Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the poorest of us all?

[Adayinthelife]

that looks fucking rank

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

She has books written by chefs but she is NOT a chef.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Sausages are losing!! Won’t somebody save them chuck them in the bin

 

[Alansbigplate]

I used to reply with that if someone asked me for a spoon!

Fabulous in our accents dear heart

 

[Tabitha D]

How long until she does a chaos like her good pal Captain America and 'accidentally' tweets a nude?

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Why does she always chop the veg into tiny tiny bits? There can’t be any texture left at all when it’s cooked.

 

[SoulRebel]

Oh I loved them!

Weirdo, I bet you liked the custard with a pink dollop of something on top too?

 

[Captainmouse]

Jack telling people to wash their hands is hilair.

Maybe somebody could share a YouTube video with her? preferably one which Includes use of a nail brush

 

[Malacandra]

She really needs to work on the layout/design of her website. At the moment, each recipe is just one long rambling blog post, with no formatting whatsoever. Makes it horrible to read (as if the content wasn't bad enough). She needs to have clearly defined sections - Introduction, Ingredients, Method - and under the title a clear 'makes in'/'serves'/'difficulty level'/'cost per serving'. It would be just about passable if she was a complete novice who'd just started writing a blog as a hobby, but she's been doing this for years now and hasn't upped her game at all.

She ought to take a look at the Bosh! boys books. They are a pleasure to look at and perfect for novice cooks.

 

[Eurgh]

Hahaha, what a piss poor excuse for being too fuckin lazy to sign some books.

Wouldn’t you just ask somebody to do it for you? Or type a note explaining and apologising. Nobody would know and they paid for signed copies.

 

[bazzam]

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Me, Jack, me! Weirdly enough, people have many different areas of interest, we're not all the same, you passive aggressive cock.

sort of thing a pretentious 6th former would say.

 

[Captainmouse]

I’m not bothered by age differences per se, but 18 years older, wealthier, more respected within the same field, posh background etc etc etc it does feel icky now thinking about it. As the much older and more experienced of the two, Allegra shouldn’t have had someone who was that much younger (and says she’s got PTSD/is vulnerable) moving in with her so quickly, especially with small child in tow. It does look a bit like she picked up a waif in the street and kept her as a pet should add that I like Allegra still, I just think that their relationship was a huge mistake, clearly, on both sides. Like I don’t think Jack necessarily fucked it up on her own, I think A was outrageous moving J in, in the first place.

Maybe she spun a tale about her housing situation?

 

[Bookweevil]

With amendments (but very happy to see Celery: green)

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Nice to see Monroeflake in the top row too!

 

[Ninch55]

My train is late 🔺️🔺️🔺️ so I took a closer look at the latest recipe:

Moonshine Mash first appeared in Cooking On A Bootstrap, a bootleg riff on polenta made with potatoes and corn. I so named it because ‘hooch’, or moonshine, is typically made from potatoes or corn, and the idea of my own sneaky irreverent take on something usually considered quite special rather tickled me.

So we start with yet another failure to comprehend that words have meanings. Polenta is a specific foodstuff. It is not a potato. It is derived from corn, but you can't just substitute sweetcorn for it. It's also not "usually considered quite special" unless you fear forrin things. It's actually simple to make and very filling, and a little goes a long way!

Sorry to fixate on Jack's inability to understand that words mean things (see also: risotto, carbonara, souffle, tortilla). Funny that she gets so het up over eau de Nil vs duck egg blue, but will gladly call instant mash polenta, no? What happened to her autistic obsession with the truth?

blending canned corn with its brine

It's not brine. It's often sugar water Culinary tip, Jack: we drain it because sweetcorn has a delicate flavour that we usually want to taste. Flavour is a concept worth looking into. It can make a big difference to your cooking.

I opted not to add fat to mine, simply because I only have lard in the house at the moment

You're a fucking food writer. Why do you have every spice known to man, but no oil?

(so that WAS lard spread on your bagel?? Oh Jack, I was joking...)

First preheat your oven to 190C, and pop your sausages in a roasting tin. Place them on the middle shelf, and cook for 40 minutes.

I was gonna comment on her habit of writing out a recipe like her readers have never seen a kitchen before. Seriously, I had a Brownie Guide cookbook as a kid that had more respect for my intelligence. Then I remembered the Lockdown Larder questions. Okay Jack, you have a point.

To make these this tiny mirepoix-style small and delicate pieces, I firstly sliced the broccoli stalk, carrot and onion on a mandolin slicer, then used my handheld veg dicer to make them pleasingly dinky and even.

But you're an expert onion chopper!!! You wrote a song about it!

seasoning sparingly with salt but generously with pepper.

But in your last recipe you loved salinity in your food or some similar inanely worded nonsense? Why do you hate salt?

Pop the kettle on to boil for the gravy, and measure the granules into a mug. Pour the boiling water over and stir well until the gravy thickens, and set to one side.

A lot of words to say: "follow the instructions on the packet."

Serve piping hot, and enjoy!

SHAN'T.

@colouredlines you are simply a legend.

Maybe this is why she loves the Bible Belt American Trump moms so much? She was cured of having “lost the use of both hands at 29” can I get a A-MEN! Can I get a hallelujah! In Viv’s name, Lord heal Jackie!

Let her have the use of both hands back to chop vegetables to dust, use a punch bag, and also let her throw away her walking sticks so that she may be able to train for a marathon AMENNNNNN

That little baby is actually quite scary

 

[JoyceDivision]

You're talking to someone who's just 'rediscovered' butterscotch Angel Delight, of course I loved anything with custard!

Ive just this week bought two packets of this stuff for my Christmas fund

 

[Geetbo]

Can I just say, as hilarious as your posts are, I usually start laughing before I've even read them because I catch sight of Audrey's fearsome visage. Jack cooking for the Chawners, now that's something I'd happily pay my TV licence for.

I honestly think the show where the chawners got bullied by Lorraine Kelly into losing weight is one of my all time tv highlights.
ALMOST as good as Matt Tebbut almost boffing up at the sight of anything Jack cooked.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

With tongue firmly in (Ulcerated) cheek.. Kombucha? Kvass? Whatever we are calling it, will no one think of the 'Cultural Appropriation?!'

 

[Lanie]

Ah, Jacks! We know you did this just for us!

Bollocknese! Thankyou!

also, enough with the sausages. For a bit, at least. Please.

Erm, can I have a cup of tea and some toast. That's honestly what I would make if I had that in my cupboard.

I hate fish...so the tuna is a no, I used to make sausage pasta at uni, doesn't appeal to me now so I am good with tea and toast.

 

[Scotty1976]

#77 The postman only sniffs twice

At least the butter in that film got a better ending than ending up in one of Mackies recipes

 

[Alansbigplate]

mine's gone a bit funny cos i've lived in yorkshire too long and my vowels have flattened a bit. but this line i say properly!

Me an’all except ‘proper’ ‘Kawasaki’ and ‘rollercoaster’

 

[Tabitha D]

Has she forgotten about her ouchy teeth? Don’t think she’s mentioned it yet today.