Jack Monroe The Sloppies 2023

[People-huv-tae-know]

Sorry to have kept all of you waiting, thankspaceyou for your patience. You will find a satisfactory explanation below. Please enjoy the Sloppies 2023 winners!

Spoiler: The Sloppies 2023 Winners

Arse Covering Disclaimer - All spelling and grammer mistakes are intentional and part of the Guest Experience.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Thankspaceyou @People-huv-tae-know for all that you do. I have sent you a donation of £10.99 to your personal PayPal. You'll know from the amount alone and no other information that it is intended for the Grifty Kitchen accidents and injuries fund.

I shall ring-fence it and donate 2p to my local church food bank that I have no affiliation with whatsoever.
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Thank you SO MUCH Peoply Huv! You're fucking awesome for treating us all to the Sloppies, it's always heaps of fun. Love the cut of your jib, my friend.

Thank you, I always cut my jibs with sewing scissors but if can't afford them, I bend an empty can and ring pull into makeshift scissors with my bare hands.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I'm late this year, sorry but would you all still like a sloppy serving of our annul prize-giving? If so, I'll deliver. Please help me though by reminding me nominating your favourite events. It might be post Christmas day but hopefully pre New Year. I'll do my best.

The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Please feel free to suggest other categories or anything you like. When I've had enough nominations I'll work on the Sloppies proper.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

I'm late this year, sorry but would you all still like a sloppy serving of our annul prize-giving? If so, I'll deliver. Please help me though by reminding me nominating your favourite events. It might be post Christmas day but hopefully pre New Year. I'll do my best.

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Please feel free to suggest other categories or anything you like. When I've had enough nominations I'll work on the Sloppies proper.

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The £7.5k Breitling watch, no contest

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Yeeting a pint of water in an air fryer to create a swirling scalding vortex.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Andy Lynes for his exceptional review of Grifty Kitchen. Honorary mention to whichever squig coined “Lyn said it’s fine”.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Thankspaceyou @People-huv-tae-know for all that you do. I have sent you a donation of £10.99 to your personal PayPal. You'll know from the amount alone and no other information that it is intended for the Grifty Kitchen accidents and injuries fund.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Thank you SO MUCH Peoply Huv! You're fucking awesome for treating us all to the Sloppies, it's always heaps of fun. Love the cut of your jib, my friend.

 

[Darvos]

 

[SendReceive]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

The attendance at the Tina Turner musical which was the genesis of “Guest”.

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

Breitling (on a Bootstrap).

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

The entire launch of Grifty Kitchen, the Trussell Trust disowning it, Guest seemingly having no idea that her publishers had edited the e-book, the whole thing bombing, and the many hilarious “Top Tips” style pisstakes from the canal and various squigs.

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

Bung water in a curry your air fryer.

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

Going to have to come back to this one.

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

Coronation Quiche, by default.

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

The “bathtub full of pennies”. Entertaining because it was such an utterly pointless lie.

The most outrageous lie was definitely the ongoing claims that she was definitely suing Lee Anderson etc. and that £1,400 was the total donated to the Sue Lee fund.

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

The 208 blogs that Jack owes us for 2023.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Andy Lynes for his Grifty Kitchen review.
Honorable mention to the MUA who posted the slo-mo nose wipe in the bathtub.

 

[Grifty Mc]

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The £7.5k Breitling watch, no contest

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Yeeting a pint of water in an air fryer to create a swirling scalding vortex.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Andy Lynes for his exceptional review of Grifty Kitchen. Honorary mention to whichever squig coined “Lyn said it’s fine”.

Second for “Lyn said it’s fine”

 

[Mr Krabs]

The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance” - the shitting dog act during Question Time

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos” - Grifty Kitchen and the disclaimer

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice” - using a hammer and chisel to open a tin

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year” - Clitfest car selfies using ‘portrait mode’

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop” - the ‘curated’ Currys recipes which were just old Jack slops but in an air fryer

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie” - being doorstepped by journalists and having to go into hiding/ finding pennies in her arse crack

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year” - Ariel Anderssen - portrait mode Frau

 

[skronkywildcat]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
I can't remember where she's been this year!

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The watch

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
The Grifty Kitchen launch / The Shattenstone interview

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Water in the air fryer or the tin can egg rings

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
Brain like a sieve, sorry no idea.

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
SOUPY AIR FRY

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
That she, in any way, works to help the poor

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
THE HOUSE MOVE

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Trifley-D, always. I love her

 

[Clovis]

Chapeau, dear tenderstem!

I'll never get over those dry ass "crumpets" looking like something excavated from an archaeological dig. Dire.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Like the VBI, this is coming, Christmas has been a bit busier this year for us. I'm hoping to start work on it today but first I must colour in my wallpaper and colour sort my post it notes

 

[veryfondoftea]

I'd like to add my vote for Lynn who said it was fine and also mention the Christian festival where she told a young child she got pregnant because of poppy seeds apropos of nothing he asked her

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

These are great, then everyone. If it's OK, I'll probably have the competition ready for the 27th I think and I'll leaving voting open till after New year.

 

[MavisBeacon]

I'm torn between Andy and Ariel as honorary Frau of the year.
Best chaos for me is Grifty Kitchen - a fuck up from end to end. Best book ever, my arse

 

[YerDa]

1.The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”

The “ naked” bath “full of pennies” appearance on the MUA’s Insta, complete with slomo nose wipe. You can’t erase that one Jack, bwahahaha.

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”

The £16,500 (£1650 pcm x10) outlay on a 3 bed dormer bungalow because she didn’t rent a nice one-bedder when she found out she’d fucked her forever home.

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”

Toss up between Grifty and Currys for me, but Grifty takes it because it was her “best ever”. The Currys stuff she didn’t even bother to defend.

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”

The carabiner/t-shirt colander replacement to drain boiling water is my under-appreciated out & out winner.

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”

The facetuned back seat of the car selfies

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”

The airfryer full of water!

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”

Poppy seeds made me (the lesbianest lesbian) pregnant. The fact this was blithely recounted in front of an audience of hundreds at a religious festival to a 10 year old AND completely contradicts two lies on the same subject makes it all the more delicious.

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length

Eel behaviour.

9.The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Trifley-D. Regular and consistent in calling her out during the year. Has a good heart and would make a kind and fair ninnie. TD can sit with me.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

@mchops met big choc's colleague, can't remember the other one.

Then you dear heart

Voting is now open. Thank you to everyone in this thread for all your suggestions, it was a huge help and I could not have done it without you. Also a big thank you to the Wiki contributers, that is a work of art.

The Sloppies Voting 2023

Place your votes for your favourite Chaoi

docs.google.com

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

Thank you for this, I'm dead excited to list my nominations

The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance
DAME KELLY HOLMES, GUEST AND EMELI SANDÉ it HAS to be!

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
Shattenstone's Sideboards

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
The back seat of the car makeup lies on the way to Hay on Wye (I think it was HoW?)

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Water in the air fryer

9. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

Lynn says it's fine/ Andy Lynes. Tough call.





Please feel free to suggest other categories or anything you like. When I've had enough nominations I'll work on the Sloppies proper.

 

[YerDa]

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
There's been a decided lack of selfies recently but the ones taken in the car on the way to the literary festival were priceless. Because they brought Ariel A into the fray. "Pipe down socktopus."

I’d forgotten “pipe down socktopus”