Jessie and Bebe Cave

[LavenderMoss]

Thanks for mentioning the podcast was up on Spotify, I missed it on YouTube and hadn't realised i could get it there.

I have a lot of respect for Jessie and have been following this thread recently. I think she's talented and open and has a unique point of view. I do think her and Bebe are super quick to talk about "when you were fat" when they really weren't much heavier. But food and body image is so personal and subjective I understand its difficult to navigate in an honest way yet be 100% responsible. I can understand it would be a cause of discussion here.

However what really bothers me is Alfie. His comedy is basic and contrarian and wouldn't be at all interesting without the counter point she brings to his life. I have major issue with his beliefs over using the 'n' word and how he comes across in this podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podca...word-alfie-brown/id1370978944?i=1000414121585
From stories he and Jessie have shared i feel like he binge drinks, lies to her a lot and gaslights Jessie into thinking she's not fun for getting angry about when he said he'd be home. He has three kids and I feel like he acts like she trapped him. How much he slept around after they broke up, I just think is gross.

Above is my opinion having followed them since she first had Donnie and I obviously don't know them personally. Its super dumb that I care, he's the father to her kids but I always want to yell that she's right for being angry with him and he's a dick!

I always get the impression that she genuinely worries if he spends time away from her/the family he may cheat, or purposely cause tension to split. Covid winding down makes it seem like her anxiety is rising about this. She admitted to keeping tabs and snooping on women she knows he was with during the split ( which I understand why ...even if it isn’t healthy).

However...Jessie is obviously slightly neurotic ( I am too ...so I get it ) so wherever she is actually concerned or simply being pessimistic is

They evidently keep drifting towards each other and she knows what type of ‘lad’ he is so...obviously there is something magnetic between them.

Oh, and yes! He seems at risk of turning into those men who complain and whine about settling down and get nostalgic about the good ol’ days ... also if you know your partner is a homebody you should have both worked out how to compromise.

This is based off the impression that he gives of begrudgingly being a ‘family man’.

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

She said yesterday that she loves bathtime as each child gets one on one time and I’m just like ‘how?!’
So her mum is watching the other three and getting them ready for bed while she does that, obviously. Just seems weird how her mum is constantly there and essentially co-parenting her children.

 

[skyehigh]

I've just listened to the latest pod and i am the same. She admits being really judgmental about other parents and then is quite martyrish about her own decisions.

I have a child the same age as Tenn (alongside my 4 year old) and they follow me about too and want to be held a lot but this is just normal for a 19 month old baby - it doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't send them to nursery! But then i'm not basing my entire personality and career on motherhood.

 

[blueberriesarenice]

they're both definitely British lol! I think she means that actually it's not that weird if you look at the practises of different cultures around the world ... (presumably in the same way she once cited that motherhood book her mum likes which advocates for a lot of skin-to-skin contact and cosleeping because 'it's what tribal cultures do', somewhere in this thread I linked to an article critiquing the ethnocentric assumptions made about 'tribal practises'...). They also start the ep by talking about how their mum's parenting is very influenced by her being raised in Hong Kong.

Lol… I was also partly raised in Hong Kong albeit in the late 80s/early 90s prior to it being handed back by the British. Like a lot of “colonial outposts” it really wasn’t about the privileged white ex pats embracing local “ethnic” customs; if anything a lot of the wealthy white people living there had a much more traditional, dated lifestyle than they likely would have in the U.K. Servants/nannies/drivers, gated communities, lots of sailing and tennis and old fashioned country clubs. A lot of rich kids only came back to HK on U.K. boarding school holidays and the private schools that were there were also super traditional. My mum also grew up in a commonwealth country in Africa in the 60s due to my grandads job and she said it was like living 50 years earlier. Segregation of the local people except as staff is normal; culture is ignored or in some cases erased. The wealth discrepancy and the superior attitude of the expats there is one of the things I remember best.

Suffice to say, if Jessie’s mum was raised in HK as a diplomats daughter 40/50 years ago it seems unlikely that’s where she got her love of attachment parenting from, or had a rich cultural experience. Maybe I’m being unfair ….. but it’s an incredibly naive statement.

