Katie Price #79 Here comes the bride, all fat and wide. Tried to drive a beemer fell out the other side

[DC16]

So then, another little point. I was under the impression she was marrying wanky to appease her muvver, so Saint Amy the Apostle can see her happily wed 4 evva (yet again) but this time to Prince Chow Mein - The One (again)? Where are they all then? Where is Saint Amy? Where are the army of clinkers that usually accompany her to her weddings? Could it be that Mommy Dearest has declined the offer to see her scabby daughter plummet down ever further by marrying old Biffa?

Yer on yer own with this one skanky because even der Fairmli have opted out of the charade of the latest Veeegas weddin' fiasco


It would be a shame if she got her passport revoked and the yanks bundled her onto a flight back

Maybe that's what she's hoping for, then a longer stint in the Priory to delay things....

 

[Bohemiskeye]

Not sure what Pete has sold to the DM because I don’t read it (these people love to court the tabloids until the tables turn) but Katie you can’t blame other people for your mental health problems. If you are, it shows you’re not taking them seriously. The worst Instagram stories are becoming embarrassing but that one is too much. Just can’t imagine posting stuff to the WORLD about my kids dad, that would hurt my babies, and my kids dad is a damn sight worse than Peter bleeping Andre

 

[Caw1982]

She really is deluded her name ain't worth tit

 

[Stapleyourtongue]

I'm still looking for the chicken in her burger .. all I can see is bun .. salad and mayo .. I reckon the biffa has it hidden in her belly already ..


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Think she meant, no chicken - that's what I call a

 

[Caw1982]

Kieran posts a few messages to Pete and meets him at a club for faded 90s stars. They sit, wafting tinsel curtain out of their eyes. Strands stick to Pete's greased back hair and they have a manly laugh together, clinking their martinis.
They adjust their too tight trousers and sweat, in a hip and groovy way.

Pete admires Kieran's hands and his foxy eyes, whilst wondering if the same would suit him. He reminds himself to ask for the dr's number.
They quickly get down to the real matter.

'nah ven Kieran you mofo, what we guys gonna do bowt Katie da witch? Ah mean, I've enough geezering on wiv young junior teaching me ow to frow gang signs, look, like dis brrrrro'

They amuse themselves with gang signs. Neither are aware that Pete is confused and is actually teaching Kieran 'wassup you pussy, fancy some cock' and the street sign for 'chips wiv scraps please lady'. Pete gets overly ambitious and dislocates his thumb.

'wotchoo suggest Pete. Ya bleep.'
Pete looks up.
'er, i meant wotchoo suggest we do wiv tha bleep mate'

They shake their heads. The oil from their hair slurps off like a torpedoed slug and lands in an empty dish on the bar. Jarvis Cocker walks past and dunks his burger in.

'Well she's not fuckin seein Prinny and Jooonyer. Not today anyway. I'm makin a stand. Joonyer' s too busy learning voicetune an havin lessons in come hither eyes, he's too busy man, he's famous.
Prinny, well she was gutted for 23 minutes but she put er pink tracky on to honour her muvva cos she's a good girl, an is doin some pouting for the gram.'

He waits to hear how the younger children are coping.
Kieran flicks his tongue out several times.
' ow about the little uns? They copin? '
Kieran nods.
' yeah man. Bunny misses her mam lots mate, she loves the arse of her. You bleep.
The other un, the lad, Jeff, Er, Jed. He's the same obvs but shy so he's quiet'

Pete tries to catch Kieran's eye but they're both whizzing around like spokes on a bike.
He is slowly realising something isn't quite right.

'Kieran mate, you ok?'
Kieran shrugs.
'I like your jacket Kieran, you were always a sharp dresser just like me. Not sure bowt the trackybottoms tho, your tight jeans look well smarter.'
Kieran crosses his legs and sweats.
Pete stares as the sweat on Kieran's forehead drips, revealing a startling streak of thick black marker pen going from above his eye to the forehead. And beyond.

' oi Kieran. How's your OF goin mate? Yer cum face looked fuckin hot last time. You gonna flash me yer chocolate starfish again mate, that was so funny!'
A pause.
In a cold voice Pete continues.
'i dare ya mate. For old times. Dare ya.'

And Kieran just cannot resist a dare, ever.
They both walk to the gents, nodding to Ricky Martin and little Mark Owen on the way.
Inside the cubicle Kieran edges down his tracksuit bottoms and thrusts his chocolate starfish at Pete. Pete moves his fringe out of the way and looks closely.
'Can i touch it?' he asks.
'Fucks sake. Just once'.

Pete peers, Pete touches, Pete inhales and peers again.

'There's only one chocolate starfish in the world that looks like a burnt casserole.'

Kieran stands up slowly, removing his wig and his teeth guards. The room glows with light and Vanilla Ice leaps to his pose thinking it's a camera.

Standing in front of Pete, to his horror, is katie

To be continued....

