repeatedly refers to Rayner's "front bottom." Liz's take on the matter is that it's all about class, not sex; Rayner was seen as less competent because she did not go to Oxbridge and public schools, etc. Liz, of course, has been discriminated against because she went to a polytechnic. It's All About Liz, Always. Liz brags that she has taken part in debates at Oxbridge, and whines that the undergraduates were "rude", "lazy", etc. just because they are young.
She takes a swipe at Rachel Johnson, "posh women who don't bother to dress up", and the female undergraduates "not bothering to wear makeup." It's entirely optional, Liz. It's not some kind of tax we must pay for existing while female. Then she says she told the female undergraduates that their education was a waste because "in five years you'll have got a job in a bank, got married, had two children, and left work and never come back." We launch into a bog-standard Liz rant about women taking maternity leave and not being grateful for what she gave them at Marie Claire. She says "I hate privileged people, I hate people who marry to get ahead, I hate people who've got fathers and mothers to give them a job." Evidently, David expecting an inheritance from elderly parents had nothing to do with Liz's desire to marry him.
She thinks women go to Oxbridge just so they can "chat up some Hooray Henry in a bar", get pregnant, and stop working. Rayner however "got there by her bootstraps and her own hard work" so she's allowed to be sexy. Nic says that women should't be judged for looking too sexy or having big boobs, and "misogyny is unacceptable." You have just sat there agreeing with it for over 10 minutes! After a brief rant by NIc over the House of Common porn scandal, Liz talks about watching an Imagine documentary on Miriam Margolyes whom she loves. There is some brief discussion of books dedicated to dearly departed pets. Liz hates Just Eat and thinks food delivery is lazy, as is having hot drinks in the afternoon. WTF? No matter what time of day it is, it takes the same amount of time to boil a kettle or brew coffee etc.
Back to Liz's anti-Oxbridge crusade! She insults an Oxbridge-educated journalist she once sent to report on Ukraine, who did not want to read a book about Ukraine as it was too long for her. Nic gives an enthusiastic and very positive review of a mystery novel by Joanna Cannon, but as usual Nic is not allowed to be happy and Liz interjects "do you want to go and work for her?" At least Joanna Cannon can write a novel. Nic complains about "jobsworths" in customer service which segues into Liz's archive column, a "Liz Jones Moans." She says it was "a very, very, very funny column" that the Mail should bring back, and that she was "born to moan." You certainly were, love.
The column is about Liz having trouble with customer service when calling a spa at Harrods to change her appointment. If you guessed that its main purpose was to name drop the spa and brag about the fact she could afford multiple expensive treatments there, you're right! How did you know? Liz makes fun of the way Nirpal speaks on the phone, and says that she doesn't think men get as angry on the phone as women do. She's evidently never met my stepfather, or the nut job I was once stuck next to on a train who kept calling someone to bellow obscene threats at them. Liz and Nic both get very heated over online chat bots for customer service. Liz makes an exception for Apple's customer service bot because when she ordered a £1000 iPhone for David ("if he died, no one would know!") the bot said the recipient of the phone was lucky to have her. Presumably the bot would not have said this had it known Liz genuinely thinks someone can call for help in the middle of a stroke.
But what about this week's column? Liz is at Pineapple Dance Studios for a Mail feature. She reminisces about taking fitness classes in the 80s and hating the way she looked, so much so that she lied to her "body conditioning" teacher about what her name was. But then saw in the full length mirror how thin she'd got and went to the doctor, who prescribed her the steroids that led to her CUTTING HER TITS OFF. Liz calls the makeup artist on the Mail shoot a witch for asking if Liz had eyebrows tattooed on. Don't you know that's £6000 worth of eyebrow TRANSPLANT, witch?! Some people have no bloody manners. Sue gets blamed again for causing Liz's anorexia by talking about toast and marmalade being fattening.
