Jessie and Bebe Cave

[Dustye]

I enjoyed the first few episodes of their podcast, and have followed Jessie's stand-up and doodles for a while (even have one hanging in our hall), but I had to stop listening with all the weight chat. Felt way too triggering from an ED perspective. Think I've also had my fill of podcasts from thin white women with posh voices!

 

[blueberriesarenice]

Latest episode of WIK kinda depressed me. Jessie sounded deflated but I don’t listen to it much tbf, maybe she was just being normal. When she talked about how she’d missed auditioning and stuff, missed having stuff for her, it was like - whyyy did she rush to have another baby so soon after Tenn, she could have had relatively way more freedom than she does right now, covid is out the way and Alfie was absent anyway - it must just feel shitty, having another newborn in tow and her acting career kicked down the road again. I do hope her audition went well. It sounds like she really wanted it.
She was being very flippant about Alfie being back and Becker “finally meeting his daddy”, though maybe a bit passive aggressive about the fact he left. (Wtf was the weird part about how when she was away she wanted to make the flat so nice that Alfie wouldn’t want to leave again… still can’t work out if she’s trolling us lol!) She did acknowledge how much her mum has facilitated her as a mother recently. Her mum puts the kids to bed, sleeps with them, does school dropoffs, bath times, cleaning and cooking… she’s essentially a 24/7 nanny presumably unpaid and it kinda makes you wonder how much Jessie actually sees her older kids now!

I realise “it must feel shitty” sounds a bit harsh, I’m a mum too and I guess I just mean i could tell she was feeling kind of torn and anxious about the prospect of her career with a newborn. It’s obvious becker is loved and wanted by her. But she does seem to yearn for something else too.

 

[Posy Parker]

The only thing I took from these photos is that she lives in a massive shit hole!

 

[mystic29]

I’ve had to take a break from her and Bebe. Majorly triggering my eating disorder tendencies

 

[blueberriesarenice]

Alfie just takes them to school?(when she is in hospital?!?) This is absolutely mad to me. My husband takes our child to school every day and picks her up a few times a week, cooks dinner almost every night and does her breakfast every day, takes her to clubs, bike riding, plays games with her, bakes with her, reads bedtime stories most nights, etc etc ad infinitum. Because he is her dad. I actually had to think hard about what he does “specifically” because it’s all just completely natural and normal for us to share the care of our child. And if I was in a vulnerable pregnancy no way would he be talking about boys holidays or shagging other women. It’s just so far from normal, what she accepts. And it’s treated like this big joke we aren’t “boho” enough to get. Between this toxic relationship and jesse and bebe’s desperate need for attention and their desire to monetise their entire family forever, it just makes me feel grubby! Hope those kids aren’t too affected by it.

 

[maytoseptember]

Totally agree that she seems strangely proud of how tiny her baby is, like it’s proof of how disciplined she was with her eating or something.

I mean, if you have to be induced for medical reasons because they’re concerned that your baby isn’t growing, that’s nothing to be happy about. I really think her food issues are bigger than she possibly lets on.

I know some women just don’t have big babies but maternal diet is a big factor. I was expecting to have small-ish babies because no one had big babies in my family and I’m quite petite myself. But I was always ravenous during pregnancy (once the nausea wore off) and they were 8lb and 9lb respectively. I was oddly proud of how well my body nourished them!

 

[Sprezza]

The glee with which she talked about Lily Allen's weight loss was disgusting. Even bebe looked disappointed.

 

[Snazzycat]

I find it interesting they think they're in a position to dish out advice as agony aunts. Jessie seems to have dysfunctional relationships with just about everything. Neither of them seem to know a lot about anything.

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

having to deal with their poundland Russell Brand of a father

This really made me laugh, the perfect comparison!

 

[blueberriesarenice]

Hated how she talked about alfie saying "you asked for this" re the newest baby. How dismissive is that? What a weird dynamic (i know, old news, but still.) Its like he sees himself as the purveyor of golden sperm who has no actual role in raising his kids. And the way she banged on about them not being married without really saying anything interesting about that. She's also so, so dependent on her own mum and that isn't normal for her age; she must be 35 by now? I guess thats good for if alfie ever properly leaves, but even so. She must have so little sense of independence or empowerment. Everything revolving around social media validation and self martyrdom, clinging to her shit relationship. I think i am gonna take a break from her pod as it just irritates me too much!

 

[Octopies]

That’s the thing about these militant crunchy mums/attachment mums... they’re always soooo superior. They think the worst of normie mums. Also complete martyrs. It’s like if they’re not on their knees with exhaustion and sleep deprivation, they’re clearly not giving enough of themselves to their children

I didn’t do any sleep trainy stuff because my child was a lazy lump BUT if I had a baby that was up every 2 hours or more and I had to get up for work the next day (yep some people have to do this , this is what mumfluencers don’t realise, ever sat on a commuter train at 7am after being screamed at all night by a baby?!) I would have done WHATEVER it takes to get that kid to sleep and restore a bit of sanity in my life. I would never ever judge another parent for doing whatever they need to do to get through the day!!!!!

