Jack Monroe The Sloppies 2023

[People-huv-tae-know]

I'm late this year, sorry but would you all still like a sloppy serving of our annul prize-giving? If so, I'll deliver. Please help me though by reminding me nominating your favourite events. It might be post Christmas day but hopefully pre New Year. I'll do my best.

The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Please feel free to suggest other categories or anything you like. When I've had enough nominations I'll work on the Sloppies proper.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

I'm late this year, sorry but would you all still like a sloppy serving of our annul prize-giving? If so, I'll deliver. Please help me though by reminding me nominating your favourite events. It might be post Christmas day but hopefully pre New Year. I'll do my best.

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Please feel free to suggest other categories or anything you like. When I've had enough nominations I'll work on the Sloppies proper.

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The £7.5k Breitling watch, no contest

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Yeeting a pint of water in an air fryer to create a swirling scalding vortex.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Andy Lynes for his exceptional review of Grifty Kitchen. Honorary mention to whichever squig coined “Lyn said it’s fine”.

 

[Grifty Mc]

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The £7.5k Breitling watch, no contest

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Yeeting a pint of water in an air fryer to create a swirling scalding vortex.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Andy Lynes for his exceptional review of Grifty Kitchen. Honorary mention to whichever squig coined “Lyn said it’s fine”.

Second for “Lyn said it’s fine”

 

[Mr Krabs]

The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance” - the shitting dog act during Question Time

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos” - Grifty Kitchen and the disclaimer

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice” - using a hammer and chisel to open a tin

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year” - Clitfest car selfies using ‘portrait mode’

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop” - the ‘curated’ Currys recipes which were just old Jack slops but in an air fryer

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie” - being doorstepped by journalists and having to go into hiding/ finding pennies in her arse crack

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year” - Ariel Anderssen - portrait mode Frau

 

[SendReceive]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

The attendance at the Tina Turner musical which was the genesis of “Guest”.

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

Breitling (on a Bootstrap).

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

The entire launch of Grifty Kitchen, the Trussell Trust disowning it, Guest seemingly having no idea that her publishers had edited the e-book, the whole thing bombing, and the many hilarious “Top Tips” style pisstakes from the canal and various squigs.

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

Bung water in a curry your air fryer.

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

Going to have to come back to this one.

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

Coronation Quiche, by default.

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

The “bathtub full of pennies”. Entertaining because it was such an utterly pointless lie.

The most outrageous lie was definitely the ongoing claims that she was definitely suing Lee Anderson etc. and that £1,400 was the total donated to the Sue Lee fund.

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

The 208 blogs that Jack owes us for 2023.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Andy Lynes for his Grifty Kitchen review.
Honorable mention to the MUA who posted the slo-mo nose wipe in the bathtub.

 

[CrushedIcePlease]

1) guest. Lower case g. Pure magic.
3) Shattenstone - from sleeping through the interview slot, to suddenly being fine going into a pub to lying about the amount of coins and also in what crevices

third vote for Lyn says it’s fine, although Andy put in a shift

 

[skronkywildcat]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
I can't remember where she's been this year!

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The watch

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
The Grifty Kitchen launch / The Shattenstone interview

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Water in the air fryer or the tin can egg rings

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
Brain like a sieve, sorry no idea.

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
SOUPY AIR FRY

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
That she, in any way, works to help the poor

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
THE HOUSE MOVE

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Trifley-D, always. I love her

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

Thank you for this, I'm dead excited to list my nominations

The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance
DAME KELLY HOLMES, GUEST AND EMELI SANDÉ it HAS to be!

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
Shattenstone's Sideboards

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
The back seat of the car makeup lies on the way to Hay on Wye (I think it was HoW?)

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Water in the air fryer

9. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Lynn says it's fine/ Andy Lynes. Tough call.





Please feel free to suggest other categories or anything you like. When I've had enough nominations I'll work on the Sloppies proper.

 

[kachoochoo]

I'm late this year, sorry but would you all still like a sloppy serving of our annul prize-giving? If so, I'll deliver. Please help me though by reminding me nominating your favourite events. It might be post Christmas day but hopefully pre New Year. I'll do my best.

The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Please feel free to suggest other categories or anything you like. When I've had enough nominations I'll work on the Sloppies proper.

thank duck for some normal (for us) content

just a note to say I haven't posted a list in ages cos well, y'know... she hasn't posted in ages

the most up to date list is in the wiki but she has promised precious little in quite some time

which reminds me, once again, huge thanks to whoever it was that updated it after I lost the original list

 

[Madonna_Claws]

Waste of money: the Breitling watch

Eye of Sauron: "guest"

Best chaos: Queen Ariel portrait mode Twitter spat

Stupid advice: Grifty Kitchen tips and water in air fryer

Facetune award: in-car portrait mode

Honorary frau: Queen Ariel

Probably more later but I'm TIRED and can barely see straight

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

This is really helpful, thank you everyone. Would we count the Hay abd Edinburgh festivals as public appearances? Shattenstone article, not suing Lee and the recent hack are choaoi? Recent radio appearance is maybe under bad advice - give poors more money? Coronation quiche for the only slop? Hammer and screwdriver tin hack for dangerous advice. Badly spent ££££ is breitling, reputation companies, Hotdog haircut? Poppyseed bagel under lies? Were there not fresh lies at Edinburgh? Honorary fraus I agree the Lynn quite, Andy Lynes, maybe TD?