Liz talks about her decades of exercise addiction. Nic kisses her wrinkly old arse and tells her she still has a great body in a leotard, Liz says the photographer told her she looked like "a Miss World contestant." Now Liz's self-esteem is buoyed again and She Has Realised She's Good Enough. Nic has something on her keyring to remind her that "she is enough" and Liz cuts in "but you're not though." The harder they fall, I cannot wait for Nic to drop Liz like a sack of hot potatoes. Nic reads out the glowing comments from last week's column, not mentioning that there are only 13 comments overall and they were all heavily moderated to not allow anything critical of Liz. We get fanmail from someone who contacted Liz for help with a university project and is now writing back to say she got a 1st in her degree. I hope Liz realises a degree involves far more work than just one interview with someone ... but don't worry. No doubt this girl, too, will drop out of the workforce in five years' time and her education will be wasted.
Liz Jones #2 Nobody puts the Myla Thong in a corner!
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It just shows how desperate and gullible LJ is if she thinks a photographer telling her she looks like a Miss World contestant is true! I'm the same age as her and if someone told me such a stupid piece of flattery I would tell them how ridiculous they were! SHE however basks in all it's glory!
‘Miss world’ is just such a dated concept haha, I thought it had been cancelled
You can be glamorous in your 60s (and beyond) but it generally requires things like not being rude and entitled, not letting your untrained dogs piss and tit everywhere, not oversharing constantly, etc
What was that awful comment in the latest diary about women who are ‘Silver haired and ingesting HRT’ and that the fake RS didn’t want to look at them unless SHE was there?? Is there a group of women she doesn’t slag off? Mums, young women and now women her own age. I take it that means she’s rejected all HRT.. it’s her choice but given her nutritional deficits over decades her bones must be in horrific state. I dye my hair but silver hair can be beautiful…better than looking like you’ve tipped some matte black paint over your head.
On the podcast she kept saying she doesn't trust HRT. Nic talked about how it can improve women's lives and said that while she hasn't been through menopause she will use HRT when she does, Liz just sneered. We know she's antivax too of course
Liz hates all women including herself.
People talking about the podcast: still 0 (recap to follow)
In Which Liz Has The Nerve To Call Other People Dreary aka the podcast
Liz "Hasn't been having any sex" so she has been watching the TV adaptation of Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney. Predictably she hated it, why? Because protagonist Frances (a name Liz mimics in a whiny voice) is a privileged young woman who thinks she's too good to wear makeup. Liz calls Frances "dreary" with "no personality" and is a "privileged white woman" ... pot, kettle, etc. Liz says "I LITERALLY want to punch her", demonstrating the same overuse of the word literally as the young people Liz loves to whine about. Another character, Frances' friend, is "chippy." We get a typical Liz rant about young women, they don't even wear mascara, for heaven's sake! Also, Frances is a writer and Liz thinks writers need to be a nervous wreck which Frances isn't. Frances shows her nipples too much and doesn't bring a present for the host when she is invited on holiday. Note to BBC scriptwriters: to make your characters likable, you must include every mundane detail of their lives on screen. Might cut into the plot a bit but hey ho.
Liz witches "Sally Rooney isn't critic-proof, I hate (Conversations With Friends) and I dislike her!" A reminder that Liz has never met Rooney and knows zero about her. Liz and Nic both complain about young people having no manners or work ethic, Liz says Frances is too comfortable getting naked and doesn't have enough "self-doubt" to be a writer. Be like Liz, who has never been unable to undress unless it was in the dark and preferably with her partner blindfolded! Liz wishes the Mail would ask her to write about Sally Rooney so Liz could insult her in print. Nic points out that Liz has never even read the novel Conversation with Friends, Liz says it doesn't matter because she's read Normal People by the same author. Well that seems fair. I've never read Les Misérables, but I'm sure it involves a hunchback in a bell tower, just like Victor Hugo's other famous work.
Nic has had a rough week because her elderly dog died, there's extensive discussion of what happened and the health problems he had at the end of his life. Liz shuts her gob for a while and lets Nic discuss this but then cuts in comparing it to the deaths of her own parents. Nic gives her view on the meaning of life and death. Somehow this segues into Liz fishing for compliments about how youthful her hands and feet supposedly look. Once again Liz repeats the column is "not a diary". Once again I repeat "don't bleeping call it Liz Jones's Diary then."