 

[Sven]

Saw Alfies WIP stand up the other night and it went badly....
He said Jessie is the breadwinner and explained she was on Harry Potter.
The audience was silent and he said " oh that usually gets a response"
he carried it on to say she was in the half. blood. prince
again expected a reaction and paused but audience remained silent

a man went up to go to the loo during his set and he said it would be better than the show
another man left and didnt come back

alfie opened by asking if i was okay
i said yes
he then asked when the last time i was scared was
i said i was rarely scared.

he said he wants to shag everyone he sees - hmmmm
he said jessie wanted a third child and he didnt and he thought that he would win but didnt explain why
he said they made a deal that if she got pregnant before he left for his tour in australia he could shag anyone he wanted to in australia
she agreed and got pregnant but then covid cancelled his tour
he was holding tenn and realised jessie had won

i do wonder how much jessie provides for the household cos it must be loadssssssss

That is so grim. I’d be so embarrassed if I were Jessie

 

[Posy Parker]

I've not read the book yet. Debating whether to pick it up or not, so might wait for someone else to do so and then I'll make a decision.
Anyone catch her comments on Harry Potter in The Independent? About her weight issues on the last film? Thoughts?

"If I'd stayed thin – unnaturally thin, unhappily thin – I would have probably got more acting roles, and then I wouldn't have started writing. And then I don't know who I would be now because writing is who I am," she shared. "I'm almost grateful that I gained all that weight."


As if she actually is grateful that she gained weight. It's all she talks about! That, getting pregs after a one night stand and grief.

 

[mystic29]

Yeah he’s 34, but mentally still about 25

 

[nectarinenihilism]

I don’t think that SEB is trying to hold on to her husband with the kids either - that wasn’t my point!

Alfie does seem like red flags galore. It comes across like Jessie thinks that if he’s shagging her he won’t be seeking it elsewhere but he’s so wrapped up in himself he’ll probably just turn it into another woe is me comedy set about how he never actually did get that vasectomy

 

[ForeverMakingJibesWicked]

Can you imagine knowing your husband/boyfriend/father of your children clearly and unashamedly wanted to bang your sister?

I get real “massive gaslighting shitbag” vibes from him

 

[LavenderMoss]

As someone with a diagnosed ED ( a long ping pong history of restrictive and b/p AN).

There is a difference between disorder and disordered eating. A lot of people have disordered eating but not to the point of a full blown ED that is detrimental to the individuals health, financial security ( passing out at work isn’t a good idea) and interpersonal relationships.

It is fairly obvious she has disordered eating ( I think most would agree) but isn’t in the branch of having any active disorders. I think Ednos is a lot more rife and overlooked in society though.

(this is from pure observation over the years )

Jessie has spoken enough about food, body image, weight loss ( ‘good’ food and ‘bad foods’) for us to observe the connection between her mothers influences and how she views food. The cake saga felt like self punishment ( Bebe and Jessie obviously feel guilt about finding food tasty. Most likely they feel as if Mama Cave ~ seemingly to them exerts such self control over food she doesn’t...ever cave and eat chocolate for enjoyment).

Bebe goes ‘all out’ for birthday cakes so maybe she sees celebrations as the time she can ‘enjoy’ or ‘indulge’.


( side note I had a relative with disordered behaviour who would skip meals and have candy and biscuits instead of the proper food groups every time they experienced stress )


Anyhooo has anyone read her latest book? I think the cover is understated and lovely but I’m not sure about buying ( even if the cover alone tempts me).

 

[Hubrisand]

Just listened to Jessie's latest pregnancy podcast and I'm kinda shocked that she was surprised that Becker had jaundice - I think it was pretty clear even from just looking at the photos she's posted of him. I also remember seeing someone comment on a photo (I think Bebe's first insta photo with Becker) that he looked pretty yellow/jaundiced and should maybe get that checked out but then the comment seemed to have disappeared a few hours later so I thought that maybe Jessie got defensive and asked Bebe to delete or Bebe did so of her own accord. Also interesting that her ex GP mother didn't pick up on that or his cold despite living with them. Guess it makes sense that Jessie goes to her insta followers for advice then because maybe her mum doesn't actually have as much medical knowledge as one would expect from an ex GP as she's been out of practice for so long/

 

[Hubrisand]

Yeah, her mum honestly sounds otherworldly but the way Jessie describes how much she helps her out with her shows, doodle shop and kids, you’d think Jessie was her mother’s only child, can’t imagine her mum having much time left over to similarly help the other siblings. Once the other siblings start having more children and their mum is required to help out there, things will probably get so much harder for Jessie.