Oh my bleeping god I'm belly laughing

 

[bagpuss17278]

she has just give live I managed to screen recording it for others who won’t be up and may miss it. I will say she is absolutely deluded saying she is moving I there as she will NEVER EVER get a green card with one of her convictions let alone all of them

Sorry guys had to upload it to a hosting site here it is

Did she say they were booked to come before Covid? Well that’s a blatant lie. Thought she only got together with Prince Chow Mein in April 2020….???

 

[Stapleyourtongue]

I'm always gonna look as Crawl as Prince Chow Mein now hahahaha with his prawn (crackers) new bride LOL!!!

Gone off Chinese now

 

[Pink Squirrel]

This is actually BRILLIANT So the deluded mare thinks she & Crawl are gonna be a big power couple in the USA now? Really? And as an afterthought she adds that the kids will be moving with them Yup, that's soooooo gonna happen.
Love the way she abruptly finishes it when Cami Knickers says something about the truth coming out but she can't say what that is right now

And the comments going up the screen from deluded fans

So, Amy bleeping Price, what ya gotta say about all this??

 

[Stapleyourtongue]

They sadly didn’t. And I love Amy, but when they were together it was a disaster.

Must drink more coffee before I read - thought you meant you love Amy bleeping Price

 

[NancyPants21]

Plagiarised half from my thread title suggestion, but hey ho!

Hey, thank you for the inspiration. I was so blown away I forgot to credit you! Sorry, wasn't deliberate. There's some great wit on there threads and we bounce off each other xx

 

[BigBlue2018]

she has just give live I managed to screen recording it for others who won’t be up and may miss it. I will say she is absolutely deluded saying she is moving I there as she will NEVER EVER get a green card with one of her convictions let alone all of them

Sorry guys had to upload it to a hosting site here it is

Unbelievable! KP "I'm getting slaughtered in the media at the moment and I don't understand why". Words fail me and that doesn't happen very often!

 

[BettyBrooks]

Perhaps they see themselves as the Vegas version of Harry & Megan?

 

[DC16]

This is actually BRILLIANT So the deluded mare thinks she & Crawl are gonna be a big power couple in the USA now? Really? And as an afterthought she adds that the kids will be moving with them Yup, that's soooooo gonna happen.
Love the way she abruptly finishes it when Cami Knickers says something about the truth coming out but she can't say what that is right now

And the comments going up the screen from deluded fans

So, Amy bleeping Price, what ya gotta say about all this??

She didn't make America with Peter A at least he is/was famous, where as Cole is a nobody.

 

[Stapleyourtongue]

Yep it's the desert in USA we know it looks like that Prince Chow Mein hahaha but his saying Psycho 'hills have eyes film' then showing the chubby person messing with it's nylon hair in the passenger seat is quite funny

View attachment 860758

Hope there's Skinwalkers out there, that would finish you off - you big headed TWUNT!!!

 

[flowerfairy1985]

Anyway , let’s cut to the chase , shall we have a bet on date of death & method of death ?

I give it 18 months

 

[SmillieKylie]

This is actually BRILLIANT So the deluded mare thinks she & Crawl are gonna be a big power couple in the USA now? Really? And as an afterthought she adds that the kids will be moving with them Yup, that's soooooo gonna happen.
Love the way she abruptly finishes it when Cami Knickers says something about the truth coming out but she can't say what that is right now

And the comments going up the screen from deluded fans

So, Amy bleeping Price, what ya gotta say about all this??

Youve nailed it

Kids are basically in the care of the fathers, and are not being dragged away from school and friends, so that not happening Skanky

Harvey would need specialist care, who’s funding that then Skanky, you‘ll have to, the state will not, and I’m guessing the cost out there would be a lot more than here.

Who’s paying your personal medical insurance, with all your surgery the premiums will be massive.

So you also leaving Iron Lung who’s death is imminent

And the big one, any residency and green card will be a tough call with your record, I’d say near impossible to gain.

Skanky is off her head, WTF is this latest BS

 

[Gem74]

What an absolute tit show! And wtf is wrong with her forehead?! I couldn’t focus on anything else in that cringe fest live feed!

…So Cole’s family are on their way out? Any on the whereabouts of the pricey gang?

Kieron, Pete, ANYONE please continue to spill. Surely the red tops, daily mail will pay way more than any injunctions worth.

FFS I’ve got to work! KP do us a favour love, Stay in bed away from your phone until at least 1700 uk time, when I’ll be here at the ready.

 

[Stapleyourtongue]

she has just give live I managed to screen recording it for others who won’t be up and may miss it. I will say she is absolutely deluded saying she is moving I there as she will NEVER EVER get a green card with one of her convictions let alone all of them

Sorry guys had to upload it to a hosting site here it is

Her eyes

 

[plinky]

They went official in July 2020. So she’s lying that they had booked a trip pre Covid. I honestly think she’s going to end up in a v bad way

 

[tomkat1]

All she’s showing is eating

WTF is that! Obv off her head, so random.