The column: Liz bought Vogue and felt old because Kate Moss's daughter is on the cover. There is also an interview with a famous shoe designer who lives an idyllic life with horses and chickens. Liz moved to the countryside because she expected a similar lifestyle but instead ended up miles from Waitrose, her horse died from colic (or so she says) and her chickens got eaten by a fox. Her neighbours have the nerve to perform "incessant leaf-blowing and strimming", and the water contained "a dead sheep and high levels of lead." There are paragraphs of Liz bilge about how she based her entire life around trying to emulate glossy magazine spreads and romcoms by Richard Curtis. Predictably, it didn't work, and Liz never made Vogue despite wearing "a cropped Prada T-shirt."
She again compares her and the FRS to Ben Affleck and J-Lo, and complains about "smug people" at festivals. The "rotting like organic raspberries" line comes in; I haven't a clue what she's trying to say. Anyway her excuse for not going to the festival is that the Rock Star can no longer stay the night at the hotel, as he has another booking the next day and has to travel. He suggested Liz book a room at a pub, which she lists as one of many "put-downs from men", including the Telegraph article where Nirpal said she deliberately took advantage of him, and called her vacuous Nic sneers "I love how (Nirpal) thinks he's a fashion accessory and would make you look better." Yet again Liz recites a list of "award-winning" topics she's written on as proof that she isn't just a shallow fashion journalist. And look how those turned out, Liz; when you took the credit for someone else's work on seal culling, all the plaudits for your article about refugees in Somalia, etc.
The FRS instead suggested Liz stay with him at his main residence in "the room overlooking the deer park" that they used "when (Liz) was on top." Liz says that's not true as she doesn't like being on top, Nic squeals "my mum listens to this podcast!" and says that she would rather eat a "chip butty" than have sex. Nic's mother must be at least mid-70s; isn't it a bit cruel to subject someone at her time of life to Liz's ramblings?
Liz's archive column is a 2013 interview she gave for Lynn Barber in the Sunday Times Magazine. The article in question is under a paywall but, by all appearances, it wasn't exactly a glowing review; talking about Liz's paranoia and lack of a functional love life. This piece from the Independent references the Lynn Barber interview and probably gives you the gist of it: https://www.independent.co.uk/voice...we-should-stop-reading-liz-jones-8681676.html In the interview Liz describes her sister Clare being "LITERALLY apoplectic" (there she goes again) because Liz wrote about Clare's alcoholism, and basically admits column inches were more important to her than her own sister's feelings. Barber referred to the fact of Liz's closest friend being her employee. Liz says if she could do her life over again she wouldn't get involved in fashion, etc. etc. Yeah, this does not sound at all flattering but Liz insists it was because the Sunday Times allows Lynn Barber to only interview such illustrious people as Bill Gates and so on.
Liz and Nic talk about whether it's worth reading criticisms of oneself. Nic says she finds it hurtful that (for instance) people criticise her accent and suggests this is unfair because she raises a lot of money for animal charities and so on. They're completely unrelated things. If Sally Rooney turned out to secretly be a major philanthropist, you can bet Liz would still be whining "but she's a privileged young woman that thinks she's too good to put on mascara!" Liz drops in a mention of Meghan Markle, who she is JUST LIKE, along with Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Priestly, Marie Helvin, etc. etc. She references the criticism she made of Rihanna at the time of the book's release. Liz and Nic just can't fathom why Rihanna didn't like being slut-bashed and called a bad role model for girls. Then Liz strokes her own ego by reading out a review in the press that defended Liz's view. It called Liz "the undisputed champ" (of self-deprecation), Liz cheers "I BEAT RIHANNA!" and starts singing painfully-off key. Grow the duck up, Jonesy.
Fan mail! Liz's regulars are all a-twitter over the Rock Star. Liz brags that a tabloid offered her £40,000 to reveal his identity but she had to decline. I don't know why she thinks anyone believes this; she can't keep her gob shut about anything else. Another reader suggested Liz not keep going back to men she's broken up with, especially more than once. Liz says it's hard to meet someone and we finish on a beautiful reflection from Nic: "if you eat your dinner and you're sick, you don't eat your dinner again, you try to find something better."