 

[Heloo]

also as a former tennis kid, it's a bit bizarre to me that she doesn't have them in any after school clubs

Maybe she’s weary after her r*pe experience when she was a teen I'm thinking! She often plays it down but it must have impacted her more than she’s aware of.

I must say though I really wish she was more world aware and realised some mums HAVE to use childcare/clubs because the HAVE to go back to work. Traditional office work without the luxury of being able to work from home with seemingly full time help from their mums! I’d definitely appreciate if she stopped referring to club mums as a phenomenon and understand it’s just normal

 

[nectarinenihilism]

Yeah I found this last episode v weird - they have this massive #notlikeothergirls trope in general but in this episode in particular they really seemed to push the idea that they are just sooo odd and sooo quirky and unusual and have been that way since childhood bc of their super out of ordinary childhood. Like sure growing up with 4 siblings is not a common experience but the way they talk about it is just too much.

this!!! I think it irks me so much because I grew up with four siblings, also eldest girl, and we actually were broke af. Like, no curtains or heating or hot water - holidays to Paris and going to Westminster school were not on my radar to any extent.

It’s so contrived. They must be so insecure deep down, and that’s sad. I read recently that people downplay their childhood/inherited affluence in order to feel like they are more deserving of where they have got in life. This sounds like what they’re doing in the recent episode. I can’t listen to it because it makes me furious but my partner does and tells me snippets

anyone else find it super weird that they’re both dating stand up comedians? What a kooky coincidence.

 

[Sprezza]

Or that he dislikes his job on the kids tv show and hates children… is that how he really felt?

Bit OT but I've seen quite a few things recently where Iain moans about or belittles his job in kids TV. Really rubs me up the wrong way how ungrateful he sounds as though it was beneath him or like he should have just been handed celebrity without working his way up. Loads of people in the media start in kids TV. He acts like he's the only one.

 

[amsh]

has anyone watched it yet? i have and there is much to report but - will wait til people have...

I couldn’t get past the first few minutes after he oh so hilariously explained their “deal”. I knew she had very little self respect and esteem but it was still absolutely appalling to watch him laugh about it so brazenly. He’s hardly a catch either, unless of course you’re referring to STDs. It’s the kids I really feel for, the real victims of two people who simply should not be together and more to the point should not be parents.

 

[Heloo]

I’m listening to the latest podcast (am at around the 22 min mark) and am truly baffled. They can talk about grief all they like, that’s completely their right but I’m just so confused ?

They genuinely seem to think that they’re the only people to have experienced premature death or that it’s so extremely uncommon that it sets them apart from most people. When, in reality, I’d say the majority of people have, or at least 40%. they really have an inability to see past themselves which is q concerning

I have to agree! It's just not as uncommon as they think and I just wish they'd even research or ask people around them before speaking about things in a certain way. Though I think everyone around them probably just hypes them up and eggs them on without giving any real, constructive feedback. Saying that, their podcast is miles more entertaining than BGW or Alfie's

What concerns me is Jessie's obliviousness to how bad Alfie sounds as a dad and partner. The things she thinks are funny (him saying 'well you wanted 3 kids') when she asks for help is crazy. I'd have left him by now! Bebe does seem to see it's absolutely ridiculous what Jessie accepts, but again default mode is saying her 2 cents then back to bigging her up and telling her its OK and normal. She treads carefully with some of Jessie's opinions and tries not to come across as judgy (kids watching friends, Alfie' being an ARSE at times and slightly questionable opinions on drag Queens) but I think she has her head screwed on more than Jessie when it comes to anything outside of work and career.

 

[Doyouknowwhatimean]

Is Alfie related to Jacob Rees moggs? Years ago when Jacob had a child, Alfie posted photos of him holding the baby in hospital on Instagram.

Also who remembers when Alfie was split from Jessie and he was cinically posting that he was having to drive Ubers to afford supporting her.

Just looked online and very little is published online about Alfie's family intentionally perhaps. It wouldn't be implausible that he's Rees moggs son or nephew imo.

 

[blatherer]

For a second then I thought this was another pregnancy announcement and I was about to YELL! Becker really snuck in so swiftly that I keep forgetting his existence!

she's had two kids since this thread since

 

[Heloo]

Jessie enjoying a bit of bodychecking again - it’s a video where she turns to the side to show her shrinking bump. (just realised she does this all the time lol)

Just came on here to write exactly that ! Probably checking to make sure she’s still ‘gaunt’ looking despite just having a baby