Jack Monroe #93 I can’t believe she’s no butter

[Bugger13]

Only if it's an inconsquential (in her view) squiggle! If it's a blue ticker who has handed her her arse she scampers off wordlessly.

She's deploying the autism / adhd references to pre-empt or counter criticism from yesterday's shit show.

If "I used to be POOR" defence doesn't work by itself, she can shriek "you are not allowed to criticise me, for I have AUTISM AND ADHD! Therefore I win this round! HAHA! Oh, and did I mention MY GRANDFATHER IS DEAD?"

Ah of course. Yes, I didn’t think of that, makes perfect sense.

 

[Fruitjack]

All this uni talk, she’s so disingenuous. If it really was *that* big a deal, if she really feels as though it’s something that would improve her career opportunities and social standing and the rest, then why not just GO to university now, as a mature student. She’s been loaded and at a loose end for years, the bulk of her days are spent on SM, the idea that time and money stand in the way no longer apply (if they ever did) and even if she lacks GCSE’s, again, she has the time to get them if she so wishes. It’s hypothetical, of course, because she’s a lazy fucker and puts more effort into selfies and photoshop than in self-improving, but it doesn’t stop her making a song and dance and claiming some sort of special victimhood on account of her laziness. She has 10000 times more opportunity than your average joe, she just can’t be fucked to do anything with it.

Especially since her annual income is so low that she'd qualify for full maintenance and would never earn enough to pay the loans back <SURE JAN>

 

[Captainmouse]

Suprised she didn't try lard...or eggs.

Maybe she’s not eating the anchoiade, maybe she slinging it on her chops!

 

[pumpkincandle]

I really wish I could tweet her to say her homemade face cream is working miracles and if she has filed a patent (but I SHAN'T)

View attachment 284266

Might I suggest... butter?

 

[Candytuft]

Jack's problem is that she wants everything handed to her because she was skint for a bit almost a decade ago. Some people have a natural talent for presenting and public speaking. Jack does not so the only way she's going to get any better is to put the work in and the most obvious way for her to do that is to set up a YouTube channel and make her own stuff, which gives her unlimited rehearsal time and the chance to edit it afterwards. She could monetise this and fund her Cotswold habit whilst developing real skills.

Sounds a bit like yer actual work. Doing stuff isn’t her forte.
She’s good at begging and that’s it.
I have the feeling that this is a storm in a sticky jar for Jack.
Some folks always come up smelling of roses, unfortunately and the Patreon money will not dry up.The donors can afford to forget about a few quid a month( to them) and then there are the Jackomanes.
She’s bloody good at the scamming lark.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

I can't look at that sherbet face anymore ...

need to go and find my fave - the guardian byline pic

ah, here we are

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eta - that's a nice new avatar @acca00 !

does this date back to when Bump-It’s were the height of sophistication?

 

[Blurp]

Jack, assuming you're still reading here avidly, old-fashioned blue pot Nivea for your night cream. About £4 a pot, works wonders.

Apparently the Queen has used Astral cream her whole life. But that wouldn't be grand enough for Jack.

 

[Cookiecookie]

Far more likely to take nutritional advice from Hannibal Lecter than Jack Monroe..

He likes beans too.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Apparently the Queen has used Astral cream her whole life. But that wouldn't be grand enough for Jack.

She's got at least a carrier bag of free shit from a 'mate' recently anyhow.

Fuck all wrong with a tub of E45 or the Superdrug/pharmacy generic. Use it for cleansing and moisturising - rub into ouchy makeup face until it liquifies, clean off with a flannel rinsed in hot water. Sorted.

 

[Clarends]

Not me. Been blocked and my other account is a worky thing so I can read but am not tempted

 

[kachoochoo]

It's funny though because I can see her wanking working furiously away at her book thinking to herself 'oh my god this is more relevant than EVER!!!!'

 

[Montrachet]

View attachment 284106
{Steve Carell No No Nooooooooooooo gif}

 

[Lanie]

The only person fit to run the country is her... Well that's how she sees it. I can just imagine in her fantasy her informing her colleagues to eat the slop she invents from her cookbooks in order to balance the books. Politicans should be better and dividing the pot, but I cannot see anything she has to add being relevant.

 

[Montrachet]

..... with many many blue-tickers adding their voices (e.g. Katy Brand has raised over £50,000 in just a couple of days)

She is completely buzzing about it - can hardly shut her up right now. Well done, Katy!!

 

[byropaw]

just found this. it appears to be not new, but I've never seen it before!



ETA, ooh, snap scarlet!

Goodness me, she mumbled her way through that. I had to listen twice

 

[Stickybeaker33]

Sorry I’m not in the UK and I have no idea about tax stuff anyway. Will her information be publicly available soon? Can’t wait!!!
I was watching Merlin with my son the other day and I swear I saw Jacky pop up. It’s uncanny:

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Thanks so much for voting for my thread title.I must check our 1 fridge for butter for my bread to dunk in my soup.

for your cheap white bread?

 

[Mustard]

FANCY!! Too short, FANCYYYYYY

They did entertain a lot and the garage one was stocked with beer, wine and soft drinks.

 

[byropaw]

admirable. i watched it with sound off

There would actually be a lot of mileage in her doing this. Remember when that girl who used to be in Eastenders was photographed working as security in a discount store? Jack could do one week at Asda and then give interviews about her work on the front line of food-getting and how tough and humiliating it was being recognised, but she’ll stoically carry on.

Jack, you can have this as free PR advice but I am a professional and I do also have a day rate for this kind of thing *rattles newly-set up Patreon*

Spanner, respectfully I say that if Jack was to apply for and achieve a job at Asda or any supermarket she must not be humiliated to be seen

This is for two reasons, mainly that there is no shame (I'm guessing you didn't mean that anyway but were talking about her likely reaction.)

Second reason is that she could take the lead, profess how pleased she is to have a job and how she always said her back up plan was supermarket work and she's looking forward starting.

Though her personality is not my cup of tea (I'd run a mile), she can clearly charm the birds out of trees, on good days

 

[Stickybeaker33]

That's when she moved away from the soft soft pink soft pink pink soft curtains.

Yes the magic curtains are her cloaking device. But her true nature can’t be hidden. It’s more the personality of the goblin that matches hers. The greed for gold and the rudeness shine through.