 

[MavisBeacon]

I'm torn between Andy and Ariel as honorary Frau of the year.
Best chaos for me is Grifty Kitchen - a duck up from end to end. Best book ever, my arse

 

[veryfondoftea]

I'd like to add my vote for Lynn who said it was fine and also mention the Christian festival where she told a young child she got pregnant because of poppy seeds apropos of nothing he asked her

 

[SendReceive]

A few more ideas:


2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

a. “Content has saved me a fortune”

b. Turning a £10 refund into a £425.04 CCJ clusterf*ck

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

a. Shattenstone article (in my mind that merges into one huge uberchaos around the Grifty Kitchen release)

b. The CCJ debacle

c. Sue Lee Day

d. The Patreon hack (not sure this counts as Guest has not replied… yet)

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

- Rainbow eyelids

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

a. “Poppy seeds made me straight”

b. Pretty much the whole Shattenstone interview, but especially “I have fulfilled the outstanding rewards” and

c. “A bottle and a half of whisky and 40 Tramadol a day”

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

a. House move

b. Very Boring Investigation (VBI)

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

- Shattenstone
- Martin Daubney (shame he’s a c**t as he’s probably the highest profile person regularly calling her out)

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Facetune award - the creepy bettlejuice shrunken head.

 

[MavisBeacon]

For me, the Facetune award has to be the pOrTrAiT mOdE nonsense with the pics in the back of the car on the way to Clitfest showing her incredible makeup skillz, which kicked off the argument with Ariel.

 

[YerDa]

1.The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

The “ naked” bath “full of pennies” appearance on the MUA’s Insta, complete with slomo nose wipe. You can’t erase that one Jack, bwahahaha.

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

The £16,500 (£1650 pcm x10) outlay on a 3 bed dormer bungalow because she didn’t rent a nice one-bedder when she found out she’d fucked her forever home.

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

Toss up between Grifty and Currys for me, but Grifty takes it because it was her “best ever”. The Currys stuff she didn’t even bother to defend.

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

The carabiner/t-shirt colander replacement to drain boiling water is my under-appreciated out & out winner.

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

The facetuned back seat of the car selfies

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

The airfryer full of water!

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

Poppy seeds made me (the lesbianest lesbian) pregnant. The fact this was blithely recounted in front of an audience of hundreds at a religious festival to a 10 year old AND completely contradicts two lies on the same subject makes it all the more delicious.

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

Eel behaviour.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Trifley-D. Regular and consistent in calling her out during the year. Has a good heart and would make a kind and fair ninnie. TD can sit with me.

 

[MurielSnark]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
Greenbelt '23. All the tweets calling out the organisers for weeks prior, asking why guest was being given a slot. The pre-festival statement from Greenbelt affirming their faith in guest. Then the me-me-me-me-all-about-me interview culminating in that outrageous reply to a child that poppy seeds made her both high and straight.

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The Breitling watch.

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
Everything to do with The Grifty Kitchen. The delays, the editing of the e-book, the issuing of the disclaimer, the hurried backing away by the Trussell Trust, the dismal sales and bad reviews. Truly the death of a writing "career".

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Water in an air fryer OR using a mallet to open a tin

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
There's been a decided lack of selfies recently but the ones taken in the car on the way to the literary festival were priceless. Because they brought Ariel A into the fray. "Pipe down socktopus."

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
The only new slop we've been treated to this year is the horrible Coronation Quiche. Everything else has been recycled AFAIK.

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
"I have a whole team working on the VBI."
OR
"I have fulfilled all my outstanding Patreon rewards." (Hattenstone interview)

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
The VBI is still on the to-do list, isn't it?

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Ariel Andersson, simply because her no-nonsense take down was so brutal and effective and because NOBODY had her on their Bingo card.

Thankspaceyou for organising this! Over and out.

 

[YerDa]

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
There's been a decided lack of selfies recently but the ones taken in the car on the way to the literary festival were priceless. Because they brought Ariel A into the fray. "Pipe down socktopus."

I’d forgotten “pipe down socktopus”

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance” - When she showed up at Dame Kelly Holmes' birthday party and was called guest

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor” - Breitling, new SMEG fridge for the bungamansion

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos” - Shattenstone article and the fallout of admitting she spunked Patreon donations on sideboards

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice” - Opening a can with a hammer and sharp knife, pouring water into an air fryer

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year” - I'm torn between back of the car selfies and Facetuning the back of her head into a completely straight line

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop” - Chicken porridge with a poached egg as featured in Grifty Kitchen

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie” - 1. Saying she's never taken cocaine but then posting a picture of her supposed sobriety chips which included one from Cocaine Anonymous (and some of the chips were from the 90s-2000s indicating she bought them online)
2. "Poppy seeds made me forget I was gay and then fall onto a willy"

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length - Still the Veiny Bollocks Index

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year” - Andy Lynes, Ariel Anderssen, Trifle Defender