Jack Monroe #79 Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

[Geetbo]

Fuck me up the arse what is that!!?

Genuinely looks like grassy dog puke.

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

I’m the 4 year old mustard she brings back to life every few months x

I'm the scum scraped off the top of the rinsed lentils

 

[Pocahontas]

If I spent my time in the morning tweeting about every little mundane bit of minutiae, I wouldn’t get things achieved. We actually just wouldn’t leave the house. Wot r u like, Jack? Seriously? Get your kid up, get him breakfast, let him eat it without wanking about with photos of the syrup being poured (although to be fair, it looks dry AF and that tree frog is about to expire) but, honestly.
Wake up to yourself. He’s not a prop (your son, not the frog).

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

We didn't get a photo of the receipt this week because she also bought decent food and biscuits and cakes and stuff.

 

[Harrybosch]

oh my god sweet baby jesus. View attachment 258366

eta the raw gut spilling tedium would probably be more amusing than this. please post it.

Google dog pictures, you insufferable twunt.

 

[I steal names]

This makes me so fucking mad.

I think I may have commented on this before? But this is pure wank.

I have PCOS, and as a consequence since my mid teens my hair has been thinning. It thins considerably more during times of high stress and depressive episodes.

I know there are women who have it a lot worse than me, but I am not even 30 and I have significant thinning at the front of my head. So much so that in most photos I look partially bald.

I *HATE* this soo much. It's the thing I am most self conscious of than anything else, because there is no hiding that you can see my scalp. I used to have this beautiful thick hair, and now I have very thin and thinning hair that I know is only going to get worse.

I cannot see her scalp, I cannot see any patches or attempts to hide parts of her head where it is worse.

I'm really sorry you're experiencing this, it's really upsetting. A good friend of mine eventually got a hair topper to hide her thinning hair, which I know wasn't cheap, but really helped her confidence. It's a really difficult thing for a woman to go through. JM doesn't understand what actually thinning hair is, there's not a patch of it on her head.

 

[Alansbigplate]

I’m starting to feel sorry for the paper clip. I think he may have finally met his match.

To be fair to Clippy he did work quite hard and was genuinely trying to help

 

[skronkywildcat]

So today she set up a camera on a timer to take pictures of herself clasping her head because she was procrastinating writing the book? I'm on about page 6 of this thread but had to pause the Grunk to let that sink in.

 

[JoyceDivision]

I think a CHAOS is building up.

It’s a full moon on Thursday

 

[Veronicaaa]

Who the fuck can’t afford fresh veg, but CAN afford two identical coats and a dog??

My dog just cost me £400 for pretty much nothing, and he’s insured! Jack. You are a lying cunt.

It's not just the cost (though it *is* expensive), but - you all have said this already - it's the, uh, ~emotional labour~. I love my handsome son dearly but my god he's hard work! Slightly less so now than in the first few months, he's finally settled and secure, but I'm also something of a neurotic mess about him, constantly worried that something will terrible will befall him. He's a terrifying accident waiting to happen, whether it's choking to death on a block of stolen cheese or leaping into the middle of a busy road to chase a pigeon or get off his lead in a strange place and find himself lost - just a million imaginary scenarios which I can't help but worry about pretty much all the time.

 

[Harrybosch]

I love a yellow sticker bargain but there are certain things I draw the line at. 1. bagged salad 2. bagged stir fry veg 3. most bread / bakery items (honourable exceptions are things like ciabatta and, yes, bagels, which can be immediately frozen). The first 2 go slimy and disgusting and are basically not fit for use when they've reached their due date, and I can't bear stale bread / donuts, for all the saving you're making it's better just to buy full price if you're able to.

ETA completely off-topic but this made me laugh a lot this morning -
View attachment 257711

Babe, same. Plus those bagged mixed veg aren't really great value anyway, as you need to use them up quickly. You're better off just buying one type of cabbage, which, if stored correctly, will last a while. Ditto carrots. And frozen sweetcorn is cheap and there'll be no waste at all.

I've said it before, as have many others, her weird parameters of only shopping at Asda (for her poor followers, and Ocado for herself) is ridiculous. She'd be much better off talking about different scenarios. If you have access to them, markets and Indian or Chinese shops can really help you keep to a tight budget. In other areas there may be allotment sales, local veg boxes (no, not all are organic and expensive) and many people live near Aldi, Lidl or Iceland. What about those living in complete food deserts? How can they make their money last? Perhaps sharing a delivery with a neighbour makes sense for some. Perhaps growing some food works for others.