 

[mystic29]

Jessie is - plainly speaking- entitled and privileged and Alfie is a narcissistic man child. All I hope is that they treat their kids well and maybe use protection from now on .

 

[blatherer]

I've never known someone to want to drink more alcohol not less...

I've only listened to the first three podcasts, but I'm surprised by her lack of knowledge surrounding all her childbirths, maybe not not first one, but considering she has a GP mother who she is obviously close to. Did she never think to read a pregnancy book or go to an NCT class or something? I'm about to have my first baby and these are things I've done and feel really well informed.

Also found it interesting that she found it inconsiderate that some people had taken their children to their scan appointments at the hospital without considering that many don't have the option of leaving them with family or paid childcare. She comes across really naive.

I also feel sorry for her, her relationship with food sounds complicated and unhealthy, I hope she knows you're supposed to consume extra calories in your third trimester. Eat the fucking donut

She did once say she 'forgot' the kids had to be enrolled in a school and her mum sorted all that out for her. Sometimes I think she lives in a bubble.

 

[Owlish]

I agree. I was going to raise this point myself.

She can still love the sport of tennis and have had that traumatic experience.

 

[nocommentthanks]

Does anyone else feel like they admire several questionable people? I am not sure if they are trying to be a 'devil's advocate' but it almost seems like they want to be really 'anti-woke' lol you know the whole talking about binging, diets and looking fat or whatever... and then they like Lena Dunham, Woody Allen (aka child abuser) and several other celebs who are really not people who we should look up to.

I have been to several of their shows but every time I watch the podcast now it is clear to me that their views really don't align with mine and it will definitely affect my opinion of any of their future shows. You cannot really separate them as artists and as people since their art is so personal whether that is the podcast or a stand-up show...I mean I have no idea who is in this thread so I might be alone with this opinion!

 

[HoGi]

listened to the pod, a few comments: how can she not know what pounds and ounces are? both her parents were doctors and she went to a fee-paying school! also the whole deal situation with Tenn and now potentially the new baby too is totally bizarre and actually quite concerning!!

Also she is about two years older than me.

Whilst we weren't taught pounds and ounces at school they were a still quite prevalent in my childhood so I would assume they would be for her too

And having babies (her favourite hobby) everyone refers to their weight in pounds not kilos!

 

[sixback]

He’s just a wanker. One day she’ll get there and realise and hopefully her self worth will climb and she’ll be relieved she’s not shackled to that selfish manbaby anymore.

Tbh I'm not convinced he's any more of a wanker than she is. He just wears it on his sleeve more than her. She's pretty misogynist, judgemental, nasty and toxic.

 

[Snazzycat]

She's had three children and never prepacked a hospital bag???
Also good luck with packing 5 nappies!

 

[Dustye]

Yes! And the dysmorphia. I rolled my eyes when Jessie was saying "I'm no skinny minnie" and glad Bebe challenged that. I wonder if some people stay at the age they were when they had kids. I'm around Jessie's age and she talks exactly how I did in my mid-twenties (about weight etc), but as someone now in my mid-thirties I feel much more body confident but also much more aware of how that kind of language can be so damaging, including for others.

 

[blatherer]

did anyone listen to jessie on alfie's podcast recently? they joked that jessie is addicted to having children and when the new child is born alfie will get to go on holiday because they'll be nothing for him to do. She also said as soon as Tenn was born and he was taken away from her (for medical reasons) she knew she needed to be pregnant again.

It reminds me of when she paid for alfie to go on holiday while they were moving house cos otherwise he'd just get in the way ...

God I find their whole setup really irritating and just bad vibes for Jessie and alfie as a couple. Hate his immature, entitled “negging” attitude towards her, isn’t he in his mid thirties and should think about growing out of that? (And is it me or is he just not very attractive, I think he’s punching by being with Jessie, in pretty much every way) But also the way she makes a joke of it and accepts it and stuff just speaks to serious self esteem problems on her part. Her writing is ok, her doodles are kind of funny, her podcast is ok in small doses, but why doesn’t she focus on her kids if a big family is what she really really wants? I’m one of 6 and my mum similarly seemed addicted to having babies/small kids, but as we grew up we were all pretty attention starved, there was little money to go round, and there was a lot of sibling rivalry. That’s just my experience but really if all she thought after popping out Tenn was that she wanted the next one, that’s pretty selfish and blinkered. I wish Jessie well but most of all I hope she finds a healthy relationship with a kind man who loves her someday. This is harsh but maybe that would help fill the void she keeps plugging with babies…..

I got the impression that being pregnant / having babies staves off some kinda inner loneliness