Jack Monroe #87 Anchoïade, anchoïade, anchoïade

[Scotty1976]

Like actually worse than my nan dying in the trauma stakes
ETA that's an awful thing to say, but was true at the time

It's not awful thing to say .I don't think anyone expects to lose a puppy so young.It goes against the laws of nature that the young go first .I have some comfort that my previous dogs are looking after her .It still leaves a physical pain when I think of her

 

[Walkdengirl]

Oh my gosh yes. This is my theory, that it was her way of getting out of her relationship with Allegra/a weird rebellion against her.

I’m just shocked she’s never once given a hashed excuse for it.

Don't worry, there's time yet

 

[kachoochoo]

this just made me HOWL with laughter. Yes, absolutely.

honestly, I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who howled at this! I had visions of Jack reading this and then going, "the cabal of stalkers are qanon truthers saying I participate in ritual sacrifice"

 

[Scarletfever]

I am giggling to myself at how FUCKED off anyone stupid enough to give her tips / patreon over the last few days will be this evening as she brags about her HUGE house and her MASSIVE amount of radios.

The fact she has six radios playing at the same time really gives the impression of a sprawling residence. She is so bleeping clueless she can't keep her story straight from day to day. One minute she's begging for cash, the next she's sipping espresso and drifting from room to room as if she is in Buckingham bloody palace.

 

[vale]

These stats are the government-produced stats. The government are evil tory bastards not to be trusted and anything they say or produce are lies. Did I mention the government are evil tory bastards? That is the extent of her understanding of politics.

Statistics, it's a whole thing, Jack. Look it up!

 

[blurstoftimes]

I am giggling to myself at how FUCKED off anyone stupid enough to give her tips / patreon over the last few days will be this evening as she brags about her HUGE house and her MASSIVE amount of radios.

The fact she has six radios playing at the same time really gives the impression of a sprawling residence. She is so bleeping clueless she can't keep her story straight from day to day. One minute she's begging for cash, the next she's sipping espresso and drifting from room to room as if she is in Buckingham bloody palace.

She's a huge liar yet her uncontrollable compulsion to brag means she's always tripping herself up. Jack, if you want to seem poor - maybe try not mentioning your six radios? Or your original Tracy Emin? Or your Vivienne Westwood (RIP) dress?

 

[Tabitha D]

Is 4 months a normal period of notice when giving up the lease on a property?

That would be 2 years from the date she took occupation. So I guess it may be renewable every year or 6 months? Maybe she’s not good the landlord she wants to renew again yet.

 

[Ellabella]

We've got a Roberts Radio (my husband got it as a gift!). We've also got a Ken Bruce Popmaster digital radio, got 3 in 10!

 

[Fruitjack]

I have a secret ingredient theory. I think it might be coffee grounds. Obviously those recipes already exist so it’s something she can copy. But she’s realised since that she hasn’t got any beans or even ready ground in the shop and Asda don’t do a smart price one, so she can’t explain away having grounds, I doubt even the jackolytes would accept someone gifting her coffee grounds. But she said she’d had espresso the other morning. So there you go.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

What the actual duck Vlad?! I’m very worried about triangulation right now. It was on bleeping Instagram as well

 

[Scotty1976]

Had to let go of my best boy 2 years ago. We laid together on his bed in the vets and I cuddled him into the great beyond.
I couldn't look at his photos, couldn't stroke another dog, wouldn't even talk about getting another because of the 'betrayal'..
Then one day someone on FB posted a pic of the saddest dog I had ever seen. Looking at him shocked me.
I looked at my best boy's empty spot and a week later I had a dog with the most awful backstory.
Now, I have the funniest idiot ever.
He's not my best boy. But he will be.
He's WAY too different but he's a delight and every time he overcomes one of his awful fears, it's just, well, I can't explain.
(He was starving, he has cigarette burn scars and old gunshot wounds)
Sorry.. Totally OT but I wanted to say something.

He's had his happy ending .Thank you for giving him a happy life .He will know he is loved .

 

[Harrybosch]

Statistics, it's a whole thing, Jack. Look it up!

You can find it online, right next to Hansard.

 

[Scotty1976]

Bugger, I'm too knackered to stay up and watch the shitshow unveil. Plenty to catch up on in the morning over coffee I suppose.

Can I go for a piss and a sleep now?

Don't you want that sandwich first ?

 

[Bobtheknob]

Has she said she’s going to bed yet?

Tease
I was expecting a different face!

 

[melfish]

You can find it online, right next to Hansard.

Hansard is hard

 

[Froggies]

Going back to the headteacher thing - does she think that the headteacher will actually notice her 'ragey scrunched up face' and worry about her, a parent? As of course the headteacher may have hundreds of children's wellbeing to worry about, but it is always most important to check that St Monroe of Southend is ok first. Narc alarm bells going off everywhere!

The headteacher at school is used to seeing my ragey scrunched up face because that is how my face naturally falls. STOP GETTING ALL UP IN MY NICHE JACK.

 

[melfish]

Pitman is hard too. We don't want hard.

 

[Scarletfever]

You can find it online, right next to Hansard.

Haha, just remembered the time Jack thought giving a speech in the HoC was when politicians confessed their deepest, darkest thoughts, safe in the knowledge that no-one was listening.

 

[kachoochoo]

Hansard is hard

hansard is the Secret Politicians Don't Want You to Know About (according to jack)

 

[Tabitha D]

Jack's talking about how she collects the fat from her disgusting sausages so she can cook her son's "little potatoes" in it. Wouldn't eat that herself, mind you.


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Christ. The “dripping from ... cheap sausages” is basically greasy pig bollock juice. Poor SB.