But of course, our Jackie knows what poor people are like and what they can and can't do, because they are all the same.

 

[Captainmouse]

Help, Fraus! I went to ASDA tonight and got a birthday cake yellow-stickered down to a quid! Any suggestions of what I can do with it?
It's a Disney princess cake in case that makes any difference.

nutribullet

 

[Veronicaaa]

Exactly. It's another example of how little she likes food: she only goes to the supermarket. Buying spices from Asian grocers is just good sense; so is going to the market. If you only need a small amount of meat, it can be more affordable to go to the butcher. She is food-illiterate.

Loads of people in her mentions (on facebook and twitter) have been telling her about the Too Good To Go etc apps - you know, the ones which alert you to the deals from local supermarkets / shops / restaurants at the end of the day, where you can pick up a box of wonky veg etc for, like £3 or whatever. I wonder why she hasn't mentioned them yet.
Re shopping lists - I've been writing more now I can't pop to the shops as much as I used to pre-lockdown, and planning more. I'm a single person household so I can't really compare (plus I have a rather stocked 'larder' and freezer) but there are certain things I need to buy every week or so, so that the top items on my list remain constant: Milk, bread, cheese, eggs, loo roll, fresh veg. The veg I get dictates what I make that week. I don't know what my point is here, other than to say I don't know why she has to make literally everything so complicated.

 

[Montrachet]

Now I'm wondering is Jack winding Louisa up, or is Louisa winding Jack up? 20 years is an incredibly long time to wait to get another dog.
I'm beginning to think they are actually more similar than we've given them credit for. Dare I say, made for eachother?

I'm wondering whether Louisa might have told Jack that she's thinking about getting a dog, and that's what brought this on, as a way to wangle her way in to Louisa's life again? Or just plain copying her? Hopefully it will be forgotten about in a day or so.

Definitely made for each other. The moment they started giggling like two immature schoolgirls while hiding THAT MAN'S books in the bookstore told me they deserve each other.

Only they will know the current dynamic of their relationship, and the reason(s) for Louisa leaving so abruptly. Not sure what it is, but there is definitely an undercurrent in their online exchanges. JM tagging LC with unsolicited references to her childhood dog. LC replying using precisely the same descriptive words in her reply. There is some form of passive-aggressiveness, but not sure what. Speculation, but can't help thinking that JM seeking to exercise some element of control in the relationship became an issue, and it is still being played out. I sense that LC is knowingly giving pleasant replies & 'likes', which of course she has to given her professional profile, but is in effect returning fire by letting JM know that she is not rising to the bait. Replying that she is ready to now get another dog after 20 years is demonstrating her getting on with life .... your loss. JM hasn't 'liked' the response. Anyway, enough from me.

 

[HarderFaster]

so the mystery squashed pots from the asda half-a-shop were bircher.

yumView attachment 258815

Co-op Cypriot feast and Waitrose parmentier potatoes all over again: the only time Jack can make her food look passable is when it’s bought ready-made from a supermarket. Imagine Mom getting caught putting a Tesco Finest Cauliflower Cheese on her socials...

It was only 27p cos the Bircher was reduced to 10p, (three days ago!) which doesn’t say much about her supposed mission to teach the plebs how to eat on a budget.

 

[Tabitha D]

That really was Jack at her most unpleasant and it is quite a sight to behold.

 

[skronkywildcat]

Louisa is in an unstable orbit of the friendzone, a crash into ChaosCoupledom cannot be ruled out.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Evening you mithering ninnies

Looks like my very rough estimate of Jack's homework due date was off by about a week! I think I based it on a 40 day deadline she was banging on about on Twitter. No doubt that was then deleted so as to make me feel like I'm tripping bollock sausages. She's a tricksy one that Monroe!

I love my new avatar so much. Thanks again @Alansbigplate I keep looking at it and HOOTING

It really brings out your eyes

 

[Pocahontas]

Anyone else wondering what the huge, HUGE photo shoot is going to be?

 

[MancBee]

Oh Squiggle down under, you deserved better.

View attachment 257671

That is beyond disgusting.
Squiggle, for your next attempt at lasagne, I suggest you follow a proper recipe. It will save you wasting any more food.