Jack Monroe #98 Thoroughly Naff

[Silver Linings]

 

[colouredlines]

Surely the kind of people who require so much handholding that they'll ask, "What can I do with a tin of beans?" are ALSO the kind of people who require a proper, step-by-step recipe, no?

 

[Walkdengirl]

Somewhere in Italy a perfectly sweet Vespa just died.

I'm going to ask my gorgeous Italian friend what he thinks about that tomorrow when I see him at work

 

[AmTellinYa]

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I thought you were an absolute abominable mess, always doing a mad chaos, who can't even follow a list of "adulting"?! Now you have a weird methodical head? What is weird about being methodical btw?!

She's annoying me again today. You could say she's my Achilles heel.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Fraggle]

'Exactly!'

With a cows milk ‘tache or a milked pistachio?

 

[Flumps]

recently I proclaimed ‘WHO ARE DEY?!.... exactly’ at MrGroovy who is Scottish, to a very blank face.
Apparently that milk marketing board ad wasn’t shown North of the border.

My flabber was ghasted.

Hah. Last year my teen and I were in a Sky Super 6 football league. There was a cup game week and Accrington Stanley were one of the teams. I said 'So, it's so-and-so versus Accrington Stanley', my daughter (who's never seen a milk marketing board ad in her life' said 'ACCRINGTON STANLEY?! Who are they?' and I got to say 'EXACTLY' before collapsing on the floor hooting/clawing etc in amusement. I think she thought I'd gone temporarily insane.

 

[Walkdengirl]

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No, no no, no, no please don't put chestnut puree in a bologonaise or any of the other rank things that she suggested.

Plus chestnut puree can be unsweetened or sweetened

 

[Emmapism]

'Pop it in the microwave until it sings'

Much methodical. So forensic.

 

[Fraggle]

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1) no you didn't bite through your lip.

2) how do you eat your grapes that you bite (through) your bottom lip with a bottom tooth?

Bloody ouchy mouth BS again. Can hear a tip jar & rattling & a sympathy sponge awaiting

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

#JackMonroesLockdownLarder

 

[Montrachet]

The way she keeps replying "good lighting, moisturiser and portrait mode" is the absolute height of cringe. It's that usual Jack tactic of not directly saying it's been modified, but not completely ruling it out so she can say she never denied it when called out. The thing is, portrait mode is renowned for giving a bloody awful pic because it gives a high definition look at every single pore and hair on your face. She has a filter on that's cancelling out every line on her face and it's devastatingly obvious. Jack, this is so embarrassing!

Looks like it has been noticed elsewhere. Ouch!!

 

[FeelingGroovy]

Hah. Last year my teen and I were in a Sky Super 6 football league. There was a cup game week and Accrington Stanley were one of the teams. I said 'So, it's so-and-so versus Accrington Stanley', my daughter (who's never seen a milk marketing board ad in her life' said 'ACCRINGTON STANLEY?! Who are they?' and I got to say 'EXACTLY' before collapsing on the floor hooting/clawing etc in amusement. I think she thought I'd gone temporarily insane.

We have to get our comedy kicks somehow, despite our shitey unappreciative audiences.

 

[Captainmouse]

WHERE ARE THE GRAPES IN THE SHOP?

They were in the delivery along with cat food, rabbit food, teeny tiny veg and all the other too numerous to mention items which have cropped up.

 

[Scarletfever]

She must have done an undeclared stealth shop at the never before mentioned local greengrocer.

"Undeclared stealth shop" has finished me. I bleeping love this place.

 

[Lanie]

I don't know why people bother asking it would honestly be better for peoples time and the environment that they would just compost it at source.

 

[Fruitjack]

I went to watch my football team play there in a friendly a few years back and how I HOOTED when I checked in on Facebook with the comment ‘well, they did warn me what would happen when I went vegan’.

Hah. Last year my teen and I were in a Sky Super 6 football league. There was a cup game week and Accrington Stanley were one of the teams. I said 'So, it's so-and-so versus Accrington Stanley', my daughter (who's never seen a milk marketing board ad in her life' said 'ACCRINGTON STANLEY?! Who are they?' and I got to say 'EXACTLY' before collapsing on the floor hooting/clawing etc in amusement. I think she thought I'd gone temporarily insane.

 

[Scarletfever]

'Pop it in the microwave until it sings'

Much methodical. So forensic.

"Until it sings" What the blistering duck does that even mean???

 

[Silver Linings]