Liz witches "Sally Rooney isn't critic-proof, I hate (Conversations With Friends) and I dislike her!" A reminder that Liz has never met Rooney and knows zero about her. Liz and Nic both complain about young people having no manners or work ethic, Liz says Frances is too comfortable getting naked and doesn't have enough "self-doubt" to be a writer. Be like Liz, who has never been unable to undress unless it was in the dark and preferably with her partner blindfolded! Liz wishes the Mail would ask her to write about Sally Rooney so Liz could insult her in print. Nic points out that Liz has never even read the novel Conversation with Friends, Liz says it doesn't matter because she's read Normal People by the same author. Well that seems fair. I've never read Les Misérables, but I'm sure it involves a hunchback in a bell tower, just like Victor Hugo's other famous work.
Nic has had a rough week because her elderly dog died, there's extensive discussion of what happened and the health problems he had at the end of his life. Liz shuts her gob for a while and lets Nic discuss this but then cuts in comparing it to the deaths of her own parents. Nic gives her view on the meaning of life and death. Somehow this segues into Liz fishing for compliments about how youthful her hands and feet supposedly look. Once again Liz repeats the column is "not a diary". Once again I repeat "don't bleeping call it Liz Jones's Diary then."
The column: Liz bought Vogue and felt old because Kate Moss's daughter is on the cover. There is also an interview with a famous shoe designer who lives an idyllic life with horses and chickens. Liz moved to the countryside because she expected a similar lifestyle but instead ended up miles from Waitrose, her horse died from colic (or so she says) and her chickens got eaten by a fox. Her neighbours have the nerve to perform "incessant leaf-blowing and strimming", and the water contained "a dead sheep and high levels of lead." There are paragraphs of Liz bilge about how she based her entire life around trying to emulate glossy magazine spreads and romcoms by Richard Curtis. Predictably, it didn't work, and Liz never made Vogue despite wearing "a cropped Prada T-shirt."
She again compares her and the FRS to Ben Affleck and J-Lo, and complains about "smug people" at festivals. The "rotting like organic raspberries" line comes in; I haven't a clue what she's trying to say. Anyway her excuse for not going to the festival is that the Rock Star can no longer stay the night at the hotel, as he has another booking the next day and has to travel. He suggested Liz book a room at a pub, which she lists as one of many "put-downs from men", including the Telegraph article where Nirpal said she deliberately took advantage of him, and called her vacuous Nic sneers "I love how (Nirpal) thinks he's a fashion accessory and would make you look better." Yet again Liz recites a list of "award-winning" topics she's written on as proof that she isn't just a shallow fashion journalist. And look how those turned out, Liz; when you took the credit for someone else's work on seal culling, all the plaudits for your article about refugees in Somalia, etc.
The FRS instead suggested Liz stay with him at his main residence in "the room overlooking the deer park" that they used "when (Liz) was on top." Liz says that's not true as she doesn't like being on top, Nic squeals "my mum listens to this podcast!" and says that she would rather eat a "chip butty" than have sex. Nic's mother must be at least mid-70s; isn't it a bit cruel to subject someone at her time of life to Liz's ramblings?
Liz's archive column is a 2013 interview she gave for Lynn Barber in the Sunday Times Magazine. The article in question is under a paywall but, by all appearances, it wasn't exactly a glowing review; talking about Liz's paranoia and lack of a functional love life. This piece from the Independent references the Lynn Barber interview and probably gives you the gist of it: https://www.independent.co.uk/voice...we-should-stop-reading-liz-jones-8681676.html In the interview Liz describes her sister Clare being "LITERALLY apoplectic" (there she goes again) because Liz wrote about Clare's alcoholism, and basically admits column inches were more important to her than her own sister's feelings. Barber referred to the fact of Liz's closest friend being her employee. Liz says if she could do her life over again she wouldn't get involved in fashion, etc. etc. Yeah, this does not sound at all flattering but Liz insists it was because the Sunday Times allows Lynn Barber to only interview such illustrious people as Bill Gates and so on.
Liz and Nic talk about whether it's worth reading criticisms of oneself. Nic says she finds it hurtful that (for instance) people criticise her accent and suggests this is unfair because she raises a lot of money for animal charities and so on. They're completely unrelated things. If Sally Rooney turned out to secretly be a major philanthropist, you can bet Liz would still be whining "but she's a privileged young woman that thinks she's too good to put on mascara!" Liz drops in a mention of Meghan Markle, who she is JUST LIKE, along with Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Priestly, Marie Helvin, etc. etc. She references the criticism she made of Rihanna at the time of the book's release. Liz and Nic just can't fathom why Rihanna didn't like being slut-bashed and called a bad role model for girls. Then Liz strokes her own ego by reading out a review in the press that defended Liz's view. It called Liz "the undisputed champ" (of self-deprecation), Liz cheers "I BEAT RIHANNA!" and starts singing painfully-off key. Grow the duck up, Jonesy.
