Katie Price: The Pryoree an Me, Me, Me and More Me innit
Chapta Free
Rite so Pete's a cunt.
Arfta a elfee bricfuss ov chips i reelysed it wuz tyme 2 git dressed. It wuz tyme 4 a knew start, a knew me. Woooooooo...
Eye fort eye betta luk gud 4 owl me fans an da papparartzee wot were gunna be waytin to see there idle, mee, Kaytee Prise, mudel, muvva, biznuswimen an top burd. Coyle, the WUN, me printz chow mein an my fureva luv ownlee went an bort me a bran knew trakkie frum prymirk 4 me big day. It were neon pink an cuvvered in seekwins an dog air.
Eye chekked in 2 da Pryoree an arksed wye wuz owl me fans nut their 2 sea me an wuz towld their wern eny. Coyle sed it wuz problee the Pryoree staff wot kept them away wern it. Ees so clevva my Coyle, the WUN, me printz chow mein an fureva luv.
Pete you wanka.
Coyle an me sed our gudbuys. I wanked im off bye da bak ov da bins an e drowve of in is luvley knew motah, a Honda Jazz.
So eye get in me room an started to reed a self elp buk culled OhKay maggazeen or summink. I carnt reed but it ad a pikshure ov loren goodga on da cova eatin sweetcorn, oldin a baybee by its leg, so i fink it was culled that. Pete you cunt.
Littal did eye no that desarsta woz abat to stryke me AGEN!! I cudden beeleev ow unlukky can eye get?
I ad ownlee gun an brokken me nayles didn eye?
Their wuz ownlee wun fing 4 it. I ad 2 get owt of dis playce an fynd a nayle shop an quick, didn eye?
Fankfoolee, Coyle ad jus pikked up annuvva luvlee new motah, a free leetah Datsun Cherry wot e wuz test dryvin weren e so e sed heed resku me an tayke me 2 get me nayles sawted an a nyce slap up birga whyle e wuz at it.
Dis is y eye no Coyle is the WUN. Pete you cunt