Fan mail! Liz's regulars are all a-twitter over the Rock Star. Liz brags that a tabloid offered her £40,000 to reveal his identity but she had to decline. I don't know why she thinks anyone believes this; she can't keep her gob shut about anything else. Another reader suggested Liz not keep going back to men she's broken up with, especially more than once. Liz says it's hard to meet someone and we finish on a beautiful reflection from Nic: "if you eat your dinner and you're sick, you don't eat your dinner again, you try to find something better."
Thanks so much @Mediastar and @witchofwestbyfleet .So the festival delusion is off again? That’s a quick turnaround even by her standards…
She hates ‘Conversations with Friends’ because it’s the life she feels she should have had. Young, pretty girls cue virulent envy. Act your bloody age.. right enough!
She hates ‘Conversations with Friends’ because it’s the life she feels she should have had. Young, pretty girls cue virulent envy. Act your bloody age.. right enough!
oh dear..I seem to start a lot of my comments on the hag with those words. So now she's furiously back-pedaling on the FRS, because he doesn't exist and she seems to realise now that if she gives out any information, the internet sleuths will be on it and rip her story to pieces, so best way to avoid that, not going to the festival because the FRS has another gig the next day and can't stay with her..haha what a load of shoite and being offered 40k to reveal who he is,,yeah in her dreams, firstly no one cares and secondly, he does not exist,
She’s hoist herself on her own petard with this lie? Jim Kerr is in Oxfordshire at Blenheim palace on 18th June( concert at night) then has to travel Netherlands the next day the 19th. The room she describes is defo in The Pig hotel near Bath, with deer park room etc. so he’s playing to early hours on eighteenth.. drives a couple of hours to Somerset to shag Jonesie! Wow such is his ardent passion just like Ben Affleck!
Then hot foots it(with band in tow!!) to Netherlands…. LMAO. As if. You deluded Cow.
Then hot foots it(with band in tow!!) to Netherlands…. LMAO. As if. You deluded Cow.
Someone mentioned before she was alluding to Hugh Cornell, ex Stranglers. Perhaps he is doing a gig???
No, I don't think so, he doesn't match any of her descriptions and is not Scottish as she claims the FRS is. I think that was suggested as he's playing a festival that is taking place near The Pig ergo could he be the mystery man...nope mainly because he does not exist, although she desperately tries to hang onto the illusion it is Jim Kerr, it is not, he is not at all interested in an old slapper like Jones. Remember he has been married to Chrissie Hynde and Patsy Kensit, and has been in a long term relationship throughout much of Jones' fantasy world. No way would he be shagging jug eared, fugly, Jones.
I wonder who ‘Bright Young Thing’ in the comments is? Last week they also posted telling everyone off for being mean to Liz.
I suspect it’s Liz. Not Nic.
I suspect it’s Liz. Not Nic.
Yeah@Miss Lola..I noticed that person too. Absolutely full of vitriol and challenging anybody who said an off word about LJ?
Also noticed that the columns not accepting comments any more. Closed down very early?
Why Somerset ? She's not lived there for, oh, five years or more.
@Bellagio10452 .. hmm? Well, if we all accept any Rock Star relationship is complete bunkum then the only reason she’s mentioning this hotel, specific room, chilli garden is to make Scrace jealous? Yep.. the timeline works for Somerset and their past ‘Romance’.
Perhaps they even stayed in the room she describes. Oh I do hope David is well out of it by now though..
Perhaps they even stayed in the room she describes. Oh I do hope David is well out of it by now though..
Could it be one of the Proclaimers? Andy Stewart? Marty Pellow? Any of the Bay City Rollers? Lulu?
It could indeed be Lulu! There’s a column describing her first shag with the FRS and she describes how they have a ‘smaller’ body than hers??? Jim Kerr is out! Lulu and wee Jimmy Krankie are in!
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